Saturday, November 27, 2010

Pet and Street.

I just realized that my daughters stripper name will be Dixie 16.

While this is not as good as MY stripper name (Fluffy Aspen), she will definitely have some big shoes to fill.

In the meantime, Tommy and I are enjoying our vacation in Cancun and Cozumel...tomorrow we will watch a bunch of our friends race in Ironman Cozumel. I am absolutely GREEN with envy. They are going to have a gorgeous day on the island and an amazing experience. JEALOUSY!! The alarm goes off at 5am so we can head to the swim start...goodnight moon!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

It's a Hamburger!

Is an ultrasound of a fetus's labia considered child porn?

I dunno.

Going into the ultrasound, I had reached this strange place. I had always wanted a girl for my first child...the thought of raising a little ballerina was just too much for me to resist. I also always thought that those women who said, "Oh, I don't care what gender the baby is, as long as it's healthy", were lying sacks of shit. But the further along in my pregnancy I got, the less and less attached to having a girl I got. I really only wanted a healthy baby. Shocking, I know.

And then there were the wierdos who think I would be a better mom to a boy. 1. This is not an appropriate thing to say to someone. 2. I hate sports. Hate them. Really, really hate them. 3. Just because I am moderately athletic and excessively crass doesn't mean anything.

Alas, we got the news that we are having a baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes and 4 chambers in the heart...AND IT'S A GIRL! She's got a hamburger not a hotdog!

And true to a baby of mine, she gave us the Shocker just before she spread her legs and we got a good look at her labia.
Nice job Baby Blain. I think we are gonna get along just fine.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Boy or Girl?!?!

Place your bets now!

We find out the sex of Cletus the Fetus next Thursday...assuming said child decides to behave appropriately during the ultrasound. But since this IS my child, it's unlikely that he/she will cooporate and will never actually get to find the answer we are looking for.

Alas, let's make some preliminary guesses using folklore, old wives tales and Chinese theories to predict the gender of Cletus the Fetus. I popped a bit of belly overnight (although, it could just be constipation...), so here is an 18 week picture to help us in our search.



How you are carrying:
Carrying low = Boy
Carrying high = girl

ANSWER = BOY

Wedding Ring Swing:
(Hang your wedding ring from string in front of your belly)
If it moves in a circle = Boy
If in a straight line - Girl.

ANSWER = GIRL

Heart Rate:
Baby's heart rate is under 140 beats per minute = Boy
Baby's heart rate is over 140 BPM = Girl

ANSWER = GIRL

Chinese Gender Chart:
Chinese age = 29
Conception Month = July

ANSWER = BOY

Random People's Opinions:
50% = Boy
50% = Girl

Answer = I assume the lady behind me at Kroger was right.

Sleep Preferences:
Prefer to sleep on your right side = Girl
Prefer to sleep on your left side = Boy

ANSWER = GIRL

Drano Test:
This "test" is performed by mixing Drano and mother's urine. Depending on the color, you'll find out if it's a boy or girl.

I did not do this test because it involved buying junk. And I am just that lazy.

The results are mixed and, as expected, it's about half and half.

I have no idea and regardless, the kids room will still be blue and green and it WILL come home from the hospital in a tutu. At least Tommy and I agree that all children should be dressed in costumes at all times. Forget onesies. My kid is going as Baby Gaga until it's old enough to fight me.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Happy 3rd Anniversary to Us!

Tommy and I celebrated our 3rd Anniversary on Wednesday. We celebrated by sitting at home on the couch (with our Christmas decorations...don't judge) and cuddling. We are lame. But awesome.

Every year we exchange small gifts in accordance with the traditional wedding gift guide. Year 1 it was paper, year 2 was cotton and this year was leather.

Ouch.

I turned to Facebook for some help on this and recieved the obligatory leather thong, whip, etc, suggestions. The most disturbing ones were when my parents friends (whom I grew up with) started making suggestions of assless chaps and such. It was too much.

Nonetheless, I got a great suggestion from friend to get a leather journal where he and I can exchange notes and pass it back and forth. I thought this was a great idea...and since Tommy always wins the Sweetness Award for Gift Giving, I thought this would help me win this year.

Last night we exchanged gifts.

I gave him my leather journal and I opened my present from him.

Side story: At my friend Ashleys wedding in May, there was a photo booth. In the photo booth, there was a basket of costumes. In the basket of costumes was a fur "aviator hat"...I loved this hat. I tried to buy it from the guy who owned it but he wasn't having it.

Back to the story...

I opened my present to find this leather hat. And it is AWESOME.

Sidenote: Bubba the Thanksgiving Turkey is also shown here. Everyday during November, we write things we are thankful for on pieces of paper and pin them to Bubba. On Thanksgiving we take the notes off and read them...aren't we adorable? This is Bubba's 4th Thanksgiving...he may be on his last turkey leg.

Unfortunately, I think the hat may have been made with real rabbit fur...which is driving Miss Dixie INSANE. The hat may serve more as a Dixie training tool than a fashion statement. She will do anything you ask as long as you are wearing the hat.

While Tommy wins the Coolness Award this time around, I TOTALLY snagged the Sweetness Award. Go me. Winner winner chicken dinner!

I can't believe we have been married for 3 years.

I can't believe anyone has tolerated me as a roomate for 3 years.

The man is a saint.

Here's to many more!!

What My Mama Taught Me.

My mama taught me some manners. I can't say that I always USE them, but I at least KNOW them.

She taught me that if I go to someones house for dinner I have to eat a little bit of everything. So for example, I went to my BFF Paige's house for dinner the other night and she told me we were having Potato Soup Salad. I ate a little snack beforehand because dude, potato soup salad sounds gross. But I knew I would have to eat a little of it, because that's polite. I just didn't want to starve too.

Turns out that Paige just doesn't like to use punctuation in her texts and we were actually having Potato Soup COMMA Salad...which was quite tasty. It's a shame I wasn't hungry enough to eat all of it.

Fast forward to yesterday at work when we were all sitting around discussing what everyone else was bringing for the potluck today. I said I was bringing mac and cheese and someone said, "It better be homemade, Kraft is gross". I said, "Nah, I'm gonna bring Kraft because the only thing we have to heat it up with is a microwave and microwaved homemade mac is nasty". She said, "That's gross. People will be disappointed."

I almost punched her.

My response to that was, "Well, then you don't have to eat it and you are welcome to bring your own homemade mac".

Let us bear in mind that the person making these comments is my boss.

I may be unemployed tomorrow.

The conversation went on and on about how Kraft is gross (which let's be honest, it's not as good as homemade in any way, shape or form, but it is not gross) and how I am a terrible person and am ruining Thanksgiving, etc...

DUDE. It's the work potluck. It's not even in close proximity to Thanksgiving. I have got to hope that you have more important things to worry about.

Are you allowed to critsize the food that others bring to a potluck? My mama would say no.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Does Ironman Hate Women?

I dunno, but I when I asked for a refund or deferral to the 2012 race, I got denied. I'm obviously sad that I won't be able to race AND won't be able to get my money back (but a new baby is so much better!)...but even more than that, I'm upset with Ironman (WTC) for having such a crappy policy. You have to sign up for a very expensive race a year in advance and the refund policy is basically non-existant.

I can either forfeit my entire entry ($630) or withdraw and get $150 back...neither of these options are very good.

Anyway, I wrote on Slowtwitch...the triathlete forum where you can get great info about the sport as well as some very opinionted idiots opinions. It will be interesting to see what people say in response to my post...I predict there will be a mixture of idiots and those with valid points. Either way, I love a good debate!

Update: As expected, Slowtwitch is about half and half on the refund debate. Half feel that WTC should offer refunds but not necessarily for pregnancy in particular. A few feel that pregnancy, like maternity leave, should be reimbursed/paid, whathaveyou. And the other half feel that the policy is good (well, actually most hate the policy but believe that WTC can do whatever they want, which I agree with, but that wasn't the original question). And of course, one asshole should be shot. I have been mezmorized by it. Overall (minus the asshole) the perspectives were interesting.

For example: If pregnancy doesn't get a refund because it was a choice, what about military deployment to a war zone? At first I was like, "yeah, that should get a refund!", but then I realized that joining the military was also a choice, and then I was like "well, interesting".

Overall...interesting.

And mad props to my pal Laura who had to have brain surgery last year 4 months before IMCanada. She appealled to the WTC to get a refund/deferment and they denied her (assholes). She raced anyway and rocked it. She was/is my inspiration!!

Monday, November 01, 2010

Getting Started.

I'm great at STARTING projects. I HATE finishing them.

This is why our house is in TOTAL disarray.

I STARTED re-organizing the closet in the gym (now the gym/spare room)...but I haven't finished it. This means there are stacks upon stacks of crap that needs to find a home in there. Someday. I just know it.

We cleaned out the closets in the gym/spare room and Cletus's room and put some stuff in trash buckets, some stuff in GoodWill buckets and some stuff in Craigslist buckets. And then we lined all the buckets up in the hallway so as to obstruct any possible forward motion one might want to perform. The dogs see this as an entertaining obstacle course. I see it as a lawsuit. The odds of these items ever leaving the hallway is slim to none.

We are expecting our PotteryBarn PerfectlyMatched PerfectlyWonderful Bedroom set to arrive this weekend, so I posted the ugly old furniture on Craigslist. It sold in less than 3 hours (apparently I priced it WAY too low)..and it sold to a random guy that I know through triathlon. What are the odds? But since we now have no bedroom furniture, all of our clothes are in piles along the walls of the room. This is, once again, very exciting for the dogs. This is not so good for our clothes.

Does Half Price Books take VHS tapes? I have about 50 I need to get rid of.

I wanted to decorate for Christmas this weekend because we will be out of town for the next million weekends and I wanted to be able to enjoy the tree...but of course, I mostly just set up the tree and then got all the rest of the decorations out and put them on the table/counter. At some point, I will finish decorating, but let's be serious. I lost interest in putting up the Christmas tree about halfway in. Thank goodness Tommy got home, otherwise Debbie would only be half done. I don't know Margo!

I'm not great at finishing projects. Oops.

In other news, my girlfriends are hatching crotch parasites all over the place! Jodie hatched on Saturday and Tiffany is being induced today - I can't wait to get to Dallas to see them in a couple of weeks!!

I am finally getting back into the groove of the morning workout. Kind of. I woke up today and headed to the park to meet my friends...and I caught the train. What a great way to be greeted at 5AM. Nonetheless, I had a decent run and it was nice to be running with people again! FINALLY! But DUDE, it is HARD to get back into the morning routine again. I'm one day in and thinking about quitting already. Ha.

On Friday, I had to go buy fat clothes. Not maternity clothes, just fat clothes. My clothes all still fit because, alas I would not be so lucky to be blessed with an adorable little bump, no no no, I got a flabby stomach. At 17 weeks, I have nothing to show for it except a stomach that when you look at it, you think, "Man, she should lay off the Ho-Ho's". So I went and bought some fat shirts. I feel better today because at least I look decent and you can't see my jiggly belly through my shirts anymore. Come on Baby Bump, hurry up and get here already!!

Oh, and BTW, I went as Spock for Halloween. It was lame...but it was comfortable. I sang You Oughta Know by Alanis Morisette and everytime I missed a note an angel lost it's wings. Tragic. Lots of wingless angels out there today.

We ordered Cletus's crib on Saturday! It wasn't what we went in for, but it was what we had intended to buy, but never really found. We are very excited!
And I am ordering this bedding today!

Feel free to make unsolicted negative comments about my choice of bedding but since you have terrible taste, you might as well save yourself from carpal tunnel and keep your comments to yourself. :)

Progress is happening...slowly but Shirley.

And don't call me Shirley.