Why Dogs Love Their Owners.

I a firm believer that yes, dogs CAN feel embarrasment. I am also a firm believer that dressing them up in AWESOME Halloween costumes is not a source of this embarrasment.

Dogs love Halloween and they love to be dressed up in costumes.

I am not allowed into Petco during the holidays anymore because I will buy any dog costume they sell in an XXL. The options are usually limited, but this has not stopped me from accumulating a rather large collection of costumes for my mutts.

They love it. They love posing for the camera. They love the attention they get when they wear them. (I will agree and say that they do not love the hats and things on their ears...but eh, I don't like hats either, and sometimes, they are just necessary. Suck it up Puppy.)

Pee, Pee and More Pee

Truthfully, other than my totally irrational (yet common) fears that something tragic will happen to my unborn child, the thing I think about most is when I will get to pee again. I am constantly in need of a place to pee.

I can tell you the exact distance (in either feet or minutes) it will take you to reach a bathroom at any given location in the great Houston metroplex. I can probably give you most of the stops on the way to Dallas and the DFW area as well, but don't test me.

I don't know how something so small has the ability to shrink my bladder so significantly but then I start thinking about what will happen when Cletus actually starts to reach full term...I'm totally screwed. I'm gonna buy stock in She-Wee. Maybe I can be their spokesperson!

I ran the Houston Half Marathon yesterday...although my name is not in the results . It's probably better this way...that way there is no proof of my slow time. Ha.

The weather was perfect racing weather for me - kind of warmish (about 80 for you northerners) and humid as hell. Everyone else seemed to be in a tizzy about it, but I heart the humidity. I'm pretty sure Cletus is gonna have gills. Part man, part fish! Almost like a mermaid, but not.

Nonetheless, I had a great race...not because I raced well, because, let's be honest, racing well when you are pregnant isn't all that smart of an idea...but I had a great race because it was great day. And frankly, all in all, I had a good run. I enjoyed my day thoroughly.

HOWEVER.

There's always a "however".

Before the race started - after the prayer, but before the Star Spangled Banner - I had to pee. Again. But I didn't want to wander too far from the start...so I just found a post and went behind that. I told the other guy standing there just to avoid eye contact and we would never talk about this again. Nevermind the 3,000 runners who just got up close and personal with my pasty rear, but as long as you avoid eye contact, they can't tag you on Facebook. GENIUS!

I was feeling pretty good, running with my pal Laura. We were both taking it easy - she is running New York in 2 weeks and I am pregnant (no way!?!) so we were just enjoying the day. I found a bush to pee behind around mile 2...and again around mile 3.5...and thus a trend was born. Laura bailed on me around mile 5 (she wasn't feeling so hot) and I was on my own...peeing on the side of the road of a race is way better when you have a buddy, btw.

I peed 7 times during the half marathon. 7 times. That's more than every 2 miles. No wonder my time was 2 hours and 20 minutes even though I felt like I was running a decent pace. Ha. And I had to refill the water bottle I was carrying at every other water station...

Over the course the race, I peed 7 times (7 times!), drank 3-16 ounce bottles of water, a FULL cup of Gatorade every 2 miles and 4 Clif-Blocs. I'm pretty sure this sets a world record of consumption at the half marathon level. I should have gotten an award.

All in all, I had a great race. Going slow wasn't easy, especially at the end when I felt like a rockstar and could have run 8 minute miles on the last few miles, but I know it was the right thing to do. And ultimately, I acheived my goal of finishing in time to get a shirt in my size (this race is notorious of running out of appropriate sizes). I got my shirt (even though it's ugly as sin), enjoyed my morning and felt like I challenged myself a little...and celebrated with crepes. There is little else more enjoyable than eating a delicious reward after a good race.

I love racing. And I love Cletus. Finding the balance is hard. Especially when I have to pee every 15 minutes.

My Name Is Christy And I Have A Problem.

You know those weird things you do when you hope no else is looking? Like, reenacting a conversation with someone out loud? Or picking your nose in the car? Or licking the mayonnaise jar? Or unbuttoning your pants before you are all the way in the bathroom stall? Yeah, those things. Those things are weird and socially unacceptable...but everyone does them. (I'd like to point out that mayonnaise is absolutely and complete repulsive and I neither own a jar of mayonnaise nor have I ever eaten mayonnaise just, but you get the idea).

Well, I have a problem.

Before I got pregnant, it wasn't really a problem...it was more of a feature. But now, it's kind of an issue.

I can pee anywhere.

No seriously. I can pee anywhere. I have no problems with dropping trou in broad daylight on the side of the road. I can pee in lakes. I can pee my pants during a run (if necessary to achieve a PR). I can pee my pants during a run if its pouring down rain because, hey, that's just efficient. I have never tried to pee in (or out of) a moving vehicle, but I am certain that should this necessity ever arise, I will rise to the occasion.

The only place I can't pee is while cycling. This is surprisingly kind of an issue when you have the smallest bladder on the planet and your ride partners don't want to stop every 10 miles.

Alas, this life skill has never let me down. The world is my urinal and I am thankful. Thus far in my pregnancy, this skill has been a bonus, because as we all know, pregnancy is a mean, mean trick that life plays on your bladder and you are constantly thirsty and constantly have to pee. On runs I can just run my normal routes and hope that I dn't get arrested when I pee in the yards of the politicians who live in River Oaks...it's a feature. No need to wait for the port-a-cans the homeless people stink up at the park. The world is out there and needs to be watered!

This feature has never let me down...until yesterday.

Yesterday I was running errands after work when, lo and behold, I had to pee (for the 97 thousandth time that day). As I walked between Michaels and REI, I crossed over a nice patch of grass with some shrubberies and I thought to myself, "Oh, I could just pee here". No, I really considered just peeing in the parking lot of the store.

WTF?

It's 6PM. It's light outside. I'm at a strip mall. It's a small shrubbery. It's illegal, inappropriate and THERE ARE BATHROOMS IN THE FRIGGIN STORE! (The bathrooms are probably in the back or the store and not nearly as convenient as this shrubbery, but seriously? Seriously?!)

Yeah, that was one of those stupid things you hope no one ever sees you do (or think). I was mortified that it even crossed my mind. Apparently I have been too free with my peeing experiences. My bladder is starting to forget what is appropriate and what is not. I think my bladder may need to be held back.

For the record, I did not pee in the parking lot. Nor did I pee in the store. I was too embarrassed. I got my new BOB Ironman Stroller from REI and ran out of there! First baby purchase = COMPLETE!

It's Ugly. It's REAL Ugly.

I am now 15 weeks pregnant (that's just over 3 months for those of you who don't count in weeks). I thought for sure by now I would have gotten these bigger hooters that everyone talks about, but alas, they are the same sad sacks they have always been. It's tragic really.

I also spent most of Tuesday lamenting my lack of baby bump. I bought a halloween costume a couple of months ago, that I thought would accomodate my growing waistline (I was going as Spock. Ha.), so that even if I just looked fat, I wouldn't be uncomfortable in it. But i've always wanted to be a Slutty German Barmaid. I've never been anything slutty for Halloween before and darn it, I WILL be a barmaid. Someday.

So, on Tuesday, after mucho lamenting, I packed up Tommy and we headed to Frankel's (Houston's best Halloween costume emporium) to get my Slutty German Barmaid costume. While there is still a chance I could get a belly between now and next weekend, there was a bigger chance that Frankel's would run out of the costume...and this was a risk I was not willing to take. So, a Slutty German Barmaid costume I know possess.

Alas, I got it home, once again, after much lamenting about my lack of belly, put it on and lo and behold, I have a belly. I wouldn't call it a Baby Bump per se, but I definitely have a FUPA where I did not have a FUPA before.

Slutty German Barmaids should not have FUPAs. Unless by some stroke of baby love, my FUPA disappears and is replaced by an actual baby bump, I will be singing Crocodile Rock dressed as Spock.

He can hit a mean falseto.

I Can't Resist

A dog video for your entertainment. The tortoise always wins. Stupid mutt.

How Do I Love Thee?

I love the Ironman. I LOVE the Ironman. Ironman is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Beer is also this proof, but I am a wine girl, so eh, I'll stick with Ironman.

I know it's a for-profit corporation that gets free manual labor on race day and exploits the little guy, yada yada yada...it's like Wal-mart, except that unlike Wal-mart, I will allow you to participate.

I could never quite put into words why I preferred the Ironman branded races over other "iron-distances" races, but having attended Redman full iron distance race, I can safely say that the extra $400 is $400 well spent. Dude, just fork over the dough, get your Ironman branded gear and call it day. Call yourself an Ironman.



Kona was last weekend, my Superbowl, and I spent my evening, on my couch, watching the live feed, and crying as people crossed the finish line. Maybe its the pregnancy hormones. Maybe it's because I always cry when I talk about triathlon...I just love it!

I am super sad to be missing out on IMTexas in May...but Cletus and I will be there to cheer on Papa Blain (who I hope has as much fun as I had in Cozumel!) I'd like to point out that the only purchase we have made thus far for our growing child is the Ironman BOB Stroller. Yeah, it's a problem. I could care less about Gucci and Louis Vuitton, but brand it with an M-dot and I'll pay a fortune for it. Ridiculous.

We will be in Cozumel to cheer on all our friends this year at the race and I can only imagine the jealousy I will have for all of them. I'm green just thinking about it!

I'm not going to do the indoor triathlon this weekend...I'm just gonna suck it up and do the half marathon that Tommy is doing. It will be more fun anyway since everyone I know is doing it. Poor Tommy will finish in about 1:30...and then I will finish sometime before noon. Haha. He will have plenty of time to go get me some lunch before I finish. I miss my speed!!

Pottery Barn.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but Pottery Barn threw up in my house. It's like that Friends episode where Rachel and Phoebe live together and Rachel decorates the entire house in Pottery Barn stuff, but has to lie to Phoebe - "oh, this is an antique apothecary table...not at all from Pottery Barn".

Yeah, Pottery Barn threw up in my house.

It's not that I am super into trendy stuff or actually decorate like the PB catalog suggests (although, I would if I could afford it slash had someone to dust all that crap), but it's more that the furniture is just my style. I like clean lines with a bit of whimsy. Basically, Pottery Barn is my furniture haven.

BTW - If you aren't currently reading this blog, you should be.

If I had the patience slash time, I would spend my Saturdays shopping all over town to find cool pieces to make my bedroom set...OR I could just go online and buy some PB stuff and spend the rest of my day lounging like the vegetable I desire to be. New furniture is just a click away!!

We have been meaning to buy new bedroom furniture for about 4 years. The stuff we are currently using is the hideous stuff that Tommy's ex-wife picked out. Not only is it the furniture that the ex-wife picked out (although, this bothers me not at all, it's a good excuse to convince Tommy that we NEED new furniture), but it's ugly and poorly made...and we have moved it approximately 14 times in 4 years. Crappy furniture just can't take that kind of abuse. So it's awful and in awful condition.

Alas, I have finally decided to bite the bullet and just buy the stupid Pottery Barn furniture I have loved for 4 years. I kept waiting for something better to come along so my house wouldn't be all Pottery Barn-ed out (I just don't respect myself!), but in 4 years, I still NEED that bed. It's gonna happen.

In other news, we will FINALLY be able to ditch our current crap...we broke the bed a few years ago (brown chicken brown cow!), but the ugly dressers are up for grabs. We will probably just leave them on the the curb...not sure anyone would buy them.

Phoebe, don't hate me. You know you love it. Darn you Pottery Barn and your overpriced crap!

Pregnancy Glow

I don't have it. I don't know anyone who has had it (sorry friends - I lied to your faces). I know it's still early for me to get it, but really, with all this acne, I just dont see how it would be possible anyway.

I'm a firm believer that the Pregnancy Glow is just a way to make formerly thin people feel better about themselves. It's like when you tell a bride it's good luck if it rains on her wedding day. It's not good luck. It just makes them feel better when it rains on their wedding day. Nevermind that the entire outdoor ceremony is ruined. Hey, it's good luck!

The sheer number of zits I have have to pop each day would challenge a teenagers counting skills. And if I do appear to be glowing, it's because I am as sweaty as a a marathoner...and while a marathoner may APPEAR to be glowing, trust me, they aren't. They are starving. Their cheeks are flushed from sheer starvation and dehydration. I'm sweaty and a flight of stairs is daunting.

I'm not glowing. And it's not good luck if it rains on your wedding day.

And if you say it one more time, I will shoot my next zit into your eye.

********************************

In other news, I found a triathlon that I can race! It's indoor, which is super lame, but that also means that I can do it, so that's super not lame!

Kona is this weekend which means I will be glued to my computer screen for most of the day watching the live feed.

I heard Cletus's heartbeat yesterday afternoon - 164bpm. Tommy heard it a few weeks ago, but the deaf often get delayed gratification. Alas, it has a heart and it beats. Very fastly. Yayy!!

Cat's Out of the Bag

Now that the cat is FINALLY out of the bag, I can gossip about all the joys and un-joys of being pregnant.

But let's be honest, the joys aren't all that funny, and people's happiness is generally sickening and irritating, so for now let's focus on the horror that is baby bedding.

We don't yet know the gender of our future child, but we do plan on finding out as soon as possible. Yes, I know it's one of life's great surprises, blah blah blah, but really, it's still a surprise when they tell you during the ultrasound. So even if you find out BEFORE that bundle of pooping joy is in your arms, it's STILL a surprise. Take that naysayers!

And since I don't tolerate surprises well anyway, it's better that I find out after a full nights sleep and without holding any precious cargo.

We will find out as soon as a weiner or lack thereof is visible. I'm pretty sure the 50% accuracy of the Chinese Gender Prediction chart has guessed me right anyway, so it's a moo point. A cow's opinion.

Regardless of Cletus's gender, I will likely go the neutral bedding/decor route, so I have been scouring the internet in search of baby bedding that doesn't make me want to hurl. And unfortunately, this is few and far between. Pair this search with morning sickness and I have spent a lot of time praying to the porcelain god.

In my search, I found a lot of this:

Even more of this:

And thank the good Lord, I saw very little of this:


The search continues, despite the efforts of Winnie the Pooh and Pastel Paint. I will overcome you!!

Tiger in the Tank!

It's true.

I am with child.
I have a tiger in my tank.
I'm knocked up.
I am harboring a fugitive.
I am developing a crotch parasite.
I have a bun in the oven.
I've been screwed.

Tommy and I found out on August 9th that not only do pregnancy tests NOT take 5 minutes to give a postive result, but that I am also pregnant.

I am addicted to pregnancy tests have been taking at least one a month for forever, much to Tommy's chagrin ("they're expensive!"). I can't help it. But on this particularly joyous day, the test did not stop at one pink line...but immediately (and I mean IMMEDIATELY) registered 2 pink lines. If I hadn't already peed in the toilet, I would have just peed my pants.

I called Tommy, he came home (where I presented him with two pee filled sticks...he was thrilled) and we went to dinner to celebrate and gossip about our impending bundle of joy...AHH!

The signs that I should have seen:

The first sign that indicated I might be pregnant is when ShopItToMe had a 1/2 off sale on skinny jeans and the only size they had in stock was mine. It was FATE! Of course I purchased them and took them to get them altered. Only fate would have you alter your first pair of skinny jeans on the day you find out you're pregnant. So now, of course, I can't return them. So, I've pretty much been wearing skinny jeans every single day and plan to squeeze myself into them until I can no longer suck in my gut anymore.

The second sign was that Kroger had Black Box wine on sale the previous weekend. Tommy and I, being the classy folk that we are, purchased 6 (yes, 6) boxes (yes, boxes) of wine (yes, that's 6 BOXES of wine), because well, they were on sale and if you buy 6 you get an additional 10% off.

The third sign was that I joined a 3rd gym the week prior to finding out I was "with child". Luckily, I joined this gym for it's pool and since I plan on swimming up until the day I give birth, this wasn't a terrible move...but lately I've been to disgustingly sick to even think about swimming. So I am a member of 3 gyms...and I haven't been to a single one of these gyms in the last 12 weeks.

And the fourth and final sign was that I accidentally purchased a pair of childrens shoes. I think this is the universe telling me that my child will be punk/grunge. This does not bode well for me.

Alas, despite all these signs, I was still surprised when that second pink line appeared on the stick. Nobody gets lucky enough to find 1/2 off skinny jeans or sales on wine all in the same week...unless they won't be able to use them. Damn you Universe!!

****************
Now for some rules:

Do not touch my belly. Unless I like you. But even then, it's best not to touch the belly. I will remove your arms with my teeth.

Do not use the words "preggo" or "preggy" or "hubby". Unless you are 5. If you are older than 5, it is time to learn to speak properly. Update: This also includes "preggers" and any other variations of fake words.

Do not tell me your labor horror stories. Not sure who you think you are helping here.
****************

In other news: When training for Ironman, I compared the training to pregnancy and the race to labor. The rules for me racing Ironman were similar to the rules listed above. No touching the belly, no "preggo" or "hubby", and no racing horror stories. So, so far, I'm right on the mark!!

But really, so far, it's been pretty similar. I'm on information overload, the result is still too far away to really grasp, I feel like total horse sh1t and I am exhausted. This is all pretty much like Ironman!

Speaking of Ironman, I doubt I will be racing IMTX in May. While I do planning on keeping up my volume (as much as possible), I have no intent of keeping it up to the level that would be required to complete an Ironman. In addition to that, after pushing a baby out of my vagina in April, I seriously doubt that sitting on a very small bike seat for 6+ hours in May will sound appealling. Soooo, that's in the toilet. I plan on appealling to the WTC to see if I can defer until 2012, but even then, I'm not sure I will be ready to race with an infant either. We will see!! Either way, Cletus the Fetus and I will be there on race day to cheer on Daddy Blain and all our friends!

War of the Roses.

Here in H-town, there is a morning radio show on 104.1 with hosts Roula and Ryan. I do not normally listen to 104.1 because the music is very teeny bopper and terrible. It's something Janelle would like. :) A little too much Justin Beiber for my tastes. But on Thursdays, magical, magical Thursdays, they do the War of the Roses.

War of the Roses is a segment where a woman (usually a woman, but it can be a man) calls in and fears her man is cheating on her. Roula then pretends to be a florist and calls the man to offer him a dozen long stem roses. When the man ultimately gives them to a woman other than his beloved, they get to air all their dirty laundry on the radio. And it is excellent.

Today, a man called in, concerned that his newly thin and attractive wife had spent the majority of the holiday weekend getting wasted with her girlfriends and was therefore too hungover to spend time with him and their 3 children. Roula called the wife, offered her a weekend getaway with a couples massage and asked the names that needed to be on a reservation. The wife asked if she could think about who she would want to bring. Poor husband. (I know I shouldn't get joy out of other's people misery, but normal people don't call radio shows to air their dirty laundry, so I'm over it) Obviously the husband was upset.

They began discussing why she didn't want to go out with him and it ultimately came down to the fact that he wears jean shorts.

She doesn't love him anymore because he wears jean shorts.

And has Doc Martens. (Which btw, I think are coming back in style. If you wait long enough...)

I immediately called Tommy and let him know that a call from Roula is in his future if he continues to sport the jorts. He was very unconcerned.

The Universe.

The universe is against me.

Today, I overslept because I accidentally set my alarm for 4:30PM instead of AM. I awoke at 6:15AM, fully refreshed for the day ahead. And missed my workout.

I took it in stride - obviously my body wanted more sleep. Darn!

I packed my gym bag with two options for the afternoon - I could either bike at a spin class or hit the pool.

I arrived at work only to realize that I forgot tennis shoes (I blame Tommy for cleaning the house and hiding my shoes in the garage, "where they belong". No good deed goes unpunished!). Sooo, cycling was out. Guess I'm going to the pool!

And then it rained all day. Which means the pool is closed. [shaking fist at Tropical Storm Hermoine]

3 attempts to work out today and all 3 were shot down. The universe obviously wants me to sit on the couch, eat a giant vat of ice cream, and call it day.

Done and done.

Dramatic Chipmunk

This is worth every single one of the 5 seconds.

I AM A WOMAN!!

A couple of weeks ago, I decided I wanted a pair of Chuck Taylors. These are not fancy shoes, in fact, most would consider them a shoe of leisure. A tennis shoe if you will.

I had no idea how difficult it would be to purchase these shoes.

I went online and searched around until I found the cheapest pair around - $18.99 @ Kohl's. I placed my order and waited patiently for them to arrive. When the box on my doorstep showed up, I was quickly realized the error of my ways when the delivery box was TEENY TINY. I had ordered Chuck Taylors fit for a 2 year old.

Awesome.

I loaded up my box, went to UPS and shipped them back with a nasty note indicating that NO WHERE did it indicate that these were childrens shoes.

So I went online again. Gave up the search for the cheapest pair and just went with the place where I could get free shipping. JCPenney's. Done and done. $39.99 and my Chuck Taylors are in the mail.

When they arrive, I am glad the box is a normal size but when I pull the shoes out, I think to myself, "man, these look huge", but try them on anyway. Sure enough, they are huge. I have just purchased myself a pair of MEN'S size 8 Chuck Taylors.

Excellent.

I now have 2 pairs of Chucks, none of which will fit any of the members of my family (dogs included)(I tried). I'm afraid to order online again...I've already wasted about $20 in shipping alone and I have nothing to show for it. Anyone know where I can find size 8 WOMEN'S Chuck Taylors?? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Family Circus

A couple of family classics from the Bennett Family Story Book:

One time, my parents dog diarrhea'd in the living room while my parents were at work. They have a robotic vacuum that vacuums while they are away. Normally, this is a nice feature. On this particular day, however, with diarrhea in the middle of the room, vacuuming was not optimal. Roomba drug poop all over the house. Mom came home, saw the poop and promptly left with emergency plans for happy hour. She just giggled to herself when dad came home to the mess. Evil. Pure evil.

I love Kevin Smith. Heart him. Have loved all his movies and spent a lot of time in high school watching Mallrats and Clerks. When I heard about Chasing Amy, I just had to rent it. My dad had also heard how good it was, so we rented it together one night, made our popcorn and sat down to view. And then the opening scene was two women doing things to each other no father daughter combo should ever witness together. Dad promptly decided it was time to clean the kitchen.

At Thanksgiving one year, my mom decided to make homemade gravy. Now, while my mom can cook up a great many dishes, she is not the culinary wizard that I am (hahahaha)and the gravy turned out to look a lot more like diarrhea than gravy. It was lumpy, yet runny and a disturbing shade of brown. I, of course, found this to be absolutely hysterical and could not stop laughing. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I eventually had to remove myself from the Thanksgiving meal and eat alone in the other room. I was at least 23 when this happened. I shall never grow up.

When the blogging gets old, the old get older by blogging old ridiculous stories.

There is also the time my parents drank too much Franzia and locked me and my sister out of the house. Hahaha. Now THAT's a story that never gets old. My mom has lived in fear her whole life that I would tell everyone that story...muuuuhahahahaha. And I still turned out okay. Who knew?

Recluse.

I haven't been writting because I haven't really left my house much in the last few weeks. Therefore, I have nothing to write about. Sorry kiddos! I know you are tragically sad.

I've been hole-ing up in my casa because I just got tired from all the travelling and the working out and the blah! My grandma passed away and Tommy I drove to Dallas after work on a Friday, to Odessa on Monday after working from my parents house all day, and then back to Houston on Tuesday after the funeral. We both worked most of Monday and Tuesday, got back in town around 1am Tuesday night, worked Wed-Fri and then packed up to drive to New Orleans for the weekend. That's over 2000 miles of car trip, in one week, while working 40 hours, attending a funeral and a high school reunion. No wonder my face looked like a giant zit at the reunion.

Hence, I am exhausted. I don't want to get in the car to drive ANYWHERE anytime soon. We were supposed to go to Dallas this weekend for my first attempt at a 1:50 half marathon, but the thought of driving there makes me want to hurl a little, sooo, there are two bibs up for grabs if anyone wants them.

In other news, Tommy and I scored free 10th row seats on the first baseline to the Astros game. This game started off precariously when the beer man refused to serve me beer. I am 29 years old for crying out loud. Give me the dam beer. And then the baked potato line didn't have any cheese. WTF. What the hell kind of baseball game IS this?

But then things turned around.

I caught a ball!! Well, actually it landed in my chicken fingers (I WANTED a baked potato, but a potato without cheese, well, that's just sad) but I figure I can say that I caught it. But THEN the guy next to me leans over and asks if I have kids. I say no. He says he has a 6 year old and an 8 year old and can he have my ball. I hand it to him. 5 minutes later I ask for it back. Asshole didn't even bring his kids with him to the game. He can let his kids have a ball when he decides to bring them. What a jerk.

BUT THEN THINGS TURNED AROUND.

We got on the kiss cam. WHAT? This was approximately 2 seconds after I said there was no way we could be on the kiss cam. And then my friend called to tell me he saw me and I was famous.

Tommy wore his new fancy jersey (three men complemented him on it...I think I did good!) and I am now famous. Go me.

And then the next day we got to run the bases at the park.

BEST. WEEK. IN. BASEBALL. EVER.

But pretty much after that, I haven't left my house. I mean, how can you top that? You can't. And I'm not gonna try. I'm pooped and all I want to do is sleep in and go to the movies.

SAFETY FIRST!

In my extensive research, on company time, I determined that a spider is in fact both an insect and an arachnid. Arachnid is a sub-species of Insect.

Duh.

Safety is a number one priority at my office. Yes, I said, "at my office", where the most dangerous activity one can engage in is typing. Carpal tunnel is a real issue. Nonetheless, I spend an inappropriately large amount of my time filling out forms for safe working (such as: "Don't put your hands under the hot coffee water" and "Open doors slowly"). I fill out one of these forms weekly and then a larger, more intimidating form on a monthly basis.

I'm all for safety, but really, I work in an office. Any injuries I sustain, short of the refrigerator falling on me, are likely my fault at the whim of my stupidity.

But luckily for me, and the safety of all my colleagues, my company employs a Safety Man. His sole job is to write up safety reports on incidents that occur in the building. I assume he gets paid buckets of money for doing this job.

Last week, I recieved an 8 page presentation on a bug bite an employee recieved while at the office. In the presentation, the Safety Guy jumped back and forth from calling it a bug bite, an insect bite and a spider bite...I was so confused. Let's get the facts straight pal!! The verdict of the Root Cause Investigation (that I am sure took many an overtime hour) was that the victims cubicle was a filthy hell hole that probably harbored animals much worse than bugs. But because he was a filthy beast of a man, we were all forced to endure an 8 page slideshow presentation about his bug bite. A bug bite that just itched a little. It's not like it was a brown recluse bite or had severe swelling. No, it just itched. A little.

Are you kidding me??

Then, this week, I recieve a quick and dirty note about how the elevators have been recalled...and to just "be careful".

An itchy bug bite warrants 8 pages and a recalled elevator gets a quick snippet of an email??

I'll take the stairs.

Puppies!

Ah, the joys of dog ownership.

Dixie is a wonderful dog. She is cuddly and playful and pretty smart, although, at this point, she is more belligerent than anything else. Then again, most parents say their kids are pretty smart and the poor stupid kid can barely quack like a duck. So, who am I to speculate on the genius-ness of Dixie the Dog? She is probably dumber than a box of rocks.

And I have met some dumb rocks.

But so far her biggest issue is that she eats Don. Don doesn't seem to mind this, as he is very fluffy and probably doesn't even notice that she is his own personal grooming service. She eats him and pulls the excess hair off of him which would be great except that she is too dumb to spit it out...so it gets swallowed. Which then means Don's hair hits her stomach and digestive track, only to be pooped out in a giant Dixie the Dog sized terd. With hair in it. And if the terd comes out, but all the hair does not, then there is a giant terd hanging from her butt by a long string of Don's hair. And since Dixie does not possess opposable thumbs, the task of terd removal lies completely on the parents. Me.

So, on Tuesday, I donned a pair of plastic gloves and some paper towels and got about the task of terd removal.

Dixie was pleased to have this nuisance removed, but then, in her stupidity, she swallowed a giant hunk of Don.

Lovely. I'm almost certain she could get into Harvard.
Woe is me.

EL DIABLO!!

Life. It Happens.

To fill you in on my several week absence:

I signed up for Ironman Texas. Tommy signed up for Ironman Texas. Pretty much every triathlete we know signed up for Ironman Texas. The training will be very fun...but very cold. The race will be very fun...but very hot. I'm really looking forward to training with all my friends, racing in town and completing my second Ironman. The pressure is off this time...if I suck, I suck, but hey, I'm already an Ironman!! Who cares?!?!

We got to take a staycation over the 4th of July and it was so awesome. We took a cab downtown and stayed at the Four Seasons where we got a free upgrade to a pool side room. We spent the afternoons lounging by the pool, getting spritzed with Evian (wtf?!?) and ordering $14 margaritas (we only had 1). The best part of a vacation in town is that it's super easy to bring your own wine!

We came home to a new puppy - Dixie - that we were allowed to foster for a few days to decide if we wanted to adopt her (what a great option!) and of course, once we got adjusted to life with a puppy, we fell in love with her!
Dixie the Dog is here to stay.

As far as workouts go, we are trying to get back into it and get some consistency. My swimming is pretty much an epic fail...but I don't really know what I can expect when I only swim once a month. My biking is staying pretty consistent and I can't complain there. My running isn't going as well as I would like...but again, this is entirely because I haven't actually been running. I think my goal of completing a 1:50 half marathon is pretty much ridiculous at this point. That said, we participated in HRTC's BassAckWards Triathlon this past weekend and did really well...and had a blast. Swimming after biking and running is much harder than you would think.

And we hit up an Astro's game - thanks to Melissa - Tommy wore his new fancy jersey, I caught a ball AND we were on the KissCam. I mean, really? All in one day?!? (I think this was the ballpark apologizing for not serving me beer at the concession stand despite the fact that I am 29 years old and my ID looks JUST like me).

So, things are going well - I feel refreshed after our staycation and I am ready to tackle the world!! I just need to get home today so I can play with my puppies!!

HYPERVENTILATING!

OMG. Ironman is coming to Houston!

Ironman Texas will be in the Woodlands on May 21, 2011. Registration opens tomorrow and you can bet your bottom dollar that my finger will be poised over submit at precisely 12:01PM.

I'm too excited to sleep!

Oil Spill Re-enacted by Cats.

I love talking animals. I love talking animals with british accents.

Please take this 1 minute and 29 seconds and watch this video.



UPDATE: I'd like it to be known that I hate cats. I think they are creepy and I am relatively certain they are going to claw my eyes out. That being said, if all cats spoke with a British accent, I think we could all sit down and have a very civilized discussion. Thanks Natalie. :)

Is it Kroger? Or Krogers?

This is the endless debate. The good news is that Kroger(s) is single handedly making people more dumb just for having walked through their automatic sliding glass doors.

I called Kroger(s) today to order a cupcake cake for Tommy's birthday. (I don't care what people say, cupcake cakes ROCK. They are easy to cut, no clean up, and you can never have too much icing. So suck it.)

I spoke to a man we will call Ben Dover. Our conversation went something like this:

Ben Dover: Hi. (There were no pleasantries, of "Hi, this is Ben, thanks for calling Kroger(s).", just "Hi".)

Me: Hi, yeah, is this Kroger(s) bakery?

Ben Dover: Um, yeah, this is the bakery.

Me: I'd like to order a cupcake cake please.

Ben Dover: You want to place an order? (as though this is the first time this has been done. Ever.)

Me: Yes please. I'd like like a cupcake cake with 16 cupcakes in a square. (this is for an adult, really, we don't need anything fancy)

Ben: What kind?

Me: I'd like white cake with white icing.

Ben Dover: Wait, I thought you wanted a cupcake cake?

Me: I do - 16 in a square.

Ben Dover: But you just said you wanted white cake?

Me: Yes, I would like a cupcake cake made with white cake and white icing.

Ben Dover: But...?

Me: You DO know that cupcake are made out of cake, right?

Ben: Oh.

...I placed my order and finished this phone call quickly. I will pick it up tomorrow. Only the good lord knows what this cake will actually look like.

Kroger(s): Making people dummer since 1934.

There's No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

I'm here to prove you wrong Mom. There IS such a thing as free lunch. And I scored it thrice last week.

Take that.

However, only once did I know it was going to be free and was able to take full advantage of it. Darn you miso glazed chilean seabass! You are too delicious!

A huge storm rolled through H-town in the middle of the night last week and instead of turning our power off, it turned our bedroom lights ON. At 1AM, our bedroom light turned ON to the tune of lightening crashing. I just about had a heart attack. I got up to pee, turned the lights off, got back into bed, was just about to doze off, and the lights turned ON AGAIN. Seriously. What kind of twilight zone is this??

I got this new supa dupa cool phone and despite it's extreme lack of a decent alarm, it's pretty badass. That said, you know how it's fun to get the mail from the mailbox when you get home from work because you never know what's gonna be in there? Well, my email used to be kind of like that. I never checked it at night, so when I got to work each morning, it was like opening the mailbox to find all sorts of prizes. My hew fancy phone has stolen this novelty from me. There is no longer joy when I arrive at work and turn on my computer...because while it's booting up, I'm checking the latest messages on my phone.

A small part of me has died.

Tommy and I each got 4th place at the Tejas Triathlon this weekend - and because awards went 5 deep, we each got a plaque! The Blain's are rolling in hardware! Now, if I could just get my bike to 23mph, I will slaughter dem hoes. Shannon Parker is gonna make me go all Tonya Harding on her if she doesn't stop beating me ASAP.

My friend Mike looks just like the bad agent guy in the movie Bolt. Talking hampsters named Rhino are effing hysterical.

And if you love Newsies (and/or Christian Bale), large groups of dancing men, and really bad pop music, you will find this entertaining. It might make you mourn for your childhood just a little, but then you will add Christian to your List of 5 Famous People You Can Sleep With Should They Show Up At Your Door and you will realize that, man, being old rocks because it's no longer creepy if Christian Bale were to sleep with me.

Mystery of the Beep

Unfortunately for you, my faithful few, I have nothing exciting to talk about. It was kind of a rough week, all in all, and I am ready for it to be over.

On Wednesday morning, I woke up, got dressed for the pool and realized that I couldn't go to the pool because I had a dentist appointment early before work...so I changed into bike clothes and hopped on the trainer. I am terrified of the dentist and hadn't slept well all week in preparation of this appointment...how could I have forgotten about it?!?

My hammies were angry from dead lifts the day before (they hurt so much...must be working!!) and biking was very far from what I wanted to do. But I DID get caught up on my Bachelorette, which is the worst show in the world...yet, I can't stop watching. Then, after my pitiful attempt at a workout, I got off the bike to find a mysterious beeping emanating from somewhere in the house.

I began my quest to solve the Mystery of the Beep. It sounded like a smoke detector beep, but after hauling chairs to all the rooms in the house (it's a small house) I determined that it wasn't a smoke detector. The beeping was starting to make me crazy. Added to the stress of the dentist appointment, I was at my wits end. WITS END (spoken in the voice of Iago in Aladdin). I hurried to get dressed, with the beeping breathing down my neck, and left for the dentist.

No cavities and minimal pain. The technician even said I was a big girl and was getting better. I only bit her a couple of times. So proud!!

I left for work, stress only minimally relieved...the dentist was over, but the beeping had to be sending the dog into hysteria.

At work, I upped my dosage of Metformin, the drug of evil geniuses, and proceeded to dry heave for the rest of the morning. I haven't had any real problems associated with the Metformin up until now - aside of lack of physical ability and reduced appetite - but on Wednesday, the sight of a piece of bread had me running to the bathroom. On Wednesday, I ate an apple and a salad...all day. On Thursday, I ate 2 chicken breasts...all day. Today is going better, but I got about 3/4 of the way through a sandwich until it started to reverse it's fortune. Metformin sucks. On the other hand, I am the skinniest I have been since I was 14...so, I guess there's that.

After all the hurling and such on Wednesday, I find out that I did not get a job I had interviewed for...but then I couldn't go home because it would look like I was so upset by the job. So I had to suffer through the rest of the day. Awful. Working when I all I want to do is hurl, when I haven't eaten, I've had no caffiene (oh and I gave up caffiene this week...bad timing!), and I've just been rejected for a job is not my ideal afternoon.

Nonetheless, I forged onward and treated myself to a mani/pedi. And I didn't puke on the nail girls, so that was a bonus.

I got home and found my wonderful husband cleaning up the chair havok I had created in the morning. And he had found the source of the beeping...an old carbon monoxide detector that we never hung, stuck in the back of a cabinet in the laundry room. I guess it needs new batteries now, eh?

Then we attempted to ease my pain with some retail therapy at T-Mobile - I've been needing a new phone for like 7 years, but wanted to wait till my contract ran out so I could get an iPhone. But then I remembered that I despise AT&T and Verizon hasn't unveiled theirs yet, soooo, T-Mobile it is. And they were having a "Buy one, get one free" deal...so Tommy and I now have matching phones. Very 2008. Mine has a very cool fuschia case.

Anyways, nothing fun or funny here. Just trucking along. I DID get a pair of racing flats named Green Silence though. And that's enough to make anyone's week tolerable.

I Apologize to my Adoring Fans.

Ha. But seriously. I hate not blogging for such a long time. But sadly for me, they have blocked blogger at my office (OMG!!). This is good for my company because I will no longer waste time scouring the blogs of my internet friends, but bad for my company because in reality, I will find something else to look at or consume more than my fair share of Flavia. And that sh1t ain't cheap.

Nonetheless, I haven't blogged in almost a month. Holy crap.

To recap my uneventful life, this month I have:

Started all the medications associated with PCOS and insulin resistance. Thus far, this has not gone well. Metformin is an evil drug.
Raced the first half ironman event of the year - missed my goal my 26 minutes (I blame the Metformin), but PRed by 30 minutes...so not all was lost. I hate Mickey Mouse.
Hung out on the beach and acheived a sunburn. Quite impressive if you are me.
Swam with stingrays, got pinched by a crab (and then ate his siblings), watched a pod of dolphins.
Ate crawfish bread, boiled crabs, hung out with the in-laws and just generally relaxed. I have yet to bathe today. And I ran 5 miles this morning.
Driven (and by drive, I mean, be a passenger) almost 2000 miles in less than a week. My butt hurts.

I will update with anecdotes and race reports soon. Until then, can you all please just start emailing me your blogs? Stupid work firewall.

Weddingpalooza 2010

It's OVER! Finally.

Congratulations to all my wonderful friends who all chose to get married at exactly the same time!!

In chronoloical order):
Ashley and Mark
Amber and Bill
Janelle and Thomas
Katey and Erik
Sara and Ashton

I love you all very much and I am so happy for each of you! However, if you all chose to get pregnant and have babies at the exact same time, we will be drawing names out of a hat because I can't survive that again. Send me your ovulation schedules and we will work something out.

I had a bachelorette party, bachelorette party, wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding...for the last six weekends. I'm sick, I'm tired, my liver is shrivelled, and I've lost my voice. I've consumed about 4 bottles of Nyquil, 6 bags of cough drops, eleventy billion bottles of wine, and 14 pounds of wedding mashed potatoes. I've danced to the YMCA*, The Cupid Shuffle**, Celebration, and You Look Wonderful Tonight. I've fake caught a bouquet, laughed at toasts, made toasts and cried.

All in all, it was a wonderful month where my best friends married their best friends (not me, their OTHER BFF's)...I am so thankful that they were all able to find the kind of love and happiness that I have. But DUDE, could we not have spaced that sh1t out a little?

My first stop was Janelle's bachelorette party in Galveston - we had wine and girl talk (I also took Mall Madness - the greatest game EVER). We lost power and the weather was terrible, but it was a great weekend with our girlfriends!

Weekend 2 of Weddingpalooza was Sara's bachelorette party in Austin - we went to hill country wineries, drank champagne and danced the night away (with the 37 other bachelorette parties that weekend!).


Easter Weekend was Ashley and Mark's wedding reception at Cadillac Bar - we acted a fool in the photobooth and danced a fool on the dancefloor. Mark has his work cut out for him, but dam, he is a lucky man! Love you Mash!


Bill and Amber got hitched the weekend after in Richmond, TX - sandwiched between 2 triathlons and the beginnings of sick, we still danced with old friends and enjoyed the night out! Congrats you guys!

Then it was time for the big one - our BFF's Janelle and Thomas tied the knot in Houston - the wedding weekend just about killed me - dancing, drinking, staying up late and already being sick was not a great combo. But their wedding weekend was a blast, it was beautiful and our closest friends are now honeymooning in Anguilla - I am so happy for them! I'm not sure that Thomas knows what he has gotten himself into, but I promise that she is worth it!


And last but not least, on the same weekend, in separate cities, two of my closest friends decided to wed on the same day. Siiigh. Erik married Katey in Houston and Sara married Ashton in Dallas. We had planned to meet Erik and Co. out on Friday night but we were both sick and generally feeling like death (not ideal company) and ended up just going to bed. I heard their wedding was beautiful and I was terribly sad to miss it. On Saturday we drove to Dallas for Sara and Ashton's wedding - we saw wonderful old friends, watched my oldest friend married her best friend, and even without power, it was a wonderful reception!


So congrats to all of you! I am so happy for you...and I am so thankful to be home, on my couch, with no plans for the weekend...I wouldn't survive another wedding. I was still sweating champagne on Monday after work. Gross.

*I never actually danced to the YMCA. Apparently this song is numero uno on bridal "Do Not Play" lists.
**This song is terrible. I encourage all brides to take a cue from the YMCA and add it to the "Do Not Play" list. Please. I'm begging.

LOST

I am obsessed with LOST. I read blogs, I read chats, I live, eat, breathe, worship LOST. My biggest fear right now is dying before LOST is over and I won't know how it ends. The horror! (should I die before LOST ends, I expect to be buried in my pjs, on a couch, with a tv set to DVR that sh1t...even when I'm dead, I'm too busy for commercials)

And this is the greatest summary of LOST EVER. I hate cats, but LOLCats is good stuffs.

The Swim

Last weekend at the Olympic distance race, I got the ever living crap beat out of me during the swim. I found this video simulating the swim start on Caratunk Girl's blog and I think it sums it up pretty well.

My one word of advice to anyone starting triathlon for the first time is to get comfortable in the water...because odds are, this is what your swim will be like...

Clif Bar Swimulation

The Olympic

Last weekend, we raced the Sprint distance tri on Saturday, went home, took a nap, hung out with Tiffany and Harold and then drove out to Richmond for Bill and Amber's wedding...where drank wine and danced our little hearts out! We got home around 11pm, packed our bags for Sunday's Olympic distance race (1500m swim, 25 mile bike, and 10K run) and set the alarm for 3:30am. 3.5 hours of sleep is not IDEAL for proper recovery and fueling for a race, but eh, that's what we had!

Alarms went off and I skipped my ritual pre-race shower (I need wet hair for my braids) in an effort to sleep more...I TOTALLY did not want to go. Between the allergies, the wedding, and the sheer exhaustion, if Tommy had given me even the slightest hestitation about going to the race, I totally would have bailed. I sooooo did not want to be racing and I knew the day was going to be rough considering how hard I had pushed myself the day before.

We drove to Kemah (AGAIN), set up transition, squished into wetsuits, wandered down to the docks and boarded our respective boats for the swim start. This particular race is a qualifier for Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon and it starts with party barges dropping us off in the middle of the ocean (like the Escape) and then we get to swim to shore. While we were waiting to board our respective boats, Andy Potts (a super cutie professional triathlete) walked up and I was able to score a piture with him. I'm also pretty sure I grabbed his butt (totally on accident...and it was nice...although, that could have been the neoprene). I, unfortunately, am not good when talking to famous people...I tend to stutter and do stupid things (like grab people's butts) when I get nervous, so our conversation went a little like this:
Me: Heehee (snort) hehuhhaaheehee
Andy: Yeah, so, um, wanna take a picture?
Me: Heeheheh (snort/butt grab)

As you can see, I am totally geeked out and I have my crazy eyes on. I do not have many social skillz.

After all the Andy Potts butt-grabbing, I boarded my boat with all the women from the race. We spent about an hour on the boat, gossiping and freaking each other out. Merry peed in her wetsuit and while we encouraged her to stick her legs off the side of the boat to let it drain out, she opted to wallow in it. Triathlon is a dirty, dirty, disgusting sport.

We hopped in the water and I was pleased to find out that the water was not nearly as bad as the day before. It was still choppy, but not as bad and since we were only swimming with the current (never against it) it just wasn't as bad. This swim, however, was one of the most aggressive swims I have ever been on - women were punching and I swear to you that I got b1tch slapped across the face. It was insane. And the waves were big enough and the bouys were small enough that you couldn't really sight much of anything. My swim still sucked, but not NEARLY as bad as it did the day before...getting the crap beat out of me by some hoes really sucked up my adrenaline and wore me out! I finished the swim in a respectable (but not good) 36:25.1. Definitely not my best effort - I should be swimming below 30 minutes, but considering the effor the day before, the sickness and the late night of partying, I will call it a wash!

T1 was quicker than the day before, but I had to stop and pee (in my pants...why waste time in a portacan?) but I figured out the wetsuit thing a little better...into bike shoes and I was off.

The bike was not as good as the day before - as to be expected - and I didn't pass nearly as many people, but up and over Kemah twice and I was to the flat part for 12 miles (my specialty!). Then up and over Kemah twice more and 12 more miles of flat...I gained a lot of ground on the bike and pushed it as hard as I could go. My legs were feeling okay, but I just couldn't make them go any faster...so, I only averaged 19.9mph on the bike. I was really hoping to break 20mph again, but all things considered, I will just shut my mouth! I biked in 1:25.1 and moved from 7th to 3rd place.

In T2, I put on socks (I was glad I had done this the day before) and off I went.

I didn't wear my garmin or heart rate monitor again - I just didn't want to know. I was going to run as hard as I could for as long as I could and I didn't need a watch telling me anything! My plan was to kill the run as best as I could...but since I had PR'ed my 5K the day before (by 2 minutes!) I wasn't expecting much. Tommy passed me on my way out (he was on his way home) and he told me that Francis was the guy in front of me. I couldn't see anyone in front of me, so I just kept on trucking...eventually I caught up to Francis - we were both hurting pretty bad! I saw Merry and Ingrid on the run as well...and everyone was looking pretty good (considering!). I was able to maintain my speed at about an 8:30 mile for the whole 10K (I just used the lap timing feature on my watch) and finished up the 10K in 52:13.6. I felt like death - I have never ever felt that bad after a run. I couldn't smile, I couldn't wave, I couldn't pick it up for a mad dash to the finish...I was DONE. And it felt amazing. My run wasn't great compared to the rest of the field, but once again, considered my PR the day before, I will shut my mouth and be happy!

I held onto 3rd place to get a spot on the podium and scored a qualifying spot to Alcatraz!! A 2:48 finish wouldn't have placed me in any of the other age groups, but it is very respectable and a significant improvement over my other olympic distance times...I'm very proud of what I have accomplished this year!

All in all, I had a super exhausting sick weekend and had the best races I could have hoped for! No complaints here!!

I always tend to race better when I'm a little under the weather...it just doesn't make sense!

Congrats to Tommy who scred 5th in his age group, Kim who got 5th in our age group, Team Jam got 2nd in the relay, and to Ingrid and Merry for racing so well!

Cookies Under the Bed.

I struggle with my weight. You've read blog after blog after blog after blog about me whining about my weight. My biggest issue is not necessarily how much I weigh or how I look...it's more about how hard I have to work to look this way.

Looking the way I do shouldn't take much effort - an easy jog a couple of times a week and eating what I do should be more than enough to maintain my current figure, but it's not. I have seen nutritionists and complained to my friends but as a general rule, they shake their heads and look at me with a look that says "I know you have a box of Girl Scout cookies under your bed so stop your whining. Eat less, workout more."

I have been saying for awhile now that there is something else going on and after a trip to an endocrinologist, a lot of lab work, and a week of waiting, the results are in. I was right...there IS something wrong with me!

It's kind of bittersweet because having something wrong with me obviously isn't ideal, but it's nice to have the answers that I have been looking for for so long and to finally hear that it wasn't all in my head. There is no way I could lose weight...my body WAS rejecting me. Despite my diagnoses, I feel satisfied knowing that it wasn't all in my head...that I WAS doing the best I could possibly do...that I WAS doing the right and healthy thing...and that without some sort of intervention, nothing was going to change.

So, the verdict: I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). In short, I have too much testosterone and I have numerous small cysts located along the outer edge of each ovary.

There are several symptoms of PCOS - excessive hair growth, acne, irregular periods (sorry guys)...and obesity. Generally (but not always) women with PCOS are excessively overweight. I have what they deem to be "Compensatory PCOS"...which basically means that the only reason I don't weigh 300lbs is because I work my butt off every single day...and if I were to stop working out and eating right, I would likely get to the point of seeing 300lbs on the scale.

There are 3 parts to PCOS:
1. Cosmetic - Acne
2. Reproductive - women with PCOS often have a hard time getting pregnant
3. Metabolic - Insulin resistance

We are treating these issues with a number of medications - one of which I am supposed to take "when I know I will be at home for a few days because I will likely have BODACIOUS diarrhea". And yes, the doctor used the word "bodacious" to describe my shit. Looks like we will definitely need to invest in the Turd Tape.

I am supposed to start a low carbohydrate diet (such as South Beach) to combat the insulin resistance. This will be especially hard, because those with insulin resistance tend to crave carbs (of course! Why would it be easy?!?). My biggest challenge will be balancing the low-carb requirements with my exercise - athletes can't easily go low-carb without doing serious damage, so I will be meeting with my nutritionist to discuss the possibilities there.

I also have a low thyroid and high red blood cells...my medicine cabinet now looks like an old lady lives there.

I am a little scared about the diagnoses and what it might mean for Tommy and I and potential little Blains, but my doctor feels confident that it won't create any issues (not that anyone can predict the future, so my best case scenerio is that I'm just not gonna worry about it now), so I am putting my trust in him for the time being.

I finally got the answers I have been searching for. And for that, I am thankful. I have a path forward and an action plan...and it's not all in my head.
All in all, I feel happy that I found someone to listen to me without the condescending look of knowing that I hide cookies under my bed.

The Limit

I pushed myself to the limit and it was awesome!

In the midst of Weddingpalooza 2010, Tommy and I had this bright idea to sign up for Gateway to the Bay Triathlon (both the sprint and the olympic distance races)...and then I got sick and then I had dinner with my BFF...not exactly the most genius of plans. Ooopsie daisy!

I started feeling crappy on Thursday - allergies, cough, runny nose, the whole wonderful nine yards...of snot. But since I tend to race better when I am sick, I figured I would forge onward with my racing plans...

Saturday morning, Tommy and woke up when the kids were coming home from the bar and drove to Kemah for the Sprint distance race (500m swim, 12.5 mile bike, and 5K run). It was cold and dark and windy and I was sick and tired and super cranky...

We set up transition and squished ourselves into our wetsuits and headed down to the swim start only to find SUPER choppy water. Ugh! Jessica and Grizz showed up (Jess
was very stylish in neon) and the race began!

My wave started just as Tommy's was finishing, so I got to see him leading the pack up the to the ramp (it's amazing how you can still recognize your friends when they are in head to toe neoprene, goggles and swim caps). And then my swim wave began...and dear lord it was hard. The water was choppy and the current was pushing us all to the middle of the rectangle we were trying to swim around - I was eating water, sucking wind and just generally crapping my pants. It was a scary swim. Easily the most difficult swim I have ever done in a triathlon. But I survived and came out of the water 5th in my age group in 12:11.4 for 500m. Not a great swim, but seriously, it was about survival...and since I was still 5th, that goes to show you how hard it was!

My first attempt at taking off my wetsuit quickly proved to be a challenge, but I learned a few things that I would put into practice on Sunday. First and foremost, wait till the wetsuit is off to pull of your cap and goggles!

Ran to T1 where I made a game time decision to bike without socks...smart or brave? I dunno.

Headed out to the bike course where I realized that we would be heading up the Kemah bridge right away...no time to build speed and momentum. CRAP! Surprisingly, I was able to get up and over (and pass lots of people), turn around and do it again...and then it was home free, smooth sailing, flat as a pancake riding (my specialty). I was able to pass all the girls in my swim wave and put enough of a gain on them that my crappy run wouldn't matter. I felt awesome on the bike...and maintained an average speed of 20.3 mph! Bike time 37:02 (3rd fastest female bike of the day!!)

Head into T2 and I was the first female bike on the rack...now THAT was a wierd sight! Gametime decision to put on socks and not risk the blisters and I was off and away!

I didn't wear my garmin or my heartrate monitor for this race. I figured that my heartrate should be pretty much redlined, so I couldn't justify having a constant reminder on my wrist that my heart was about to explode out of my chest and I didn't want to know my speed. My plan for the run was to go as hard as I could for as long as I could...and it was ugly.

I was hurting, real real bad. When I got close to the finish line, I tried to speed up, but frankly, redline is redline and I couldn't go any faster. But I finished that 5K run with a 5K PR (shaved 2 minutes of my previous stand-alone 5K time) of 23:27 - average pace of 7:49.

I placed 1st in my age group, 5th overall, hit my goal time of 1:17 exactly (although the ratios of sports was not quite right).

HOLY CRAP!

I have always sworn that I didn't have whatever "it" was that made people go hard and leave it all out there...but on Saturday, I found it. I found "it" and it was amazing. I went as hard as I could for as long as I could and left every ounce of energy I had on that race course. I have never been so proud of an accomplishment.

And then of course, the awards ceremony got rained out and I didn't get to be worshipped by my adoring fans. Siiiigh. Haha. Such is life!

And congrats to all the other HRTCers that placed at the race - Kathleen (third in our age group!), Cassie (1st of the Athenas) and Tommy and Francis who rocked it!

Hit Me Again Jack.

Yesterday I was hit with the lazy stick. And it was glorious.

I missed my first workout for no reason whatsoever. I have missed workouts due to bad planning, oversleeping, lack of sleeping, exhaustion...but I have never bailed on one just because I didn't feel like it (well, at least not in the last year) and it was awesome.

The guilt ate at me for a few hours while I snuggled in bed, but it wasn't bad enough to actually make me get out of bed and join Tommy on the bike trainers. I had to remind myself that I'm not training for an Ironman anymore and I can relax. I can take a day off for no reason (I still went to the gym at lunch, but that doesn't really count), sleep in, and relax. I had slept well the night before, wasn't really tired anymore, but I just didn't feel like getting up yet...and that is okay. Siiiigh.

I still don't think that I am mentally recovered from Ironman training - that need to keep pushing is still there (and I want it gone for awhile!) - but I am definitely getting closer to that happy medium.

That said, I ran 15 miles this weekend...at my best friends bachelorette party. Somethings never change. Ha. But running on the beach at sunrise IS everything it is cracked up to be...siiiigh...and it was totally worth it.

I'm trying to find some people to run with in Austin this weekend while at another friend's bachelorette party...Weddingpalooza 2010 is in full swing!

I also still have the Ironman bug, which may be why I am having a hard time shaking my old ways. I know that taking this year off of Ironman racing is the best choice for me. I need the time to relax and regain some balance...and I want to take the time to get faster. I have so much room for improvement and I can't do it if I keep racing long. But I CANNOT wait until IMFL 2011...I watched Kona this morning on my bike trainer and sobbed like a little girl. What IS it about this crap that makes me weep?!?!

But hit me with the lazy stick again Jack. I could be okay with a little more lazy in my life for now. I've got a sh1t ton of laundry to do. And those yard gnomes won't do it themselves.

4 years!

Tommy and I met 4 years ago today. Time flies!!

I still can't believe that I have been lucky enough to meet my best friend at the right time in our lives to make it work. One day earlier and I might have thought he was a jerk, one day later and someone else would have snatched him up!

We met through a mutual friend at Little Woodrows when LSU and A&M were playing in the basketball finals. We hit it off, but neither of us pursued anything - his life was in a slight stage of turmoil - until mid-April when we happened to get quite drunk and make out at LZ's Pub.

The rest is history!

I have spent the last 4 years of my life with my very best friend - our relationship was anything but simple in the beginning, but it WAS easy. We can talk about anything and there is no one I enjoy more than him.

Our history by numbers:
2: Number of months we dated before he met my parents
8: Number of months we dated before we moved in together
1: Number of times my mom hung up on me when I told her we were moving in together (it was an "accident" she says)
700: Number of square feet in the first "house" that we shared
18: Number of months we survived in that "house" before "upgrading" to another sh1thole
1: Number of times we got robbed in the middle of the night
17: Number of times our cars got broken into in the street
12: Number of days we have spent in France
37,923: Bottles of wine consumed in France
2,234,893: Blocks of cheese consumed in France
2: Number of days we have spent in London
1: Number of Beefeaters I tried to befriend
6: Number of marathons completed
1: Number of marathons begun and finished, but skipped the middle
2: Number of Ironman finishes
1: Week in Hawaii on freezing cold beaches
1: Honeymoon in Curacao with crystal clear water
8: Number of ounces in a standard beer in Curacao (this is just wrong!)
6: Number of bicycles we own
29: Number of water bottles we own
4: Number of times I have moved since we met
3: Number of homes we have lived in together
5: Number of years (we hope) until we get to live on the water
1: Number of dogs we have
11ty Billion: Number of dogs I wish we had
17: Number of times per day I curse our freakishly small garage
9: Pounds of beignets have been eaten (and beignets are light, so that's a lot)
11: Number of months we dated before Tommy proposed
14: Number of times Tommy has threatened divorce over the game Taboo
1: Number of things in a park that start with the letter "J"
4: Number of friends I tried to make on our vacation to Scottsdale who turned out to live in our street
5: Number of times we eat sushi per week
46: Number of times we wish we were eating Cafe Adobe instead
365: Number of days we would like to spend outside
1: Number of weekends we have spent in Germany during Eurocup '08
1: Number of trains on which Tommy had to stow away
1: Number of times we saw my friend dance nekkid in Vegas
2: Number of times I called my mom about my nekkid friend...but don't remember the call
5: Number of dollars spent gambling in Vegas
5,000ish: Number of miles spent biking together
??: Number of miles spent running together
60: Number of granola bars we eat in a week
0: Number of reasons we need to sit outside and drink wine
36: Number of times we say "I love you" every day (I know, it's sickening!)
18: Number of months we dated until we got married
1: Number of times we danced on the bar at our wedding
2: Number of movies available on our Netflix account
300: Worst movie ever rented via Netflix
1: Number of times Tommy has danced to "Single Ladies" by Beyonce at 5AM (I wish this number were higher)
50: Number of inches tall that our laundry pile gets before we decide to fold it
42: Number of times the nest is contiminated each night
3: Number of times each night that Tommy wishes I ate spicy food
6: Number of times each night that I wish Tommy ate bland food
929,348,124.4: Number of times Tommy makes me laugh every day
Infinity: Number of ways I am thankful for Tommy and the love and laughter he brings to my life


Here's to the last 4 years of happiness and many, many, many more to come!

Old Balls. Gross.

I am now 29 years of age. I bet nobody thought I would survive my teenage years, nevermind college, so HA! In your face! I made it! I'm almost 30!

Old balls. For reals.

My age has never really bothered me...all my friends, for my whole life, have always been older than me, so I have never felt old...because I'm always younger than SOMEBODY at the party. The fact that I can barely get into an R-rated movie or buy paint is just icing on that birthday cake.

All is well and good until all my old friends start dropping like flies and I am a lonely old hag, but until that day, I will relish my place as the spring chicken.

Alas, my 29th birthday was Saturday (it was very fun - my family came in town, we sat in the field, played games and drank wine - gotta love dem folks)and on Sunday, I started feeling old. Around 8PM, I looked at Tommy and said, "I'm going to bed...my back hurts and I'm tired".

In my defense, I did ride my bike for 3 hours that day (for the first time in 4 months), but nonetheless, I think this is my first sign of aging. I'm old balls. Gross.

So, thanks to all of you who kept me young for so long...the joyride is over. Let the aging begin.

Happy freaking birthday to me.

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In other news, I ran the Bayou City Classic 10K on Saturday and PR'ed by 4 minutes (my PR was slow, but whatever!)...I crossed that finish line in 50:33 (average pace of 8:10) and was 12th in my age group (of about 200). My goal was to break 50 minutes, and if I hadn't gotten so freaking thirsty and walked through all the water stops, I definitely would have made it...lesson learned. Game, set, match. Deyhration, here I come.

Racing Season Begins!

It's finally here. Off season is over and the fun is about the begin. The weather is warming up, which means I am no longer whining about being freezing (well, at least I'm not whining as MUCH) and going to the pool isn't quite as terrifying.

So far, I have two races under my belt this season - TIR and the Bayou City Classic 10K. Both of those races went awesome and I was reminded of why I like racing...finally. My race enthusiasm pretty much hit rock bottom after Ironman, but I feel it slowly coming back!

My parents really enjoyed it and did awesome, although, their first comments were, "How in the world do you do that a few more times to run a marathon?". Haha. Yeah, I have no idea either.

The next races on the calendar are the Gateway to the Bay sprint and olympic (sprint on Saturday and olympic on Sunday)...we have a wedding to go to on Saturday night, so we figured Sunday's race won't go so well. Hence the race on Saturday as well. Maybe I can get SOMETHING decent out of the weekend.

All in all, the racing season is upon us!! YAYYY!

Tommy and I went out to BFE for our first ride since IMCOZ and it was glorious. My hoo-ha isn't quite used to sitting on my seat for that long anymore and my body isn't used to being aero, but overall, my legs felt great and it was wonderful to be outside in the gorgeous weather!

Unfortunately, due to Weddingpalooza 2010, I will probably be unable to ride outside again until IMFlorida 70.3...ooops. That'll be a great race. NOT! I'm giving Florida an asterisk. :) Ha.

Weddingpalooza 2010 officially begins today. I have something wedding related (either the actual wedding or a bachelorette party) every weekend from now until May. I'm a little stressed out and exhausted by it all, but the people getting married are some of my nearest and dearest and I am so excited for them!

COME AND TAKE IT

Texas is The. Best. State. Ever. But if you're reading this, you likely know my feelings about Texas already. I'm not saying that I would NEVER move away, but let's be honest - you'd have to promise me a bed made of a gold, a closet full of designer shoes and you'd have to relocate my family and friends to make it happen.

I just heart Texas.

To celebrate the birth of the great nation of Texas, The Texas Independence Relay was born. It's a 203.2 mile relay that starts in Gonzales, Texas (where the first battle for Texas' independence was fought - the Come and Take it Cannon was located there) and follows the trail of battles that Texas soldiers fought for independence. It ends just east of Houston at the San Jacinto Monument - the place where Santa Anna was finally defeated and Texas' independence was won!

I tear up as I write this. I kid you not.

The basics of the race at you assemble a team to run 40 legs of the relay. Most teams have 8-12 people. You start running in Gonzales, TX and you finish at the monument the next day. You run all night and all day until the smell of yourself makes you violently ill. Our team was 9 people, all running 4 legs each, except for Adam (who is/was/always will be superior to all of us and ran 5)...we each ran about 22 miles over the course of 25 hours.

Ultimately, we finished the race in a super speedy 25 hours and 36 minutes to place 14th overall (we were seeded to finish 17th - so we kicked butt!), 7th in our division and had an average pace of 7:26. Dude, we totally rocked. In addition to our swift running, we also recieved 3rd place for Most Team Spirit. It was totally the costumes. Everybody loves a guy in pink spandex.

I think it was the outfits.

Highlights of the trip:

Blizzards from Dairy Queen
Makeshift hangers in the van to dry our outfits between legs
Pita chips
All you saw was the "pee" not the "nis"
Buc-ees, glorious, wonderful, Buc-ees
Kyle running home from his last leg to take a crap but since he didn't have a car there, he had to call a cab to bring him to our next stop(hence Rookie of the Year award)
Not being able to "go"
Staying awake for 30 hours
Navigation issues
ROADKILL!
Howard's - The greatest gas station in the world
SABOTAGE
Really bad music on the Ipod
Delicious hambugers in Weimer (that weren't actually good, but dear lord, they satisfied!)
Kolaches
Hot pink spandex
Giant chamois(s)
15 passenger vans
Mullets
Hating the Tornados

The first legs went great for everyone (except for Kyle who got the 9 mile leg and since he hadn't really been running, this was not pretty for him). The second legs were fun, but in the pitch black darkness of midnight, the entertainment value went waaaay down. Things were starting to get quite painful by the 3rd legs and the van was starting to smell. By the 4th leg, we were all rejuvinated, exhausted, stinky and in a great deal of pain...and then Adam had to run again. Poor guy.

And the awards go to (since we all slept through the Oscars)...

Adam: Team Granddad (aged due to James taking his spot as Team Dad)
Christy: Most Improved
Kyle: Rookie of the Year
Tommy: Best Looking in the Uniform (maybe I'm biased, but probably not)
Melissa: Best TIR Captain EVER
James: Team Dad
Andres: Best First Timer at Buc-ees
Laura: Best at Sleeping. Anywhere.
Jenn: Most Consistent

All in all, it was very fun and very not fun all at the same time. I really enjoyed myself during the day, but once the sun went down, it was hard for me to maintain the level of happy I was previously at. But then I got to run along the bayou at sunrise and all was right with the world again!

The problem with only having one van is that you are very tired and it's hard to sleep...the benefit is that you actually get to enjoy your friends, it all goes by faster and its a lot cheaper. However, I think we were way too fast to have had any downtime anyway! I REALLY liked having a smaller team too - definitely more fun than the 12 person teams.

I always say I'm not gonna do this race again (this was my third relay and 2nd TIR), but I hate missing out on the fun...so I'm relatively certain that if all my friends race again, I'll be there.

Go Team Pace Booty! We rocked!