Yup, I should be eating about 800 more calories per day than I normally do.
WTF.
This sounds exciting in theory, but I'm terrified of gaining weight. If I gain five pounds, I won't be able to shop in normal people stores anymore...so this is definitely a risk. But what I'm currently doing isn't working and I am paying this nice lady to tell me what to do...I just need to listen to her!
She also said that my salt consumption is probably acceptable since I work out so much...so na na nana na!! I win! Salt for everyone!
Now I am sitting in my cubicle, not hungry, with a LOT of calories left to eat today. I'm fantasizing about cheese fries, but I'm pretty sure that's not what she intended...
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Monday, March 01, 2010
Risk Taker
Every article of clothing I wear to work is a solid colored sweater. I have every color of the rainbow, every style imaginable (although, I tend to gravitate towards turtlenecks and cardigans), and I wear them everyday with a different color of slacks (all the same brand, cut, and length).
It's wierd because in my "outside of work" life, I tend to think of myself as at least semi-fashion forward. Yet, I have never, ever, worn anything but solid colored sweaters to work in the last 6 years.
I'm that much of a risk taker.
I could blame it on my engineering background...engineers aren't exactly known for their fashion sense, but alas, since I'm obsessed with shoes and own at least 14 pairs of jeans, I don't think I can get away with this excuse.
One of my goals for the year is to not purchase a single solid colored sweater.
(I think I will allow myself to replace a basic staple if needed however...think black cardigans)
I purchased my first print on Friday. There was another version of it in brown/yellow, but I decided for my first print, I should play it safe. That way, if I feel uncomfortable, I can snap up my black cardigan and no one will be the wiser.
It was tough getting dressed this morning, but I made myself do it and, much to my surprise, I survived the day.
Phew. I need a glass of wine. Maybe next time I can get the colorful one? Or not.
It's wierd because in my "outside of work" life, I tend to think of myself as at least semi-fashion forward. Yet, I have never, ever, worn anything but solid colored sweaters to work in the last 6 years.
I'm that much of a risk taker.
I could blame it on my engineering background...engineers aren't exactly known for their fashion sense, but alas, since I'm obsessed with shoes and own at least 14 pairs of jeans, I don't think I can get away with this excuse.
One of my goals for the year is to not purchase a single solid colored sweater.
(I think I will allow myself to replace a basic staple if needed however...think black cardigans)
I purchased my first print on Friday. There was another version of it in brown/yellow, but I decided for my first print, I should play it safe. That way, if I feel uncomfortable, I can snap up my black cardigan and no one will be the wiser.
It was tough getting dressed this morning, but I made myself do it and, much to my surprise, I survived the day.
Phew. I need a glass of wine. Maybe next time I can get the colorful one? Or not.
Fighting the Good Fight
As we all know, I struggle with my weight. Everytime I eat something (anything), I think to myself, do I really WANT/NEED this? How does eating this help me fuel the machine? Sometimes I eat out of boredom, sometimes I eat because I have a craving, sometimes I eat because I am hungry...but mostly, I eat because I enjoy it.
I like eating. I like food and the way it tastes. I like the social activity of sharing a meal with someone. All in all, I just like eating.
For the last year, I have been seriously watching what I eat and working out more than the average bear but with no results. The good news is that I am exactly the same size I was when I was 14...the bad news is that I must have been a giant at 14. (I had always thought I was a giant teenager but everyone told me I wasn't big...it's good to finally know that my anxiety was justified...15 years later, but justified nonetheless). But in the last year, I have lost 0 pounds, 0 inches and 0 % body fat. WTF!
Everyone kept saying, "Well you drink a lot" (which I do, but only on the weekends and it actually nets out to a normal weekly consumption), "Well, you eat a lot of Mexican food" (I don't...I just only eat it socially, so if you and I go out to eat, we eat Mexican, and therefore you assume I eat Mexican everynight), "Well, you don't work out enough" (Screw you!). Alas, I got tired of complaining about my weight and not knowing what to do about it.
Soooo, I'm going to a nutritionist. In our first meeting, her response was that I am not eating enough. WHAT?
Calories in <= Calories out is a bunch of crap.
After entering every morsel of food I ate last week, she is right. It was relatively normal week. I missed 2 workouts because I was sick, but I also ate less because I wasn't feeling all that great. We went to the Rodeo Cookoff and I gorged myself on BBQ and beer...but my long run and swim in the morning pretty much negated it all. On average, I eat about 500 calories less than I should to lose 1 pound per week. She says my body is starving itself. Awesome.
My fear with this is that I will have to eat more and then I will gain weight...but I hired her to help me, so I am just going to (attempt) to put my trust in her. Wish me luck.
I like eating. I like food and the way it tastes. I like the social activity of sharing a meal with someone. All in all, I just like eating.
For the last year, I have been seriously watching what I eat and working out more than the average bear but with no results. The good news is that I am exactly the same size I was when I was 14...the bad news is that I must have been a giant at 14. (I had always thought I was a giant teenager but everyone told me I wasn't big...it's good to finally know that my anxiety was justified...15 years later, but justified nonetheless). But in the last year, I have lost 0 pounds, 0 inches and 0 % body fat. WTF!
Everyone kept saying, "Well you drink a lot" (which I do, but only on the weekends and it actually nets out to a normal weekly consumption), "Well, you eat a lot of Mexican food" (I don't...I just only eat it socially, so if you and I go out to eat, we eat Mexican, and therefore you assume I eat Mexican everynight), "Well, you don't work out enough" (Screw you!). Alas, I got tired of complaining about my weight and not knowing what to do about it.
Soooo, I'm going to a nutritionist. In our first meeting, her response was that I am not eating enough. WHAT?
Calories in <= Calories out is a bunch of crap.
After entering every morsel of food I ate last week, she is right. It was relatively normal week. I missed 2 workouts because I was sick, but I also ate less because I wasn't feeling all that great. We went to the Rodeo Cookoff and I gorged myself on BBQ and beer...but my long run and swim in the morning pretty much negated it all. On average, I eat about 500 calories less than I should to lose 1 pound per week. She says my body is starving itself. Awesome.
My fear with this is that I will have to eat more and then I will gain weight...but I hired her to help me, so I am just going to (attempt) to put my trust in her. Wish me luck.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Liar, Liar Pants on Fire
Tommy and I spent our Valentines Day wandering the neighborhood and going to open houses (we finished our wonderful walk at Cedar Creek where we enjoyed a few beers and a delicious, albeit not nutritious, linner).
We started at the one across the street. We had looked at this exact house but a few streets away when we were in the market. We discovered pretty quickly that while we liked the layout, they were overpriced (WAY overpriced), had a wierd front yard (very Pleasantville), didn't have master suite (AT ALL! No bathroom, no closet, no nothing!) and the third bedroom would have been better suited as a closet (a small closet). All in all, we weren't impressed. Regardless, I wanted to check out this house because I like checking out how other people decorate and snooping.
Open houses are pretty much my happy place.
So, away we went and we met the wonderful (ha!) realtor at the house. I was wearing my IMCOZ visor and he struck up a conversation about Ironman. Darn. I had now acheived TWO goals for the day: I was gonna get to snoop AND I got to talk about Ironman to someone who cared. HOORAY! Best Valentines Day EVER.
The three of us got to talking about Cozumel and racing in general. It was love at first sight...until it wasn't. Isn't that always the case with love at first sight? Siiigh. Well, while Realtor Man seemed super cool at first, he quickly turned on the dooshbaggy-ness for all the world to see.
His first comment was, "Yeah, my $12,000 bike should be here soon. I know that will make all the difference in the world. I won't have to worry about my biking anymore once that gets here." Okay buddy, sure thing.
Then he goes on to say that he "is phenomenal on the swim and the run and with the new bike I should be amazing there as well. I can run a marathon in like, under 4 hours." HAHAHAHA. Dude, a 4 hour marathon is pretty awesome and very respectable..."phenomenal"? No. I don't think a 4 hour marathon is phenomenal. At all. He says he raced Houston this year and did amazing.
Then he asks how well we did in Cozumel. We tell him that we finished in just under 13 hours (which BTW is pretty freaking AWESOME) and his response is, "Yeah, that's semi-respectable." WTF dude? Seriously?
He says that he is going to qualify for Kona this year and that his half times are incredible. (Who says that?). We ask what halves he has done and what his times are and he doesn't know. Um, what? Everyone knows. You KNOW your PR for a race like that. And frankly, if you are training for an Ironman, you are a Type A personality, and you have all your PR's memorized. And if you are too senile to memorize them, you have them written down in your wallet so you can reference them at any given moment. Seriously.
At about this point in the conversation I am trying to edge my way out before I say something like, "Dude, you won't qualify for Kona in this lifetime, but keep up the power of positive thinking." Because seriously, he sucked so much.
We finally escaped without me slapping some sense into him and I spent the next few hours devising a plan to stalk him. I searched his name, I searched old race databases, I searched athlinks, I searched it all and the verdict is that this boy ain't done no races! He didn't race the Houston Marathon (although his wife, whom he claimed is even faster than him, may have finished in a solid 5:43hours...phenomenal). He didn't race any Ironman brand races EVER, isn't on Athlinks, and doesn't exist in the racing world at all.
Sorry pal. You're just another poser. Memorize some fake race splits and maybe someone will believe you.
Get out there and race!!
We started at the one across the street. We had looked at this exact house but a few streets away when we were in the market. We discovered pretty quickly that while we liked the layout, they were overpriced (WAY overpriced), had a wierd front yard (very Pleasantville), didn't have master suite (AT ALL! No bathroom, no closet, no nothing!) and the third bedroom would have been better suited as a closet (a small closet). All in all, we weren't impressed. Regardless, I wanted to check out this house because I like checking out how other people decorate and snooping.
Open houses are pretty much my happy place.
So, away we went and we met the wonderful (ha!) realtor at the house. I was wearing my IMCOZ visor and he struck up a conversation about Ironman. Darn. I had now acheived TWO goals for the day: I was gonna get to snoop AND I got to talk about Ironman to someone who cared. HOORAY! Best Valentines Day EVER.
The three of us got to talking about Cozumel and racing in general. It was love at first sight...until it wasn't. Isn't that always the case with love at first sight? Siiigh. Well, while Realtor Man seemed super cool at first, he quickly turned on the dooshbaggy-ness for all the world to see.
His first comment was, "Yeah, my $12,000 bike should be here soon. I know that will make all the difference in the world. I won't have to worry about my biking anymore once that gets here." Okay buddy, sure thing.
Then he goes on to say that he "is phenomenal on the swim and the run and with the new bike I should be amazing there as well. I can run a marathon in like, under 4 hours." HAHAHAHA. Dude, a 4 hour marathon is pretty awesome and very respectable..."phenomenal"? No. I don't think a 4 hour marathon is phenomenal. At all. He says he raced Houston this year and did amazing.
Then he asks how well we did in Cozumel. We tell him that we finished in just under 13 hours (which BTW is pretty freaking AWESOME) and his response is, "Yeah, that's semi-respectable." WTF dude? Seriously?
He says that he is going to qualify for Kona this year and that his half times are incredible. (Who says that?). We ask what halves he has done and what his times are and he doesn't know. Um, what? Everyone knows. You KNOW your PR for a race like that. And frankly, if you are training for an Ironman, you are a Type A personality, and you have all your PR's memorized. And if you are too senile to memorize them, you have them written down in your wallet so you can reference them at any given moment. Seriously.
At about this point in the conversation I am trying to edge my way out before I say something like, "Dude, you won't qualify for Kona in this lifetime, but keep up the power of positive thinking." Because seriously, he sucked so much.
We finally escaped without me slapping some sense into him and I spent the next few hours devising a plan to stalk him. I searched his name, I searched old race databases, I searched athlinks, I searched it all and the verdict is that this boy ain't done no races! He didn't race the Houston Marathon (although his wife, whom he claimed is even faster than him, may have finished in a solid 5:43hours...phenomenal). He didn't race any Ironman brand races EVER, isn't on Athlinks, and doesn't exist in the racing world at all.
Sorry pal. You're just another poser. Memorize some fake race splits and maybe someone will believe you.
Get out there and race!!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Blogging Fodder.
If I am ever at a lack of things to blog about, please, just send me to the Lab Test room at St. Josephs. I got more material there in 20 minutes than I got in my own life in the last 2 years. Seriously. I was almost crying...oh wait, I was crying. But those tears were because the stupid hoe that ATTEMPTED to take my blood missed my giant veins and felt the need to go on a digging adventure...the antics going on in the waiting room was some of the most entertaining stuff I have ever seen.
I can't detail all of it for you lest I seem like I have no heart for homeless people...so, let's just say that hanging out in the Lab Test Room at St. Joseph's is where all the professional singers from Broadway come once they get too old/fat/ugly to make it big anymore. It was like a freaking concert. But not a good one.
The homeless people just sang and sang and sang. Only the good Lord might be able to able to tell us WHAT they were singing, because I'm pretty sure those weren't words...but it also wasn't humming. Just incoherent blathering on. Loudly. And out of tune. And with total disregard to anyone else in the room.
(Let the record show that I find singing in public places, specifically showers at the gym, totally offensive for reasons unknown even to myself. Regardless, this singing was hysterical.)
Finally an un-homeless man (approximately 50 years old) sat down opposite a singing homeless man (approximately 25 years old). This was apparently the opening that Homeless Man was looking for. Homeless Man launched into a Question/Answer segment during which I learned a lot about his life. The conversation went something like this:
Homeless Man: Have you heard of Patrick Swayze?
UnHomeless Man: Yes.
Homeless Man: I went to the school with that guy.
*Editors note: Homeless Man is no more than 25...and since being homeless probably ages you, he is probably more like 17. Patrick Swayze is/was old enough to by my father.
UnHomeless Man: Oh really?
Homeless Man: Yeah, his picture was on the wall. Have you ever seen Dirty Dancing? Or Ghost? He was in those movies.
UnHomeless Man: Yeah, I've seen those movies.
Homeless Man: Ghost was scary. I don't like ghosts.
And then he left. I really wanted to hear more about the ghosts. What we couldn't figure out was whether or not Homeless Man that good ol' Pat had died. No one wanted to break that news to him. Especially since he has this fear of ghosts and all.
I can't detail all of it for you lest I seem like I have no heart for homeless people...so, let's just say that hanging out in the Lab Test Room at St. Joseph's is where all the professional singers from Broadway come once they get too old/fat/ugly to make it big anymore. It was like a freaking concert. But not a good one.
The homeless people just sang and sang and sang. Only the good Lord might be able to able to tell us WHAT they were singing, because I'm pretty sure those weren't words...but it also wasn't humming. Just incoherent blathering on. Loudly. And out of tune. And with total disregard to anyone else in the room.
(Let the record show that I find singing in public places, specifically showers at the gym, totally offensive for reasons unknown even to myself. Regardless, this singing was hysterical.)
Finally an un-homeless man (approximately 50 years old) sat down opposite a singing homeless man (approximately 25 years old). This was apparently the opening that Homeless Man was looking for. Homeless Man launched into a Question/Answer segment during which I learned a lot about his life. The conversation went something like this:
Homeless Man: Have you heard of Patrick Swayze?
UnHomeless Man: Yes.
Homeless Man: I went to the school with that guy.
*Editors note: Homeless Man is no more than 25...and since being homeless probably ages you, he is probably more like 17. Patrick Swayze is/was old enough to by my father.
UnHomeless Man: Oh really?
Homeless Man: Yeah, his picture was on the wall. Have you ever seen Dirty Dancing? Or Ghost? He was in those movies.
UnHomeless Man: Yeah, I've seen those movies.
Homeless Man: Ghost was scary. I don't like ghosts.
And then he left. I really wanted to hear more about the ghosts. What we couldn't figure out was whether or not Homeless Man that good ol' Pat had died. No one wanted to break that news to him. Especially since he has this fear of ghosts and all.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Happy Ash Wednesday.
Lent is basically the poor mans New Years Resolution. If you failed at your resolutions, you get a second chance to try them again...and you only have to do it for 40 days, not a whole year like that New Years Resolution crap.
These Christians are geniuses!
I don't really do New Years Resolutions. I prefer to think of them as goals. Regardless, it's all the same sh1t different day. I DO do (doodoo. Ha.) Giving Things Up for Lent though. Even though I am not really religious. I just find that it's easier to commit to something for 40 days than to committ for a whole year. Commit-a-phobic? Probably. There is a reason I can't just pick a place to go on vacation. Seriously.
I think the word you are looking for is, anyways...
Every year I give up saying the F word. I also fail at this every year because frankly, I like saying the F word. It's my favorite word. I think it really adds something to a story. It's that je ne sais quoi every story is looking for. So, I always fail at this goal because my heart isn't really in it. Whatever. I'll add it to the list again this year just so it looks like I'm trying. That's for you mom.
This year I will also be attempting to give up all the crap food just sitting around my office...all the time. If I can do it for 40 days, I will succeed. Hell, if I can avoid all the crap food in the office for a week it would be considered a success.
40 days without leftover, cold, germ contaminated pizza. I hope I can survive.
F you.
These Christians are geniuses!
I don't really do New Years Resolutions. I prefer to think of them as goals. Regardless, it's all the same sh1t different day. I DO do (doodoo. Ha.) Giving Things Up for Lent though. Even though I am not really religious. I just find that it's easier to commit to something for 40 days than to committ for a whole year. Commit-a-phobic? Probably. There is a reason I can't just pick a place to go on vacation. Seriously.
I think the word you are looking for is, anyways...
Every year I give up saying the F word. I also fail at this every year because frankly, I like saying the F word. It's my favorite word. I think it really adds something to a story. It's that je ne sais quoi every story is looking for. So, I always fail at this goal because my heart isn't really in it. Whatever. I'll add it to the list again this year just so it looks like I'm trying. That's for you mom.
This year I will also be attempting to give up all the crap food just sitting around my office...all the time. If I can do it for 40 days, I will succeed. Hell, if I can avoid all the crap food in the office for a week it would be considered a success.
40 days without leftover, cold, germ contaminated pizza. I hope I can survive.
F you.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Who Needs Sleep?
So, I fell in love with the Barenaked Ladies because of their song "Who Needs Sleep?" which was (and still is) my anthem for life.
Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting)
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
Unfortunately, this song really resonated with me because I don't really sleep. Ever.
I can sleep in about 3 hour increments about twice a day (but never consecutively). For example, I could go to bed at 10pm, sleep until 1am and then lay awake (exhausted) for the rest of the night and then I could take a 3 hour nap sometime in the afternoon (if my job would allow it).
In college, I once tried a plan where I slept from 3-7am and then 3-7pm so I could still get 8 hours of rest a day, go to class and party until 2am...unfortunately for me, I don't like to party until 2am. I like happy hour and this plan didn't really accomodate to my lifestyle of daytime drinking. Sooo, my wonderfully crafted 4 hour naps went in the garbage.
Alas, I haven't slept in quite some time. HOWEVER, last night, in a stroke of sleeping genius, I slept for a solid 5 hours! I went to bed at 10:30 and woke up at 4am disoriented and confused (because seriously, this has never happened!). And then, when I realized the magicalness of the slumber I had been in, I got so excited and couldn't go back to sleep. So, I'm still tired despite the best sleep in recent memory. Haha.
Such is life and will never be a winner in life.
A sidenote to how sweet my husband is:
When we went to bed, I was the big spoon (because my ear had been hurting and I couldn't lay on my right side to be the little spoon) and we were pretty much on his side of the bed. When I woke up at 4am, I was still the big spoon and he was pretty much falling off the bed. I moved back to my side to revel in the joy that is 5 solid hours of sleep!
When he finally woke up, I told him about the greatness of my sleep and he told me that he woke up around 2am really uncomfortable but he realized that I was still cuddling him and asleep (this is how crazy it is that I slept this long) and he didn't want to wake me up. So he tried to be as still and quiet as possible so as not to wake the monster [me]. The poor guy slept uncomfortably for several hours so as to not disturb me...THAT my friends, is a good man right there.
Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting)
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War
Unfortunately, this song really resonated with me because I don't really sleep. Ever.
I can sleep in about 3 hour increments about twice a day (but never consecutively). For example, I could go to bed at 10pm, sleep until 1am and then lay awake (exhausted) for the rest of the night and then I could take a 3 hour nap sometime in the afternoon (if my job would allow it).
In college, I once tried a plan where I slept from 3-7am and then 3-7pm so I could still get 8 hours of rest a day, go to class and party until 2am...unfortunately for me, I don't like to party until 2am. I like happy hour and this plan didn't really accomodate to my lifestyle of daytime drinking. Sooo, my wonderfully crafted 4 hour naps went in the garbage.
Alas, I haven't slept in quite some time. HOWEVER, last night, in a stroke of sleeping genius, I slept for a solid 5 hours! I went to bed at 10:30 and woke up at 4am disoriented and confused (because seriously, this has never happened!). And then, when I realized the magicalness of the slumber I had been in, I got so excited and couldn't go back to sleep. So, I'm still tired despite the best sleep in recent memory. Haha.
Such is life and will never be a winner in life.
A sidenote to how sweet my husband is:
When we went to bed, I was the big spoon (because my ear had been hurting and I couldn't lay on my right side to be the little spoon) and we were pretty much on his side of the bed. When I woke up at 4am, I was still the big spoon and he was pretty much falling off the bed. I moved back to my side to revel in the joy that is 5 solid hours of sleep!
When he finally woke up, I told him about the greatness of my sleep and he told me that he woke up around 2am really uncomfortable but he realized that I was still cuddling him and asleep (this is how crazy it is that I slept this long) and he didn't want to wake me up. So he tried to be as still and quiet as possible so as not to wake the monster [me]. The poor guy slept uncomfortably for several hours so as to not disturb me...THAT my friends, is a good man right there.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
New February Resolutions
There is apparently a huge group of people out there who failed to make their New Years Resolutions at the beginning of the new year. And this huge group of people is now invading my gym. This is February people, you were supposed to have quit by now!
Nothing really changed in January. There were a couple of new people, but really, it wasn't anymore crowded than normal (well, at least not MUCH). My gym is small so even a couple of newbies made a difference, but I was still always able to get the machines I wanted, a shower when I needed it and a hairdryer to dry my hair.
HOWEVER, on Monday I came to work to shower (because why would I shower in the gorgeous new shower I have at home? Yeah, doesn't make sense to me either.). Regardless, I shower at work 4 out of 5 days a week and Amy and I are the only people there (there is an occasional drifter, but usually just the two of us) and we like it that way. I get the shower I want when I want it and the space at the counter to do my hair.
Back to my story...I came to work to shower and I get my bench ready (there is a system of course) when I notice that all the other benches are occupied. THEN I had to shower in a less-than-optimal shower AND share my bench with someone. Mon dieu!
What I couldn't grasp was that it is FEBRUARY. No one joins a gym in February! I'll share my treadmill in January because I know it will only last a few weeks, but what if people start actually sticking to their goals? What will my world come to?
In other news, I got my butt kicked in the pool by a 12 year old girl. Awesome. WAy to boost the ego. In turn, I kicked a 80 year old dude's butt, but it didn't really help to build my self esteem up.
Nothing really changed in January. There were a couple of new people, but really, it wasn't anymore crowded than normal (well, at least not MUCH). My gym is small so even a couple of newbies made a difference, but I was still always able to get the machines I wanted, a shower when I needed it and a hairdryer to dry my hair.
HOWEVER, on Monday I came to work to shower (because why would I shower in the gorgeous new shower I have at home? Yeah, doesn't make sense to me either.). Regardless, I shower at work 4 out of 5 days a week and Amy and I are the only people there (there is an occasional drifter, but usually just the two of us) and we like it that way. I get the shower I want when I want it and the space at the counter to do my hair.
Back to my story...I came to work to shower and I get my bench ready (there is a system of course) when I notice that all the other benches are occupied. THEN I had to shower in a less-than-optimal shower AND share my bench with someone. Mon dieu!
What I couldn't grasp was that it is FEBRUARY. No one joins a gym in February! I'll share my treadmill in January because I know it will only last a few weeks, but what if people start actually sticking to their goals? What will my world come to?
In other news, I got my butt kicked in the pool by a 12 year old girl. Awesome. WAy to boost the ego. In turn, I kicked a 80 year old dude's butt, but it didn't really help to build my self esteem up.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Pizza.
If you work in Corporate America, you better like pizza. In fact, this should probably be one of the questions on the aptitude tests given to fifth graders. Children who don't like pizza should be steered toward jobs to be a teacher, doctor, lawyer (for a small, non-Corporate America firms) or a garbage man. I guarantee that these kids will not grow up to like Corporate America if they don't like pizza.
Pizza Haters would not like working in Corporate America because everyone likes free food. Free food is always (we will say 99.99999% of the time) better than any food that you could have possibly paid for. And if there is free food around, most self-respecting (or in my case, un-self-respecting) people will eat the free food.
And this food is always (we will say 97.9999% of the time) pizza.
So, all you pizza haters out there, go find a new job and leave the pizza to us cubicle dwellers. We NEED it.
***UPDATE: Also, unlike the quickly devoured delicious AND nutritious pizza, there is an overwhelming amount of leftover melon in Corporate America. On any given fruit tray, the grapes and strawberries are snatched up immediately, only to leave all this disgusting melon festering in self pity and low self-esteem. Nobody likes melon. Why do we insist on putting it on a fruit tray??
Pizza Haters would not like working in Corporate America because everyone likes free food. Free food is always (we will say 99.99999% of the time) better than any food that you could have possibly paid for. And if there is free food around, most self-respecting (or in my case, un-self-respecting) people will eat the free food.
And this food is always (we will say 97.9999% of the time) pizza.
So, all you pizza haters out there, go find a new job and leave the pizza to us cubicle dwellers. We NEED it.
***UPDATE: Also, unlike the quickly devoured delicious AND nutritious pizza, there is an overwhelming amount of leftover melon in Corporate America. On any given fruit tray, the grapes and strawberries are snatched up immediately, only to leave all this disgusting melon festering in self pity and low self-esteem. Nobody likes melon. Why do we insist on putting it on a fruit tray??
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Simple Pleasures.
I was tagged by Kathleen to make a list of the 10 simple pleasures I find in life. I didn't include my family or friends because hey, those aren't simple pleasures, those are the great big amazing pleasures that I am thankful for everyday! Hip hip hooray.
In no particular order:
1. Warm days spent lounging with a block of cheese and a bottle of wine.
2. Ridiculous dog costumes.
3. Sleeping outside (or at the very least, with the window open).
4. Dutch ovens. Gas is an art, use it wisely.
5. Beaches, water, vacations, etc…but really, Galveston will suffice when absolutely necessary.
6. Snail mail!
7. The smell of freshly cut grass, freshly copied paper, fireplaces (you know, that smell of winter?) and laundry detergent. And frankly, I liked the artificial smell of port-a-potties until I realized that that smell I liked was, in fact, the artificial smell of port-a-potties. And that's just gross.
8. Really terrible TV.
9. Saturday morning breakfast after a long run. Really, just going out to breakfast in general.
10. Singing along to the radio...and not knowing the words. Bennie and the Jets ring a bell? I'm deaf. It's not my fault!
I'm supposed to tag other bloggers, but frankly, I think I am the very last blogger in the blogosphere to do this silly little game, so I won't bother. If you read my blog and you blog and you haven't yet blogged about your simple pleasures, then, please, my all means, blog away. Consider yourself tagged.
In no particular order:
1. Warm days spent lounging with a block of cheese and a bottle of wine.
2. Ridiculous dog costumes.
3. Sleeping outside (or at the very least, with the window open).
4. Dutch ovens. Gas is an art, use it wisely.
5. Beaches, water, vacations, etc…but really, Galveston will suffice when absolutely necessary.
6. Snail mail!
7. The smell of freshly cut grass, freshly copied paper, fireplaces (you know, that smell of winter?) and laundry detergent. And frankly, I liked the artificial smell of port-a-potties until I realized that that smell I liked was, in fact, the artificial smell of port-a-potties. And that's just gross.
8. Really terrible TV.
9. Saturday morning breakfast after a long run. Really, just going out to breakfast in general.
10. Singing along to the radio...and not knowing the words. Bennie and the Jets ring a bell? I'm deaf. It's not my fault!
I'm supposed to tag other bloggers, but frankly, I think I am the very last blogger in the blogosphere to do this silly little game, so I won't bother. If you read my blog and you blog and you haven't yet blogged about your simple pleasures, then, please, my all means, blog away. Consider yourself tagged.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Corporate America.
I take my social cues from Corporate America. And just like Corporate America, I will just now begin to develop my personal goals for 2010 (although, let's be honest, corporations haven't developed their yearly goals yet...must. wait. till. after the first quarter.). My logic being that if I develop them now, instead of at the beginning of the year, I will only have 11 months to accomplish 12 months worth of things and therefore, my disappointment won't be so terrible when I fail.
Yeah, that's it.
My goals for 2010 include, but are not limited to:
1. Being a better person. For example: Stop yelling at stupid people. They know they are stupid and they don't need to be reminded constantly. Or do they?
2. Drop a pants size. (this will never happen and will totally be blamed on my 11 month deadline. If I had only had one more month...)
3. Enjoy life more. I feel like I do this to the extreme most of the time, but really, if there is one part of your life where there is always room for improvement, this is it.
4. Start volunteering at the animal shelter again. Ironman derailed my volunteering in 2009 and I miss the puppies! (Sidenote: adopt a dog from a shelter today!)
5. Get faster! Specifically, I want to run a 1:50 half marathon in 2010 (the Houston Marathon in Jan will also qualify to meet this goal)
6. Save more money so Tommy and I can move to the beach sooner rather than later.
To accomplish these goals, I have plans and diagrams and goals. Yes, because I am THAT anal retentive. Being a better person is hard to quantify, but we will just give me an E for effort regardless.
To get faster, I have developed a very fun race schedule and I plan on just simply running faster. I'm capable, but I'm also lazy. Sooo, I need motivation...here is the race schedule:
March 6-7 Texas Independence Relay - TEAM PACE BOOTY!
March 13 Bayou City Classic 10K
April 10 Gateway to the Bay Sprint Triathlon
April 11 Gateway to the Bay Olympic Triathlon
May 16 Florida Ironman 70.3 (that's a half Ironman for you non-triathlon nerds)
August 15 The Hottest Half - Half Marathon
September 25 Redman Half Ironman
October 24 The Houston Half - Half Marathon
December 12 White Rock Half - Half Marathon
January 30 Aramco Houston Half Marathon
There will be some sprints and olympic triathlons and 5Ks and 10Ks sprinkled in there over the summer and fall. Also, our September/Oct/Nov has not been finalized...we are toying with vacation dates and races and going to IMFL or IMAZ vs Longhorn Ironman 70.3 and Ironstar Half Ironman and Bike Around the Bay. Sooo, there is still some debate there. I'll keep you posted.
The Hottest Half will be my half marathon debut for 2010. I don't plan on meeting my goal 0f 1:50 at this race (although if I do, then YAYY!) since it will be hotter than a pig at a luau, but it will be a nice gauge of my fitness at that point of my training. Since I don't plan on running more than 15 miles in all of 2010, planning my training schedule has been strange to say the least.
Regardless of what happens in 2010 though, I am the luckiest girl in the world and I look forward to waking up everyday next to the man that I love, hanging out with the bestest friends I could possibly ever hope for, doing a job I enjoy, living in a city where it's always warm (except for that one time when it snowed and I cried), with the fluffiest puppy EVER. Thank you guys for helping me be so happy - MUCH LOVE!
Now, all I need to do is survive Wedding Madness 2010 and all will be well with the world...
Geaux Saints. (that was for you my dear)
Yeah, that's it.
My goals for 2010 include, but are not limited to:
1. Being a better person. For example: Stop yelling at stupid people. They know they are stupid and they don't need to be reminded constantly. Or do they?
2. Drop a pants size. (this will never happen and will totally be blamed on my 11 month deadline. If I had only had one more month...)
3. Enjoy life more. I feel like I do this to the extreme most of the time, but really, if there is one part of your life where there is always room for improvement, this is it.
4. Start volunteering at the animal shelter again. Ironman derailed my volunteering in 2009 and I miss the puppies! (Sidenote: adopt a dog from a shelter today!)
5. Get faster! Specifically, I want to run a 1:50 half marathon in 2010 (the Houston Marathon in Jan will also qualify to meet this goal)
6. Save more money so Tommy and I can move to the beach sooner rather than later.
To accomplish these goals, I have plans and diagrams and goals. Yes, because I am THAT anal retentive. Being a better person is hard to quantify, but we will just give me an E for effort regardless.
To get faster, I have developed a very fun race schedule and I plan on just simply running faster. I'm capable, but I'm also lazy. Sooo, I need motivation...here is the race schedule:
March 6-7 Texas Independence Relay - TEAM PACE BOOTY!
March 13 Bayou City Classic 10K
April 10 Gateway to the Bay Sprint Triathlon
April 11 Gateway to the Bay Olympic Triathlon
May 16 Florida Ironman 70.3 (that's a half Ironman for you non-triathlon nerds)
August 15 The Hottest Half - Half Marathon
September 25 Redman Half Ironman
October 24 The Houston Half - Half Marathon
December 12 White Rock Half - Half Marathon
January 30 Aramco Houston Half Marathon
There will be some sprints and olympic triathlons and 5Ks and 10Ks sprinkled in there over the summer and fall. Also, our September/Oct/Nov has not been finalized...we are toying with vacation dates and races and going to IMFL or IMAZ vs Longhorn Ironman 70.3 and Ironstar Half Ironman and Bike Around the Bay. Sooo, there is still some debate there. I'll keep you posted.
The Hottest Half will be my half marathon debut for 2010. I don't plan on meeting my goal 0f 1:50 at this race (although if I do, then YAYY!) since it will be hotter than a pig at a luau, but it will be a nice gauge of my fitness at that point of my training. Since I don't plan on running more than 15 miles in all of 2010, planning my training schedule has been strange to say the least.
Regardless of what happens in 2010 though, I am the luckiest girl in the world and I look forward to waking up everyday next to the man that I love, hanging out with the bestest friends I could possibly ever hope for, doing a job I enjoy, living in a city where it's always warm (except for that one time when it snowed and I cried), with the fluffiest puppy EVER. Thank you guys for helping me be so happy - MUCH LOVE!
Now, all I need to do is survive Wedding Madness 2010 and all will be well with the world...
Geaux Saints. (that was for you my dear)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
22.5 Miles is BASICALLY a Marathon.
Well, I didn't finish. Ha. Big surprise.
I started the race with a cell phone and cab fare...which usually indicates a slightly less than stellar mentality for race day. My theory is that to finish a marathon you have to have some heart and you have to want it...and I didn't have either of these qualities on Sunday.
What did surprise me was how much fun I still had. I started off running with 2 friends - one hoping to PR the full (under 4 hours) and the other planning on pacing him till the half turn-around at Mile 9. I lasted with them for about 1.5 miles. Ha. I chatted with some other friends and just generally enjoyed my morning jaunt. By the the time we reached the half turnaround, I felt like I could run all day, so I kept going (instead of turning and just doing the half)...unfortunately, but the time I hit mile 9, I was pretty well done. Ooops.
I kept forging onward in hopes of PRing the first half of the marathon, knowing full well that this would greatly hurt my chances of finishing the race (but that's why I packed cab fare, eh?). After mile 9, my pace dropped considerably, but I was still able to PR the half by a solid 3 minutes. No complaints here! If I had kept my original pace, I would have broken the elusive 2:00 barrier...but I know I can do it this year. 2010 is the year for speed! Regardless, 2:05:33 is nothing to be ashamed about!
As to be expected, I was pretty wasted after that...and I was at the furthest point from the finish line. AWESOME. Ha. I kept jogging for another 2 miles, run/walked for 2 miles after that, and by mile 17, I was done. I just didn't FEEL like running anymore. So, I got out my phone, started calling friends, looking for a ride and played games on my cell phone. It was pretty fun.
Unfortunately, due to my location, the closest ride I could get was at mile 22 (yeah, that means I walked another 5 miles...ugh!), but luckily Thomas was able to come and get me. I was three sheets to the wind at this point, because hey, if you're walking, you can totally drink all the beer the offer on the course. Hooray!
Best. Marathon. Ever.
Thomas dropped me off about a half mile from the finish - I took my can of Coors (and removed by chip) and hopped back on the course to get my finishers shirt. I've never felt so good crossing the finish line of a marathon.
I really enjoyed my run and I still beat a goal for the day - all in all, not a bad day! I am a little disappointed I didn't finish the race and continue my 6 year streak of finishing this race, but I ultimately decided it was the safest option in terms of my body and dude, getting a ride to the finish line is just plain funny.
I doubt I will run the marathon again anytime soon. I just don't have the energy for a race of that length or the training that goes along with it. I want to get fast. I KNOW I have a sub 4 hour marathon in me, but at what cost? Right now, I'm gonna focus on 10Ks and half marathons and I plan on breaking some big personal records this year!
GET READY!
I started the race with a cell phone and cab fare...which usually indicates a slightly less than stellar mentality for race day. My theory is that to finish a marathon you have to have some heart and you have to want it...and I didn't have either of these qualities on Sunday.
What did surprise me was how much fun I still had. I started off running with 2 friends - one hoping to PR the full (under 4 hours) and the other planning on pacing him till the half turn-around at Mile 9. I lasted with them for about 1.5 miles. Ha. I chatted with some other friends and just generally enjoyed my morning jaunt. By the the time we reached the half turnaround, I felt like I could run all day, so I kept going (instead of turning and just doing the half)...unfortunately, but the time I hit mile 9, I was pretty well done. Ooops.
I kept forging onward in hopes of PRing the first half of the marathon, knowing full well that this would greatly hurt my chances of finishing the race (but that's why I packed cab fare, eh?). After mile 9, my pace dropped considerably, but I was still able to PR the half by a solid 3 minutes. No complaints here! If I had kept my original pace, I would have broken the elusive 2:00 barrier...but I know I can do it this year. 2010 is the year for speed! Regardless, 2:05:33 is nothing to be ashamed about!
As to be expected, I was pretty wasted after that...and I was at the furthest point from the finish line. AWESOME. Ha. I kept jogging for another 2 miles, run/walked for 2 miles after that, and by mile 17, I was done. I just didn't FEEL like running anymore. So, I got out my phone, started calling friends, looking for a ride and played games on my cell phone. It was pretty fun.
Unfortunately, due to my location, the closest ride I could get was at mile 22 (yeah, that means I walked another 5 miles...ugh!), but luckily Thomas was able to come and get me. I was three sheets to the wind at this point, because hey, if you're walking, you can totally drink all the beer the offer on the course. Hooray!
Best. Marathon. Ever.
Thomas dropped me off about a half mile from the finish - I took my can of Coors (and removed by chip) and hopped back on the course to get my finishers shirt. I've never felt so good crossing the finish line of a marathon.
I really enjoyed my run and I still beat a goal for the day - all in all, not a bad day! I am a little disappointed I didn't finish the race and continue my 6 year streak of finishing this race, but I ultimately decided it was the safest option in terms of my body and dude, getting a ride to the finish line is just plain funny.
I doubt I will run the marathon again anytime soon. I just don't have the energy for a race of that length or the training that goes along with it. I want to get fast. I KNOW I have a sub 4 hour marathon in me, but at what cost? Right now, I'm gonna focus on 10Ks and half marathons and I plan on breaking some big personal records this year!
GET READY!
I'm lame. But It's Still Mine.
And this is my pathetic attempt to win some Zipp 404's.
Please please please pick me.
I'll be really good this year, I promise.
Please please please pick me.
I'll be really good this year, I promise.
It's Mine!
It's my blog and I can talk about whatever I want. I usually focus on mildy amusing things that happen to me and/or swimbikerun, but today I came across this and found it very interesting.
I'm curious as to what other people think about children with technology and/or free speech. There are two sides to every coin and repercussions to every action.
I think I lean towards the camp of "I have the right to say what I want but you don't have the right to not be offended". Obviously there are exceptions to this rule, but in general, this is where I lean.
I don't think a 7 year old should have unrestricted access to the internet, but I also think the nieghbor is a rude idiot. This being said, I don't think the neighbor should be REQUIRED to change his wifi name. Should be change it to be polite? Probably. But should he be required to? I don't think so.
I'm intrigued.
I'm curious as to what other people think about children with technology and/or free speech. There are two sides to every coin and repercussions to every action.
I think I lean towards the camp of "I have the right to say what I want but you don't have the right to not be offended". Obviously there are exceptions to this rule, but in general, this is where I lean.
I don't think a 7 year old should have unrestricted access to the internet, but I also think the nieghbor is a rude idiot. This being said, I don't think the neighbor should be REQUIRED to change his wifi name. Should be change it to be polite? Probably. But should he be required to? I don't think so.
I'm intrigued.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Farewell to the Marathon?
I've given up hope for having a rockin' good marathon. In fact, I probably have no business attempting to crawl a marathon, nevermind run it. Regardless, I intend to toe the starting line on Sunday...and hopefully toe the finish line as well.
However, I only plan to run while I feel good and painfree. The minute I start to hurt (more than normal marathon hurt) I plan on hopping up on the curb to join the spectators. I am only going to run for as long as it is fun...which may be 26.2 miles or it may be 4. I'm okay with either option!
I know that no matter how well (or poorly) I do in this race, I know I am capable of better. This past season showed me what I am capable of and I plan on reaching that level again next year...but I am smart enough to know that even if I CAN break 4:30 this year, that only means that I could have done better had I not done the Ironman. So, why kill myself this time? Hence my plan to run while it's fun.
Next year I will see what I am made of...or maybe I will just say that I am made of a 4:43 marathon (my current PR) and call it a day. My true love lies in the triathlon anyway and my biggest fear in pushing myself too hard on this race is it's effect on the rest of my triathlon season.
I had originally planned on this being my final marathon. The marathon just isn't my bag and I don't think my knees like it that much. I'd rather run forever than run marathons for only a few more years. This being said, I had originally said this would be my final marathon when I thought I could rock it. Since I can't rock it, (or even if I DO rock it, I know I could rock it MORE), we will see what the future holds.
Regardless, good luck to all of you running the Houston full marathon, the half marathon and the 5K! It should be a gorgeous day for a run! Leave your headphones at home and just enjoy the people around you! Race day is why you train...and you can only really enjoy it if you can experience all the sights and sounds!
Chuck Norris Never Ran 26.2!!
However, I only plan to run while I feel good and painfree. The minute I start to hurt (more than normal marathon hurt) I plan on hopping up on the curb to join the spectators. I am only going to run for as long as it is fun...which may be 26.2 miles or it may be 4. I'm okay with either option!
I know that no matter how well (or poorly) I do in this race, I know I am capable of better. This past season showed me what I am capable of and I plan on reaching that level again next year...but I am smart enough to know that even if I CAN break 4:30 this year, that only means that I could have done better had I not done the Ironman. So, why kill myself this time? Hence my plan to run while it's fun.
Next year I will see what I am made of...or maybe I will just say that I am made of a 4:43 marathon (my current PR) and call it a day. My true love lies in the triathlon anyway and my biggest fear in pushing myself too hard on this race is it's effect on the rest of my triathlon season.
I had originally planned on this being my final marathon. The marathon just isn't my bag and I don't think my knees like it that much. I'd rather run forever than run marathons for only a few more years. This being said, I had originally said this would be my final marathon when I thought I could rock it. Since I can't rock it, (or even if I DO rock it, I know I could rock it MORE), we will see what the future holds.
Regardless, good luck to all of you running the Houston full marathon, the half marathon and the 5K! It should be a gorgeous day for a run! Leave your headphones at home and just enjoy the people around you! Race day is why you train...and you can only really enjoy it if you can experience all the sights and sounds!
Chuck Norris Never Ran 26.2!!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Candy Etiquette
There is a right and a wrong way to eat candy. This blog will teach you everything you need to know.
The main rule is to always eat the favorite flavor last. If in doubt, eat in pairs and always ending with red.
Starburst – Open the whole package, eat the yellow and orange ones in whatever order you deem appropriate. Then eat the pink and red ones on an alternating basis, finishing with the color you like better that day.
Now-N-Laters – Due to the individually packaged nature of this candy, make sure you have a trash receptacle near by. These candies also require a slightly warmer temperature than normal candies, so be prepared to heat them.1 To eat them, you must open the green section and eat them first. Nobody likes green candy and I’m still not sure why candy companies continue to make it. Regardless, eat the green ones because it’s candy and it’s just wrong to throw it out. Then, open the red and purple sections, warm them to the appropriate temperature, and eat them in an alternating fashion, beginning with purple (so that you will end on red).
Skittles – Skittles are a candy that are okay to waste. Assuming you are eating a full bag2, you are allowed to throw out the yellow, green and orange ones if you so desire. If you want to eat the whole bag, eat these colors in whatever order you want, but always (always) at least two at a time. Mixing colors is acceptable. Once the offending colors are removed from the bag, you may now move on to the purple and red. These too shall be eaten in pairs, but mixing colors is no longer allowed. You will pour a handful from the bag, pair them up, always ending each handful with red. If you happen to pour an odd number you may eat three at once…of all the same color.
SweetTarts – Due to the packaging (Spree will have a similar problem), you are required to eat these in the order given to you…and no two packages are the same. Unfortunately, no one on earth likes the blue ones, so you will forced to eat them.3 So, unwrap one end and begin your quest. Once you near the last 5-10 SweetTarts, you should unwrap the remaining candies and sort them according to color. All the blues shall be eaten first, then yellow and green, followed closely by orange, and of course, finishing with an alternating purple and red strategy. If you have been bad lately, you may not have any red in your last handful, at which point you should seriously evaluate your life because someone is out to get you.
Spree – With similar packaging as the SweetTarts, your plan of attack will be similar. HOWEVER (and I cannot stress this enough), Spree is the only candy on Earth where the green ones are the best. Please follow the SweetTart regimen but finish with green. You must finish with green.
Nerds – The key to Nerds is that you mustn’t EVER mix the colors.4 Upon purchasing a box of Nerds, you should decide which side of the box will be the best and eat that side last. You are required to fully consume the less-good side of the box before moving to the more-good side. If your spouse asks to have a taste of your Nerds, he/she is required to take a pull from the side you are currently eating.5
Gummi Worms – Gummi Worms are surprisingly easy to eat and have very few rules. They must be eaten in pairs, and preferably ending with at least one blue/red worm.
Gum – Also an easy-to-eat candy. Gum must eaten in pairs. If your spouse chooses to eat only one piece of gum, you are allowed to either hit him/her or eat three pieces in your next round.
Lollipops – How many licks DOES it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? I dunno. And neither should you. Lollipops should only be licked until they lose their sticky outer layer at which point, they should be bitten and their innards eaten.
Gummi-Savers – Thankfully for the plastic carrying case, this package can be opened all at once and the appropriate candies eaten in order. Open your Gummi Savers and eat all the yellow and green ones. Then, because in gummi form you can’t tell which is orange or red, alternate them with the purple and find which ever one you like the best. End with that one.
Life-Savers – Life Savers should be eaten in the order in which they are packaged. Unfortunately, depending on which end you open, this could be catastrophic or delicious. Regardless, eat them in the order in which they are packaged until you get to the end – your last two Lifesavers should always be red then white.6
Fun Dip – When will Fun-Dip makers learn that 2 Lik-M-Aid sticks are not enough? You will eat the purple sugary goodness first (even though it’s in the middle…make it work) with your first Lik-M-Aid stick. Then, after you have sufficiently crashed from your sugar high and your spouse is about to divorce you, you should begin on the red section with your second Lik-M-Aid stick. Shortly after eating this second pack, you will be covered in colored sugar7 and totally disgusted with yourself. When you feel the need to fuel your self loathing again, you should begin on the blue/green packet…but you will be out of Lik-M-Aid sticks, so you will have to use your finger. Your finger and tongue will be green for approximately 3 days.8
1. I use the “under the leg method”. Since I eat these while driving, I will warm a couple up by sticking them under my leg and turning on the seat warmer. It’s quite effective.
2. Not a Fun Pack. Due to the restricted amount of candies in a fun pack, you are always required to consume the full amount in a Fun Pack.
3. Ideally, you will eat these with a friend who has their own package and by some wishful thinking, this friend will prefer the blue ones and you will be able to trade with them.
4. In the event of a rainbow box, you may mix colors, but you must separate out the big fat ones from the small ones. The big fatties should be eaten individually.
5. If your spouse is sneaky and waits until you have finished the less-good side to ask for some candy (because all he wants is the more-good side) you are no longer required to share with him.
6. Another one of the candy anomalies, white Lifesavers are clearly the best flavor.
7. Because this is EASILY the messiest candy ever created.
8. It is sometimes best to find a small child with a harried mother to give this to. They will appreciate it.
The main rule is to always eat the favorite flavor last. If in doubt, eat in pairs and always ending with red.
Starburst – Open the whole package, eat the yellow and orange ones in whatever order you deem appropriate. Then eat the pink and red ones on an alternating basis, finishing with the color you like better that day.
Now-N-Laters – Due to the individually packaged nature of this candy, make sure you have a trash receptacle near by. These candies also require a slightly warmer temperature than normal candies, so be prepared to heat them.1 To eat them, you must open the green section and eat them first. Nobody likes green candy and I’m still not sure why candy companies continue to make it. Regardless, eat the green ones because it’s candy and it’s just wrong to throw it out. Then, open the red and purple sections, warm them to the appropriate temperature, and eat them in an alternating fashion, beginning with purple (so that you will end on red).
Skittles – Skittles are a candy that are okay to waste. Assuming you are eating a full bag2, you are allowed to throw out the yellow, green and orange ones if you so desire. If you want to eat the whole bag, eat these colors in whatever order you want, but always (always) at least two at a time. Mixing colors is acceptable. Once the offending colors are removed from the bag, you may now move on to the purple and red. These too shall be eaten in pairs, but mixing colors is no longer allowed. You will pour a handful from the bag, pair them up, always ending each handful with red. If you happen to pour an odd number you may eat three at once…of all the same color.
SweetTarts – Due to the packaging (Spree will have a similar problem), you are required to eat these in the order given to you…and no two packages are the same. Unfortunately, no one on earth likes the blue ones, so you will forced to eat them.3 So, unwrap one end and begin your quest. Once you near the last 5-10 SweetTarts, you should unwrap the remaining candies and sort them according to color. All the blues shall be eaten first, then yellow and green, followed closely by orange, and of course, finishing with an alternating purple and red strategy. If you have been bad lately, you may not have any red in your last handful, at which point you should seriously evaluate your life because someone is out to get you.
Spree – With similar packaging as the SweetTarts, your plan of attack will be similar. HOWEVER (and I cannot stress this enough), Spree is the only candy on Earth where the green ones are the best. Please follow the SweetTart regimen but finish with green. You must finish with green.
Nerds – The key to Nerds is that you mustn’t EVER mix the colors.4 Upon purchasing a box of Nerds, you should decide which side of the box will be the best and eat that side last. You are required to fully consume the less-good side of the box before moving to the more-good side. If your spouse asks to have a taste of your Nerds, he/she is required to take a pull from the side you are currently eating.5
Gummi Worms – Gummi Worms are surprisingly easy to eat and have very few rules. They must be eaten in pairs, and preferably ending with at least one blue/red worm.
Gum – Also an easy-to-eat candy. Gum must eaten in pairs. If your spouse chooses to eat only one piece of gum, you are allowed to either hit him/her or eat three pieces in your next round.
Lollipops – How many licks DOES it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? I dunno. And neither should you. Lollipops should only be licked until they lose their sticky outer layer at which point, they should be bitten and their innards eaten.
Gummi-Savers – Thankfully for the plastic carrying case, this package can be opened all at once and the appropriate candies eaten in order. Open your Gummi Savers and eat all the yellow and green ones. Then, because in gummi form you can’t tell which is orange or red, alternate them with the purple and find which ever one you like the best. End with that one.
Life-Savers – Life Savers should be eaten in the order in which they are packaged. Unfortunately, depending on which end you open, this could be catastrophic or delicious. Regardless, eat them in the order in which they are packaged until you get to the end – your last two Lifesavers should always be red then white.6
Fun Dip – When will Fun-Dip makers learn that 2 Lik-M-Aid sticks are not enough? You will eat the purple sugary goodness first (even though it’s in the middle…make it work) with your first Lik-M-Aid stick. Then, after you have sufficiently crashed from your sugar high and your spouse is about to divorce you, you should begin on the red section with your second Lik-M-Aid stick. Shortly after eating this second pack, you will be covered in colored sugar7 and totally disgusted with yourself. When you feel the need to fuel your self loathing again, you should begin on the blue/green packet…but you will be out of Lik-M-Aid sticks, so you will have to use your finger. Your finger and tongue will be green for approximately 3 days.8
1. I use the “under the leg method”. Since I eat these while driving, I will warm a couple up by sticking them under my leg and turning on the seat warmer. It’s quite effective.
2. Not a Fun Pack. Due to the restricted amount of candies in a fun pack, you are always required to consume the full amount in a Fun Pack.
3. Ideally, you will eat these with a friend who has their own package and by some wishful thinking, this friend will prefer the blue ones and you will be able to trade with them.
4. In the event of a rainbow box, you may mix colors, but you must separate out the big fat ones from the small ones. The big fatties should be eaten individually.
5. If your spouse is sneaky and waits until you have finished the less-good side to ask for some candy (because all he wants is the more-good side) you are no longer required to share with him.
6. Another one of the candy anomalies, white Lifesavers are clearly the best flavor.
7. Because this is EASILY the messiest candy ever created.
8. It is sometimes best to find a small child with a harried mother to give this to. They will appreciate it.
Doggone Debate
Tommy and I regularly discuss getting another dog. I am very pro-dog and Tommy (always the rational and boring one) is anti-dog. And by discuss, I mean that I send him pictures of puppies and he sends replies that just say, "no." Ugh.
If I were rich I would move to the middle of nowhere (preferably near the coast) and open my own puppy house. I would just take in dogs that I loved and it would be magical. So, my desire to have more than the one dog is pretty high.
I HAD been saying that after the Ironman, I would be pushing for another dog, because life would calm down then, but in reality, my life never calms down...so, in getting another dog, I just have to factor boarding costs into the equation. But it's after the Ironman and we still don't have another dog.
I want a young-ish female dog. Not a puppy - puppies are adorable, but dude, could they BE more irritating? So, in the 8mos-1.5 years range is ideal - still trainable and young enough to have a full life with me, but not so young that they will feel the need to teeth on my couch and need to pee every 5 minutes.
I want a female because my wonderful 7 year old male dog has started marking his territory and it's irritating as sh1t.
I want a furry one because furry ones are just cuter and preferably black (so I will only have one color of hair on my clothes). The black is negotiable. The furry is not.
And my last demand is that said puppy grow to be on the smallish side...more than 15lbs, less than 50lbs...
I need another dog, right?
If I were rich I would move to the middle of nowhere (preferably near the coast) and open my own puppy house. I would just take in dogs that I loved and it would be magical. So, my desire to have more than the one dog is pretty high.
I HAD been saying that after the Ironman, I would be pushing for another dog, because life would calm down then, but in reality, my life never calms down...so, in getting another dog, I just have to factor boarding costs into the equation. But it's after the Ironman and we still don't have another dog.
I want a young-ish female dog. Not a puppy - puppies are adorable, but dude, could they BE more irritating? So, in the 8mos-1.5 years range is ideal - still trainable and young enough to have a full life with me, but not so young that they will feel the need to teeth on my couch and need to pee every 5 minutes.
I want a female because my wonderful 7 year old male dog has started marking his territory and it's irritating as sh1t.
I want a furry one because furry ones are just cuter and preferably black (so I will only have one color of hair on my clothes). The black is negotiable. The furry is not.
And my last demand is that said puppy grow to be on the smallish side...more than 15lbs, less than 50lbs...
I need another dog, right?
Friday, January 08, 2010
Save the Whales.
Spandex is not made for just anyone. In fact, spandex is not made for anyone eat all. That shit is just evil.
In triathlon, we are "forced" to wear spandex, head to toe, lest we opt to waste LOTS of time changing in transition (which we don't want to do, so, spandex happens). Before a race, we all stand around, looking like beached whales, trying to suck in our guts and intimidate the other whales around us. It'll never happen. Because no matter how hot your body is, a full suit of spandex is just wrong.
Nonetheless, our Texas Independence Relay team - Team Pace Booty - has opted to make tri kits for us to race in and then to also wear for the Florida Half we are all doing.
We got the sample kits in the mail yesterday to tri on (ha!) and DUDE, they are awful. I hath ne'er looked so beached. I shan't be eating until May. Hooray! But, we will look cool as a team in our matching TPB uniforms. It'll be worth it, but let's seriously hope that there are no cameras. I'm pretty sure my ass looks exponentially larger in that kit...and it didn't need ANY help in that department.
So, save the whales! Go Team Pace Booty!
In triathlon, we are "forced" to wear spandex, head to toe, lest we opt to waste LOTS of time changing in transition (which we don't want to do, so, spandex happens). Before a race, we all stand around, looking like beached whales, trying to suck in our guts and intimidate the other whales around us. It'll never happen. Because no matter how hot your body is, a full suit of spandex is just wrong.
Nonetheless, our Texas Independence Relay team - Team Pace Booty - has opted to make tri kits for us to race in and then to also wear for the Florida Half we are all doing.
We got the sample kits in the mail yesterday to tri on (ha!) and DUDE, they are awful. I hath ne'er looked so beached. I shan't be eating until May. Hooray! But, we will look cool as a team in our matching TPB uniforms. It'll be worth it, but let's seriously hope that there are no cameras. I'm pretty sure my ass looks exponentially larger in that kit...and it didn't need ANY help in that department.
So, save the whales! Go Team Pace Booty!
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
A rose by any other name…
…might smell just as sweet, but in my house, I can guarantee that rose IS called by some other name and it may or may not smell nice.
I have always felt the need to name inanimate objects but this desire has gotten much worse since Tommy and I moved in together. We agree on a lot of things, politics, the delicious taste of beer, dirty kids, loud dance clubs, etc, but at the very top of this list is this undying desire to name things.
Growing up I had a stereo named Esmerelda. My first car was named The Blue Goose (we called him The Goose for short). My vacuum is named Ramone. My pillow is named Squishie. My dog is named Donny, but he goes by Don, The Don, Dog, Beast, Monster, and most recently, Pugsy. Lord knows where we came up with that.
We named our cars Oscar and Freddy and our bikes are Mr. Moto, Rocky, Flo, and Roxie (there are also two unnamed bikes, but due to their lack of name, they cannot be mentioned here). Modes of transportation MUST have names. If I had a skateboard, I’d name it Jake.
We call our farts "cakes". It makes the whole experience much more enjoyable. Everybody loves cake!
Our friends Tiffany and Harold also like to name things, but mostly they just like to name living things and make life confusing for anyone who steps over their threshold (I think they are constantly trying to test me). Tiffany also goes by TT. Tansie, the dog, can also be called Lulu. Caleb will answer to Doey and Madison is ReRe. I’m surprised I can even remember them all.
What IS this obsession to give nicknames or titles to things? My mom always said that she regrets naming me Christine when she had every intention of calling me Christy. I mean, what’s the point? And then, just to spite her, I went by Ben for the duration of my teenage years. Muuuhahaha.
UPDATE: My wonderful friends Natalie and Tommy (who also happens to be my super special friend) have reminded me of a few that I forgot. Our Christmas tree is named Debbie...O Tennenbaum! She is a Deborah Fir, ya know. We also had Meatloaf the rat infestation shortly after Meatloaf sang at the Superbowl (or something)...and then we bought a rat Christmas tree ornament. His name is Meatloaf too. There is Eva the computer and Burnie the Burglar (named for his desire to burn our house to the ground while we sleep). We also have Sally the inflatable dolphin and Tally the inflatable sheep. If I remember correctly though, we are now on our second inflatable sheep...so Tally II.
***************************************
In unrelated news, I’ve been thinking about candy dishes a lot lately. I’ve primarily been thinking about them because I have a DESPERATE need for candy that I have yet to fulfill today but also because they present a conundrum that I don’t quite understand.
I work in CubicleVille where people have baskets and buckets and bowls of candy on their desks. Some of these dishes are accessible without entering the cube while some are located inside the cube and require the removal of a lid (so intimidating!).
I often walk by these candy bowls, craving some Laffy Taffy goodness, only to walk on by without indulging because I don’t understand the dynamics of candy dishes and I’m afraid to break any candy rules.
What are the rules for consuming candy out of other people’s candy dishes? Am I required to stop and chat awhile? For how long? Or can I just grab a mini-Twix and be on my merry way? If I constantly eat one person’s candy am I required to replenish their dish at some point? What about if they are gone? Can I still take a Lifesaver?
What is my moral obligation in regards to eating this seemingly “community” candy? I don’t have a candy dish because I don’t have enough self control to not eat the whole thing in one sitting and I don’t eat out of other people’s candy bowls (much) because the whole thing makes me very uncomfortable.
The weight of this issue is too much to bear sometimes. Please shoulder this burden with me. I need your support.
Thanks.
I have always felt the need to name inanimate objects but this desire has gotten much worse since Tommy and I moved in together. We agree on a lot of things, politics, the delicious taste of beer, dirty kids, loud dance clubs, etc, but at the very top of this list is this undying desire to name things.
Growing up I had a stereo named Esmerelda. My first car was named The Blue Goose (we called him The Goose for short). My vacuum is named Ramone. My pillow is named Squishie. My dog is named Donny, but he goes by Don, The Don, Dog, Beast, Monster, and most recently, Pugsy. Lord knows where we came up with that.
We named our cars Oscar and Freddy and our bikes are Mr. Moto, Rocky, Flo, and Roxie (there are also two unnamed bikes, but due to their lack of name, they cannot be mentioned here). Modes of transportation MUST have names. If I had a skateboard, I’d name it Jake.
We call our farts "cakes". It makes the whole experience much more enjoyable. Everybody loves cake!
Our friends Tiffany and Harold also like to name things, but mostly they just like to name living things and make life confusing for anyone who steps over their threshold (I think they are constantly trying to test me). Tiffany also goes by TT. Tansie, the dog, can also be called Lulu. Caleb will answer to Doey and Madison is ReRe. I’m surprised I can even remember them all.
What IS this obsession to give nicknames or titles to things? My mom always said that she regrets naming me Christine when she had every intention of calling me Christy. I mean, what’s the point? And then, just to spite her, I went by Ben for the duration of my teenage years. Muuuhahaha.
UPDATE: My wonderful friends Natalie and Tommy (who also happens to be my super special friend) have reminded me of a few that I forgot. Our Christmas tree is named Debbie...O Tennenbaum! She is a Deborah Fir, ya know. We also had Meatloaf the rat infestation shortly after Meatloaf sang at the Superbowl (or something)...and then we bought a rat Christmas tree ornament. His name is Meatloaf too. There is Eva the computer and Burnie the Burglar (named for his desire to burn our house to the ground while we sleep). We also have Sally the inflatable dolphin and Tally the inflatable sheep. If I remember correctly though, we are now on our second inflatable sheep...so Tally II.
***************************************
In unrelated news, I’ve been thinking about candy dishes a lot lately. I’ve primarily been thinking about them because I have a DESPERATE need for candy that I have yet to fulfill today but also because they present a conundrum that I don’t quite understand.
I work in CubicleVille where people have baskets and buckets and bowls of candy on their desks. Some of these dishes are accessible without entering the cube while some are located inside the cube and require the removal of a lid (so intimidating!).
I often walk by these candy bowls, craving some Laffy Taffy goodness, only to walk on by without indulging because I don’t understand the dynamics of candy dishes and I’m afraid to break any candy rules.
What are the rules for consuming candy out of other people’s candy dishes? Am I required to stop and chat awhile? For how long? Or can I just grab a mini-Twix and be on my merry way? If I constantly eat one person’s candy am I required to replenish their dish at some point? What about if they are gone? Can I still take a Lifesaver?
What is my moral obligation in regards to eating this seemingly “community” candy? I don’t have a candy dish because I don’t have enough self control to not eat the whole thing in one sitting and I don’t eat out of other people’s candy bowls (much) because the whole thing makes me very uncomfortable.
The weight of this issue is too much to bear sometimes. Please shoulder this burden with me. I need your support.
Thanks.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Another 26.2
Truthfully, the thought of running another marathon right now makes me a little bit nauseous. Odds of getting violently ill on race day is high. Awesome!
My plan all along had been to train hard for the Ironman, squeeze in one more long run before the marathon, and then I would be good to go to meet my 4:30 goal.
WRONG.
My body totally rejected this plan. Before the Ironman, I could have questionably run a 4 hour marathon…and therefore my 4:30 goal was a no-brainer. I had that one in the bag. AFTER the Ironman however is an entirely different story. My body is tired and I was afraid to push it too hard (which was probably the right call) and I am just not ready for race day.
Eh.
And to top it all off, I’ve gotten SO SLOW. Like snail slow. Like the story of the tortoise and hare doesn’t even apply to me because I am the flea that can’t even hold onto the dumb turtles shell. Seriously. I’m THAT slow.
My legs feel pretty good lately…but they feel pretty good SLOW. They aren’t having any part of speed work. Or speed in general. They’ll go out and run…if you want to call it that…but they aren’t winning any awards (not that they won awards before, but SUCK IT).
So my dreams of breaking 4 hours and 30 minutes are long gone. I’ll be lucky to finish in one piece. I’ll be pleased if I PR but really, I’m not counting my chickens, hatched or otherwise, because this race is gonna be UGLY.
In other news, keg party at our house after.
My plan all along had been to train hard for the Ironman, squeeze in one more long run before the marathon, and then I would be good to go to meet my 4:30 goal.
WRONG.
My body totally rejected this plan. Before the Ironman, I could have questionably run a 4 hour marathon…and therefore my 4:30 goal was a no-brainer. I had that one in the bag. AFTER the Ironman however is an entirely different story. My body is tired and I was afraid to push it too hard (which was probably the right call) and I am just not ready for race day.
Eh.
And to top it all off, I’ve gotten SO SLOW. Like snail slow. Like the story of the tortoise and hare doesn’t even apply to me because I am the flea that can’t even hold onto the dumb turtles shell. Seriously. I’m THAT slow.
My legs feel pretty good lately…but they feel pretty good SLOW. They aren’t having any part of speed work. Or speed in general. They’ll go out and run…if you want to call it that…but they aren’t winning any awards (not that they won awards before, but SUCK IT).
So my dreams of breaking 4 hours and 30 minutes are long gone. I’ll be lucky to finish in one piece. I’ll be pleased if I PR but really, I’m not counting my chickens, hatched or otherwise, because this race is gonna be UGLY.
In other news, keg party at our house after.
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