Thursday, April 21, 2011

Workout of the Day

I walked to the mailbox today.  Man, that sh1t is far away. 

That said, the stairs in my house are no longer the daunting task that they were during pregnancy.  I can actually walk up them without having to take a break mid-way. 

My body looks a lot like it did in college.  A little swollen, big boobs, and a beer gut.  Although, back then, it was due to the beer.  And tequila.  And whiskey.  And cheese fries.  Oh, the cheese fries. 

My goal for Friday is to walk our street.  It's about a half mile there and back will be a mile.  It's our usual dog walking path, but I will probably do it without the pugzys because it will likely take me at least an hour.  Stupid stitches.  Making me an invalid.  I was watching The Biggest Loser tonight (BTW - what is UP with all the bungee jumping?  I don't watch this show to watch bungee jumping or to hear stupid metaphors about life that are related to bungee jumping.  I watch it for the workouts and the weight loss.  End rant.) and was VERY jealous of their workouts.  And then I looked through all my friends pics who ran Boston (shout out to Audrey who ran Boston for the first time!  Congrats!).  And then through the NOLA 70.3 pics (special shout out to Allison who raced her first 70.3 in New Orleans this past weekend!  Even though the swim was cancelled, she rocked it!).  And then the MS150 pics...  I was GREEN with envy.    Green I say!  Soon, little Paduwon.  Soon.

In baby news, this is funny.  That said, you know  you are hormonal when this makes you cry so hard that you can't even it read it aloud to your husband.  Dear lord.  The hormones. 
“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

-Tina Fey

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Lover by Day...

...Screaming banshee by night.  If she were a teenager, all the other kids would be calling her two-faced. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey say sleep when the baby sleeps.  But, unfortunately, I did not automatically become nocturnal just because I gave birth.  Soooo, that's a bunch of whooey.  That said, I'm probably getting about 4 hours of sleep a day, which is about what I got pre-baby, so I am doing pretty good.

@Erin - Yeah, I CANNOT believe how much hair she has, but really, it shouldn't be a surprise.  My mom says I got my first haircut at 6 weeks...haha.  The good news is that I have a use for those little baby combs they put in all the safety/grooming kits.  Totally thought that was a joke.  Ha.

@Pam - The dogs have been, well, interesting.  Donny, the older, more docile and less attention seeking one, spends most of his day trying to lick her head and air hump her.  It's really touching to watch.  Dixie, the puppy, the wild but super sweet attention grubbing one, has been totally okay with her...he gets very interested and upset when she cries, which is interesting.  They are both tall enough to see her in her pack-n-play, so they spend a lot of their day just looking at her...just like us.  Ha.  I had a little bit of a breakdown on Sunday when I felt guilty that they weren't getting the attention they need and deserve, but I think once we get back into the swing of things (and I am all healed up), they will get more snuggling again.  Fingers crossed because they deserve it.

@Mary - Her skin isn't too teribly yellow yet, but the whites of her eyes are bright yellow...kind of creepy.  It seems to be getting better though...tough to chase sun around in a townhouse though.  Our sunlight is pretty fleeting. 

Tommy made the trek to Central Market last night, we stocked up on fish, and I had a delicious dinner of sushi and champagne last night.  There is nothing better than some salmon nigiri and a cold glass of bubbly (although, when it's just the two of us, we put our booze in plastic solo cups, but that's not the point...)  Oh, how I missed the cold deliciousness of sushi. 

I've watched more bad tv than I even knew existed.  But I set the DVR to record Family Feud, so I will never miss my beloved Steve Harvey again.  Phew.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Miss Anna!!

After much ado about a lot of things, Anna is here! 

I haven't had the chance to blog much because well, I have a newborn, but also because it is way easier to play on the internet on an iPad while nursing, but it is not easier to type a blog post on an iPad.  An iPad is a lot of fun things, but a functional piece of technology, it is not.

Nonetheless, me and my little jaundiced baby are chasing sun around our house and I am currently at our desk...which makes typing a blog, albeit typing one handed, a much easier task.

The rest of this post is fairly TMI...but since you read my blog already, you are probably fully aware that I have no filter when it comes to sharing of information.  Soooo, you've been warned. 


A brief overview of my labor and Anna's subsequent delivery...

I got in on Wednesday night to start the process...I slept about 30 minutes that night.  I don't know they expect ANYONE (nevermind someone with serious sleep issues) to sleep when they are having contractions, are tied up to a fetal monitor and an IV, are having their blood pressure taken every 30 minutes, having blood drawn about 7 times (side story!), and are probably going to have their life changed dramatically in the next day or I was pretty pooped on Thursday.

On Thursday morning at almost exactly 7AM (which worked out perfectly for my Ironman timing comparison!), they started me on the pitocin which jumpstarted my contractions...and I jumpstarted my watch. Ha.  My doc came and broke my water...with a knitting needle...and the real fun began.  Our families arrived around 10:30 and while I tried to enjoy seeing them, I was in pain and wasn't really in the mood for chit chat.  I decided to get the epidural around 12:30...I kind of thought the anethesiologist would take longer than he did, but alas, I was epiduralized by 12:45.  My Family Feud was interrupted, but it was totally worth it. 

The epi worked its magic and I was a whole new woman.  My family came in and we chatted and hung out the rest of the afternoon.  I wasn't feeling any pain (ie, not feeling the contractions at all) and had a really good time with my family.  The nurse had told me that I would feel "pressure" when I was fully dilated and ready to go, but at 4:45PM, she came in to check me and said she could see hair...holy crap.  I assumed we were still really far away from delivery since I hadn't felt anything...I was very taken by surprise.  My doc showed up at 5 and we began the fun! 

With an epidural, delivery is hard work - probably some of the hardest work I have ever done - but it was not painful in the slightest...and within about 45 minutes of pushing, little Anna was placed on my chest and a family of 3 was formed!

I thought I would be totally grossed out by how nasty the little monster was, but like everyone says, you just don't notice it.  She was wonderful and beautiful and I felt so overcome with love...for her, for Tommy, and for our wonderful friends and family. 

I aslo thought umbilical cords looked like red sausage, no, they do not.  They are blue, look like telephone cords and are HUGE.  Like probably the diameter of a quarter huge.  Holy crap. 

I beat my Ironman finishing time by over 2 hours (hooray!) and when I went through the pictures, I cracked up that my husband knows me well enough to know that I would need this picture:

10 hours and 47 minutes of labor...I was done before the sun went down. It's every Ironman's dream!

Our family of 3.  It's really a shame that labor and delivery are such hard work.  There's just no way you could ever get a decent picture.  At least Anna and Tommy look good.
 After they fixed me up and I got to hold Miss Anna, they weighed her - a solid 8lbs 0.7oz of monster - and our families came in to see her.  It was great being so pain free and relaxed to be able to enjoy the time with her and with them. 

Then they took me to my recover room, where we went by the nursery and I got to see her one more time before they started all the mean things they do to newborns.  They wheeled me by the nursery and I started crying when I saw her.  And then they told me that that wasn't her.   Ha.  All newborns look exactly the same to me.  Apparently this is her...but frankly, she looked identical to the one in the crib next to her, so who knows. 
8lbs 0oz of Terror!

The cutest little baby I have ever seen.  And I am sooo not a baby person.  Although, maybe I am now.
 Every morning at 6:30, all the babies are taken to the nursery for the nurse shift change...I had no idea this many babies existed in nature.  Nevermind in one location.  And this is only half of them. 
The baby parade!  The one next to the one with the blue thing on it has the giantest, bushiest eyebwrows I have EVER seen.  Even on an adult.  It would give Bert and Ernie a run for their money.

Miss Anna!
I will write more at some point and then I will get caught up on everyone else's blogs...stupid iPad and it's lack of blogger functionality...but until then, I leave you with this quick story about me getting my blood taken 37 times in the span of 3 days...

I have always thought I had o positive blood.  I donated plasma twice a week in college for about 3 years (I was very poor!), I have donated blood every 8 weeks for the last 7 years (they come to my office so it's super easy) and when I got pregnant, they took my blood and verified that I am in fact, o positive.  HOWEVER, when I got to the hospital on Wednesday, they took my blood and told me I am o negative.  They took about 20 more vials to confirm this.  They all came back o negative.  APPARENTLY (now this is just so bizarre), I am o negative, but it has enough positive in it that I can't donate to o negative people.  Not a single doctor we talked to has ever heard of such a thing.  The hemotologist (blood doc) had never heard of such a thing.  None the less, after giving the hospital most of the blood I have in my body, I still have absolutely no idea what my blood type is. 

Thursday, April 14, 2011


Just got my epidural...absolute heaven. That said, the anesthesiologist came during the only good daytime tv show-Family Feud. I missed hearing what 100 people say that "women find sexy about Robin Hood".

I love Family Feud.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It's Like a Hotel, Except That It Sucks

So, I'm in the my IV, my blood pressure cuff, and my fetal monitor all hooked up, and the nurse is surprised that I can't sleep. Ha.

We are seriously hoping that Anna is pretty because looks may be all she has if she isn't smart enough to find her way out of my womb. I'm pretty sure we can count on her living with us until she is 50.

iPads are cool. Blogging on them is less than cool.

Hopefully Anna arrives more quickly than my doctor expects...labor on 30 minutes of sleep and no caffeine could amount to a surge of obscenities. Such is life...I'm just starting the sleep deprivation one day early. Oh, and FYI, sneezing during a contraction hurts. Badly. I do not recommend it.

Good luck to all my wonderful friends running Boston, biking the MS150, and racing the NOLA 70.3! Much love and luck to you all!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Before I Was a Mom

I will likely have a baby in less than two days (holy crap!).  The fact that someone has deemed me mature enough to take on the role of caregiver to another human being is terrifying.  I haven't really been emotional or hormonal throughout this pregnancy but in the last few weeks, I have kind of been a basketcase...I mean, holy crap.

And the hormones mean that my Lent promise of not cursing lasted about 20 minutes. 

One of the blogs I read does a segment called Before I Was a Mom.  I think most of the things people say they would never do are ridiculous, so I can only assume they are jokes - I mean, of course kids are going to eat pizza.  Unless you plan on avoiding all birthday parties from now until the end of eternity, your kids will eat pizza.  Or until they come up with an equally delicious and cheap alternative...which will never happen.  Because pizza is awesome.  Nonetheless, I tried to put together a little list of the things Tommy and I say we will never do...before we are parents. 

Before I was a mom, I swore I:
  • Would never give my kid some outrageous amount of money for losing a tooth.
  • Would never let my kid have a TV in her room.
  • Would not make fast food eating a regular habit.
  • Would continue to stay active and teach my kid to love the great outdoors.
  • Will do everything within my power to remain flexible 
We will see how this all plays out...I've got two days left of "Before I Was a Mom-ing".  Holy crap.

Yesterday was my due date...and it came and went without any indication that Anna wants to join the real world.  Apparently my womb is VERY cozy.  I keep trying to tell her that her crib will be cozy too and that we have all sorts of fancy blankets,  but she is stubborn.  Like her dad (he rolls his eyes when I say this...I dunno why). 

At 40 weeks pregnant, my belly button finally popped.  That said, it's much squishier and softer than I expected it to be.  It can be tamed with the panel on my pants.  Thus far, I haven't gotten cankles or stretch marks, my acne has gone down to a respectable level, but I am the size of a house, I only have one outfit that fits, and I can only sit upright for about an hour at a time...I am soooo ready for this to end and to meet my little baby!  I cannot believe I am still pregnant.  I seriously cannot believe how much the human skin can stretch.  I cannot believe how gigantic I have gotten.

40 Weeks Pregnant.  Let's play MASH.  Mansion, Apartment, Shack or House?
We have tried all the things to induce labor naturally (short of acupuncture and castor oil) and I can say, with complete authority that none of that crap works.  I've walked no less than 4 miles a day for the last 3 weeks.  I've eaten about 7 pineapples.  We made the eggplant parmesan and I ate about 1.5 eggplants worth.  We've had the s.e.x.  I'm taking evening primrose oil.  I'm eating spicy-er food (I hate spicy food, so this is a challenge).  It's all a bunch of crap.  BUT it has kept me thoroughly entertained, so I guess there is something to be said about that.  Me and the pitocin will be BFF on Thursday.  That sh1t better not be a joke too.
At my work baby shower, in addition to a bunch of wonderful gifts, we got an "It's a Girl" helium balloon.  The shower was on March 18 and afterwards, we came home and tied it to our stairway railing.  It is now April 12 and that balloon is still inflated. 

The Birth Prediction Balloon.
We have determined that I will not go into labor until this balloon is deflated.  I'm about to take a machete to the darn thing.  I've never seen a helium balloon last this long.

Today is my last day of work, tomorrow is my last doctors appointment and then I will spend the day running errands, napping, and puttering around the house.  Then we head to the hospital on Wednesday night...AHHHH!  I've requested a Last Supper Dinner Date with Tommy, but we quickly determined that we can't go anywhere nice because the only outfit I have is cargo pants and flip flops.  Ha.

I will update as soon as I can from the hospital...I'd update Facebook, but social networking sites are blocked at my hospital.  WTH are we supposed to DO on the internet!?!?!  I may go into withdrawl.  I can get Facebook on my cell phone via the network, not internet, but STILL.  It's small and I'm snobby.

Come on Little Anna!  Your dad and I are soooo ready to meet you!  And I am ready for your dad to hold you for once.  :)  We love you so much already...let's get the party started!!

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Mister Heater, Oh.

There is some grave concern over the robot aimed at my unborn child in this picture.  No worries my pets, this is just Mister Heater, Oh. 
Mister Heater, Oh.
He looks remarkably like the robot who befriends Robin Sparkles in How I Met Your Mother and he keeps us nice and toasty during those 3 wintry nights we experience in Texas.  Brrr.

We also have a tendency to sing all 4 syllable names to the tune of Womanizer by Britney Spears...hence Mister Heater, Oh.  Mister Heater.

But don't be alarmed.  I was not attempting to beam my child out of me.  Although, it's an interesting theory.

Right now I just need to know exactly how much eggplant parm I actually need to consume...the recipe I followed servies approximately 17 and I think I have eaten about 14 of those servings.  I am turning violet, Violet!  Luckily, it's freaking delicious.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

39 Weeks.

And yes, I am still pregnant.

I had to get my drivers license renewed last week.  The bad news is that I will look like Jabba the Hut on my drivers license for at least the next decade.  The good news is that I totally got to cut in line.  Totally worth it.

People answer the phone when I call.  No matter what.  Then I can sense the disappointment in their voices when they realize they paused the Sing-A-Long Grey's Anatomy to talk to me about paint drying and that no, I am not in labor. 

My belly has gotten EXPONENTIALLY heavier in the last two weeks. 

I am sad that I will not be that person who went running the day they went into labor.  I am sad that I will not be that person who went swimming the day they went into labor.  I am sad, overall, about the lack of activity in my life...but man, do you have ANY idea how much free time you have if you don't have to commute (I am working from home) AND you aren't working out?  My days just got about 4 hours longer.  It's pretty freaking amazing.

But, BUT, BUT I will be induced next Thursday, April 14 if I don't go into labor before then.  HOORAY!

I feel a little overwhelmed by the news that I will in fact have a baby in a week (not that this is NEW news, but have an end date makes it more final...).  I feel like I want to putter and put the finishing touches on things, but I am so Type A, that everything has totally been done for weeks.  (It's like our wedding...the week of the wedding I had no last minute errands to was very anticlimatic...I folded laundry and went for a run the day of...)  Soooo, instead of puttering, I am making Labor Inducing Eggplant Parmiggian...should be interesting.

4 more days of work until Maternity Leave!  BONUS!

I cannot wait to meet Anna!  Come on little kiddo - we are ready to meet you!  And mama could use a big old martini...

Friday, April 01, 2011

Subway. Legend...

...wait for it...I hope you're not lactose intolerant...dary!

I heart cheese. I heart bread. I HATE cheese on bread. So, sandwiches with cheese on them are pretty much out of the question. Grilled cheese sandwiches? [shudder] I may have thrown up a little bit in my mouth.

But when you go to Subway, they really want to put cheese on your sandwich. If you say, no thanks...they are like, really? So, I got to where I would say that "yes, I do want some cheese, but if you could just give it to me that would be great". Because, you know, cheese should be no where near a slice of bread. I never really thought much of it. I just got my two triangles of pepper jack and my sandwich and I ate them separately. It was the perfect solution.

I've been ordering my Subway sandwiches this way for years.

Tommy and I eat Subway semi-regularly. It's our go-to fast food joint. But since we don't eat fast food much (excluding the first 7 months of pregnancy), we don't eat there more than maybe once or twice a month...maybe. So this is to say that we haven't been to our neighborhood Subway often enough for the employees there to recognize us.

Unless you order your cheese on the side. Apparently.

Last week, we popped by Subway to grab some dinner becuase we were too lazy to go to the grocery store and therefore too lazy to cook. But since I am the approximate size of Jabba the Hut and don't exactly have a plethora of clothes to wear, I stayed in the car while Tommy went in to order me a delicious Turkey and Ham on white, spinach, MAS cucumbers and salt and pepper. And cheese on the side.

He came back out to the car, handed me my two delicious triangles of pepper jack, and said, "Yeah, so when I ordered your sandwich, the lady was like, "oh yeah, I know her"". Hahaha.

I'm a legend. Jared and I are already talking about our new marketing campaign.