Engagement Ring.

In addition to my Too Small Wedding Dress Fiasco, the Computer Crashing Catastrophe Where I Lost All My Wedding Stuff (And A Lot More), and the Bride In A Boot Problem, my engagement ring broke tonight at dinner. Yup, it just broke in half.

Are these signs? Or is this normal? Because really, I can't take much more...

One week and counting. We had our final date as an unmarried couple tonight. It was fun until the ring busted. Now, I'm just grouchy. It's very similar to our first date as an unmarried couple.

Seriously? Seriously.

So, in addition to being a cripple who can't work out and therefore can't eat, (oh, and by the way, I have to take 10 students out to eat two meals a day every day this week...but I can't actually consume anything), my computer crashed on Tuesday morning. I called our service center and they said it would be fixed within 24 hours...3 days later, still nothing. I am using a spare, but you know, none of my info is on this one. It's a pain. But the real problem is that most of my wedding stuff is saved on that laptop as well, and I can't access any of it. Normally, I wouldn't save all that personal stuff on a work computer, but since ours got stolen when we were robbed a few months ago, I don't have another choice.

Seriously? So for those of you coming to the wedding, don't expect much. I will likely not be wearing a wedding dress because it won't fit. There probably won't be flowers or food because I can't access the phone numbers. And the odds are pretty high that we will get robbed again or I will amputate an arm or something in the next 9 days.

Big Fat Cow.

As most of you know, I am to be married in 2.1 weeks...and my wedding dress is too small. but the good news is that I am apparently not the only one who thinks I should shed a few pounds. I recieved the magazine "Heifer International" in the mail today. And yes, it was addressed to me...not to "Our Neighbor", but directly to me. On the cover is a huge woman next to her beloved heifer.

Good Luck Chuck.

We went to this movie the other night. It was not a great movie, but man, it was hysterical. The hysterics may have been brought on by the super-sized rum and diet coke I consumed during the movie, but regardless, I cracked myself up. There is this part where Dane Cook wears a penguin suit...oh gosh, I love men in costumes.

When the movie ends, Brandie and I walk to the womens restroom. We haven't finished our rum and diets yet, so we are still drinking them, walking and talking. As we are walking, a policewoman starts following us. I start getting all weird, thinking Police Lady is after us for our illiegal alcohol consumption...horrors! But no, she follows us into the bathroom, where there are at least 7 girls, all within 12 to 14 years of age. I scoot around them to get into a stall, and to escape police lady's wrath, and then I hear Police Lady ask the gaggle of girls if they are going to call "her" mom. Apparently, there is a girl in the bathroom, apparently sick on booze, and apparently Police Lady wants the girls to call her mother.

Brandie ends up leaving without going to the bathroom because the smell of alcohol reversing its fortune is too much for her to bear.

I am still BAFFLED at how 12 year olds got booze, and why/how/huh they were drinking it at the movie theater. Seriously. Seriously.

Not a Racist.

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum (and by forum, I mean gas station).

We all got together to watch the LSU game this past weekend, and despite the gorgeous weather, I sat inside (quietly and without complaining...I'm such a big girl) and watched LSU play football...and then lose 17 hours later. Since the game lasted so long, we ran out of beer and decided a beer run was in order. Jeff accompanied Brandie and I, which we turned out to be thankful for because Jeff may or may not live on the wrong side of the tracks.

When we walked into the crowded gas station, the conversation that we overhead went something like this:

Man with cigarette hanging from his mouth, and a 40 in his hand: "Man, you been workin lately?"
Other man with ass crack hanging out, and a 40 in his hand: "Ah man, I been workin so hard. I work from 5 to 9 every day, 5 days a week!"

You are right good sir. You are an upstanding citizen. Most people consider working 20 hours a week working hard.

Then we feared so much for our lives that we fled the scene quietly, but now we had beer.

This story brought on a new level of conversation at the party. Brandie offered up this story...(told from Brandie's point of view)...

So, I used to live in a small town in Mississippi where I was the minority. A typical small town...for example, when I walked into a furniture store, the clerks said, "Oh, you must be the new white engineer in town". One day, I got hungry for some ice cream, so I went to a Marble Slab type place. I asked the [black] guy for an ice cream cone with colored sprinkles. He gave me an ice cream cone with the chocolate sprinkles...and by "colored sprinkles", I actually meant the rainbow ones. Not black ones.

Seriously though. I'm not a racist. I just know good jokes when I hear them.

Other TV Channels...Specifically VH1.

Did you know there are channels other than the basic cable channels? I didn't. I pay for them (well, Tommy pays for them), but I rarely RARELY watch them.

I have been working from home for most of the week...I hurt my ankle and can't drive (see previous blog) and while I should be whole heartedly working and not working while the tv is on, I was. I worked with the TV on...sue me. Anyway, as you all know, daytime TV is VERY bad. I never knew how stay at home moms survived the entire day. (Yes, I know stay at home moms don't actually watch tv all day, whatever...don't send me hate mail).

Yes, I never knew how stay at home moms survived the whole day...that is, until I discovered America's Most Smartest Model on VH1. Yes, the show is called "America's Most Smartest Model". Absolutely ridiculous. And absolutely AWESOME. They have these porn stars spelling words like Chanel, and of course they can't do it. It is truly amazing. But the best part is that these people don't know they are dumb...that's how dumb they are. I don't even think they get the joke of "America's MOST Smartest Model"...they say it with such enthusiasm every time.

I am sooooo gonna be American's Most Smartest Model. Like, for reals.

Bride in a Boot.

My ankle has been hurting me for a few weeks now, but I have been running on it anyway. I finally decided that my smelly shoes were the culprit so I took myself shopping (darn) and I bought new shoes. My first attempt in the new shoes did not go so well. I made it 3 whole blocks from my house before I completely wiped out, scraped my left leg and sprained my right ankle. Badly.

The fall involved absolutely no branches, holes or any other tripping mechanisms...just pure clumsiness. It did however involve a few choice 4 letter words. I think it went something like this: "Mother effer, eff b*tch, eff you, sh*t, wh*re," and so on. You get the idea. It hurt a lot. I ended up getting a ride home from a very nice woman, Desiree - thank goodness for her. I need to pay that sh*t forward, man.

Since I can't drive, because I can't move my right foot at all (ugh), I stayed home from work...Tommy stayed with me to nurse me and my friend the Swollen Ankle. I was able to get a doctors appointment that day and luckily my ankle was not broken. But the good news is that I get to wear a boot...and I will probably get to wear it with my wedding dress!! YAYY!!

Maybe I can decorate it to match. Anybody have any extra tulle I can borrow??

Wasted.

You know you are wasted when you leave your entire wallet at the bar and don't realize it until you are ready to go out the next night. Seriously? I think we may have a problem Houston.

Secondly, I have a funny story.

A guy Tommy works with, Jamey (his name has not been changed because he is not innocent), was dating a girl named Sweetcheeks. Sweetcheeks, being the sweet little girlfriend that she was, planned an elaborate birthday party for Jamey. She send out the invitation via evite a few weeks ago. Tommy and I weren't planning on attending because it's the weekend before our wedding and we weren't really going to know that many people. Anyway, Sweetcheeks seems like a nice girl. Today, we got an Evite reminder about Jamey's birthday party. The reminder indicated that the party had been cancelled...and I quote, "Jamey's Birthday Extravaganza has been cancelled to the fact that Jamey can't his d*ck out of other girls mouths."

Ouch. But seriously...hysterical.

Fingerprint Reader.

I'm a genius. No really, I am. Today, I hurt my finger (middle one, right hand for you detail oriented people) and felt the need to bandage it. Therefore, I have a bandaid covering my fingertip.

We have fingerprint readers on our computers (gosh, how fancy). Typing my 8 letter password became too cumbersome so I entered in all 10 of my digits to be read by the little scanner. My injured finger just so happens to be the finger most commonly used to unlock my computer. 3 times today I have tried to unsuccesfully unlock my computer with said finger and each time when it gives me an error I am surprised.

Transparent/skin colored bandaids really DO work!!