My Motherly Advice

I've been getting a lot of questions from friends about new baby stuff, pregnancy and labor and delivery...and seeing as how I have sooo much experience, I thought I would offer up my motherly advice. 

1. Find a nice man.  Let him get you pregnant.  If you choose to sleep with a man who is less than amazing, wear your seatbelt. 

2.  Find a doctor who believes what you believe.  Seriously.  If you don't agree with what your doctor tells you (assuming what you are asking about is reasonable), find a new doctor.  This person will have the ability to make life and death decisions regarding the health of you and your baby - you want to be on the same page as them.

3.  Although cost prohibitive, an iPad has been my BFF throughout my staying at home days.  We got one for free, (otherwise I would never have purchased one), but seriously.  I am nothing without my iPad.  What did moms do before iPads?  I have no idea.  The internet is the stay-at-home moms BFF.

4.  Figure out what makes you happy and find a way to do that during pregnancy and after the baby is born (as much as possible).  For me, it's running and triathlon.  We got a really good jogging stroller and I take my beast out almost every day.  For some it's reading or shopping or paintball.  Keep doing that.  It doesn't have to be as much as you did pre-baby, but make the time sometimes.  And if anyone throws 140bpm in my face again, I'm gonna hurt them.  Most people can barely cook dinner without their heart rate getting that high.

5.  Be the kind of parent YOU want to be.  Listen to everyone's advice and filter out what you want...and then make it work for you.  And when the annoying people on the elevator say that their doctor told them not to take their baby out of the house until they are 2 months old, just smile and say, "How'd that work out for you when you had a second kid?" and walk away. 

6.  If you do not think that poop is amusing, I would highly recommend rethinking the whole baby thing. 

My favorite baby products are:

• BOB Ironman jogging stroller
• iPad
• Woombie (the perfect swaddling tool if you have a screamer/flailer and cannot get them swaddled in blankets)
• Aden + Anais swaddling blankets (but they only work now that she doesn't scream all day)
• Bouncer
• Movie channels on TV

I'm pretty sure I could survive with just the items above at this point.  We don't use bottle warmers or wipe warmers...the Anna drinks ice cold milk and gets her tush wiped with cold wipes.  Oh, the horror!  It's like a third world country over here. 

So far, my beast and I are having a blast.  My only terrible experience was driving to Dallas on Sunday, alone with 2 dogs and Anna (although, I was hardly alone).  I'm telling you, it was awful.  It was worse than when I evacuated for Hurricane Rita...and that took 2 days.  I may not be able to return home because the fear of that drive has me trembling in my britches.  Seriously.  It was so bad.  Do not attempt a 5 hour drive on your own with a 7 week old because if you do, it will take about 7 hours and all of the sanity you can possibly muster.

Debbie Downer

Hi. My name is Debbie Downer.

1. I married a Katrina Evacuee, it's Mardi Gras, and I can't get a piece of a good King Cake? What the hell? Haven't I done my part for the city of New Orleans? :)

2. My maternity pants are VERY tight. They are so tight in fact that some of the stitching that holds the elastic band on is coming off and I am grateful. I have no intention of sewing them back together. Every inch counts.

3. I am pretty sure that as of today, I weigh more than Tommy.

4. I haven't slept in a really long time. I know this is "preparation for what is to come"...whatever. It still sucks right now and I am not happy about it. I get about 2 hours of straight sleep each night...and then a few 30 minute catnaps the rest of the night. If I'm lucky. If I can get a good workout in, I can make those 2 hours stretch into 3, which is glorious. However, on 2 hours of sleep, a good workout is pretty tough to finagle.

5. It's beautiful outside. Well, not at this moment, but it HAS been beautiful and all I want to do is go play. I want to run or walk or just read a book...but I can't run and I can't walk and my back hurts too bad to sit out there for more than about 30 seconds.

6. I miss my family terribly. We had such a good time this weekend...I wish they would move here!

7. I'm ready to meet Anna...but want her to hibernate for a little while longer. So frustrating!

The Horror.

Blogger has been blocked at my office all week.

It has been a very dramatic week, to say the least. A week without Blogger is like a week without, well, happiness. I mean, I can still read everyone's blogs, but A.)I can't see the pictures, B.)I can't comment C.) I can't update my own blog and D.) I just don't like reading them on the RSS feed. It hurts my eyes.

And normally I would play catch up in the evenings, but this week was crazy busy after work. We normally limit our weekly after work activities to one night out (you know, dinner or drinks with friends, whathave you), but this week, we had plans every.single.night. I am pooped. It was all fun, but dude, I wasn't made to be a party animal. And I especially wasn't made to be a sober party animal. This much I know.

Alas. Blogger is open again for my enjoyment and tonight I plan on putting on PJ's and catching up on all the quality TV that I missed during the week. Don't worry Brad Womack, I won't make you wait this long next week.

Updates. I know you are dying to know what is going on with me. Don't hurt yourself, I'll just tell you.

I am officially on the downhill slope of this pregnancy gig. Today is January 14 and I am due on April 14 which gives me 3 months left. Hooray!! I also FINALLY started feeling good, for the first time the whole pregnancy...I'm hoping this means I paid my dues and I will feel awesome during the third trimester because I felt like general death during the 1st and 2nd, but I doubt this is how it will go down. I will revel in my 2 weeks of Feel Good and hope for a 3rd! Keep your fingers crossed!

I quit one of my gyms. I joined there to swim, but the indoor pool is always crowded and the outdoor pool isn't really heated and there are no lifeguards. This ultimately means that last week, I was swimming in 50 degree air temps, 65 degree water, in the dark, all by myself...at 6 months pregnant. If this doesn't sound like a recipe for disaster, I don't know what does. So I quit. Oh well. Looks like I will just have to schlep to the YMCA in the mornings again. Ugh.

I am done running. It's official. I'm not saying I won't be running 2 miles here and there, but my days of 6-10 milers are over for the time being. I am going to attempt to walk 10 miles this weekend in training for the half in weeks, but I don't have high hopes of completion. Walking is just about the most boring time consuming activity I can think of and I just hate it. I've got my iPod ready to go though and I'm hoping I can stick it out. All that said, there is no way I can walk the race fast enough to finish within the alloted time (13:45 pace)...so I'm not sure of my plan of attack on that yet.

We have decided on a name for our little one! I won't tell you it here because, well, you are a bunch of stalkers, but for those curious, it's very traditional, it's a family name, and it's very Catholic...and we aren't Catholic. But should we decide to become Catholic, she is ready to go!

A woman got kicked out of a bar because she was pregnant. Discrimination or good/safe call?

Da Baby's crib bedding arrived this week and it looks SOOO good! I will eventually take pictures and post them for you to critique. Her colors are lime green and aqua...I bought a lime green rug and I think it might be too much...I may be on the hunt for an aqua rug. Keep your eyes peeled. Oh, and if you see any cute owl wall paraphenalia (ie birdcages (yes, I know owls don't live in cages, but WHATEVER), cool art or crafty ideas), please send them!

I haven't been hating on the elliptical as much as I used to...maybe because it's so freaking hard when you are 20 pounds heavier than you are used to being. I've also been walking on the treadmill at lunch while reading How Not To Kill Your Newborn books. Such entertaining reading.

I am still baffled by the number of people who voluntarily choose not to vaccinate their children.

Maternity tights are the greatest invention of all time. I will only purchase maternity tights from now on.

I am kind of over my fantasies about sleeping on my belly. Now I daydream about appletinis and salmon sushi. When this girl hatches, my recovery meal besta be a giant slab of raw salmon and a giant vat of appletini (preferably from Mafreless, but I doubt they deliver).

Tommy's IM training is fully underway and I am fully jealous. His goal is to get most of the big training days in before the baby comes and then anything that happens after she gets here will be a bonus. It's kind of nice though - because Ironman is kind of like pregnancy, we are both exhausted and sore all the time, always hungry, have too much laundry and too many dishes, and no one wants to walk the dog. The bad news is that I have 12 blueberry muffins to eat all by myself on Saturdays because he is gone riding his bike all day. Danger danger.

Okay, that's about it. Here's hoping Blogger works next week. I don't think I can survive another week without it.

2010. Phew. I'm Pooped.

2010. It's been a good one, but I could totally use a nap.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Got pregnant.
Went to 5 weddings in 4 weeks.
Watched an Ironman.
Cried at work.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?My goals for 2010 include, but are not limited to:
1. Being a better person. For example: Stop yelling at stupid people. They know they are stupid and they don't need to be reminded constantly. Or do they?
Success Rating: 4. I really worked on this. I will probably NEVER achieve this goal, but as long as I keep in front of my mind, I will hopefully continue to make strides. Fingers crossed. I'm giving myself some E for Effort here.

2. Drop a pants size. (this will never happen and will totally be blamed on my 11 month deadline. If I had only had one more month...)
Success Rating: SUCCESS! After months of tests and waiting on results, I finally got a diagnoses of insulin resistance (and PCOS)...and then the drugs that went along with it. The drugs were evil, but they worked. I miss them terribly. Without them, I wake up salivating from dreams about bread and then I eat bread...vicious cycle. Alas, I DID drop a pants size this summer and it was a magical day. Unfortunately for my pants, I immediately got pregnat and was only able to enjoy them for a few weeks. I look forward to getting back into shape after this baby hatches...I miss everything about being fit so so so soooooo much.

3. Enjoy life more. I feel like I do this to the extreme most of the time, but really, if there is one part of your life where there is always room for improvement, this is it.
Success Rating: 10! I love my life, my friends, my family, etc...gonna keep on keeping on and remembering to show the love to those I love!

4. Start volunteering at the animal shelter again. Ironman derailed my volunteering in 2009 and I miss the puppies! (Sidenote: adopt a dog from a shelter today!)
Success Rating: 1. This just hasn't happened. My new role just isn't as flexible as my old on in terms of getting Fridays off, so volunteering time isn't as feasible as it once was. I am giving me a 1 (instead of a 0) because we have increased our financial contributions this year...which is better than nothing. AND we adopted a mongrel from our local Great Pyrenees Rescue. Dixie had been left on the side of the road, was malnourished and covered in mange...we were able to take her into our home and love her back to health. She is the devil, but she is OUR devil and we love her.

5. Get faster! Specifically, I want to run a 1:50 half marathon in 2010 (the Houston Marathon in Jan will also qualify to meet this goal)
Success Rating: 3. I was on my way to meet this goal before I got knocked up, so I will give myself SOME credit for effort. I don't know that I was on track for acheiving this but regardless, I would have gotten really close had my season gone on as planned. I probably won't acheive this in 2011 either, but this will get back on the goal list as some point.

6. Save more money so Tommy and I can move to the beach sooner rather than later.
Success Rating: 7. We have been really good this year and have been saving like banshees. Let's keep at it! I need me some beach!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes - My pals Jodie and Tiffany and Kristin. All had little girls so our little one with have friends to play dress up with. (Unless she surprises us and ends up being a boy...yes, I am SUPER paranoid about this.)

4. Did anyone close to you die?


Yes, my grandmother - my moms mom - passed away this summer. Between Tommy and I, we are down to one grandparent. Getting old sucks.

5. What countries did you visit?


Mehico! My favorite place in the world. We went to Cancun and Cozumel and even though I was sick as a dog the ENTIRE time, we had an amazing vacation. Viva la Ironman!

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More puppies! Okay, that's a lie. I would like more grown, well-behaved dogs. Puppies make me freaking insane.
Otherwise, nothing - (also a lie, I mean, let's be honest, I could always use some material crap, but that would negate the Saving and Moving to the Beach Plan) - I am seriously the luckiest girl in the world.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Aug 5...the day I found out I was pregnant via peeing on a stick, my favorite pasttime.
4 weeks later - the day we saw her little heart beating for the first time.
Our staycation in downtown Houston - so perfectly timed and needed and WONDERFUL.
The first time Tommy felt our little one kick.
Watching Ironman (seriously, I was almost as emotional about this as I was about the baby kicking...I'm telling you, Ironman is AMAZING.)
Front row tickets to Swan Lake...omg. I LOVE the ballet.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


Fitting all our stuff in the car for the trek to Dallas for Christmas. Dear lord.
Just kidding.
Biggest accomplishment was...eh, hell if I know. I PRed my half Ironman time, my 5K time and my sprint and olympic times...AND I got 1st place in the sprint and then 3rd the next day...and 4th a few weeks later...all in all, a great (half) year in athletics for me.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not making the time to volunteer at the animal shelter. It's a cause that is so important to me. I just need to make the time.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Always! I suffered my usual twice yearly allergies/sinus infection/nastiness. Pregnancy is niether an illness nor an injury, but damn, it usually feels like one.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
OMG. We got bedroom furniture. It's GORGEOUS. Absolutely freaking gorgeous. We still need bedside tables, but overall, our bedroom is GORGEOUS. Siiiiiiiiigh. I feel like a princess!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Tommy's...pretty much always Tommy. I have no idea how he tolerates me, but I thank my lucky stars that he does! And maybe Dixie deserves some credit too - she was potty trained in record time. Nice job pup!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?


Other than Kate and John Gosselin? And Mel Gibson? And Tiger Woods?
I know I have some friends who's behavoir made me a little sad, but let's be honest, I'm sure I hurt my fair share of feelings in there, so we will call it even and blame all the appalling depressing sh1t on the celebrities.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Vacation! As it should. And we bought gorgeous bedroom furniture (have I mentioned that??) and then we have this rugrat on the way that is apparently a money grubbing mongrel because she isn't even here yet and is taking all my cash.

15. What did you get really excited about?
All my races in the spring and how far I had come...and then losing all that fitness because there is a baby on the way. You can't have it all!! :)

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
King of Anything by Sara Bareilles and Sister, Sister by Train...for no other reason than I love it and could listen to it over and and over and over again...despite the fact that these are likely two of the most irritating songs EVER sung. I have terrible taste in music.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

(a) happier or sadder? Happier.
(b) thinner or fatter? Thinner...then fatter, much much fatter. Darn you pregnancy.
(c) richer or poorer? No change? I guess richer because we saved really well this year. Hooray!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Sleeping in. I never feel like I do enough sleeping in. Or sleeping in general.
And spending more time with friends...you can never have enough time with friends and family!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Eating out. Gossiping. Pining after crap I don't actually care about.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my wonderful family in Dallas...relaxing, drinking, watching tv, playing Angry Birds, sleeping, eating, baking...ah, it was wonderful.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Always! Everyday with my wonderful husband and our little monster growing inside me. Fingers crossed she is just like her daddy or we are totally screwed.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Forever and always Friends. But after that, How I Met Your Mother and Modern Family. 30 minutes is about the extent of my attention span.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate is a strong word, but I do dislike some people more than I disliked them last year.

24. What was the best book you read?


Other than Pregnancy and Baby books? Ha. I dunno. I love books. Love them all pretty much. But let's be honest, the Bride Quartet by Nora Roberts was a real page turner.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Yeah, I updated my iPod 3 years ago. My greatest musical discovery is whatever comes on the radio and makes me bop my head a little.

26. What did you want and get?


I really wanted bedroom furniture and it happened...have I mentioned the bedroom furniture?? As Mia Michaels would say, "Gorgeoiux". Not sure how you would spell that, but since it's not a real word, I'm not terribly concerned.

27. What did you want and not get?

A 1:50 half marathon...2012, it will happen in 2012.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Burlesque and Black Swan...I love the dancing and the singing. Inception was awesome and all, but the lack of singing and dancing really puts it below the other two.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29 this year but I have absolutely no recollection of what we did on my birthday...it was a blast though, I'm sure!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?


To have convinced the WTC to give me my Ironman refund for IMTX next year. Such is life!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?


This is dumb.

32. What kept you sane?


My puppies! And my cool wo-workers. And my amazing friends. But most of all, Tommy.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Forever and always, Christian Bale.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Not getting into it.

35. Who did you miss?


My friends and family who live far away - I just don't get to see them as much as I would like. XOXOX!

36. Who was the best new person you met?


Dixie the Dog!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.


Anonymous people on the internet suck. Haha. Not exactly a valuable life lesson, but it's fact!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Live like you're dying! Ha. Just kidding. That song was lame and so is that guy, but whatever. I don't know music.

Oh, Erik.

I have a friend from college named Erik. He is known for many things: his photographic memory, scary haircuts, his ability to engage in drunken debates that no one can recall the next day, and being such a nice, patient person, he even attemped to teach me how to throw a ball. He was not succesful in this last endeavor.

But above all of these amazing qualities, when I think of Erik, I think of the Shit-vic - his beat up, old as dirt, 2-door, black Honda Civic that he drove through most of our formative years. (Yeah, Erik, that's what I think of when I think of you. You might want to work on a new gimmick.)

Everytime I would hang with Erik, he would show me the new "features" of the Shit-vic. And by "features", I mean...you know those empty buttons in your car that would be something if you bought the top end model? But since you just bought the bottom of the line model, you now have all these empty buttons that serve no purpose? Well, Erik would take those buttons and make them do things. For example: he installed a mechanism that would beep everytime he put the car in reverse (like a "wide load"). There were no empty, worthless buttons by the time Erik was done with it.

I think he finally sold the Shit-vic for a grand total of $7.

But alas, this brings me to my point. I stumbled upon this website today and I immediately thought of Erik.

Summer Reading.

I know it's not summer yet, but since I went on a tropical vacation that FELT like summer, I'm not going to worry about details like what season it is.

We went on a magical vacation last week to a magical place called Hawaii. Ever heard of it? Well, it was magical. A little colder than I anticipated, but by cold, I mean 75 degrees, but by and by, it was magical.

During this magical trip, I read a few books. We had intended to spend a lot of time hiking and biking and less time laying around, but on Day 1 of the trip I sliced open my foot and was unable to walk much. Sooooo, lounging it is. Darn. And when I lounge, I read.

A disclaimer and a history of my reading preferences...I adore, ADORE Nora Roberts and other such smut, however, since all of Nora's books are essentially the same, I can never tell if I have read them before, so I stopped buying them. I haven't read her in awhile. I feel like I should like Janet Evanovich, but I just don't. Not sure why. I hate Harry Potter, but loved loved loved Twilight. I typically like easy reads where I can miss a few pages and not miss anything crucial to the plot. I don't read to enlighten myself, I read for entertainment. I don't want it to be hard. That being said, I could read Little Women, Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights over and over and over again. Tom Robbins is entertaining and I heart Dave Barry and Dave Sedaris. Marry Higgins Clark is great but I am too much of a weinie to read her stuff often...I get nightmares and it's not even scary.

Here are my thoughts on the books we picked up at the airport bookstore:

Book 1:

Love the One You're With by Emily Griffin

Emily Griffin is one "my" authors. This basically means that her name is on a little sheet of paper I carry in my wallet and when I go to the bookstore, I immediately go to her section to see if she has written anything new. She has written some fabulous easy reading books, such as Something Borrowed, Something Blue and Baby Proof. Love The One You're With was good, but I'll be honest, it made me feel a little wierd. It's about this woman who is happily married but runs into this old flame and how she reacts. It wasn't as happy-go-lucky as the others...I dunno. I felt like I had to give Tommy lots of affection while I was reading it. Like I said, it made me feel...wierd. I can't describe it. If you love Emily Griffin, you should read this one, otherwise, you can probably take it or leave it.

Other authors on "my" list are Jennifer Weiner, Meg Cabot (although her books usually suck, I love reading them, it's wierd), Phillipa Gregory, Jane Green, Anna Maxted, etc...all pretty easy reads.

Sweet Potato Queens: Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit by Jill Connor Browne

I heart the Sweet Potato Queens. All the books I've read of theirs have been laugh out loud hysterical. This one was funny could be funny if you have, have had, will have or have ever been a child. The antecdotes were funny and touching and you often think "OMG, that's me! I totally did that". I was cracking up. VERY good beach read...quick, easy, and the font is big. Ha.

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max

Tommy read this first and his comment was "I want you to read this this week so I can see how much you laugh". Guys, seriously. This is easily EASILY the funniest most offensive most OMG, did he just really say that book I have ever (or will ever read). This book is not for the faint of heart. Seriously. It's offensive. It's vulgar. It's disgusting. And I almost peed my pants about 5 times. I laughed so hard once that other people in the pool wanted to know what I was laughing about, but I couldn't tell them because A.) I was laughing too hard and B.) It was so offensive that they would have been totally grossed out. This guy has a website that you should totally look up, just google Tucker Max and I'm sure you will have luck...I won't do it though because I am at work and I don't want to get fired. Seriously. Funniest book I have ever read. Girls/guys/whatever...this is a hysterical book...as long as you dig totally inappropriate, vulgar, degrading, disgusting humor, this is the book for you.

Sundays at Tiffany's by James Patterson

To follow I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell was a tall order...but I figured that as long as I picked a really sad one at least they wouldn't compare. I was right. This book is weird...it's about imaginary friends and such, but all in all, it was touching in all the right places, it was sweet, I cried, blah blah blah. Don't buy it new, buy it used and then sell it back to Half Price, but it's a good read for the beach (or the plane, which is where I read the last half of it). I was able to keep my blubbering to a minimum.