Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010. Phew. I'm Pooped.

2010. It's been a good one, but I could totally use a nap.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Got pregnant.
Went to 5 weddings in 4 weeks.
Watched an Ironman.
Cried at work.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?My goals for 2010 include, but are not limited to:
1. Being a better person. For example: Stop yelling at stupid people. They know they are stupid and they don't need to be reminded constantly. Or do they?
Success Rating: 4. I really worked on this. I will probably NEVER achieve this goal, but as long as I keep in front of my mind, I will hopefully continue to make strides. Fingers crossed. I'm giving myself some E for Effort here.

2. Drop a pants size. (this will never happen and will totally be blamed on my 11 month deadline. If I had only had one more month...)
Success Rating: SUCCESS! After months of tests and waiting on results, I finally got a diagnoses of insulin resistance (and PCOS)...and then the drugs that went along with it. The drugs were evil, but they worked. I miss them terribly. Without them, I wake up salivating from dreams about bread and then I eat bread...vicious cycle. Alas, I DID drop a pants size this summer and it was a magical day. Unfortunately for my pants, I immediately got pregnat and was only able to enjoy them for a few weeks. I look forward to getting back into shape after this baby hatches...I miss everything about being fit so so so soooooo much.

3. Enjoy life more. I feel like I do this to the extreme most of the time, but really, if there is one part of your life where there is always room for improvement, this is it.
Success Rating: 10! I love my life, my friends, my family, etc...gonna keep on keeping on and remembering to show the love to those I love!

4. Start volunteering at the animal shelter again. Ironman derailed my volunteering in 2009 and I miss the puppies! (Sidenote: adopt a dog from a shelter today!)
Success Rating: 1. This just hasn't happened. My new role just isn't as flexible as my old on in terms of getting Fridays off, so volunteering time isn't as feasible as it once was. I am giving me a 1 (instead of a 0) because we have increased our financial contributions this year...which is better than nothing. AND we adopted a mongrel from our local Great Pyrenees Rescue. Dixie had been left on the side of the road, was malnourished and covered in mange...we were able to take her into our home and love her back to health. She is the devil, but she is OUR devil and we love her.

5. Get faster! Specifically, I want to run a 1:50 half marathon in 2010 (the Houston Marathon in Jan will also qualify to meet this goal)
Success Rating: 3. I was on my way to meet this goal before I got knocked up, so I will give myself SOME credit for effort. I don't know that I was on track for acheiving this but regardless, I would have gotten really close had my season gone on as planned. I probably won't acheive this in 2011 either, but this will get back on the goal list as some point.

6. Save more money so Tommy and I can move to the beach sooner rather than later.
Success Rating: 7. We have been really good this year and have been saving like banshees. Let's keep at it! I need me some beach!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes - My pals Jodie and Tiffany and Kristin. All had little girls so our little one with have friends to play dress up with. (Unless she surprises us and ends up being a boy...yes, I am SUPER paranoid about this.)

4. Did anyone close to you die?


Yes, my grandmother - my moms mom - passed away this summer. Between Tommy and I, we are down to one grandparent. Getting old sucks.

5. What countries did you visit?


Mehico! My favorite place in the world. We went to Cancun and Cozumel and even though I was sick as a dog the ENTIRE time, we had an amazing vacation. Viva la Ironman!

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More puppies! Okay, that's a lie. I would like more grown, well-behaved dogs. Puppies make me freaking insane.
Otherwise, nothing - (also a lie, I mean, let's be honest, I could always use some material crap, but that would negate the Saving and Moving to the Beach Plan) - I am seriously the luckiest girl in the world.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Aug 5...the day I found out I was pregnant via peeing on a stick, my favorite pasttime.
4 weeks later - the day we saw her little heart beating for the first time.
Our staycation in downtown Houston - so perfectly timed and needed and WONDERFUL.
The first time Tommy felt our little one kick.
Watching Ironman (seriously, I was almost as emotional about this as I was about the baby kicking...I'm telling you, Ironman is AMAZING.)
Front row tickets to Swan Lake...omg. I LOVE the ballet.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


Fitting all our stuff in the car for the trek to Dallas for Christmas. Dear lord.
Just kidding.
Biggest accomplishment was...eh, hell if I know. I PRed my half Ironman time, my 5K time and my sprint and olympic times...AND I got 1st place in the sprint and then 3rd the next day...and 4th a few weeks later...all in all, a great (half) year in athletics for me.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not making the time to volunteer at the animal shelter. It's a cause that is so important to me. I just need to make the time.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Always! I suffered my usual twice yearly allergies/sinus infection/nastiness. Pregnancy is niether an illness nor an injury, but damn, it usually feels like one.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
OMG. We got bedroom furniture. It's GORGEOUS. Absolutely freaking gorgeous. We still need bedside tables, but overall, our bedroom is GORGEOUS. Siiiiiiiiigh. I feel like a princess!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Tommy's...pretty much always Tommy. I have no idea how he tolerates me, but I thank my lucky stars that he does! And maybe Dixie deserves some credit too - she was potty trained in record time. Nice job pup!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?


Other than Kate and John Gosselin? And Mel Gibson? And Tiger Woods?
I know I have some friends who's behavoir made me a little sad, but let's be honest, I'm sure I hurt my fair share of feelings in there, so we will call it even and blame all the appalling depressing sh1t on the celebrities.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Vacation! As it should. And we bought gorgeous bedroom furniture (have I mentioned that??) and then we have this rugrat on the way that is apparently a money grubbing mongrel because she isn't even here yet and is taking all my cash.

15. What did you get really excited about?
All my races in the spring and how far I had come...and then losing all that fitness because there is a baby on the way. You can't have it all!! :)

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
King of Anything by Sara Bareilles and Sister, Sister by Train...for no other reason than I love it and could listen to it over and and over and over again...despite the fact that these are likely two of the most irritating songs EVER sung. I have terrible taste in music.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

(a) happier or sadder? Happier.
(b) thinner or fatter? Thinner...then fatter, much much fatter. Darn you pregnancy.
(c) richer or poorer? No change? I guess richer because we saved really well this year. Hooray!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Sleeping in. I never feel like I do enough sleeping in. Or sleeping in general.
And spending more time with friends...you can never have enough time with friends and family!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Eating out. Gossiping. Pining after crap I don't actually care about.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my wonderful family in Dallas...relaxing, drinking, watching tv, playing Angry Birds, sleeping, eating, baking...ah, it was wonderful.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Always! Everyday with my wonderful husband and our little monster growing inside me. Fingers crossed she is just like her daddy or we are totally screwed.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Forever and always Friends. But after that, How I Met Your Mother and Modern Family. 30 minutes is about the extent of my attention span.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate is a strong word, but I do dislike some people more than I disliked them last year.

24. What was the best book you read?


Other than Pregnancy and Baby books? Ha. I dunno. I love books. Love them all pretty much. But let's be honest, the Bride Quartet by Nora Roberts was a real page turner.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Yeah, I updated my iPod 3 years ago. My greatest musical discovery is whatever comes on the radio and makes me bop my head a little.

26. What did you want and get?


I really wanted bedroom furniture and it happened...have I mentioned the bedroom furniture?? As Mia Michaels would say, "Gorgeoiux". Not sure how you would spell that, but since it's not a real word, I'm not terribly concerned.

27. What did you want and not get?

A 1:50 half marathon...2012, it will happen in 2012.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Burlesque and Black Swan...I love the dancing and the singing. Inception was awesome and all, but the lack of singing and dancing really puts it below the other two.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29 this year but I have absolutely no recollection of what we did on my birthday...it was a blast though, I'm sure!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?


To have convinced the WTC to give me my Ironman refund for IMTX next year. Such is life!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?


This is dumb.

32. What kept you sane?


My puppies! And my cool wo-workers. And my amazing friends. But most of all, Tommy.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Forever and always, Christian Bale.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Not getting into it.

35. Who did you miss?


My friends and family who live far away - I just don't get to see them as much as I would like. XOXOX!

36. Who was the best new person you met?


Dixie the Dog!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.


Anonymous people on the internet suck. Haha. Not exactly a valuable life lesson, but it's fact!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Live like you're dying! Ha. Just kidding. That song was lame and so is that guy, but whatever. I don't know music.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Sink or Swim?

I FINALLY made it to the pool yesterday afternoon. My last few attempts have been sabotaged by lost wedding rings, forgotten swimsuits and lazy attitudes...so it's been at least 4 months since I was in a pool, if not 5. I had no idea how my first swim would go. Would the baby make me sink or swim?

Conclusion #1:
I need a bigger swimsuit. Like a WAY bigger swimsuit. What I wore to the pool would be considered pornographic in Maternity Photo Fetish Land. And then it gave me wedgies the whole time.

Conclusion #2:
I loathe aqua-robics people. Why do they need 3 lanes? How is that a workout? Doesn't the instructor on the side of the pool feel like an idiot? ($20 says that by the end of this pregnancy, I take this class at least once...karma is an evil evil b1tch.)

Conclusion #3:
I need to stop being such a pansy and just swim in the outdoor pool. It's heated and everything but it's only heated to like 72 degrees...not to a toasty 78 degrees like the indoor pool. And I am a pansy and I love love love my hot bath water. I don't like that "Oh, it will be fine once you get used to it" thing. I want it to be fine right when I get in. Instant gratification, that's me!

Conclusion #4:
I hate sharing a lane. I really hate sharing a lane when I haven't been swimming in a long time and I don't really feel super comfortable. And then, the guy who jumped in my lane didn't even bother to tell me he was joining me, so we crashed mid-pool. Dumbass. I hate him. How we crashed is beyond me since he was just doing the breaststroke and NOT EVEN WEARING GOGGLES. OMG.

Conclusion #5:
Babies are bouyant. It turns out I can still swim! I tried not to look at the clock so I wouldn't get discouraged, but I let myself time one 100yd set and my times were about where they were over the summer. THANK GOODNESS. I was probably more winded from that effort than I was over the summer, but I was still able to pull the rabbit out of the hat.

Conclusion #6:
I don't have to pee when I swim. Bizarre. For the first time in 5 months I didn't have the uncontrollable urge to pee. It was amazing. And wierd. But amazing.

Conclusion #7:
I will teach my child not to stare at naked ladies in the locker room. Creepy ass kids.

Conclusion #8:
Don't go to a triceps specific body pump class the day before you swim for the first time in forever. Ouchie.

Overall, the swim was a success. I enjoyed my time in the pool (as much as I could ever enjoy my time in the pool) and I didn't feel like a total failure. The girl in the lane next to me was a little faster than me, so I had fun trying to keep up with her. I will be going back. Maybe this time I will man up and go to the outdoor pool where I can have a luxurious freezing cold lane to myself. We will see.

PS - Thanks for the encouragement on my post yesterday. You made my day!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Training Updates

I know that both of my followers are on the edges of their seats to know about how my training is going, so without further adeiu...

My training is going, "meh". I mean, I'm doing some form of a workout at least 4 days a week...usually 5. I've been doing a long run on the weekends - usually 6-10 miles - a spin class mid-week, a couple of runs, a body pump class and at some point, I will throw a swim in there.

I was all set to swim last week, but on my way to the pool I was taking off my jewelry to put in my purse (saves time in the locker room), when I dropped my wedding ring in between the seat and the center console. OMG. I was a wreck. My ring was Tommy's mom's wedding band, so losing it is just not an option. My swim got nixed and we spent the evening taking the driver seat out of my car to find the ring. We found it and all is good with the world again. Phew. I will attempt the pool again today. Wish me luck. I very well may sink.

My runs have been going well for the most part. My legs feel great and I have been really enjoying them (they LOVE the reduced mileage and intensity!)...but I have to pee about every quarter mile. Do you have any idea how long it takes to run a 3 miles loop around the park when you have to pee every quarter mile? OMG. It takes a long ass time. Luckily, I ran 9 miles this past weekend and I only had to pee every mile and a half-ish. Big improvement!! I'm still planning on running (and walking) the half marathon in January...but we shall see.

The biking is a challenge because I can't fit on my tri bike anymore and I hate spin class...so I haven't been doing that nearly as much as I should. I really need to suck it up and just go to the stupid classes. Somebody slap some sense into me.

Body pump is going well, but it's getting more challenging since I can't do half the exercises anymore. I can't lay on my back for too long because I feel puke-y and I can't lay on my stomach because, well, there is a baby there. I think I will have to forfeit this class soon to save the rest of my classmates sanity.

All in all, I am enjoying staying active and am still doing activities that I love...but it's getting harder. I hope I am able to stay active up until the day I deliver...fingers crossed. Christy when she hasn't worked out is not a pretty sight.

My BFF asked me yesterday if my doc is okay with my level of exercise. I said, "Yeah, that's why I go to her". My theory is that there are about 9 million different views on how you should act/be/eat during your pregnancy. You need to figure out where you stand on that spectrum and find a doctor who agrees with you...because I promise you, there is a doctor our there who will support you in whatever you believe. Unless you are just dying to smoke some crack...you might have trouble finding a doc who supports that. But you never know.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Maternity Pics.

I'm kind of anti-maternity pics. Not because I hate them but because A.)I am soooo unphotogenic and B.) I have no idea what I would do with said pictures if I had them in my house. I didn't have bridal protraits done for the same reasons...and this has proven to be a wise money saving investment that I do not regret at all.

Alas, if I WERE to have maternity pictures taken, I can guarantee that they would look something like this.

You MUST visit this blog that was recommended to me by the lovely Matt. MUST.

http://pregnantchicken.squarespace.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/12/10/awkward-pregnancy-photos.html

And then you need to go order your pre-natal pole dancing DVD.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Exercising while Pregnant.

It's a good idea.

When I reach the point that I can no longer run, I plan to take up pre-natal pole dancing.

I don't see how something this joyful could be wrong. The video is worth all 2 minutes and 4 seconds of your time.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Not Prepared for the Pain.

OMG. I experienced my first pregnancy related leg cramp this morning about 30 minutes before I was supposed to wake up.

I woke up to my own blood curdling scream and the most excruciating pain I have EVER experienced. The cramp lasted about 3 minutes before I was even able to move my foot enough to attempt to loosen the muscles. And only then did the pain lessen even a little. I continued to bite the corner of my bed in pain for about 5 minutes following but at least I could move my foot and stretch the muscles a little.

If labor is worse than that, I'll just keep the baby in me, thanks.

****

In other news, I had SUCH a good workout yesterday. I ran a quick 2 miles on the treadmill before busting out a body pump class. I felt amazing. I needed that boost very much. It's been awhile since I haven't felt like death during a working. I felt like my old self (almost). I'm going swimming today for the first time in about 4 months. Wish me luck. I may sink.

We picked up and assembled our crib last night! It looks sooo good! It's also way huge-r than we expected it to be. I mean, we measured and stuff and knew it would fit but actually having it there...man, it's huge. I'm pretty sure that I would fit comfortably in it. Bedding won't be here till January though - darn it!

Monday, December 06, 2010

RaceShots

I got email reminders from one of the race photographers today, reminding me to purchase my race photos from 3 races I did earlier this year. Race photos cost like $15 each, so we RARELY buy the pics, but they are fun to look through and try to pirate for Facebooking purposes.

As I was looking through the pictures, I became acutely aware of how much of my fitness I have lost in the last 5 months. Last fall and spring I made such HUGE gains in my speed and endurance. I had FINALLY found that thing that I never had that could make you push through the pain or quit...I finally figured out what it mean to push through the pain. I finally figured it out. I was finally racing to my potential. I still had some improvements and gains to be made, but I was finally doing what I always dreamed I could be able to do.

In the spring, I won 1st in my age group in a sprint tri (and PR'ed my 5K while I was at it), and then won 3rd in my age group in the olympic the next day...all while I was sick as a dog. I still can't believe it.

Then I PR'ed the 10K, a half Ironman and placed 4th in my age group at another sprint...it was an AWESOME spring. I never thought that any of that was possible. I had always been okay with being slow. But then, one day, I realized that I wasn't actually slow anymore.

Looking at the pictures today made me a little sad.

I am THRILLED (beyond thrilled) to be pregnant. I am so excited to be having a baby with my wonderful husband and best friend. I can't believe that we have been so blessed to find each other and to be able to build the life that we have now.

All that said, I am a little sad that I worked so hard to make such significant gains physically...and they are all gone. I mean, I can still run a 10K...just not fast. I can still run a half marathon...just not fast. I can still bike on my trainer for 3 hours...just not fast. I could probably finish an half Ironman if I wanted to...but it would take the full 8 hours.

The endurance is still there, but the speed - the speed I worked sooo hard for - is totally gone. I know I will get it back, someday, but it's sad to realize it's gone and it could be a long while before I see it again.

I miss my speed and I hate having to pee every quarter mile on a run. Oh the other hand, the wild woman in my belly goes crazy after a run, so it's totally worth it.

I know I will get it back. I know it will take a long time. I know it will be hard. But since I know what that "thing" is that makes me push harder now, getting the speed will be easier than before. I'm still sad.

With my workouts now, it's hit or miss. Somedays I go out there and feel like a million bucks and other days, 1 mile is all I have. Or 5lbs weights are all I can lift. Or 15mph is all I can muster. But the days when I feel like a million bucks are great.

It's been an interesting journey to say the least.

I haven't made a race calendar for next year - we are trying to see how things play out after the little one gets here - but for now, I think my plans are to do a sprint in August-ish and then another spring or possibly olympic in September-ish. I NEED to race. I miss the training, I miss my friends, I miss the schedule, I miss race day jitters...but most of all, I miss having that goal.

I'm excited, so excited...but also a little sad.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Indulgence.

After people find out I am having a little girl, they ask (among other more inappropriate things) how I plan on decorating the room. When I tell them that her room will be lime green they shudder and say, "but what kind of mother will you be if you don't give the baby the pink room she deserves?"

The horror.

Well, to make those women happy, I made my first pink purchase while on vacation. Our little girl is now the proud owner of a Luche Libre mask, a hot pink Mexican wrestling mask.

It looks something like this...only in pink...which was incredibly hard to find on the internet (but I didn't try that hard):

She is ready for her tutu now!

Sidenote: For some unknown reason, I became obsessed with these masks in Mexico. The good news is that once you have children, you can totally justify your riduculous impulses...because it's for the children. WON'T ANYONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!!?

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Pet and Street.

I just realized that my daughters stripper name will be Dixie 16.

While this is not as good as MY stripper name (Fluffy Aspen), she will definitely have some big shoes to fill.

In the meantime, Tommy and I are enjoying our vacation in Cancun and Cozumel...tomorrow we will watch a bunch of our friends race in Ironman Cozumel. I am absolutely GREEN with envy. They are going to have a gorgeous day on the island and an amazing experience. JEALOUSY!! The alarm goes off at 5am so we can head to the swim start...goodnight moon!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

It's a Hamburger!

Is an ultrasound of a fetus's labia considered child porn?

I dunno.

Going into the ultrasound, I had reached this strange place. I had always wanted a girl for my first child...the thought of raising a little ballerina was just too much for me to resist. I also always thought that those women who said, "Oh, I don't care what gender the baby is, as long as it's healthy", were lying sacks of shit. But the further along in my pregnancy I got, the less and less attached to having a girl I got. I really only wanted a healthy baby. Shocking, I know.

And then there were the wierdos who think I would be a better mom to a boy. 1. This is not an appropriate thing to say to someone. 2. I hate sports. Hate them. Really, really hate them. 3. Just because I am moderately athletic and excessively crass doesn't mean anything.

Alas, we got the news that we are having a baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes and 4 chambers in the heart...AND IT'S A GIRL! She's got a hamburger not a hotdog!

And true to a baby of mine, she gave us the Shocker just before she spread her legs and we got a good look at her labia.
Nice job Baby Blain. I think we are gonna get along just fine.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Boy or Girl?!?!

Place your bets now!

We find out the sex of Cletus the Fetus next Thursday...assuming said child decides to behave appropriately during the ultrasound. But since this IS my child, it's unlikely that he/she will cooporate and will never actually get to find the answer we are looking for.

Alas, let's make some preliminary guesses using folklore, old wives tales and Chinese theories to predict the gender of Cletus the Fetus. I popped a bit of belly overnight (although, it could just be constipation...), so here is an 18 week picture to help us in our search.



How you are carrying:
Carrying low = Boy
Carrying high = girl

ANSWER = BOY

Wedding Ring Swing:
(Hang your wedding ring from string in front of your belly)
If it moves in a circle = Boy
If in a straight line - Girl.

ANSWER = GIRL

Heart Rate:
Baby's heart rate is under 140 beats per minute = Boy
Baby's heart rate is over 140 BPM = Girl

ANSWER = GIRL

Chinese Gender Chart:
Chinese age = 29
Conception Month = July

ANSWER = BOY

Random People's Opinions:
50% = Boy
50% = Girl

Answer = I assume the lady behind me at Kroger was right.

Sleep Preferences:
Prefer to sleep on your right side = Girl
Prefer to sleep on your left side = Boy

ANSWER = GIRL

Drano Test:
This "test" is performed by mixing Drano and mother's urine. Depending on the color, you'll find out if it's a boy or girl.

I did not do this test because it involved buying junk. And I am just that lazy.

The results are mixed and, as expected, it's about half and half.

I have no idea and regardless, the kids room will still be blue and green and it WILL come home from the hospital in a tutu. At least Tommy and I agree that all children should be dressed in costumes at all times. Forget onesies. My kid is going as Baby Gaga until it's old enough to fight me.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Happy 3rd Anniversary to Us!

Tommy and I celebrated our 3rd Anniversary on Wednesday. We celebrated by sitting at home on the couch (with our Christmas decorations...don't judge) and cuddling. We are lame. But awesome.

Every year we exchange small gifts in accordance with the traditional wedding gift guide. Year 1 it was paper, year 2 was cotton and this year was leather.

Ouch.

I turned to Facebook for some help on this and recieved the obligatory leather thong, whip, etc, suggestions. The most disturbing ones were when my parents friends (whom I grew up with) started making suggestions of assless chaps and such. It was too much.

Nonetheless, I got a great suggestion from friend to get a leather journal where he and I can exchange notes and pass it back and forth. I thought this was a great idea...and since Tommy always wins the Sweetness Award for Gift Giving, I thought this would help me win this year.

Last night we exchanged gifts.

I gave him my leather journal and I opened my present from him.

Side story: At my friend Ashleys wedding in May, there was a photo booth. In the photo booth, there was a basket of costumes. In the basket of costumes was a fur "aviator hat"...I loved this hat. I tried to buy it from the guy who owned it but he wasn't having it.

Back to the story...

I opened my present to find this leather hat. And it is AWESOME.

Sidenote: Bubba the Thanksgiving Turkey is also shown here. Everyday during November, we write things we are thankful for on pieces of paper and pin them to Bubba. On Thanksgiving we take the notes off and read them...aren't we adorable? This is Bubba's 4th Thanksgiving...he may be on his last turkey leg.

Unfortunately, I think the hat may have been made with real rabbit fur...which is driving Miss Dixie INSANE. The hat may serve more as a Dixie training tool than a fashion statement. She will do anything you ask as long as you are wearing the hat.

While Tommy wins the Coolness Award this time around, I TOTALLY snagged the Sweetness Award. Go me. Winner winner chicken dinner!

I can't believe we have been married for 3 years.

I can't believe anyone has tolerated me as a roomate for 3 years.

The man is a saint.

Here's to many more!!

What My Mama Taught Me.

My mama taught me some manners. I can't say that I always USE them, but I at least KNOW them.

She taught me that if I go to someones house for dinner I have to eat a little bit of everything. So for example, I went to my BFF Paige's house for dinner the other night and she told me we were having Potato Soup Salad. I ate a little snack beforehand because dude, potato soup salad sounds gross. But I knew I would have to eat a little of it, because that's polite. I just didn't want to starve too.

Turns out that Paige just doesn't like to use punctuation in her texts and we were actually having Potato Soup COMMA Salad...which was quite tasty. It's a shame I wasn't hungry enough to eat all of it.

Fast forward to yesterday at work when we were all sitting around discussing what everyone else was bringing for the potluck today. I said I was bringing mac and cheese and someone said, "It better be homemade, Kraft is gross". I said, "Nah, I'm gonna bring Kraft because the only thing we have to heat it up with is a microwave and microwaved homemade mac is nasty". She said, "That's gross. People will be disappointed."

I almost punched her.

My response to that was, "Well, then you don't have to eat it and you are welcome to bring your own homemade mac".

Let us bear in mind that the person making these comments is my boss.

I may be unemployed tomorrow.

The conversation went on and on about how Kraft is gross (which let's be honest, it's not as good as homemade in any way, shape or form, but it is not gross) and how I am a terrible person and am ruining Thanksgiving, etc...

DUDE. It's the work potluck. It's not even in close proximity to Thanksgiving. I have got to hope that you have more important things to worry about.

Are you allowed to critsize the food that others bring to a potluck? My mama would say no.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Does Ironman Hate Women?

I dunno, but I when I asked for a refund or deferral to the 2012 race, I got denied. I'm obviously sad that I won't be able to race AND won't be able to get my money back (but a new baby is so much better!)...but even more than that, I'm upset with Ironman (WTC) for having such a crappy policy. You have to sign up for a very expensive race a year in advance and the refund policy is basically non-existant.

I can either forfeit my entire entry ($630) or withdraw and get $150 back...neither of these options are very good.

Anyway, I wrote on Slowtwitch...the triathlete forum where you can get great info about the sport as well as some very opinionted idiots opinions. It will be interesting to see what people say in response to my post...I predict there will be a mixture of idiots and those with valid points. Either way, I love a good debate!

Update: As expected, Slowtwitch is about half and half on the refund debate. Half feel that WTC should offer refunds but not necessarily for pregnancy in particular. A few feel that pregnancy, like maternity leave, should be reimbursed/paid, whathaveyou. And the other half feel that the policy is good (well, actually most hate the policy but believe that WTC can do whatever they want, which I agree with, but that wasn't the original question). And of course, one asshole should be shot. I have been mezmorized by it. Overall (minus the asshole) the perspectives were interesting.

For example: If pregnancy doesn't get a refund because it was a choice, what about military deployment to a war zone? At first I was like, "yeah, that should get a refund!", but then I realized that joining the military was also a choice, and then I was like "well, interesting".

Overall...interesting.

And mad props to my pal Laura who had to have brain surgery last year 4 months before IMCanada. She appealled to the WTC to get a refund/deferment and they denied her (assholes). She raced anyway and rocked it. She was/is my inspiration!!

Monday, November 01, 2010

Getting Started.

I'm great at STARTING projects. I HATE finishing them.

This is why our house is in TOTAL disarray.

I STARTED re-organizing the closet in the gym (now the gym/spare room)...but I haven't finished it. This means there are stacks upon stacks of crap that needs to find a home in there. Someday. I just know it.

We cleaned out the closets in the gym/spare room and Cletus's room and put some stuff in trash buckets, some stuff in GoodWill buckets and some stuff in Craigslist buckets. And then we lined all the buckets up in the hallway so as to obstruct any possible forward motion one might want to perform. The dogs see this as an entertaining obstacle course. I see it as a lawsuit. The odds of these items ever leaving the hallway is slim to none.

We are expecting our PotteryBarn PerfectlyMatched PerfectlyWonderful Bedroom set to arrive this weekend, so I posted the ugly old furniture on Craigslist. It sold in less than 3 hours (apparently I priced it WAY too low)..and it sold to a random guy that I know through triathlon. What are the odds? But since we now have no bedroom furniture, all of our clothes are in piles along the walls of the room. This is, once again, very exciting for the dogs. This is not so good for our clothes.

Does Half Price Books take VHS tapes? I have about 50 I need to get rid of.

I wanted to decorate for Christmas this weekend because we will be out of town for the next million weekends and I wanted to be able to enjoy the tree...but of course, I mostly just set up the tree and then got all the rest of the decorations out and put them on the table/counter. At some point, I will finish decorating, but let's be serious. I lost interest in putting up the Christmas tree about halfway in. Thank goodness Tommy got home, otherwise Debbie would only be half done. I don't know Margo!

I'm not great at finishing projects. Oops.

In other news, my girlfriends are hatching crotch parasites all over the place! Jodie hatched on Saturday and Tiffany is being induced today - I can't wait to get to Dallas to see them in a couple of weeks!!

I am finally getting back into the groove of the morning workout. Kind of. I woke up today and headed to the park to meet my friends...and I caught the train. What a great way to be greeted at 5AM. Nonetheless, I had a decent run and it was nice to be running with people again! FINALLY! But DUDE, it is HARD to get back into the morning routine again. I'm one day in and thinking about quitting already. Ha.

On Friday, I had to go buy fat clothes. Not maternity clothes, just fat clothes. My clothes all still fit because, alas I would not be so lucky to be blessed with an adorable little bump, no no no, I got a flabby stomach. At 17 weeks, I have nothing to show for it except a stomach that when you look at it, you think, "Man, she should lay off the Ho-Ho's". So I went and bought some fat shirts. I feel better today because at least I look decent and you can't see my jiggly belly through my shirts anymore. Come on Baby Bump, hurry up and get here already!!

Oh, and BTW, I went as Spock for Halloween. It was lame...but it was comfortable. I sang You Oughta Know by Alanis Morisette and everytime I missed a note an angel lost it's wings. Tragic. Lots of wingless angels out there today.

We ordered Cletus's crib on Saturday! It wasn't what we went in for, but it was what we had intended to buy, but never really found. We are very excited!
And I am ordering this bedding today!

Feel free to make unsolicted negative comments about my choice of bedding but since you have terrible taste, you might as well save yourself from carpal tunnel and keep your comments to yourself. :)

Progress is happening...slowly but Shirley.

And don't call me Shirley.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Why Dogs Love Their Owners.

I a firm believer that yes, dogs CAN feel embarrasment. I am also a firm believer that dressing them up in AWESOME Halloween costumes is not a source of this embarrasment.

Dogs love Halloween and they love to be dressed up in costumes.

I am not allowed into Petco during the holidays anymore because I will buy any dog costume they sell in an XXL. The options are usually limited, but this has not stopped me from accumulating a rather large collection of costumes for my mutts.

They love it. They love posing for the camera. They love the attention they get when they wear them. (I will agree and say that they do not love the hats and things on their ears...but eh, I don't like hats either, and sometimes, they are just necessary. Suck it up Puppy.)




Monday, October 25, 2010

Pee, Pee and More Pee

Truthfully, other than my totally irrational (yet common) fears that something tragic will happen to my unborn child, the thing I think about most is when I will get to pee again. I am constantly in need of a place to pee.

I can tell you the exact distance (in either feet or minutes) it will take you to reach a bathroom at any given location in the great Houston metroplex. I can probably give you most of the stops on the way to Dallas and the DFW area as well, but don't test me.

I don't know how something so small has the ability to shrink my bladder so significantly but then I start thinking about what will happen when Cletus actually starts to reach full term...I'm totally screwed. I'm gonna buy stock in She-Wee. Maybe I can be their spokesperson!

I ran the Houston Half Marathon yesterday...although my name is not in the results . It's probably better this way...that way there is no proof of my slow time. Ha.

The weather was perfect racing weather for me - kind of warmish (about 80 for you northerners) and humid as hell. Everyone else seemed to be in a tizzy about it, but I heart the humidity. I'm pretty sure Cletus is gonna have gills. Part man, part fish! Almost like a mermaid, but not.

Nonetheless, I had a great race...not because I raced well, because, let's be honest, racing well when you are pregnant isn't all that smart of an idea...but I had a great race because it was great day. And frankly, all in all, I had a good run. I enjoyed my day thoroughly.

HOWEVER.

There's always a "however".

Before the race started - after the prayer, but before the Star Spangled Banner - I had to pee. Again. But I didn't want to wander too far from the start...so I just found a post and went behind that. I told the other guy standing there just to avoid eye contact and we would never talk about this again. Nevermind the 3,000 runners who just got up close and personal with my pasty rear, but as long as you avoid eye contact, they can't tag you on Facebook. GENIUS!

I was feeling pretty good, running with my pal Laura. We were both taking it easy - she is running New York in 2 weeks and I am pregnant (no way!?!) so we were just enjoying the day. I found a bush to pee behind around mile 2...and again around mile 3.5...and thus a trend was born. Laura bailed on me around mile 5 (she wasn't feeling so hot) and I was on my own...peeing on the side of the road of a race is way better when you have a buddy, btw.

I peed 7 times during the half marathon. 7 times. That's more than every 2 miles. No wonder my time was 2 hours and 20 minutes even though I felt like I was running a decent pace. Ha. And I had to refill the water bottle I was carrying at every other water station...

Over the course the race, I peed 7 times (7 times!), drank 3-16 ounce bottles of water, a FULL cup of Gatorade every 2 miles and 4 Clif-Blocs. I'm pretty sure this sets a world record of consumption at the half marathon level. I should have gotten an award.

All in all, I had a great race. Going slow wasn't easy, especially at the end when I felt like a rockstar and could have run 8 minute miles on the last few miles, but I know it was the right thing to do. And ultimately, I acheived my goal of finishing in time to get a shirt in my size (this race is notorious of running out of appropriate sizes). I got my shirt (even though it's ugly as sin), enjoyed my morning and felt like I challenged myself a little...and celebrated with crepes. There is little else more enjoyable than eating a delicious reward after a good race.

I love racing. And I love Cletus. Finding the balance is hard. Especially when I have to pee every 15 minutes.

Friday, October 22, 2010

My Name Is Christy And I Have A Problem.

You know those weird things you do when you hope no else is looking? Like, reenacting a conversation with someone out loud? Or picking your nose in the car? Or licking the mayonnaise jar? Or unbuttoning your pants before you are all the way in the bathroom stall? Yeah, those things. Those things are weird and socially unacceptable...but everyone does them. (I'd like to point out that mayonnaise is absolutely and complete repulsive and I neither own a jar of mayonnaise nor have I ever eaten mayonnaise just, but you get the idea).

Well, I have a problem.

Before I got pregnant, it wasn't really a problem...it was more of a feature. But now, it's kind of an issue.

I can pee anywhere.

No seriously. I can pee anywhere. I have no problems with dropping trou in broad daylight on the side of the road. I can pee in lakes. I can pee my pants during a run (if necessary to achieve a PR). I can pee my pants during a run if its pouring down rain because, hey, that's just efficient. I have never tried to pee in (or out of) a moving vehicle, but I am certain that should this necessity ever arise, I will rise to the occasion.

The only place I can't pee is while cycling. This is surprisingly kind of an issue when you have the smallest bladder on the planet and your ride partners don't want to stop every 10 miles.

Alas, this life skill has never let me down. The world is my urinal and I am thankful. Thus far in my pregnancy, this skill has been a bonus, because as we all know, pregnancy is a mean, mean trick that life plays on your bladder and you are constantly thirsty and constantly have to pee. On runs I can just run my normal routes and hope that I dn't get arrested when I pee in the yards of the politicians who live in River Oaks...it's a feature. No need to wait for the port-a-cans the homeless people stink up at the park. The world is out there and needs to be watered!

This feature has never let me down...until yesterday.

Yesterday I was running errands after work when, lo and behold, I had to pee (for the 97 thousandth time that day). As I walked between Michaels and REI, I crossed over a nice patch of grass with some shrubberies and I thought to myself, "Oh, I could just pee here". No, I really considered just peeing in the parking lot of the store.

WTF?

It's 6PM. It's light outside. I'm at a strip mall. It's a small shrubbery. It's illegal, inappropriate and THERE ARE BATHROOMS IN THE FRIGGIN STORE! (The bathrooms are probably in the back or the store and not nearly as convenient as this shrubbery, but seriously? Seriously?!)

Yeah, that was one of those stupid things you hope no one ever sees you do (or think). I was mortified that it even crossed my mind. Apparently I have been too free with my peeing experiences. My bladder is starting to forget what is appropriate and what is not. I think my bladder may need to be held back.

For the record, I did not pee in the parking lot. Nor did I pee in the store. I was too embarrassed. I got my new BOB Ironman Stroller from REI and ran out of there! First baby purchase = COMPLETE!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

It's Ugly. It's REAL Ugly.

I am now 15 weeks pregnant (that's just over 3 months for those of you who don't count in weeks). I thought for sure by now I would have gotten these bigger hooters that everyone talks about, but alas, they are the same sad sacks they have always been. It's tragic really.

I also spent most of Tuesday lamenting my lack of baby bump. I bought a halloween costume a couple of months ago, that I thought would accomodate my growing waistline (I was going as Spock. Ha.), so that even if I just looked fat, I wouldn't be uncomfortable in it. But i've always wanted to be a Slutty German Barmaid. I've never been anything slutty for Halloween before and darn it, I WILL be a barmaid. Someday.

So, on Tuesday, after mucho lamenting, I packed up Tommy and we headed to Frankel's (Houston's best Halloween costume emporium) to get my Slutty German Barmaid costume. While there is still a chance I could get a belly between now and next weekend, there was a bigger chance that Frankel's would run out of the costume...and this was a risk I was not willing to take. So, a Slutty German Barmaid costume I know possess.

Alas, I got it home, once again, after much lamenting about my lack of belly, put it on and lo and behold, I have a belly. I wouldn't call it a Baby Bump per se, but I definitely have a FUPA where I did not have a FUPA before.

Slutty German Barmaids should not have FUPAs. Unless by some stroke of baby love, my FUPA disappears and is replaced by an actual baby bump, I will be singing Crocodile Rock dressed as Spock.

He can hit a mean falseto.

I Can't Resist

A dog video for your entertainment. The tortoise always wins. Stupid mutt.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

How Do I Love Thee?

I love the Ironman. I LOVE the Ironman. Ironman is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Beer is also this proof, but I am a wine girl, so eh, I'll stick with Ironman.

I know it's a for-profit corporation that gets free manual labor on race day and exploits the little guy, yada yada yada...it's like Wal-mart, except that unlike Wal-mart, I will allow you to participate.

I could never quite put into words why I preferred the Ironman branded races over other "iron-distances" races, but having attended Redman full iron distance race, I can safely say that the extra $400 is $400 well spent. Dude, just fork over the dough, get your Ironman branded gear and call it day. Call yourself an Ironman.



Kona was last weekend, my Superbowl, and I spent my evening, on my couch, watching the live feed, and crying as people crossed the finish line. Maybe its the pregnancy hormones. Maybe it's because I always cry when I talk about triathlon...I just love it!

I am super sad to be missing out on IMTexas in May...but Cletus and I will be there to cheer on Papa Blain (who I hope has as much fun as I had in Cozumel!) I'd like to point out that the only purchase we have made thus far for our growing child is the Ironman BOB Stroller. Yeah, it's a problem. I could care less about Gucci and Louis Vuitton, but brand it with an M-dot and I'll pay a fortune for it. Ridiculous.

We will be in Cozumel to cheer on all our friends this year at the race and I can only imagine the jealousy I will have for all of them. I'm green just thinking about it!

I'm not going to do the indoor triathlon this weekend...I'm just gonna suck it up and do the half marathon that Tommy is doing. It will be more fun anyway since everyone I know is doing it. Poor Tommy will finish in about 1:30...and then I will finish sometime before noon. Haha. He will have plenty of time to go get me some lunch before I finish. I miss my speed!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Pottery Barn.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but Pottery Barn threw up in my house. It's like that Friends episode where Rachel and Phoebe live together and Rachel decorates the entire house in Pottery Barn stuff, but has to lie to Phoebe - "oh, this is an antique apothecary table...not at all from Pottery Barn".

Yeah, Pottery Barn threw up in my house.

It's not that I am super into trendy stuff or actually decorate like the PB catalog suggests (although, I would if I could afford it slash had someone to dust all that crap), but it's more that the furniture is just my style. I like clean lines with a bit of whimsy. Basically, Pottery Barn is my furniture haven.

BTW - If you aren't currently reading this blog, you should be.

If I had the patience slash time, I would spend my Saturdays shopping all over town to find cool pieces to make my bedroom set...OR I could just go online and buy some PB stuff and spend the rest of my day lounging like the vegetable I desire to be. New furniture is just a click away!!

We have been meaning to buy new bedroom furniture for about 4 years. The stuff we are currently using is the hideous stuff that Tommy's ex-wife picked out. Not only is it the furniture that the ex-wife picked out (although, this bothers me not at all, it's a good excuse to convince Tommy that we NEED new furniture), but it's ugly and poorly made...and we have moved it approximately 14 times in 4 years. Crappy furniture just can't take that kind of abuse. So it's awful and in awful condition.

Alas, I have finally decided to bite the bullet and just buy the stupid Pottery Barn furniture I have loved for 4 years. I kept waiting for something better to come along so my house wouldn't be all Pottery Barn-ed out (I just don't respect myself!), but in 4 years, I still NEED that bed. It's gonna happen.

In other news, we will FINALLY be able to ditch our current crap...we broke the bed a few years ago (brown chicken brown cow!), but the ugly dressers are up for grabs. We will probably just leave them on the the curb...not sure anyone would buy them.

Phoebe, don't hate me. You know you love it. Darn you Pottery Barn and your overpriced crap!

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Pregnancy Glow

I don't have it. I don't know anyone who has had it (sorry friends - I lied to your faces). I know it's still early for me to get it, but really, with all this acne, I just dont see how it would be possible anyway.

I'm a firm believer that the Pregnancy Glow is just a way to make formerly thin people feel better about themselves. It's like when you tell a bride it's good luck if it rains on her wedding day. It's not good luck. It just makes them feel better when it rains on their wedding day. Nevermind that the entire outdoor ceremony is ruined. Hey, it's good luck!

The sheer number of zits I have have to pop each day would challenge a teenagers counting skills. And if I do appear to be glowing, it's because I am as sweaty as a a marathoner...and while a marathoner may APPEAR to be glowing, trust me, they aren't. They are starving. Their cheeks are flushed from sheer starvation and dehydration. I'm sweaty and a flight of stairs is daunting.

I'm not glowing. And it's not good luck if it rains on your wedding day.

And if you say it one more time, I will shoot my next zit into your eye.

********************************

In other news, I found a triathlon that I can race! It's indoor, which is super lame, but that also means that I can do it, so that's super not lame!

Kona is this weekend which means I will be glued to my computer screen for most of the day watching the live feed.

I heard Cletus's heartbeat yesterday afternoon - 164bpm. Tommy heard it a few weeks ago, but the deaf often get delayed gratification. Alas, it has a heart and it beats. Very fastly. Yayy!!

Friday, October 01, 2010

Cat's Out of the Bag

Now that the cat is FINALLY out of the bag, I can gossip about all the joys and un-joys of being pregnant.

But let's be honest, the joys aren't all that funny, and people's happiness is generally sickening and irritating, so for now let's focus on the horror that is baby bedding.

We don't yet know the gender of our future child, but we do plan on finding out as soon as possible. Yes, I know it's one of life's great surprises, blah blah blah, but really, it's still a surprise when they tell you during the ultrasound. So even if you find out BEFORE that bundle of pooping joy is in your arms, it's STILL a surprise. Take that naysayers!

And since I don't tolerate surprises well anyway, it's better that I find out after a full nights sleep and without holding any precious cargo.

We will find out as soon as a weiner or lack thereof is visible. I'm pretty sure the 50% accuracy of the Chinese Gender Prediction chart has guessed me right anyway, so it's a moo point. A cow's opinion.

Regardless of Cletus's gender, I will likely go the neutral bedding/decor route, so I have been scouring the internet in search of baby bedding that doesn't make me want to hurl. And unfortunately, this is few and far between. Pair this search with morning sickness and I have spent a lot of time praying to the porcelain god.

In my search, I found a lot of this:

Even more of this:

And thank the good Lord, I saw very little of this:


The search continues, despite the efforts of Winnie the Pooh and Pastel Paint. I will overcome you!!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Tiger in the Tank!

It's true.

I am with child.
I have a tiger in my tank.
I'm knocked up.
I am harboring a fugitive.
I am developing a crotch parasite.
I have a bun in the oven.
I've been screwed.

Tommy and I found out on August 9th that not only do pregnancy tests NOT take 5 minutes to give a postive result, but that I am also pregnant.

I am addicted to pregnancy tests have been taking at least one a month for forever, much to Tommy's chagrin ("they're expensive!"). I can't help it. But on this particularly joyous day, the test did not stop at one pink line...but immediately (and I mean IMMEDIATELY) registered 2 pink lines. If I hadn't already peed in the toilet, I would have just peed my pants.

I called Tommy, he came home (where I presented him with two pee filled sticks...he was thrilled) and we went to dinner to celebrate and gossip about our impending bundle of joy...AHH!

The signs that I should have seen:

The first sign that indicated I might be pregnant is when ShopItToMe had a 1/2 off sale on skinny jeans and the only size they had in stock was mine. It was FATE! Of course I purchased them and took them to get them altered. Only fate would have you alter your first pair of skinny jeans on the day you find out you're pregnant. So now, of course, I can't return them. So, I've pretty much been wearing skinny jeans every single day and plan to squeeze myself into them until I can no longer suck in my gut anymore.

The second sign was that Kroger had Black Box wine on sale the previous weekend. Tommy and I, being the classy folk that we are, purchased 6 (yes, 6) boxes (yes, boxes) of wine (yes, that's 6 BOXES of wine), because well, they were on sale and if you buy 6 you get an additional 10% off.

The third sign was that I joined a 3rd gym the week prior to finding out I was "with child". Luckily, I joined this gym for it's pool and since I plan on swimming up until the day I give birth, this wasn't a terrible move...but lately I've been to disgustingly sick to even think about swimming. So I am a member of 3 gyms...and I haven't been to a single one of these gyms in the last 12 weeks.

And the fourth and final sign was that I accidentally purchased a pair of childrens shoes. I think this is the universe telling me that my child will be punk/grunge. This does not bode well for me.

Alas, despite all these signs, I was still surprised when that second pink line appeared on the stick. Nobody gets lucky enough to find 1/2 off skinny jeans or sales on wine all in the same week...unless they won't be able to use them. Damn you Universe!!

****************
Now for some rules:

Do not touch my belly. Unless I like you. But even then, it's best not to touch the belly. I will remove your arms with my teeth.

Do not use the words "preggo" or "preggy" or "hubby". Unless you are 5. If you are older than 5, it is time to learn to speak properly. Update: This also includes "preggers" and any other variations of fake words.

Do not tell me your labor horror stories. Not sure who you think you are helping here.
****************

In other news: When training for Ironman, I compared the training to pregnancy and the race to labor. The rules for me racing Ironman were similar to the rules listed above. No touching the belly, no "preggo" or "hubby", and no racing horror stories. So, so far, I'm right on the mark!!

But really, so far, it's been pretty similar. I'm on information overload, the result is still too far away to really grasp, I feel like total horse sh1t and I am exhausted. This is all pretty much like Ironman!

Speaking of Ironman, I doubt I will be racing IMTX in May. While I do planning on keeping up my volume (as much as possible), I have no intent of keeping it up to the level that would be required to complete an Ironman. In addition to that, after pushing a baby out of my vagina in April, I seriously doubt that sitting on a very small bike seat for 6+ hours in May will sound appealling. Soooo, that's in the toilet. I plan on appealling to the WTC to see if I can defer until 2012, but even then, I'm not sure I will be ready to race with an infant either. We will see!! Either way, Cletus the Fetus and I will be there on race day to cheer on Daddy Blain and all our friends!

Thursday, September 09, 2010

War of the Roses.

Here in H-town, there is a morning radio show on 104.1 with hosts Roula and Ryan. I do not normally listen to 104.1 because the music is very teeny bopper and terrible. It's something Janelle would like. :) A little too much Justin Beiber for my tastes. But on Thursdays, magical, magical Thursdays, they do the War of the Roses.

War of the Roses is a segment where a woman (usually a woman, but it can be a man) calls in and fears her man is cheating on her. Roula then pretends to be a florist and calls the man to offer him a dozen long stem roses. When the man ultimately gives them to a woman other than his beloved, they get to air all their dirty laundry on the radio. And it is excellent.

Today, a man called in, concerned that his newly thin and attractive wife had spent the majority of the holiday weekend getting wasted with her girlfriends and was therefore too hungover to spend time with him and their 3 children. Roula called the wife, offered her a weekend getaway with a couples massage and asked the names that needed to be on a reservation. The wife asked if she could think about who she would want to bring. Poor husband. (I know I shouldn't get joy out of other's people misery, but normal people don't call radio shows to air their dirty laundry, so I'm over it) Obviously the husband was upset.

They began discussing why she didn't want to go out with him and it ultimately came down to the fact that he wears jean shorts.

She doesn't love him anymore because he wears jean shorts.

And has Doc Martens. (Which btw, I think are coming back in style. If you wait long enough...)

I immediately called Tommy and let him know that a call from Roula is in his future if he continues to sport the jorts. He was very unconcerned.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

The Universe.

The universe is against me.

Today, I overslept because I accidentally set my alarm for 4:30PM instead of AM. I awoke at 6:15AM, fully refreshed for the day ahead. And missed my workout.

I took it in stride - obviously my body wanted more sleep. Darn!

I packed my gym bag with two options for the afternoon - I could either bike at a spin class or hit the pool.

I arrived at work only to realize that I forgot tennis shoes (I blame Tommy for cleaning the house and hiding my shoes in the garage, "where they belong". No good deed goes unpunished!). Sooo, cycling was out. Guess I'm going to the pool!

And then it rained all day. Which means the pool is closed. [shaking fist at Tropical Storm Hermoine]

3 attempts to work out today and all 3 were shot down. The universe obviously wants me to sit on the couch, eat a giant vat of ice cream, and call it day.

Done and done.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I AM A WOMAN!!

A couple of weeks ago, I decided I wanted a pair of Chuck Taylors. These are not fancy shoes, in fact, most would consider them a shoe of leisure. A tennis shoe if you will.

I had no idea how difficult it would be to purchase these shoes.

I went online and searched around until I found the cheapest pair around - $18.99 @ Kohl's. I placed my order and waited patiently for them to arrive. When the box on my doorstep showed up, I was quickly realized the error of my ways when the delivery box was TEENY TINY. I had ordered Chuck Taylors fit for a 2 year old.

Awesome.

I loaded up my box, went to UPS and shipped them back with a nasty note indicating that NO WHERE did it indicate that these were childrens shoes.

So I went online again. Gave up the search for the cheapest pair and just went with the place where I could get free shipping. JCPenney's. Done and done. $39.99 and my Chuck Taylors are in the mail.

When they arrive, I am glad the box is a normal size but when I pull the shoes out, I think to myself, "man, these look huge", but try them on anyway. Sure enough, they are huge. I have just purchased myself a pair of MEN'S size 8 Chuck Taylors.

Excellent.

I now have 2 pairs of Chucks, none of which will fit any of the members of my family (dogs included)(I tried). I'm afraid to order online again...I've already wasted about $20 in shipping alone and I have nothing to show for it. Anyone know where I can find size 8 WOMEN'S Chuck Taylors?? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Family Circus

A couple of family classics from the Bennett Family Story Book:

One time, my parents dog diarrhea'd in the living room while my parents were at work. They have a robotic vacuum that vacuums while they are away. Normally, this is a nice feature. On this particular day, however, with diarrhea in the middle of the room, vacuuming was not optimal. Roomba drug poop all over the house. Mom came home, saw the poop and promptly left with emergency plans for happy hour. She just giggled to herself when dad came home to the mess. Evil. Pure evil.

I love Kevin Smith. Heart him. Have loved all his movies and spent a lot of time in high school watching Mallrats and Clerks. When I heard about Chasing Amy, I just had to rent it. My dad had also heard how good it was, so we rented it together one night, made our popcorn and sat down to view. And then the opening scene was two women doing things to each other no father daughter combo should ever witness together. Dad promptly decided it was time to clean the kitchen.

At Thanksgiving one year, my mom decided to make homemade gravy. Now, while my mom can cook up a great many dishes, she is not the culinary wizard that I am (hahahaha)and the gravy turned out to look a lot more like diarrhea than gravy. It was lumpy, yet runny and a disturbing shade of brown. I, of course, found this to be absolutely hysterical and could not stop laughing. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I eventually had to remove myself from the Thanksgiving meal and eat alone in the other room. I was at least 23 when this happened. I shall never grow up.

When the blogging gets old, the old get older by blogging old ridiculous stories.

There is also the time my parents drank too much Franzia and locked me and my sister out of the house. Hahaha. Now THAT's a story that never gets old. My mom has lived in fear her whole life that I would tell everyone that story...muuuuhahahahaha. And I still turned out okay. Who knew?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Recluse.

I haven't been writting because I haven't really left my house much in the last few weeks. Therefore, I have nothing to write about. Sorry kiddos! I know you are tragically sad.

I've been hole-ing up in my casa because I just got tired from all the travelling and the working out and the blah! My grandma passed away and Tommy I drove to Dallas after work on a Friday, to Odessa on Monday after working from my parents house all day, and then back to Houston on Tuesday after the funeral. We both worked most of Monday and Tuesday, got back in town around 1am Tuesday night, worked Wed-Fri and then packed up to drive to New Orleans for the weekend. That's over 2000 miles of car trip, in one week, while working 40 hours, attending a funeral and a high school reunion. No wonder my face looked like a giant zit at the reunion.

Hence, I am exhausted. I don't want to get in the car to drive ANYWHERE anytime soon. We were supposed to go to Dallas this weekend for my first attempt at a 1:50 half marathon, but the thought of driving there makes me want to hurl a little, sooo, there are two bibs up for grabs if anyone wants them.

In other news, Tommy and I scored free 10th row seats on the first baseline to the Astros game. This game started off precariously when the beer man refused to serve me beer. I am 29 years old for crying out loud. Give me the dam beer. And then the baked potato line didn't have any cheese. WTF. What the hell kind of baseball game IS this?

But then things turned around.

I caught a ball!! Well, actually it landed in my chicken fingers (I WANTED a baked potato, but a potato without cheese, well, that's just sad) but I figure I can say that I caught it. But THEN the guy next to me leans over and asks if I have kids. I say no. He says he has a 6 year old and an 8 year old and can he have my ball. I hand it to him. 5 minutes later I ask for it back. Asshole didn't even bring his kids with him to the game. He can let his kids have a ball when he decides to bring them. What a jerk.

BUT THEN THINGS TURNED AROUND.

We got on the kiss cam. WHAT? This was approximately 2 seconds after I said there was no way we could be on the kiss cam. And then my friend called to tell me he saw me and I was famous.

Tommy wore his new fancy jersey (three men complemented him on it...I think I did good!) and I am now famous. Go me.

And then the next day we got to run the bases at the park.

BEST. WEEK. IN. BASEBALL. EVER.

But pretty much after that, I haven't left my house. I mean, how can you top that? You can't. And I'm not gonna try. I'm pooped and all I want to do is sleep in and go to the movies.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

SAFETY FIRST!

In my extensive research, on company time, I determined that a spider is in fact both an insect and an arachnid. Arachnid is a sub-species of Insect.

Duh.

Safety is a number one priority at my office. Yes, I said, "at my office", where the most dangerous activity one can engage in is typing. Carpal tunnel is a real issue. Nonetheless, I spend an inappropriately large amount of my time filling out forms for safe working (such as: "Don't put your hands under the hot coffee water" and "Open doors slowly"). I fill out one of these forms weekly and then a larger, more intimidating form on a monthly basis.

I'm all for safety, but really, I work in an office. Any injuries I sustain, short of the refrigerator falling on me, are likely my fault at the whim of my stupidity.

But luckily for me, and the safety of all my colleagues, my company employs a Safety Man. His sole job is to write up safety reports on incidents that occur in the building. I assume he gets paid buckets of money for doing this job.

Last week, I recieved an 8 page presentation on a bug bite an employee recieved while at the office. In the presentation, the Safety Guy jumped back and forth from calling it a bug bite, an insect bite and a spider bite...I was so confused. Let's get the facts straight pal!! The verdict of the Root Cause Investigation (that I am sure took many an overtime hour) was that the victims cubicle was a filthy hell hole that probably harbored animals much worse than bugs. But because he was a filthy beast of a man, we were all forced to endure an 8 page slideshow presentation about his bug bite. A bug bite that just itched a little. It's not like it was a brown recluse bite or had severe swelling. No, it just itched. A little.

Are you kidding me??

Then, this week, I recieve a quick and dirty note about how the elevators have been recalled...and to just "be careful".

An itchy bug bite warrants 8 pages and a recalled elevator gets a quick snippet of an email??

I'll take the stairs.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Puppies!

Ah, the joys of dog ownership.

Dixie is a wonderful dog. She is cuddly and playful and pretty smart, although, at this point, she is more belligerent than anything else. Then again, most parents say their kids are pretty smart and the poor stupid kid can barely quack like a duck. So, who am I to speculate on the genius-ness of Dixie the Dog? She is probably dumber than a box of rocks.

And I have met some dumb rocks.

But so far her biggest issue is that she eats Don. Don doesn't seem to mind this, as he is very fluffy and probably doesn't even notice that she is his own personal grooming service. She eats him and pulls the excess hair off of him which would be great except that she is too dumb to spit it out...so it gets swallowed. Which then means Don's hair hits her stomach and digestive track, only to be pooped out in a giant Dixie the Dog sized terd. With hair in it. And if the terd comes out, but all the hair does not, then there is a giant terd hanging from her butt by a long string of Don's hair. And since Dixie does not possess opposable thumbs, the task of terd removal lies completely on the parents. Me.

So, on Tuesday, I donned a pair of plastic gloves and some paper towels and got about the task of terd removal.

Dixie was pleased to have this nuisance removed, but then, in her stupidity, she swallowed a giant hunk of Don.

Lovely. I'm almost certain she could get into Harvard.
Woe is me.

EL DIABLO!!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Life. It Happens.

To fill you in on my several week absence:

I signed up for Ironman Texas. Tommy signed up for Ironman Texas. Pretty much every triathlete we know signed up for Ironman Texas. The training will be very fun...but very cold. The race will be very fun...but very hot. I'm really looking forward to training with all my friends, racing in town and completing my second Ironman. The pressure is off this time...if I suck, I suck, but hey, I'm already an Ironman!! Who cares?!?!

We got to take a staycation over the 4th of July and it was so awesome. We took a cab downtown and stayed at the Four Seasons where we got a free upgrade to a pool side room. We spent the afternoons lounging by the pool, getting spritzed with Evian (wtf?!?) and ordering $14 margaritas (we only had 1). The best part of a vacation in town is that it's super easy to bring your own wine!

We came home to a new puppy - Dixie - that we were allowed to foster for a few days to decide if we wanted to adopt her (what a great option!) and of course, once we got adjusted to life with a puppy, we fell in love with her!
Dixie the Dog is here to stay.

As far as workouts go, we are trying to get back into it and get some consistency. My swimming is pretty much an epic fail...but I don't really know what I can expect when I only swim once a month. My biking is staying pretty consistent and I can't complain there. My running isn't going as well as I would like...but again, this is entirely because I haven't actually been running. I think my goal of completing a 1:50 half marathon is pretty much ridiculous at this point. That said, we participated in HRTC's BassAckWards Triathlon this past weekend and did really well...and had a blast. Swimming after biking and running is much harder than you would think.

And we hit up an Astro's game - thanks to Melissa - Tommy wore his new fancy jersey, I caught a ball AND we were on the KissCam. I mean, really? All in one day?!? (I think this was the ballpark apologizing for not serving me beer at the concession stand despite the fact that I am 29 years old and my ID looks JUST like me).

So, things are going well - I feel refreshed after our staycation and I am ready to tackle the world!! I just need to get home today so I can play with my puppies!!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

HYPERVENTILATING!

OMG. Ironman is coming to Houston!

Ironman Texas will be in the Woodlands on May 21, 2011. Registration opens tomorrow and you can bet your bottom dollar that my finger will be poised over submit at precisely 12:01PM.

I'm too excited to sleep!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Oil Spill Re-enacted by Cats.

I love talking animals. I love talking animals with british accents.

Please take this 1 minute and 29 seconds and watch this video.



UPDATE: I'd like it to be known that I hate cats. I think they are creepy and I am relatively certain they are going to claw my eyes out. That being said, if all cats spoke with a British accent, I think we could all sit down and have a very civilized discussion. Thanks Natalie. :)

Friday, June 11, 2010

Is it Kroger? Or Krogers?

This is the endless debate. The good news is that Kroger(s) is single handedly making people more dumb just for having walked through their automatic sliding glass doors.

I called Kroger(s) today to order a cupcake cake for Tommy's birthday. (I don't care what people say, cupcake cakes ROCK. They are easy to cut, no clean up, and you can never have too much icing. So suck it.)

I spoke to a man we will call Ben Dover. Our conversation went something like this:

Ben Dover: Hi. (There were no pleasantries, of "Hi, this is Ben, thanks for calling Kroger(s).", just "Hi".)

Me: Hi, yeah, is this Kroger(s) bakery?

Ben Dover: Um, yeah, this is the bakery.

Me: I'd like to order a cupcake cake please.

Ben Dover: You want to place an order? (as though this is the first time this has been done. Ever.)

Me: Yes please. I'd like like a cupcake cake with 16 cupcakes in a square. (this is for an adult, really, we don't need anything fancy)

Ben: What kind?

Me: I'd like white cake with white icing.

Ben Dover: Wait, I thought you wanted a cupcake cake?

Me: I do - 16 in a square.

Ben Dover: But you just said you wanted white cake?

Me: Yes, I would like a cupcake cake made with white cake and white icing.

Ben Dover: But...?

Me: You DO know that cupcake are made out of cake, right?

Ben: Oh.

...I placed my order and finished this phone call quickly. I will pick it up tomorrow. Only the good lord knows what this cake will actually look like.

Kroger(s): Making people dummer since 1934.

Friday, June 04, 2010

There's No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

I'm here to prove you wrong Mom. There IS such a thing as free lunch. And I scored it thrice last week.

Take that.

However, only once did I know it was going to be free and was able to take full advantage of it. Darn you miso glazed chilean seabass! You are too delicious!

A huge storm rolled through H-town in the middle of the night last week and instead of turning our power off, it turned our bedroom lights ON. At 1AM, our bedroom light turned ON to the tune of lightening crashing. I just about had a heart attack. I got up to pee, turned the lights off, got back into bed, was just about to doze off, and the lights turned ON AGAIN. Seriously. What kind of twilight zone is this??

I got this new supa dupa cool phone and despite it's extreme lack of a decent alarm, it's pretty badass. That said, you know how it's fun to get the mail from the mailbox when you get home from work because you never know what's gonna be in there? Well, my email used to be kind of like that. I never checked it at night, so when I got to work each morning, it was like opening the mailbox to find all sorts of prizes. My hew fancy phone has stolen this novelty from me. There is no longer joy when I arrive at work and turn on my computer...because while it's booting up, I'm checking the latest messages on my phone.

A small part of me has died.

Tommy and I each got 4th place at the Tejas Triathlon this weekend - and because awards went 5 deep, we each got a plaque! The Blain's are rolling in hardware! Now, if I could just get my bike to 23mph, I will slaughter dem hoes. Shannon Parker is gonna make me go all Tonya Harding on her if she doesn't stop beating me ASAP.

My friend Mike looks just like the bad agent guy in the movie Bolt. Talking hampsters named Rhino are effing hysterical.

And if you love Newsies (and/or Christian Bale), large groups of dancing men, and really bad pop music, you will find this entertaining. It might make you mourn for your childhood just a little, but then you will add Christian to your List of 5 Famous People You Can Sleep With Should They Show Up At Your Door and you will realize that, man, being old rocks because it's no longer creepy if Christian Bale were to sleep with me.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Mystery of the Beep

Unfortunately for you, my faithful few, I have nothing exciting to talk about. It was kind of a rough week, all in all, and I am ready for it to be over.

On Wednesday morning, I woke up, got dressed for the pool and realized that I couldn't go to the pool because I had a dentist appointment early before work...so I changed into bike clothes and hopped on the trainer. I am terrified of the dentist and hadn't slept well all week in preparation of this appointment...how could I have forgotten about it?!?

My hammies were angry from dead lifts the day before (they hurt so much...must be working!!) and biking was very far from what I wanted to do. But I DID get caught up on my Bachelorette, which is the worst show in the world...yet, I can't stop watching. Then, after my pitiful attempt at a workout, I got off the bike to find a mysterious beeping emanating from somewhere in the house.

I began my quest to solve the Mystery of the Beep. It sounded like a smoke detector beep, but after hauling chairs to all the rooms in the house (it's a small house) I determined that it wasn't a smoke detector. The beeping was starting to make me crazy. Added to the stress of the dentist appointment, I was at my wits end. WITS END (spoken in the voice of Iago in Aladdin). I hurried to get dressed, with the beeping breathing down my neck, and left for the dentist.

No cavities and minimal pain. The technician even said I was a big girl and was getting better. I only bit her a couple of times. So proud!!

I left for work, stress only minimally relieved...the dentist was over, but the beeping had to be sending the dog into hysteria.

At work, I upped my dosage of Metformin, the drug of evil geniuses, and proceeded to dry heave for the rest of the morning. I haven't had any real problems associated with the Metformin up until now - aside of lack of physical ability and reduced appetite - but on Wednesday, the sight of a piece of bread had me running to the bathroom. On Wednesday, I ate an apple and a salad...all day. On Thursday, I ate 2 chicken breasts...all day. Today is going better, but I got about 3/4 of the way through a sandwich until it started to reverse it's fortune. Metformin sucks. On the other hand, I am the skinniest I have been since I was 14...so, I guess there's that.

After all the hurling and such on Wednesday, I find out that I did not get a job I had interviewed for...but then I couldn't go home because it would look like I was so upset by the job. So I had to suffer through the rest of the day. Awful. Working when I all I want to do is hurl, when I haven't eaten, I've had no caffiene (oh and I gave up caffiene this week...bad timing!), and I've just been rejected for a job is not my ideal afternoon.

Nonetheless, I forged onward and treated myself to a mani/pedi. And I didn't puke on the nail girls, so that was a bonus.

I got home and found my wonderful husband cleaning up the chair havok I had created in the morning. And he had found the source of the beeping...an old carbon monoxide detector that we never hung, stuck in the back of a cabinet in the laundry room. I guess it needs new batteries now, eh?

Then we attempted to ease my pain with some retail therapy at T-Mobile - I've been needing a new phone for like 7 years, but wanted to wait till my contract ran out so I could get an iPhone. But then I remembered that I despise AT&T and Verizon hasn't unveiled theirs yet, soooo, T-Mobile it is. And they were having a "Buy one, get one free" deal...so Tommy and I now have matching phones. Very 2008. Mine has a very cool fuschia case.

Anyways, nothing fun or funny here. Just trucking along. I DID get a pair of racing flats named Green Silence though. And that's enough to make anyone's week tolerable.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I Apologize to my Adoring Fans.

Ha. But seriously. I hate not blogging for such a long time. But sadly for me, they have blocked blogger at my office (OMG!!). This is good for my company because I will no longer waste time scouring the blogs of my internet friends, but bad for my company because in reality, I will find something else to look at or consume more than my fair share of Flavia. And that sh1t ain't cheap.

Nonetheless, I haven't blogged in almost a month. Holy crap.

To recap my uneventful life, this month I have:

Started all the medications associated with PCOS and insulin resistance. Thus far, this has not gone well. Metformin is an evil drug.
Raced the first half ironman event of the year - missed my goal my 26 minutes (I blame the Metformin), but PRed by 30 minutes...so not all was lost. I hate Mickey Mouse.
Hung out on the beach and acheived a sunburn. Quite impressive if you are me.
Swam with stingrays, got pinched by a crab (and then ate his siblings), watched a pod of dolphins.
Ate crawfish bread, boiled crabs, hung out with the in-laws and just generally relaxed. I have yet to bathe today. And I ran 5 miles this morning.
Driven (and by drive, I mean, be a passenger) almost 2000 miles in less than a week. My butt hurts.

I will update with anecdotes and race reports soon. Until then, can you all please just start emailing me your blogs? Stupid work firewall.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Weddingpalooza 2010

It's OVER! Finally.

Congratulations to all my wonderful friends who all chose to get married at exactly the same time!!

In chronoloical order):
Ashley and Mark
Amber and Bill
Janelle and Thomas
Katey and Erik
Sara and Ashton

I love you all very much and I am so happy for each of you! However, if you all chose to get pregnant and have babies at the exact same time, we will be drawing names out of a hat because I can't survive that again. Send me your ovulation schedules and we will work something out.

I had a bachelorette party, bachelorette party, wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding...for the last six weekends. I'm sick, I'm tired, my liver is shrivelled, and I've lost my voice. I've consumed about 4 bottles of Nyquil, 6 bags of cough drops, eleventy billion bottles of wine, and 14 pounds of wedding mashed potatoes. I've danced to the YMCA*, The Cupid Shuffle**, Celebration, and You Look Wonderful Tonight. I've fake caught a bouquet, laughed at toasts, made toasts and cried.

All in all, it was a wonderful month where my best friends married their best friends (not me, their OTHER BFF's)...I am so thankful that they were all able to find the kind of love and happiness that I have. But DUDE, could we not have spaced that sh1t out a little?

My first stop was Janelle's bachelorette party in Galveston - we had wine and girl talk (I also took Mall Madness - the greatest game EVER). We lost power and the weather was terrible, but it was a great weekend with our girlfriends!

Weekend 2 of Weddingpalooza was Sara's bachelorette party in Austin - we went to hill country wineries, drank champagne and danced the night away (with the 37 other bachelorette parties that weekend!).


Easter Weekend was Ashley and Mark's wedding reception at Cadillac Bar - we acted a fool in the photobooth and danced a fool on the dancefloor. Mark has his work cut out for him, but dam, he is a lucky man! Love you Mash!


Bill and Amber got hitched the weekend after in Richmond, TX - sandwiched between 2 triathlons and the beginnings of sick, we still danced with old friends and enjoyed the night out! Congrats you guys!

Then it was time for the big one - our BFF's Janelle and Thomas tied the knot in Houston - the wedding weekend just about killed me - dancing, drinking, staying up late and already being sick was not a great combo. But their wedding weekend was a blast, it was beautiful and our closest friends are now honeymooning in Anguilla - I am so happy for them! I'm not sure that Thomas knows what he has gotten himself into, but I promise that she is worth it!


And last but not least, on the same weekend, in separate cities, two of my closest friends decided to wed on the same day. Siiigh. Erik married Katey in Houston and Sara married Ashton in Dallas. We had planned to meet Erik and Co. out on Friday night but we were both sick and generally feeling like death (not ideal company) and ended up just going to bed. I heard their wedding was beautiful and I was terribly sad to miss it. On Saturday we drove to Dallas for Sara and Ashton's wedding - we saw wonderful old friends, watched my oldest friend married her best friend, and even without power, it was a wonderful reception!


So congrats to all of you! I am so happy for you...and I am so thankful to be home, on my couch, with no plans for the weekend...I wouldn't survive another wedding. I was still sweating champagne on Monday after work. Gross.

*I never actually danced to the YMCA. Apparently this song is numero uno on bridal "Do Not Play" lists.
**This song is terrible. I encourage all brides to take a cue from the YMCA and add it to the "Do Not Play" list. Please. I'm begging.