Pizza.

If you work in Corporate America, you better like pizza. In fact, this should probably be one of the questions on the aptitude tests given to fifth graders. Children who don't like pizza should be steered toward jobs to be a teacher, doctor, lawyer (for a small, non-Corporate America firms) or a garbage man. I guarantee that these kids will not grow up to like Corporate America if they don't like pizza.

Pizza Haters would not like working in Corporate America because everyone likes free food. Free food is always (we will say 99.99999% of the time) better than any food that you could have possibly paid for. And if there is free food around, most self-respecting (or in my case, un-self-respecting) people will eat the free food.

And this food is always (we will say 97.9999% of the time) pizza.

So, all you pizza haters out there, go find a new job and leave the pizza to us cubicle dwellers. We NEED it.

***UPDATE: Also, unlike the quickly devoured delicious AND nutritious pizza, there is an overwhelming amount of leftover melon in Corporate America. On any given fruit tray, the grapes and strawberries are snatched up immediately, only to leave all this disgusting melon festering in self pity and low self-esteem. Nobody likes melon. Why do we insist on putting it on a fruit tray??