Kevin and Jorja's Wedding

I'm behind on my blogging. As usual.

My friend Kevin married a wonderful woman named Jorja (her parents REALLY wanted points on Scrabble) in College Station a couple of months ago. The wedding was a nice Catholic mass, with all the Catholic traditions (I say ALL, but let's be honest, I have no idea how many Catholic traditions there are, so, let's just say there were MANY Catholic traditions). The ceremony was beautiful, Jorja looked beautiful, the church was beautiful and frankly, my dress was pretty nice as well.

After the ceremony, we all headed down to the Texas Hall of Fame for a bootscootin' reception! Tommy and I pitstopped at the gas station to get a giant Monster energy drink, I changed my shoes to match the bride and we joined the crew. Kevin's cake look remarkably like the getaway vehicle, although, I doubt there was any intent to make them look similar. We danced, we cried, the groomsmen all wore one glove (which totally freaked me out), we drank many beers, we took inappropriate pictures and we laughed. All in all, a great time was had. And here is a picture of Jorja's cake, so it doesn't feel left out... And somehow, Thomas got ahold of Jorja's veil and started making eyes at my man friend. It would not appear that he was bothered by these advances.

For grand exit of the newlyweds, we all walked outside into the BLAZING SUN. It was very remniscient of Varsity Blues when they walk out of the strip club...you know what scene I'm talking about? We felt like we had been partying all night, so therefore, it should be dark. But no, it was only 6pm, and the sun will still high in the sky.

And then, while birdseed SEEMS romantic and lovely, you end up with pictures like this.

The crew then headed out to The Dixie Chicken for more eating, dominoes, pool and inappropriate behavoir...mostly on the part of me. I just love rubbing my bottom on things. AND I lost my glasses. Ugh.

All in all, an excellent trip to College Station, an excellent wedding of two fabulous people and I got an excellent pair of new glasses out of the deal.


Ole!

Facebook is life.

I'm addicted to Facebook (and Myspace for that matter), but I am not one of those people who uploads my pictures from the night before right after I wake up or plays games or "pokes" people. I am one of those people who uses it mostly for stalking purposes. The automatic tracker has made my stalking so easy and carefree. I know where all my friends are, all the time.

On Sunday, I was catching up on a weekend of stalking - so much can happen in two days - when I came up the fact that my friend, we will call him Bino, was now married. Despite the fact that I haven't seen him in at least a year, I am still one of his Top Friends on Myspace and I stalk often, so I know what is going on with him...typically. The fact that he was married was highly suspect - even though he goes to Vegas regularly and he can party harder than most. However, I saw it on Facebook and immediately knew it was gospel.

I texted Frank, wanting to know if he had heard the news. He had and was as confused as me. He said he would look into it. From what what Frank told me, Bino WAS married and he had gotten married in Vegas and he was happy. Go team.

I knew Facebook wouldn't lie.

Then I forwarded my newfound knowledge to Kate and Janelle who expressed disbelief - their faith in Facebook is not as big as a msutard seed. Kate had spent the evening with Bino the night before and he hadn't mentioned anything...and the first crack in my belief system was born.

She said she would get to the bottom of it. After a days worth of emailing, texting and checking and re-checking Facebook status, it was determined that he was married. And he was happy.

So, go Bino. We are happy for you. Next time though, send an email at least. I don't have time to convince people that Facebook is the final word anymore.

Typical

It was a typical week in our household, but lucky for me (and unlucky for Tommy), most of the bad crap happened to him. Regardless, it was an expensive week.

On Monday, Tommy hit a giant piece of wood on the highway - it flattened one of his tires. Let's remember that his car is not quite yet 2 months old.

On Tuesday, I went and got new glasses because I got drunk on Saturday and lost mine. Ooops.

On Thursday, Tommy got a speeding ticket on his way to work. This is especially ridiculous since the man drives like a grandpa and is highly addicted to his cruise control.

All in all, it was typical of us. We try to save money, and we end up dropping a grand in one week...and we have nothing to show for it. Awesome.

We did round out Thursday night with a fabulous evening at Sherlocks for Aggie Happy Hour. And we are moving into our new house next Monday...ouch. Here are some pics of the new place. We are moving into Gay Central, which is also known as Montrose. And our neighbors have a pool according to GoogleEarth...looks like I'll be trying to befriend them ASAP.


The front of the house


The living/dining room.

One of the major concerns was how will set up the living room to be the most conducive to Rock Band...?? The big questions in life always throw me too.

I CAN'T WAIT!!

I'm going gray.

Not really. However, I did have the opportunity to see what it would be like yesterday morning.

I went to the gym before work, like I always do, and took my shower and got dressed afterwards. As I was finishing up my hair, I realized I had forgotten hairspray for my (oh so lovely) bangs. The YMCA has a little bucket of items that you might forget, so I grabbed an aerosol can and sprayed my bangs down. About midway through spraying, I realized that it smelled "fresh". Well, it smelled fresh because it was in fact aerosol deodorant...not hairspray. Awesome. The deodorant turned my entire head gray. It wasn't pretty. Apparently, I'm not going to age well.

Then of course, I had to rewash my hair in the sink. I heart getting dressed at the gym.

Ode to my old phone

I just got a new phone. My old phone totally sucked so this is a great improvement. HOWEVER, there is one feature that my old phone had that my new one is lacking and it saddens me greatly.

I se predictive text while texting (duh.). I have gotten pretty good at it and I feel that I can safely text while driving at most speeds. This isn't relevant, I just wanted to brag.

My old phones predictive text was amazing though. When I type the word "comes" into my phone for texting, the predictive texter would guess that I was trying to type "boner". Every single time. You can't buy that can't of humor. You have no idea how many texts I sent to my mother about boners.

You know there are a bunch of Asians out there who design phones and are just cracking themselves up. I just wish this novel feature had been incorporated into my new model. Siiiiiigh.

Speaking of boners, have you heard that Rod Ryan show where they get the grandma's to call in and see how many times they can say "boner"? Hahahahahaha.

I miss my phone.

What's in a name?

I normally don't print full names or email addresses on here for fear that some of you might turn out to be crazy stalker people and show up outside my window one night...but this practice also protects the innocents in my stories. However, in this instance, I can't avoid it. So, I apologize in advance.

Simple Disclaimer (stolen from The Bachelor blog I sdore):
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. If this e-mail circulates to friends, family, enemies…that is your business. However, if you or someone in your address book happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying Spring Oreos and Spaghetti O’s or have a spin instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelorettes…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

So, I'm sorry too.

What's in a name? I have two stories.


Story #1
At Academy the other day, Tommy and I had some issues at the customer service counter. The girl couldn't figure out how to make our 37 gift cards into one giant gift card. We fought with her forever about it. Finally, we convinced her that buying ONE gift card for $214.67 and paying for that ONE gift card with 37 gift cards was the easiest way to do this. I maintain that her lack of brain cells is due to the fact that her name was TREMENDOUS JOHNSON. Yes, folks, you heard me right. Her name was Tremendous Johnson. When I have children, I hope I go through the list of names and pick something that means Giant Wiener as well.

Story #2
I had to set up a meeting last week with a woman named Betty Heverly whom I have never met. Everytime I looked at her name, I said "Beverly Heverly"...instead of Betty. Our meeting began and the first thing she says to me is "Do not call me Beverly." I spent the next two hours calling her Beverly...over and over again. I can't figure out why I'm not CEO yet.

I think Tommy is in trouble...

Some thought my last blog was somewhat negative. Here are Ed's thoughts concerning my Negative Nancy-ness:

Edward-o to me
8:28 am (7 hours ago)

I read your blog today. You need to get laid more and maybe your anger will subside. If you are getting laid regularly then you need to have a threesome with Tommy and another girl….twice. Tommy did not put me up to this.

Ed

10 Things I Hate About You

Whistling/Singing/Humming to oneself. I just don't understand the reasoning behind this. Never once have I sung to myself in the presence of others. Don't get me wrong, I sing by myself all the time...that's the key though, I'm BY MYSELF. I don't understand people who hum while they pee, or sing in the stairwell, or whistle while they grocery shop. It's annoying. If I wanted music, I'd wear headphones. I may have to start wearing headphones just drown you out.

Conference calls on speakerphone in a cubicle farm.

Body Odor. But more specifically, men who sit next to me on planes with body odor.

Men with long gnarly fingernails (who don't do drugs and therefore have no need for gnarly long fingernails.)

Men with long gnarly fingernails...including the ones who do drugs.

Farting in a cubicle farm...we are not talking SBD's (Silent But Deadlys), we are talking full on tooting at regular intervals. Why must I be forced to contain my laughter? And why doens't anyone else think this is funny?

When the queso at a mexican food place is gross.

Valet parking at ridiculous places and at ridiculous times. More specifically, I hate paying to park and this is considered an acceptable reason for me to decline an invitation somewhere.

People with names like Tremendous Johnson. Yes, I have met a woman named Tremendous - she works at Academy on Westheimer at Voss. She was dumb as a stick. I realize these two things would appear to be unrelated, but I know that if my name was Tremendous, I probably wouldn't feel like I needed to use my brain either.

Customer Service Representatives. I dislike them all out of principle, but I really hate the ones who can't speak my language and/or who have absolutely no desire to actually fix the problem. I REALLY hate Comcast.

People who consistently can't turn off their cell phone ringers. And especially people who consistently can't turn off their cell phone ringers who have annoying rings. No, it not cool when your phone barks instead of rings. No, I do not like the theme song from Growing Pains (that's a lie, I DO like the theme song, just not every 20 minutes). You've been reminded 37 times to turn off your ringer...why are you an idiot?

People who repeat the same joke over and over again until you laugh. And before any of you judge me, I am well aware that I do this...but I hate it about myself. Ugh!The first step is recognizing that you have a problem. The second step is remembering that you don't talk about Fight Club.

Crumbly cheeses. Rain. Brussel sprouts. Small dogs. Small cars. Big bridges. Treadmill. Spiders, snakes and most other reptilia and amphibia and arachnids and such. Tequila. Retractable leashes. Cats.

These are just to name a few. I'm such an upbeat person.

Chain Lingerie?

Funny little thing that happened to my friend, who we will call Schmelrie, last night. He was on a "date" and they were walking around the multi-Starbucked area of River Oaks on West Gray... (the names have been changed to protect the filthy).

From Schmelrie:
We’re walking by river oaks theatre, and she mentioned that she’d never been in that area. I say there’s tons of shopping, not my style, because I’m a guy. She said that it’s not really her style either.

So we walk next to a lingerie place, and I point at some risqué clothing, and I say, "Is that more your style?"

Her response, “No, I preferred chains.”

Schmelrie’s response, “Chains? I didn’t know you were that type of girl.”

Her response, “No, I mean chain stores, I prefer shopping at chain stores.”

I thought she liked to wear chain lingerie.

SPIDERMAN!

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2824138.html

This would make any trip complete.

I HATE COMCAST

I hate them. If I ever meet another one of their technicians, I will shoot them.

If I had a baby, he would be a Blood.

Parents Fight Over Which Gang Toddler Should Join

Police: Mother A Crip, Father A Westside Baller
POSTED: 7:10 pm MDT April 10, 2008
UPDATED: 7:27 am MDT April 11, 2008

COMMERCE CITY, Colo. -- A couple fighting about which gang their 4-year-old toddler should join caused a public disturbance that resulted in the father's arrest, Commerce City police said Thursday.

On Saturday, Joseph Manzanares stormed into the Hollywood Video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays and even a computer, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval said.

After he ran out of the store, police were called and the 19-year-old was arrested at his home.

His girlfriend told police that they had been arguing about the upbringing of their son and which gang he should belong to. The teen mother, who is black, is a member of the Crips. Manzanares is Hispanic and belongs to the Westside Ballers gang, the woman said.

"They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised. Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would 'claim,'" Sandoval said.

Manzanares was charged with disorderly conduct, harassment, and domestic violence.

Types of Runners

I'm a Stinkbomber.

http://www.active.com/running/Articles/The_10_Types_of_Runners.htm

Chuck Norris

So, I work for Dow Chemical. Our slogan is "The Human Element"...if you watch the National Geographic channel, you've seen the commercials. If you don't then you are probably cooler than all the people I work with. Anyways, our CEO writes this blog every so often and people are given the opportunity to comment. At the end of the comments today, this was what I read:

I heard Chuck Norris destroyed the "Human Element" because the only element he believes in is "The element of suprise".
Nathan | April 8, 2008 2:41 AM

Who says engineers aren't funny? (I would like to point out that this comment was made at 2:41AM. Seriously?)

Reasons I Heart My Husband

Now, this could get a little sappy, but really, I must brag for a little bit. Oh, and the reasons are included, but not limited to, the items listed here.

10. He lets me sleep on the side of the bed with the air conditioner. And he doesn't even complain (at least not much) about the fish flopping I do when I can't sleep (which is all the time).
9. He loves to sit outside all day with me...sometimes we go to the park, sometimes we go to the bar, sometimes we go to the pool...it doesn't matter. But a gorgeous day means we are outside. However, we did waste one of the most beautiful days of 2007 inside Bed, Bath and Beyond for 4 hours registering for wedding gifts...painful.
8. He bought me Rock Band and lets me play the drums all the time.
7. He is hsyterical. Probably the funniest person I know. Kangaroo Song! Kangaroo Song!
6. He looks super hot in his Six Jeans..and his Sevens. Yes, I fully support the purchase of fancy pants for men...seriously, his butt looks so good!
5. He is such a good friend - to me and to everyone he meets. This is a good thing because I am generally pretty evil...they say opposites attract?
4. He took me to the ballet for my birthday and didn't even make fun of me when I cried through the whole thing. Then at intermission, we bought too much booze, so he smuggled it into the theater in his coat pockets.
3. He has adopted my dog...his name is now Dog Blain. And he taught him how to do the Hog Tie...it's very similar to calves getting roped.
2. He loves to be a redneck. It's funny though, because a guy who wears Seven Jeans can't actually BE a redneck, but he tries...he really does. He drinks crappy beer, shoots bb-guns and fishes. For some reason, this turns me on. It baffles me too.
1. He calls me his angel...and we all know how unangelic I typically am.
0. Mostly though, I love him because when the alarm goes off at 4:30 in the morning, he cuddles me for the first 9 minutes of my day (snooze time)...and it is the best 9 minutes of every day.


Okay, enough sap. But seriously, I am the luckiest woman alive.

Irrational Women. Ex: Me.

My birthday was yesterday. Wahoo.

For this momentous day, my wonderful husband planned a week of festivities (birthDAY my arse, let's schedule a week my friends!). We started the Sunday before with Sunday Funday at the fabulous pub down the street from our house. We drank too much and ate too much crawfish and it was magical. On Wednesday, we were all supposed to go to Lucky's, a bar downtown, to play Rock Band...they have Rock Band night on Wednesdays. Thursday, we would do dinner and dancing at Wild West. Friday, there was a special date for just he and I, and on Saturday, my parents were coming in town to go to the rodeo. Then, we would round it out with another Sunday Funday. Life is good my friends.

I was really looking forward to Rock Band at Lucky's. Like, REALLY looking forward to it. I mean, REEEEEEEEAALLY looking forward to it. I am tired of playing Rock Band in my living room. I wanted to get out and on that stage and show people what I am made of. And frankly, I just like being on a stage...and since I am officially too old/fat to be a ballerina, this is my next best thing. Oh, and did I mention that I am totally obsessed with Rock Band? I lay awake at night thinking of paradiddles and backbeats. Seriously. I got fancy drumsticks as presents for my birthday. I mean, I am obsessed.

Well, we go to Lucky's, and there is a table by the door collecting "donations" for Putnam County Spelling Bee (which is a play...not actually a spelling bee), so we went around to the back where the basketball game was on. We all order drinks, spelling bee ends and we go to the main room to play Rock Band. After about an hour, the truth comes out. Lucky's XBOX experienced the Circle of Death and there will be no Rock Band.

Now, I realized that this was not the end of the world. I realized that the day could go on and I could just relax and have fun. I realized that my friends had all come out to hang out with me and I should enjoy them, but for some reason I was irrationally upset. I also realized that it was irrational for me to be upset. But I was upset nonetheless.

One of the beautiful things about being a woman is that we can get upset over nothing and pretty much get away with it. I mean, I know you all thought I was a crazy hooooo on Wednesday, but you loved me enough to come out on Thursday and pretend like nothing happened. Thanks. You are appreciated.

Now, I have decided that we will just take Rock Band to The Wet Spot one rainy day this summer and I will get to have my Rock Band public debut. It WILL happen. I didn't practice Enter Sandman on Expert for nothing.

Oh, and not to toot my own horn, but I am awesome at Rock Band. Since I didn't get to have my drumming debut, I will just have to tell you about my awesomeness. Seriously, I'm good.

I have informed my wonderful husband that we will be purchasing a house with the sole purpose of me having a room for the drum set that I will be purchasing in the near future. As if I didn't already have enough hearing problems...

My. Life. Goal.

I have always talked about how awesome it would be if a group of arbitrary people broke out in song and dance for no apparent reason. Well, these people have made my dreams come true. Please check out this video. I worship these people.

http://improveverywhere.com/2008/03/09/food-court-musical/#more-221

Sunday Funday!

We got accidentally drunk on Sunday. And it was good.

Tommy and I woke up with a hankering for some food...normally we are veri decisive about our food selection (and by "we", i mean "me"), but this day we couldn't come up with what we wanted. We drove around and finally ended up at KC's Bar and Grill for some crawfish.

We called Janelle who called Francis and Kate. We called Matt and Brandie. And thus, Sunday Funday was born.

The crawfish were very expensive, so we only ate enough for it to be a nice little snack-etizer, and then the rest of the crew started showing up. Tommy and I had been enjoying a rousing game of Rummy (our typical card game) when Janelle showed up and wanted to play Mississippi Hi-Lo. (So, really, the downward spiral of the day can all be blamed on Janelle). Francis and Kate and Matt and Brandie all showed up and the day just got better. Eventually, we decided that Rock Band was in order and we trekked back to the our shack for some musical talent.

Luckily, Brandie ordered pizza...we may not have survived the day without it. We played Rock Band until our fingers were numb. How there are no pictures of this day is totally beyond me.

Eventually, when I discovered that Tommy's khaki shorts were covered in red wine, but he couldn't form a sentence long enough to tell me how this happened, I kicked everyone out. Haha. I have no idea what time everyone left.

After a fit-full night of drunken sleeping, I woke up to find two slices of pizza sitting atop the butter in the refrigerator...they weren't packaged in any way. Just two slices on the butter. Awesome. We ate them for breakfast.

The tornado that destroyed our living room the previous evening was dealt with...the wine was cleaned and with a little vacuuming, all the pizza and beer remnants were taken care of.

I heart Sunday Funday. It was the perfect end to a perfect weekend!!

Tommy and I spent Monday working off our hangover at Cafe Adobe with some margaritas and then went to the movies.

This is the story of the wine spillage, told by Francis:

from Francis
to Christy, Brandie, Matt, Janelle, Kate, Tommy
date Mar 3, 2008 10:39 AM
subject Re: Sunday Funday!!


Ok. Here is the play by play for Tommy's wine spillage... We were rockin out and Tommy really liked how I had just finished a part in the song... so he was being the happy supporter and leaned over and gave me a big "good job" jab to my arm (in a nice way)... and said something like, "that a way Frannie"... (not exactly sure since there was some slurring involved)... then he leaned back to his spot and that is when he took his wine glass with him.... I didn't want him to feel bad while he was in his happy drunk state so I thought I'd wait until today to give the play by play... :)

I did my couch work late last night... catching up on my episodes of Lost and other missed shows... went to bed at 2:30am and was a little tired getting up today...yes I went to work....

Looking forward to our next fun session!

Janelle's Response:

from Janelle
to Francis, Christy, Brandie, Matt, Kate, Tommy
date Mar 3, 2008 5:02 PM
subject RE: Sunday Funday!!


francis' recap of the spilling wine is pretty accurate as i was happily sitting on the couch drinking my beer. the places the wine spilled: carpet/rug, table, and all over tommy's leg- did you feel the stickiness after it all dried???

My Mom's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

My mom has had a rough couple of weeks - work sucks, she is stressed out and their two dogs are ages 15 and 17 and have lost their minds and all bladder control.

The dogs are very old and very senile. One of them, Fluffy is about 15 years old, completely deaf, blind, and has lost his mind. It's very sad - he has been a part of our family for so long. My parents decided to put him down next weekend - I will be heading home to Dallas to say goodbye and hang out with my family. But yesterday, my mom was sitting around, thinking about how she didn't think she could do it - putting him down would be way to hard...that is, she thought it would be too hard until THIS happened:

Like previously mentioned, Fluffy has lost bladder control - he pees and poops everywhere. Apparently, the feces has gotten bad enough that my parents hate having people over...the carpet looks that bad (I'll make my own judgements when I go home this weekend). So, yesterday, my mom was thinking that she couldn't put Fluffy to sleep and then she went to run some errands. On her way out the door, she noticed a big pile of Fluffy poop, but she was running late, was stressed out and I think it has all just gotten to be too much, so she just left it and was going to clean it up when she got home in about an hour.

So, she left the poop where it was. She ran her errands and upon arrival at home, she noticed that Roomba (the robotic vacuum cleaner that lovingly vacuums every inch of the house) had turned on and began to vacuum. Then she noticed that Roomba had vacuumed the poop...and subsequently spread poop all over the house. Poop had gotten in the wheels of the Roomba and had rolled all over the house.

As if you weren't already having a bad day, right? Poor mom.

Well, since things weren't going well to begin with, she just left the poop and went back out to run more errands...in hopes that my dad would come home and clean it up. Hahaha.

Poor Fluff Dog - we will miss you!!

Projectile Soda

My friend Roy is moving to The Sandbox for work....aka Saudi Arabia. A group of us went to lunch with him to say goodbye and the conversation quickly turned perverse (as it is wont to do in Roys presence).

We discussed colonoscopies and how the men in our group feel the need to tell us of their graphic diarrhea associated with thier colonoscopies. We discussed nekkid friends at the gym...why do the old men/women feel the need to talk to me while they are naked? I have no idea. We discussed pooping in general and other things that are generally considered to be in the "Too Much Information" category....it was the perfect Drag Up lunch for Roy.

The highlight of lunch, however, was when for whatever reason, we started discussing Marque dressed in something unpleasant (I can't even remember what now). Marque said, "Now I can't get the idea of me in a thong out of my head." And that was when Troy spit his entire soda all the way across the table and onto Roy. I peed my pants a little. I haven't seen anything like that in years. It was amazing.

Sunday the 17th

Usually it's Friday the 13th that makes people's hair stand on end, but not for our family. Sunday the 17th was the Day of the Devil...I swear it was out to get us.

We awoke to the bedroom that was sweltering because our AC had broken and Conn's sucks and has decided to take their sweet time to fix it. I, having not slept well for the past 3 nights, popped out of bed because I had really just been waiting for an appropriate time to get up...I was bored senseless. I let the dog out to pee. Tommy and I start puttering. We are checking mail and chatting, reading the newspaper, making coffee, etc...typically Sunday morning.

Then the guitar to Rock Band breaks. This is a crisis. Our lives have just got flipped turned upside down. A trip to Best Buy is in order...STAT.

Then we start trying to pay bills when we learn that the bank has charged us an annual fee for something we didn't want, but they convinced us we needed...eff you Wells Fargo. We tried to get it taken off, but to no avail...they are all incompetent. I'll be switching banks as soon as I can.

Then we find a "Customer Fee" on our gas bill for $20. What the hell is a customer fee?? We tried calling, but the "Estimated Wait Time is 9,000,000,023 minutes. We will process your call in the order in which it was recieved." Eff you Centerpoint!!! If I had other gas options, I would take them!!

Finally we decide to take the guitar back...because really, a day without Rock Band is like a day in the burning inferno of hell. It takes awhile to return it because, let's be honest, despite the awesomeness that is Rock Band, it is a very poorly made game and it has broken about 4 times in the last 3 weeks. Luckily, we are still within our one month of returns to Best Buy...we have been back there thrice.

We get home and install the new guitar. It's "overdrive" mode doesn't work as well as the old one and is frankly, kind of retarded. It will likely go back by the end of the week.

After this debacle, Tommy is thouroughly depressed. I decide that it is better for us to stay home - leaving the house doesn't seem safe at this point. So, we try to watch Lord of the Rings - Return of the King (I haven't seen it). Of course, while we own all the other movies in the universe, this one has escaped out collection...so off to Blockbuster I go. But alas, the Blockbuster near our house is out of the movie. BUT in a highlight of my day, the Blockbuster person was not totally imcompetent...she knew what she was doing and she actually attempted to help a customer. Thank you Aisha...you deserve a raise. Sooo, she called another Blockbuster (about 15 minutes away)...and I went to pick up my movie. In typical (Aisha was a-typical) Blcokbuster fashion, renting a movie was a difficult task. My credit card on file expired so they need a new one, my address was wrong, my name was misspelled, blah blah blah...just let me rent a freaking movie...you have one late fee from 1997 at a Blockbuster in Timbuktu. Whatever. Just give me my effing movie!!

Ugh. I can't remember what else happened, but I am glad we stayed inside most of the day...who knows what lurked for us out our front door...

Finally. A Good Day.

Yesterday was my first good day (well, good weekday) in a looooong time. I had a decent day at work, I planned 2 trips to visit Paige in Portland this year, I had the most AMAZING run, I cuddled with my man on the couch while watching American Idol, I ate sushi, I went to bed early and I slept like a baby. Seriously. Best. Day. EVER.

In better news, I am moving to a new desk tomorrow - which means I don't have to sit next to crazy people anymore...or if I do end up next to crazy people, at least they will be NEW crazy people, and it will take awhile for their crazy to come out. I get to start a new project, which will hopefully not make me crazy and I am taking on some new/different responsibilities...next week is the first week of the rest of my life!! Hahaha. But seriously, I can't wait. I need my job to not hate me right now.

Funny things that happened this week: Nothing.

Sorry for the lame-o-ness of this entry. We really haven't left the house much since Rock Band was acquired..because, I mean, why would you leave when you could play Rock Band? I don't know.

Notes from the Bathroom Stall

My husband, Tommy, started a new job a couple of weeks ago. So far, things have been going well...

We were having a quick little conversation via texting earlier today. I sent, "I love you", and he sent, "No, I love you". And then I sent, "Well, I love you more". And he sent, ... just kidding. But really, we were texting. He asked about my job, which currently hates me, and I asked about his day (he was supposed to be really busy). This was his response:

Tommy: Blah on your job. I'm sorry. I got enough done to stay afloat, still lots to do but should be okay with the deadline. I did get locked in the bathroom stall a few minutes ago though! Haha.

Christy: Hahahahahaha. How does that happen? How did you make your escape??

Tommy: The door broke while I was in there. Couldn't unlock it. I climbed over the top into the next stall. Luckily nobody was in there. Haha. Could have sucked though!

Christy: Hahaha. You crack me up. That's ridiculous. Hahahaha.

Tommy: Your day could be worse. You could be stuck in the can.

And you know what? It COULD be worse. I could be stuck in the men's bathroom in my office - where there is apparently a Mad Shatter on the loose. You're right. My job isn't so bad.

You Know You're a Redneck When...

From the Houston Chronicle:

Police: Beer was strapped in, but not 16-month-old
Associated Press

ST. AUGUSTINE, Fla. — Police have arrested a motorist they say had a 24-pack of beer strapped in with a seat belt but had a 16-month-old girl unrestrained in the back seat with the toddler's mother.

Tina D. Williams was pulled over in St. Augustine on Sunday for allegedly running a red light.

A 24-pack of Busch beer was strapped in with the passenger-side seat belt, according to an arrest report. The girl was in the back seat with 20-year-old Amber Tedrick, who is the toddler's mother.

Destination Pregnancy

My pal Val is expecting two bundles of joy this summer, currently named Baby A and Baby B. In trying to let her family and friends (myself included) plan baby showers for her, she was surprised to find out that having a baby(ies) is just like planning a wedding...it's all about you, except well, when it's all about me (which is all of the time). Ha.

This morning Val asked me if she could have a destination pregnancy. I told her that, yes, of course you can - they are called convents. Her response was, "It'll be like a womb with a view".

A womb with a view. Ha! And that my friends, is reason 9,000,001 why we heart Val.

BEER DRINKERS UNITE!

Beer Consumption Falls 15% in Germany
By KIRSTEN GRIESHABERAssociated Press

BERLIN — Germany and beer go together like Porsches and the autobahn, but health-conscious residents are turning from the country's traditional beverage in favor of juices and bottled water, sending suds sales down to the lowest levels in 15 years.

According to a government report released today, the amount of beer sold in Germany fell to the lowest sales figure since 1993 — dropping by 2.7 percent in 2007 to 22 billion pints, down 612 million pints from 2006.

The Federal Statistics Office said the drop in beer sales came as the demand for beer mixed with fruit juices, soft drinks and other nonalcoholic beverages rose 18.1 percent from 2006 to 2007, with some 887 million pints consumed by thirsty buyers.

Beer consumption in Germany has been falling steadily for more than a decade, a trend that experts have attributed to an increasingly health-conscious public and an aging population that is less likely to binge.

For last year's decline, the German Brewers Association blamed a rainy summer, noting that foul weather dampens the mood for lifting a stein on a summer evening.
But the group also pointed to shifting tastes.

"Our regular customers are getting older and don't drink as much anymore, and generally Germans prefer milder tastes today, and are more health conscious," spokesman Marc-Oliver Huhnholz said.

For the country's remaining beer drinkers, there's more scary news: Their beloved beverage — often called 'liquid bread' because it is a basic ingredient of many Germans' daily diet — is getting more expensive.

Some breweries have already raised prices, and many others say they will follow later this year.
The director of the famous Hofbraeuhaus beer hall in Munich said the brewery would increase its prices by about 74 cents per case in April.

"This is not about profit, it's about cost increase," Michael Moeller said, adding that the raw materials for the national beverage — barley malt and hops — have been getting more expensive.

Moeller said that per case of beer, the price of malt had increased by 30 cents and hops by 7 cents, and that energy costs to brew beer had risen by 10 percent.

On top of all the bad news, the southwestern state of Baden-Wuerttemberg has said it is considering a ban on selling beer from midnight to 6 a.m.

It's no wonder the Germans lost the title of biggest per capita beer drinkers to the Czechs a few years ago.

But, Huhnholz said, they still drink more than the Irish, who closely follow Germans.

You've Got To Be Kidding.

There is a word in the english dictionary to specifically describe the act of eating ones poop.

Coprophagia. Yup, that is a fancy way of saying "poop-eating".

Just the other day, I was trying to think of the word, it was on the tip of my tongue, but it wouldn't come to me...but alas, it was coprophagia. Duh.

The 35 Cent Check

I found this article today and was amused...

How Far Would You Go to Cash a $0.35 Check?

Would you cash a 35-cent check? Two days ago I wouldn't have known the answer to that question. Now I do, and, I'm sorry to say, the answer for me is yes. Yesterday I spent 30 minutes traveling to my bank and back to cash a 35-cent check.
Here's the story and what I plan to do with my spoils.

Two weeks ago I received a letter from my health insurance carrier. Excited to be receiving an unexpected check, I tore into the envelope and retrieved a check written out to me for the grand sum of $0.35. I went to chuck the check into the trash bin, but some unknown and unseen force held me back.

Staring at the check, I laid it next to my computer, where it sat for two weeks, buried by the usual clutter that seems to follow me like grunge follows Pigpen of Charlie Brown fame. Two days ago while I sifted through the grunge, the check resurfaced. Convinced it had taken on a life of its own, I started to tear it up, but again something held me back. So I relented and took the check to work with me yesterday.

My bank, Citibank, is just across the street from where I work, so at midday I set out on a 35-cent adventure.

As I neared the bank, though, something didn't look quite right. As I got closer I noticed a large chain wrapped around and through the bank's door handles and held together by a padlock. At first I thought, "Wow, the credit meltdown took out Citibank! This is worse than I thought." Looking around I soon realized, however, that all the shops were closed because the office building had just begun renovations.

Racking my brain to remember where the next closest Citibank branch was, I reversed course and headed back the other way for five blocks. Entering the Citibank branch, I marched up to the teller and triumphantly tendered my 35-cent check.

"I'd like to cash this check, please. I'd prefer quarters and dimes." The teller looked at the check and without missing a beat said, "Are you sure you're comfortable walking around with this much money?" Nice.

Now get this: I actually had to sign for the cash. She just smiled and said it was bank policy. Now I'm thinking the insurance company and the bank are owned by the same company. Anyway, with cash in hand, I left the financial institution with my head held high and change a-jiggling in my pocket.

So what am I going to do with my newfound wealth? I'm putting it toward my savings goal. With that $0.35, I've already achieved .000875% of my goal. Giddy up.

Hangin' Tough

Being the owner of a worn out New Kids on the Block GREATEST HITS CD, I'm as excited as a 10 year-old girl in 1990 in my acid wash jean jacket with an "I heart Joey" button displayed proudly over my heart at the following news. Maybe the lyrics were true...they really are loving me forever.

From PEOPLE website:
After months of speculation and rumor, the Kids are coming back. A well-placed source tells PEOPLE exclusively that New Kids On The Block are indeed getting back together.The band's Web site, www.nkotb.com, which had been dormant, is now back up and running in anticipation of the official announcement, which the source says will be made in the next few weeks.

The site currently features a television graphic with a fuzzy, flickering photos of NKOTB in their heyday, and a link inviting fans to sign up for info.The boy band, which made legions of tweens swoon in the early '90s, selling more than 50 million albums, became a worldwide phenomenon before calling it quits in 1994.

Eighteen years later, they're still "Hangin' Tough." The oldest "Kid," Jonathan Knight, now a real estate developer, will turn 40 later this year. Since the band's demise, former members Donnie Wahlberg, 38, and Joey McIntyre, 35, have seen acting success, while Danny Wood, 38, has worked as a music producer and Knight's brother, Jordan, 37, has continued to record.

In other news: Here is a video of Elizabeth Hasselbeck "Hangin' Tough" - http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20174612,00.html

ROCK BAND

On Saturdays, this very fun icehouse has Secret Saturday Concerts - http://www.myspace.com/secretsaturdayshows. Tommy, and I walked the dog to the bar where we planned to hang out for awhile and then walk back home. One of the many marvelous things about our neighborhood (and neighboring neighborhoods) is that we can walk just about anywhere. It was a gorgeous day and perfect for a nice walk and a good band. Unfortunately, the good band part of the day did not happen. The bands were terrible, but the people watching was fun and the beer was cheap. All in all, a succesful afternoon. Don had a great time too.

In the evening, we went to dinner for my friend Leslie's birthday. Now, luckily, I don't think she reads my blog, or at least doesn't yet, because I am about to bash her birthday dinner restaurant of choice. Hugo's on Westheimer - it's upscale mexican - and it's nasty. Everything on the menu sounded gross and it was at least $25 an entree. I ended up getting taquitos, which I don't even normally like, just because I knew what they were...and lo and behold, I did not like them.

Now, I understand that there is a difference between Tex-Mex and Mexican. And yes, i understand that Hugo's is mexican and not tex-mex. But I am here to tell you that I've been to Mexico and eaten their food and loved every bit of it...ain't nobody in Mexico that eats that shit. The menu highlight was Quail Quesadillas with peanut mole. Um, no thanks.

Do not eat at Hugo's. Taqueria Arandas is authentic mexican, it's 0.03% of the price, it's AWESOME and there is always a location near you.

Hanging out with Leslie and Adam was fun though! Food doesn't have to taste good to enjoy the company of friends!

After dinner, we met over at Zach's place to play a new video game his roomate got that day. I was tired and only planned to stay for an hour-ish. 4 hours later, we left (but I didn't even want to go then!). The game is called Rock Band for Playstation - it is also known as The Greatest Game Known To Man to people on the inner circle. It's like karaoke meets Guitar Hero. You have a guitar, a drum set and a mic and everyone sings/plays along to the song. Seriously, it was so fun. After 4 hours of playing, Tommy and I came home and began researching the potential purchase of Rock Band for our house. We had some rewards points slated for the purchase of a Wii, but those points were quickly moved to the Playstation fund...and now one resides in our living room. We played Rock Band from 1PM until I made Tommy turn it off at 9PM...and we only stopped then because I needed to come down off my adrenaline high. Seriously. It's the greatest game EVER. We started a band...we are called "Deadly Don". Tommy is on the guitar and I am on the drums. We got $25 for our first gig.

GEAUX TIGAHS!

We went to New Orleans to celebrate Christmas and Jackson's birthday with Tommy's sisters family and it just so happened to coincide with the National Championship. We figured that since we were already in town, we might as well stay to play downtown during the game. This was a very good call.

Sunday was spent at a 3 year olds birthday party, which was also one of the more elaborate birthday parties I have ever been to. There was a moon bounce for goodness sake. A moon bounce for a 3 year old. He doesn't even reach the minimum height requirements yet!! Jackson was exhausted about 2 hours in and proceeded to pass out on the couch mid party...

On Monday, Tommy and I woke up early and drove across the lake to meet Brandie at her parents house, who were also gracious enough to take us in for the night. Her Paw-Paw drove us to the French Quarter at about 11 am so we could get our tailgate on. The first stop was at a hotel so Brandie could get a Bloody Mary and then to a daiquiri stand so I could begin my morning in smoother way.

We met Gary and D here later, but I don't remember what it was called...

TB and me in Jefferson Square? I think that's what it was called. Mmm...daiquiris...

Brandie's dads company had a fabulous tailgate near the Superdome - they had a whole parking lot tented off. It was amazing. They had crawfish, bread pudding, free booze and huge tvs. It was fabulous. I would venture to say that we walked back and forth from downtown to the French Quarter at least 4 times. I lost a toenail. Yup, that's how much we walked. I did ballet en pointe for 10 years, have completed 2 marathons, a dozen half marathons and never lost a toenail. But I go to one LSU tailgate and the little sucker just popped off. Are you freaking kidding me?

Brandie and I traded chinese yo-yos for these foam tiger paws. And then we did the sprinkler with them.

Drinking with both tiger paws on is always a good call.

LSU won shortly after this last picture was taken. We were unable to see the actually win because the tailgate we were ate had rented their huge flat screen tvs, and the rental company picked them up 5 minutes before the game was over. But that just meant we were on the streets early to play with the Buckeyes. The loss of my toenail did not diminish my ability to have fun at all...although, I seriously considered walking around Bourbon St. barefoot...

Santa Pub Crawl

Tommy and I made a game time decision to drive to Dallas at the last minute to celebrate Tiffany's 27th Birthday. Her husband had lovelingly organized a Santa Pub Crawl through downtown bars. Brock wanted us to all wear Santa costumes, but upon shopping for ours, we determined that Santa costumes do not come cheap. In fact, the cheapest ones were about $50. Ouch. Being the creative cheapskates that we are, we decided that we could do better than a Santa costume for significantly cheaper. Enter the UHaul box...which was easily transformed into a present that was made for us!!

We joined the party at the Gingerman wearing our fabulous costumes. Other than the fact that i couldn't put my arms down all the way, the box was surprisingly comfy. It was also a magnet for the opposite sex. If you don't believe me, try it. Cut the arms out of a box and wear it around all night...I bet you get at least 5 phone numbers. I fully recommend this to all my single friends out there. I'm telling you, it works. Tommy's box was stolen (that's how popular they were) and I had to ditch mine in the shrubberies so I could fit in Katey's car for the trip home.

Nonetheless, this is what our Christmas card will look like next year...

At least it's not me this time...

Tommy is an idiot. Hahahaha. Someone else is on my wagon now!

Tommy got a new job (which are very excited about!) and spent a good deal of time last week trying to transfer files off his work computer and get all the essential documents together for his departure. On Monday, when I, the ever dedicated employee, came to work, he worked on this file transfer for most of the morning. Well, he worked until his computer crashed.

Normally when computers crash, you just get the scary blue screen and then everytime you try to reboot, it lets you try to start it in safe mode, but of course that feature never works. Well, when Tommy tried to reboot, all that came up on the screen was "Operating System Not Found". Um, that CAN'T be good.

What does "Operating System Not Found" mean?? I mean, the computer is still there, so where did the operating systerm go? Nonetheless, it seemed very tragic for TB's computer.

BUT, when he took it to the IT guru's this morning, they found that a screw had just loosened a little and disconnected the hard drive. So, with the help of a phillips head screwdriver, the operating system was found.

Way to go TB. Way to go!

2007

On the last day of this year, and in an effort to appear to be busy at work, I will take a few moments to review 2007, The Year of Yayyy!!

On December 25, 2006, Tommy asked my dad for permission to marry me. Dad said yes. I then spent the next 60 days waiting for a proposal. He is an exasperating man.

The first weekend in January, we went to New Orleans (well, Covington), for Tommy's nephew, Jacob's baptism, and the other nephew, Jackson's birthday. It was a big family event and my first attempt at fitting in...

On Jan 14, Tommy and I ran the Houston Marathon. I set a PR, albeit a poor one, but a PR nonetheless, of 4:43:09. Tommy beat his goal time of 4 hours, by finishing in 3:59:59. Quite impressive. Afterwards, we had our annual Post-Marathon Keg Party, where I, in traditional form, was unable to have fun, and Tommy proceeded to sprain his ankle. We spent the next day groaning in bed.

Since we bought far too much beer for the After Marathon Party, we had a Drink The Other Keg Party the next weekend. The highlight was Tommy dunking his ring...he didn't dunk it well, but he dunked it with gusto. In February, we spent a lot of time at St. Arnolds, drinking free beer, and FINALLY on February 23, Tommy proposed. Of course I said yes. Who could refuse this guy?? The next night, we went to the Starbucks Party at the Museum (which sounds lame, but is totally fun), and then met our friends out at The Marquee to say goodbye to TTiiffaannee. We miss her.

We started planning our wedding, which is very likely the most intimidating thing I have done thus far in life. But we planned it nonetheless.

March in Houston = RODEO, so we scored tickets to Rebe McIntire. We took the day off and played at the Rodeo...always big fun.

On April 15 we competed in our first Olympic Distance Triathlon - it is about a quarter of a full length Ironman. We swam 0.92 miles, biked 26 miles and ran 6.2 miles - it was a blast. Seriously, way better than a marathon. However, it was so cold at the start that I was crying hysterically. Hysterically. The temperature outside was about 42 degrees, and of course we were the only two who didn't have wetsuits. It was so cold outside that it was warmer in the water, so they had us start in the water so as to preempt any shock. Are you effing kidding me??

April 28th was the Celebration of Amanda's 25th birthday. In traditional Amanda style, she organized a fabulous theme party. Everyone dressed in high school attire - there were cheerleaders, nerds, football players, and I wore my cap and gown. I even passed out graduation announcements. We voted on Prom Queen and King and then headed out to the bars. We were the American Pie.

The first week in May, Tommy and I went to Scottsdale, AZ for a vacation. Lots of laying around and being vegetables (oh, and drinking). On day one, I got too drunk to play golf and/or even ride in the cart, so I passed out on the balcony of our hotel room while TB enjoyed his outing alone. Ooops. There were a bunch of girls at the pool that I really wanted to be friends with (i heart making vacation friends). Well, we ended up swapping magazines (some mailed catalogs, etc...). The next day at the pool, one of my girl crushes asks me if my name is Christy. I say, "Why yes, creepy girl crush. How do you know my name?" Apparently, my name and address were on the J Crew catalog I gave them the day before. And even more strange, Girl Crush Number 1 lives 2 houses down. Bizarre. Even more strange was when we got back to Houston, I ran into her at the grocery store. She was on the phone (apparently to one of my other Girl Crushes) and was said, "Oh my, it's Scottsdale girl". Hahaha.

We met our friends Gary and D in Austin for a race called the Muddy Buddy. You have a buddy, and the two of you alternate between biking and running - the highlight being the 200 foot mud it at the end. Well, the highlight could the mass shower at the end, but I guess it depends on your opnions. The day before the race, the four of us accidentally got wasted at the Gingerman in Austin and proceeded to have a food fight at Gatti's. To this day, I do not know how we didn't get kicked out.

Other things in May: I got 3 moles removed and apparently I am allergic to Latex because my entire back turned into one big terrible rash. We went on a double date with Kate and Keith to an Astros game. We got to start cake tastings. I found the most amazing wedding dress EVER. My lease finally ended with Raphael Perez aka The World's Most Creepiest Landlord. We went to NOLA for a friends wedding (most extravagant wedding I've ever seen) and while there went on a swamp tour.

In June, we went to a work Crawfish Boil in Sargent, Texas. The land of beautiful women and even more beautiful men. Catherine had a couple's shower and Hilary stayed with us and we got to catch up. Tommy's birthday and fathers day were spent in Dallas with the fam and went to dinner with Gary and D.

In July, the highlight was the fact that we were robbed, but other joyful events were Catherine and Nate's wedding in new Orleans. All of our girlfriends were there and we had a fabulous time on Boubon Street. After we got our security system in place, I went and met Tommy in Toronto and then the two of us made the trek to Niagara Falls.

August was a big month. My mom's friends threw me a bridal shower and I had my bachelorette party. The shower was fabulous and my bach party EVEN BETTER. We floated the river and gossiped that good girls do. All my ladies were there and we had a fabulous time - nice job Cathy!! Ed's birthday took us to Stages Theater to see a one-man play called Late Nite Catechism which was HYSTERICAL, and I'm not even Catholic.

September started recruiting at work, big long training runs, Aggie Football, and my wedding dress arrived!! Kristin and Eric got hitched - their wedding was a blast, despite the lack of AC. My friends built an Aggie Tailgating Machine, called Bus 42, and we made the trek to CS several times to enjoy it. The end of September brought us to Wehner Weekend and a couple's shower for us. My parents came in and we did lots of drinking...ow.

In October, I sprained my ankle, which basically means I hated life, but that can be observed more in these few blogs. I didn't eat, I didn't drink and the wedding was one month away. I think I was very pleasant to be around. Ha.

In November, Tommy and I finally got married. I feel so lucky to have married my best friend and that he is willing to put with me. It's not a small feat. Afterwards, we went to the Carribbean for our honeymoon, which was equally fabulous. So You Think You Can Dance came through on tour and Tommy, being the fabulous man that he is to, took me. We were the oldest people in the audience without kids. Then of course, it was Thanksgiving.

November 30-Dec 1, was the greatest weekend EVER. On Friday night, we played in a Flip Cup Tournament hosted by Shady Tavern and organized by my dear pal FraFra. Our team was Dude, Where's My Bike? and we dressed as mormons. Unfortunately, as mormons are wont to do, we lost the tournament. Tragic. On Saturday, we went to Dallas for Tiffany's birthday aka Santa Pub Crawl. Brock wanted us all to wear SAnta costumes, but those were too expensive for TB and I, so we wrapped ourselves in Christmas paper and went as presents. If you are single (or taken) and want to get laid, wrap yourself in Christmas paper - seriously, it was th ebest man magnet I have ever had.

And that brings us to December...Cathy graduated from tu, we had a Bad Santa Christmas Party, my parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary, and then we went to Dallas for the holidays. In Dallas, I got to see my friend Ben, who I never get to see and hopefully I convinved him to move to the Greater Texas Area. We hung out with Gilmore and Sara, Paige and Zach, Emily and her family, Gary and D, The Elliots, Amanda, and then rounded out the week with a trip to San Antionio to watch the Aggies lose at the Alamo Bowl with my Wehner pals.

Now, on the last day of the year, I am at work, wishing I had slept later, nursing a somewhat painful hangover, about to leave to prepare for a night of fun and games with Edwardo.

Thanks to all my friends and family - you guys have loved me and supported me through a lot this year. You are all appreciated more than you know. I heart you all.

The Wedding.

I still haven't posted anything about our wedding, but in short, it was fantastic. The reception hall looked fantastic, the music was fantastic, the dancing was fantastic, the booze was fantastic and most all my new husband was/is fantastic. I'd like to do it again, but Tommy says no. I don't know why.

Here are a few pictures for your viewing pleasure:

My dad walking me down the aisle.

The Ceremony. Performed by a family friend, Doug.

Newlyweds Dance Dance Dance.

Aggie War Hymn!!

Zach is CRAZY!!

Kate and Janelley.

Ma and Pa.

Amanda and I.

SECOND LINE!! Parade down Main St.

Dancing on the bar in Slainte. Who woulda thunk? They say they can't get my dress totally clean...

Hilary and Amanda with the best second line band EVER!!

And that's all folks. These of course, were not the professional pictures, but damm, we had a great time!!

Bad Santa

We finally had our Bad Santa Christmas Party, and luckily Leslie Gonzales did not come.

A couple of highlights:


1. Tommy bought cups with nametags on them. Awesome.
2. Jamey wrote "Germs" on his cup...not surprising.
3. Katy opened the vibrator...but then stole my movie. Jerk.
4. Tommy became so intoxicated that he was unable to get out of bed until 2PM the following day. When he finally emerged he walked hunched over like a Cro-Magnon Man.
5. Kate snorted at least 9000 times.
6. Tamer brough a vinbrator that says mean things like, "I have a headache" and "Not tonight sugar"

7. Sagar did not take home his presents...I think it is because he lives with his parents.
8. Brandie was too much of a wussie to get the present she really wanted.
9. And the ultimate point of the story is that Roy took home a butt plug.

Roy took home the butt plug. He won it and, lo and behold, no one stole it from him. I can't imagine why. Our story begins...

Roy gets home and throw the butt plug (still packaged and in the gift bag) on the floor of his apartment. At a later time, he went to the office of his complex to pick up a delivery. The girl in the office who is "smokin' hot" asked if she could have the boxes that were delivered to Roy once he got his gifts out of them. Roy, being the nice guy that he is, said, yes of course. Said girl, we will call her Ashley, ends up moving earlier than expected and needs the boxes earlier. She calls Roy earlier today - Roy ends up telling her to just go in his apartment to get the boxes that he has stacked up next to the door...next to the butt plug. Smokin' Hot Ashley is gonna have a nice surprise when she pops into Roys house today...

Houston. The Land That I Love.

There was a stray dog in our yard last night. It was a puppy, cute, whatever, but it didn't have tags and it was barking at us and I didn't want Donny the Dog to get any wierd diseases. Anyways, I called Animal Control, but they only work normal business hours. So, I called the police - they told me to shoot it.

Awesome.

UPDATE!!

UPDATE to this story...

Yesterdays story concluded in me having a phone conversation with Leslie, a guy I dated once, and me uninviting him to a party. During this phone conversation, he acted like he was still planning on attending the party (that he wasn't technically invited to). My response was, "I hate to be rude, but I really think it might be wierd if you came to the party - it's a small thing with a few close friends, etc..." I was pretty sure I had gotten my point across and that he understood that he was no longer invited. Apparently not. Me talk big words.

I took him off the evite, and assumed that all was well with the world.

When I got home last night, I looked him up on myspace, just to see if I could remember this former suitor (I did...vaguely). Somewhat a strange fellow, but all in all a decent guy. I also checked my email - this was in my inbox from my new pal Leslie:

From Leslie to me:

Hey, so I've thought about this a bit, and decided that it would be rather in-appropriate for me to come to your party, and somewhat awkward, so I wont be coming. Nevermind the fact that the invitation wasn't nessisarially directed to me personally :) Anyways, it was good to talk to you, and I hope all is well, Congrats on getting married by the way, thats awesome!

Leslie

**Now, in addition to his ATROCIOUS spelling, he has just proven himself to be the most dense individual in the world. But, the good news is that he won't be coming to the party.

Who IS This??

Long introduction to a story:

I have a friend named Leslie Smith (name has been changed) who I have known for the better part of my life. We were great friends growing up, through elementary and middle school, but lost touch in high school, and didn't really talk at all during college or after. Our parents are great friends still and see each other at least once a week at church. I have kept up with Leslie's goings ons via their gossip. I know she moved to Houston after college, went to law school, graduated and married a man who lives here. We had dinner once, about 2 years ago, and it was fun, but once again, we just lost touch.

She and her family came to the wedding - it was great to see her again and catch up (as much as you can actually "catch up" at a wedding). We discovered that she actually works about 2 blocks from our house and we decided that we should get together.

Tommy and I are having a Christmas party in a few weeks - there is so much alcohol left over from said wedding, and what better way to get rid of some of it! I wanted to invite Leslie and husband, so I emailed the email address I have with the Evite. When you send an evite you can tell who has opened their evites or not, and I noticed that in 2 weeks, Leslie had not opened hers.

I have her phone number, so I thought I would text her and ask her for her email address. The conversation went like this:

Me: What's your email address? We are having a Christmas party...
Leslie: A Christmas party? Yay!! It's Leslie@Gonzalescomputer.com How's your Thanksgiving?
Me: Good, just puttering. Did you go to Dallas?
Leslie: Sounds like fun. No, I came to San Antonio.
Me: Yeah - we stayed home to try to clean our post wedding house. Haha. I'll send you the evite later. We need to hang out soon!
Leslie: Ok, awesome. Send me the evite...and yes, we do need to hang out.
Me: Yayy! Happy Thanksgiving!
Leslie: You too! :)

Okay, there were a few things that confused me in this conversation, but I didn't think much of it.
Number 1: Leslie is from Dallas, but I thought maybe her husband was from San Antonio, although I had always thought he was from Houston.
Number 2: She has a law degree and I knew she just got a new job at a law firm - why would she have a @gonzalescomputer.com email address? But I thought maybe her hubby was a big techie nerd and had his own webspace, etc...

So, I got home later that day and sent the evite to leslie@gonzalescomputer.com. Yesterday, Leslie RSVP'd to the evite with comments. Now, while I looooove it when people RSVP, this one was a bit strange.

Leslie's paraphrased response:
Free booze on the night of my last final of the semester? WAHOO! I'm in! And I may bring a few crackheads to come and steal all your wedding gifts!

Leslie Smith is a reserved character - when I knew her she was a quiet girl, who spent most of her time with her nose in a book. I don't think much changed, seeing as how she actually graduated law school. The Evite response triggered a little more than a nagging in the back of my head. Oh, and as far as I knew, Leslie had graduated law school over a year ago...and I headn't heard anything about her going back.

I thought it might be best to verify via email with Leslie that she was in fact my friend. I did this nochalantely at first, but eventually had to come right out and ask...here is our email exchange:

Christy to Leslie:

Did you get the evite? I thought you were done with school? I'm very confused!! Anyways, since you work down the street now, we should get happy hour sometime - we pretty much live at Onion Creek!

Hope Thanksgiving was great!

Leslie to Christy:

Yea, I got it, I responded and I might bring a friend or two if thats ok. And YES, i love happy hours! ;) so just let me know whenever if you want to get together after work sometime.

Talk to ya soon!
Leslie

**Comments from Christy: I knew at this point that something was wierd. She didn't mention the fact that it appears that she went back to school and doesnt acknowledge my offer of Onion Creek...if you are anywhere near our 'hood, you loooove Onion Creek.

Christy to Leslie:

Who is this? I think I have the wrong friend...

**At this point, I figure out that something has gone terribly wrong with my eviting.

I call Leslie, well, I call the number for Leslie Smith that I have in my phone - and no one picks up. It goes straight to voicemail. The voicemail is a MALE. He says, "This is Leslie Gonzales, I am unable to answer your call right now, leave a message, etc...". Leslie is a BOY! At this point, I freak out a little, as he had previously stated that he will be bringing crackheads to our Christmas party to steal all our presents.

I respond to him with this email:

Christy to Leslie:

Yeah, I am pretty sure I have the wrong friend, as I dont believe I know any males named Leslie. Somehow your name got messed up in my phone book with an old girl friend of mine named Leslie as well. I am guessing you don't actually know me, right?

**I freak out and start cyber stalking Leslie Gonzales as much as I can. I also proceed to stalk Tommy via any method available...he liked it. Since Tommy was MIA, Brandie was my confidante. At her desk, we determine that the phone number is a San Antonio based number, but this doesn't do us much good because no one actually has a local number anymore. Gonzales Computing Systems is a small business computer solution company based in San Antionio, and owned by someone who is likely Leslie's father (same last name and older...coincidence?), and that Leslie Gonzales does in fact work for them...but they have an office in Houston, so he could work there. There aren't specifics. I am RACKING my brain trying to think of Leslie's, but I have no idea who this person is.

All we can think of is there are 4 reasons a person would accept an evite from someone they don't know:

1. They are psychotic and want to come to the party so they can kill everyone.
2. They are psychotic and want to break in and steal all our wedding gifts.
3. They are bored and actually want to come to the party where they know no one.
4. They thought it would be funny to respond and have no intention of coming.

Odds are that Leslie is a nice guy, but its hard to know from his voicemail box recording.

Luckily, he calls me back. He says he was in the bathroom when I called - sorry. I say, "We don't actually know each other, do we?" He says that my number was in his phone, but he doesn't know who I am either. Okay, at this point, things are just so wierd. I have a man's number in my phone, under a similar name, and that person just so happens to have my number as well? Wierd wierd wierd. Anyways, I ask him what name the number was under and he says Christy Maiden Last Name. Since there was no way for him to have known my maiden name, I believe him - all evites and such were sent out under my new email address. Things are getting wierder and wierder. We discuss a few things, while trying to figure out who we are, since are obviously great friends of olde. Ha.

Anyway, I finally ask him if we went on a date a couple of years ago.
He says, "Maybe?"
I say, "Do you have dark hair?"
He says, "Yes."
I say, "Did we maybe meet up at Front Porch?"
He says, "Do you have light brown hair?"
I say, "Yes."
He says, "Then yes, I think we did."

Hahahahaha. At this point, I am just baffled at how this could have happened. He kind of indicates that he would still like to come to the party, but frankly, that kind of wierds me out, so I tried to uninvite him as nicely as I could. I'm not sure univiting people is EVER nice, but I tried. If I remember correctly, he was a nice guy, but we just didn't hit it off, so he isn't crazy or anything, so if he showed up, it wouldn't be tragic, just kind of odd. Maybe he is the soulmate of one of my gal pals!! Hahaha.

This story has a point: be careful when you use Evite. That thing could be dangerous!!

El Honeymoon-o

When we were planning our honeymoon, I requested 1 thing: a beach to relax on - preferably with water that wasn't gross like Galveston, but that was negotiable. And that's how we ended up in Curacao. Curacao is near Aruba, just off the coast of Venezuala (South America)...it's far.

You've never heard of the island, and probably didn't know it was an island, but you have probably heard of the liquor Blue Curacao. As we found out relatively early on, Blue Curacao is just a color...the liquor comes in all colors of the rainbow, and it all tastes the same. Apparently the blue one just marketed better in America. We never drank it.

We decided to rent a car for the week, just to make our lives more enjoyable. I requested a Jeep or a convertible - I wanted to feel the breeze blowing through my hair (we used to have a jeep and now I am going through withdrawls). Well, Tommy looked at Hertz, Budget, Avis, etc...none of them had Jeeps or convertibles. After a long search, he finally found Michel's Car Rental (we still debate as to whether it was Michael or Michelle, but whatever) - Michel's Car Rental has Jeeps! WHOA! And by Jeep, they mean Suzuki Jimny. And by Suzuki Jimny, they mean they haven't replaced any of the parts on the car since 1992 because Suzuki stopped making the car (for good reason) and they can't.

Well, upon walking up to our car, a lovely little red number, the lady tells us that a lot of the parts are messed up because they stopped making the car...yes, we can tell. The inside is rusted, the outside is rusted...there isn't AC, radio or even a clock. We take the tour of the car, so she can mark any damages. This took a long time. There aren't windows the back of the car - only the roof, and the roof on the front doesn't actually clasp shut (this is okay for us since we plan on keeping it down...unless it rains...which it did and we had to hold the roof shut while driving). The driver side window doesn't roll up all the way, but at least it rolls up. The passenger side window didn't have a crank on it. The crank lives in the glovebox. If you want to roll down the window, you have to take the crank out of the glovebox, snap it on, roll down the window, take off the crank and put it back. I had to do this regularly because there was also no handle to open the door from the inside of the car. I had to unroll the window (remove crank from glovebox and install), then reach my arm out the window to let myself out. The steering wheel rattled when going over about 30 miles an hour and I pretty much feared for my life the whole time. Surprisingly, the car survived the trip. I included before and after pictures for your viewing pleasure.

After picking up our rental car, we attempted to drive to the hotel. The island is small and there are really only 2 main roads, but since none of the roads (main ones or otherwise) are named and therefore are unnamed on the map, it was difficult. All we had was a schematic to get us from the airport to the hotel. Eventually we found our way.

The hotel was really nice - open air lobby and fabulous fountain. Our hotel room was fantastic - we had two balconies, one of which was about 10 feet from the water. This is our view...I'm not zoomed in, that's just how close we were.

View from our hotel room.

The view was amazing. The water was gorgeous and so clear. We spent our first day relaxing at the hotel - the beach was fabulous and pretty empty. We drank champagne on the beach and just sat...it was magical. We woke up to the sound of waves crashing on the shore...it was so relaxing. We took our photocopied version of the paper out on our balcony and watched the people do water aerobics. These people LOVE their water aerobics. There was generally at least 2 water aerobics classes happening in our area at any given time. Each group probably had 10 people in it - which means 10 people splashing around with their noodles and counting (in spanish...wierd). Hysterical.

All the beers in Curacao are served in less than 12 oz servings. The "local" beers, Polar (from Venezuela) and Amstel Bright (from the Amsterdam) are served in 8 oz bottles, and are about $4. We went to the grocery store to stock up there, on hopes of saving money, but that didn't do us much good. Tommy bought 24-8oz beers, 3 liters of coke, a box of Ritz crackers (our vacation breakfast of choice), and a bag of doritos...it was $40. Ouch.

We spent day 2 hanging around the hotel as well - the beach was fun and the snorkeling was pretty good. That night we went to dinner at a place on the bay. Tommy had the snapper. The whole snapper.

Before.

After.

The next day we ventured into town to play/shop/eat. The town is really cool - not a lot of shopping, but we were able to find the best tourist junk store EVER. In this one store I got a deck of pirate playing cards, a stuffed lizard, a clock made of sand, a Christmas ornament (two bears dressed in wedding attire), a recorder and a scary little figurine. And my shopping is complete. They tried to sell us a coat hanger in the shape of a penis, but I regretfully declined. They claim they sold quite a few of them when the gay cruise ship came through. Then we sat at this bar and played cards.

Oh, and here is a picture of the town...

This bridge scared the ever living crap out of me. At a soaring 185 feet above sea level, the Queen Juliana Bridge is one of the highest bridges in the world. It connects Punda and Otrobanda (the two towns on either side of the bay). I would have preferred to drive around instead of over, but I lost that battle.

On the third day, we got on a chartered boat with about 15 other people and sailed to the unihabited island of Klein Curacao. It really is uninhabited. It is about 2 sq miles big and there are no houses on it. I got sea sick on the way there and was not a happy camper. They served us breakfast and then lunch and we got all the drinks we could fit in our hands...which was many. We snorkelled - the water was absolutely amazing - and saw octopuses and seat turtles. So cool. The best part was where we were at the edge of the semi-deep part and the REALLY deep part. Swimming over that edge was scary but so cool. On the island was a lighthouse and a shipwreck - we wandered the island and played on the beach for most of the day. It was fabulous.

The view from our towels.

Tommy's friend Mr. Crab.

Gosh, we're cute.

The shipwreck and Cap'n Tommy. Very unsafe and I made him get down.

The next day we spent visiting all the different beaches around the island and snorkelling. The weather was gorgeous and we saw all sorts of animals - eels, octopuses, huge schools of fish, seat turtles - AMAZING. Here are just a few pictures from our favorites.

On our last night, we went to Mambo Beach, which is apparently where everyone on the island goes. They have a fishmarket at the restaurant, and Tommy and I had our pick of the fishes. We had tuna, mahi mahi, shrimp, and lobster...very tasty. And of course, it came with fries.

The sunset on our last night was beautiful...

And then we came back to reality. It's tragic really. But at least I am tragic with a fabulous tan!

Sadie, sadie, married lady, that's me!

Yup, I am now officially Mrs. Tommy. A little bit scary, but a lot more fabulous! Our wedding may have been the best wedding in the history of the world, but that could have just been because I was the center of attention, and we all know how much I love being the center of attention. BUT, if the bar tab is any indicator of the level of fun, I would say it is a safe bet to say that all of my alcoholic friends had fun as well.

I will blog about the wedding and honeymoon in the entirety soon - I need to get some pictures for you first.

Either way, so far married life is pretty much the same as it was before...Tommy still cooks, cleans and drives me around. Poor guy. I totally scored in this deal. I love that man!!

A Little Bit of Crazy.

I get married in aproximately 48 hours and I may or may not have a little bit of crazy in me. The good news is that I was a good enough planner/organizer that I have enough time today to sit on my couch and veg (aka, write on my blog), but when you lie awake at night imagining that you have lice in your hair and then you become so paranoid about it that you have to get up and check your scalp, it's taking it a bit far. The crazy is taking over.

Seriously, I dreamt that I had lice and I was so paranoid about it that I got up to check my scalp at 3AM this morning.

I have a little bit of crazy in my eyes.