Thursday, September 03, 2009

To Pee Or Not To Pee.

That IS the question.

I talk about my bowels and pee way too much on here, but eh, it's my blog. This is what I think about everyday...you can either suffer through it, or leave. (Please don't leave. My following can't stand another casualty.)(I promise to tone it down.)(After this post.)

If you've ever gone on a ride or a run with me, you are probably acutely aware of how frequently I pee during a workout. For example, on the morning of a long run, I pee when I wake up, I pee again after I eat (about 10 minutes later), I pee again before we leave the house (about 5 minutes later), I pee next to the car when we get to the park (about 5 minute later and no, I don't use the port-a-potties there because it's dark and creepy), and I typically have to pee approximately 5 minutes into the run. Depending on luck, my mood and how painful the run is, I can typically hold out for next pee break till about mile 5. But it depends.

Either way, it's risky. Luckily, I'm not snobby about where I pull down my pants. This is not to say I will pull down my pants for anyone, because, well, that's just slutty, but I will pee anywhere, on anything and in view of anyone (other than cops, because that's just dumb)...and surprisingly, I've only peed on my shorts once. I just poured a bunch of water on myself so you couldn't tell. I've mastered the art.

Take notes young paduwon. (How in the world do you spell that? Chewie? Help here?)

During a run, it's pretty easy to find a small shrubbery, duck behind, and take relief, but during a bike ride, it's a little more challenging. During a running race, I can hold it longer than I can on the bike because on the bike my legs are smashing my bladder with every. single. painful. bladder. crushing. revolution. OMG. It's hard. And then, when you finally stop - once you have flagged down your whole group to let them know you will be stopping behind that there tree - you have to get someone to hold your bike, because dude, it's a $3000 bike, you can't just lay it on the ground. Dear lord. And then you can scamper away to find your tree. It takes a little while.

This has always been a problem for me since I am a big pee-er. I never met a toilet I didn't like. Or a shrub for that matter. Or an open field.

Anyway, I was presented with some valuable information last night, from the lovely Kathleen who claims that she pees her pants while riding. (I hope that wasn't classified, but I figure if you are peeing your pants, people are probably taking notice anyway, right?). I often wondered how the pros got all the way through the Ironman without taking a potty break, but learned early on that they just peed their pants...I didn't realize that it was acceptable for the rest of us too!!

Kathleen offered some words of advice:
*It's accepted during a race, but not always during a training ride. Know your training partners.
*Always wear black shorts if peeing your pants is expected.
*Try to pee while going downhill...coasting makes it easier.
*Make sure to wash out your shoes.
*If you need to pee while running, find a place to pause, out of the way, and relax.
*Make sure to wash those shoes too.
*Replace your seat often.
*Disinfect EVERYTHING post workout.

Thanks Kathleen. I hate to admit it, (but let's be honest, I can't keep a secret, so you would find out anyway) but I will be attempting to pee my pants on my training ride this weekend.

Beware the water trail behind me. Muuuuhahahaha.

5 comments:

Tommy said...

This doe NOT bode well for me...make sure you let me know if I am riding behind you!!!

Love and Puppies, Christy said...

Just another reason why you should ride in front and let me freakin' draft you!!

KCWoodhead said...

Haaaaa ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!

I love it!

KCWoodhead said...

Oh also sometimes it doesn't really go anywhere but in your pants, so it can be your little secret. I have not learned the art of "projectile pee" although I'd like to sometime. There are a few people I've threatened to pee on, but it has never quite happened.

Love and Puppies, Christy said...

I might pee on you as payback for being cropdusted.