Idiot.

Had to deal with my first real idiot comment yesterday.

I'm talking to a guy I work with on a work issue and before we get down to business he asks about the baby and such. He then proceeds to say, "You better find someone good to stay with your baby so you don't feel guilty coming back to work". Yeah, thanks, Jackass. I was planning on picking up one of the illegal immigrants from the Valero Gas Station, but now that you mention it, finding someone good DOES sound like a smart idea.

Where do people come up with this stuff?

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Awkward Family Photos!


I had my dad take a few pictures of us this weekend for me to send to this chick to make us a watercolor. I am anti-maternity pictures...not because I don't like them (although, I don't really) but because A.) I am the least photogenic person in the world and B.) I have no idea what I would do with a picture of just me if I had it. So I will have Etsy (my BFF) make me a faceless watercolor to hang in Anna's room...I get the best of both worlds! I sent her pictures of Dixie too and she is going to paint her in somehow (Dixie was not invited to the parents house for the weekend - Devil Monster Dog). I'll let you know how it turns out (unless of course I am still unphotogenic without a face...).

One Two Buckle My Shoe.

So it took me about 45 minutes to pick out clothes for work today because the part of my wardrobe that actually fits is getting increasingly smaller and smaller. Each day is like a new adventure in What is Long Enough to Cover This Monstrosity? And then answer is pretty much nothing.

Alas, I finally picked out a hodge-podge outfit consisting of a skirt that was cute 20 lbs ago, a top that will probably never be cute because it looks like a tent (and is this really awful shade of purple...bought it online - bad call), a cardigan and my cutest mary jane heels.

I went downstairs (barefoot) to work a little before actually leaving for work (I don't get it either) and worked/ate breakfast. When it came time to leave I tried to put on my cutest mary janes and lo and behold, there is no way in hell I could get those things buckled. So I sent Tommy upstairs to get my second cutest pair of mary janes that do not require buckling because they are not as cute.

I have reached the point in pregnancy when I can no longer access my feet. I am thankful that I don't have to tie my shoes very often because it's really hard.

In other news:

It's really hard to shave your legs when you can barely reach them. I look like an assault victim.

I'm pretty sure Anna's first words will be "No Dixie no! (Dixie is our devil puppy...)

I REALLY need Dixie (who weighs 65lbs) to learn how to jump in the car. She is taking this whole "no jumping" thing a little far.

I'm going to have to start wearing a bikini to the pool. Hahahaha. The horror. Swimmers beware.

For Lack of a Better Post.

21 Things You May Not Know About Me.

1. I am the eldest of 2. My little sister didn't let me abuse her growing up, so we are going through this wierd abusive stage now, as adults, and it's just wierd.
2. I take Dixie the Dog to Petco to get her nails trimmed (and dew claws) because her nails grow at a freakishly alarming rate and no amount of walking helps.
3. I hate taking out the trash. I don't mind taking the bag out of the can and tying it, but the actual act of walking the 10 feet to the garage door and placing it in the garbage is a ridiculously daunting task. This is why I got married.
4. My parents live too far away (about 5 hours)...but since they live so far from the ocean, it's doubtful that we will ever move closer to them.
5. I don't mind loading or unloading the dishwasher but I HATE doing dishes. I really hate washing the chopsticks. Can't explain it.
6. We will be moving to the ocean (i.e. suburbia) at some point in the future...on the lottery knows when this will happen.
7. I am not sure how I am going to actually finagle 12 weeks off for maternity leave...but when there is a will, there's a way!
8. I currently wear a size 8 shoe. I am DESPERATELY hoping pregnancy doesn't make my feet grow. I love my shoes far too much to replace all of them. The horror.
9. I check my belly button every day to see if it has popped...so far, I've still got an inney.
10. Jewelry shopping for me is fairly easy. Bigger is ALWAYS better.
11. I can't imagine a house without puppies. (but not real puppies...puppies are evil incarnate. By puppies, I mean, "grown, well behaved dogs")
12. I am totally creeped out by animals that can't look at you straight on. Like birds. And horses. [shudder] Owls are okay because their eyes are on the front of their faces.
13. I used to love the smell of freshly cleaned port-a-cans...until I realized the smell that I liked was, in fact, the smell of freshly cleaned port-a-cans. Now I am totally grossed out.
14. I can pee anywhere and sometimes have to remind myself that just because I CAN doesn't mean I SHOULD.
15. I am desperately excited to meet our little baby girl in a few weeks - let the countdown begin!
16. My dad has made me paranoid. His motto growing up was, "paranoid is a good way to be when everybody is out to get ya". I would be great at risk assesment.
17. I once spoke with an English accent for a solid week. The problem was that once I WANTED to stop, I couldn't. I won't let myself even attempt the accent now for fear of being British forever.
18. I ROCK, like seriously rock, at Doctor Mario.
19. I have to get regular manicures because I like to do minor surgeries on my hands...and I don't do them when my nails look nice.
21. I could eat the same meals basically every single day - PB&J for lunch and spaghetti for dinner.

iTunes is Jealous.

The movie No Strings Attached inspired me to make a Labor and Delivery Playlist. (In the movie, Ashton Kutcher makes Natalie Portman a period mix tape...songs like Even Flow by Pearl Jam and Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. HAHAHAHA.)

I started working on it, but quickly ran out of ideas, so I posted a request on Facebook and got more responses than I probably would have had I posted that I had just amputated my own arm. My friends crack me up.

Labor may (read: will) be long and painful, but I will have a highly entertaining song list to keep me laughing.

Push - Matchbox 20
Push It - Salt-N-Pepa
I'm Coming Out - Diana Ross (Julie)
Breakout - Foo Fighters (Thomas)
Take this Job and Shove It - Johnny Paycheck (Frank)
P*ssy Control - Prince (Lesley)
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas (Tina)
Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5 (Tina)
Push It - Rick Ross (LauraB)
Cuts Like a Knife - Bryan Adams (Roy)
Hurts So Good - John Mellencamp (Tina)
Stronger - Kanye West (JR)
Beautiful Girl - INXS (Roy)
Big Bang Baby - Stone Temple Pilots (Roy)
Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado (Jenny)
Whomp! There It Is - Tag Team (Tiffany)
Breathe - Pink Floyd (Chuck)
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Born to be Wild - Steppenwolf
Born in the USA - Bruce Springsteen
Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
Torn - Natalie Imbruglia (Julie)
Come Baby Come - K7 (Janelle)
Help! - The Beatles (Janelle)
Rocky Theme - ?? (Lesley)
Cold Hearted Snake - Paula Abdul
I Want to Break Free - Queen (Sarah)
Barefoot and Crazy - Jack Ingram (Thomas)
Let's Get It Started - Black Eyed Peas
Anna Begins - Counting Crows (Thomas)
Under Pressure - Queen (LauraD)
Mother Love - Queen (LauraD)
Pressure - Billy Joel
A Mother's Love - Diana Ross
Tie Your Mother Down - Queen (LauraD)
Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit
Fight From the Inside - Queen (LauraD)
Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen (LauraD)
You Take My Breath Away - Queen (LauraD)
Come a Little Closer Baby - Dierks Bently (Thomas)
Sweet Child 'O Mine - Guns-N-Roses (Janelle)
My Mama Said - Abba
Drugs of Jesus - Tim McGraw
Kickin' and Screamin' - Garth Brooks
Two of a Kind, Working on a Full House - Garth Brooks
Papa Loved Mama - Garth Brooks
Hey Mama - Black Eyed Peas (Janelle)
Heading for the Light - Travelling Wilbury's (Janelle)
Mother, Father - Dave Matthews Band
Wish You Were Here - Incubus (Regina)
Hit Me Baby (One More Time) - Britney Spears
Nookie - Limp Bizkit
Anna - The Beatles (Frank)
Dear Anna - Jason Mraz
Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
So Sick - FlyLeaf
Best of You - Foo Fighters
Gimme Stitches - Foo Fighters
How Does It Feel - Ian Moore
Who Needs Sleep? - Barenaked Ladies
Waiting for a Girl Like You - Foreigner
So UnSexy - Alanis Morisette
Slide - GooGoo Dolls
Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash
One Boy, One Girl - Collin Raye
Long Day - Matchbox 20
Let's Just Get Naked - Joan Osborne
It's so Easy - Guns N Roses
I Will Not Go Quietly - Don Henley
Hold my Hand - Hootie and the Blowfish
Here It Goes Again - Ok Go
Hard to Handle - Black Crowes
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
Come As You Are - Nirvana

And just for kicks, my all time favorite songs:
Sabotage - Beastie Boys
Pony - Ginuwine
Remix to Ignition - R Kelly
Yeah - Usher
Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn
Proud Mary - Tina Turner
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel
Detroit Rock City - Kiss

This is about 80 songs. If I assume that each song is about 3 minutes long, I have enough music for 4 hours of labor. I have decided that my labor goal (it's so important to have goals, you know?) is to beat my Ironman finishing time of 12 hours and 55 minutes. This means I will need to listen to this playlist about 3 times.

Thanks to my wonderfully creative (and slightly disturbed) friends for their help. It's a work in progress, so feel free to leave suggestions in the comments!

Sidenote: My BFF A-Mac just sent me this picture. There are no words.

Maternity Mattress Verdict.

Dude. It was A.Maze.Ing.

Laying down on it for the first time was kind of scary actually. I was afraid of hurting the baby and I wasn't quite sure what it would feel like. But OMG. The glory. The magic. I cried. And then Tommy took this picture.

Sidenote: I ripped these pants down the butt shortly after this picture was taken. This is my second pair of ruined pajama pants THIS WEEK. Has somebody gained a little too much weight maybe?

Luckily, our bedroom is big enough that we can lay the mattress down in our bedroom with plenty of room left for us to get around...which means I was able to move back and forth between the bed and the mattress throughout the night. I mean, no one really wants to sleep on an air mattress all night...even if you ARE on your belly. So that was a nice feature.

I started out in the bed and then when I woke up at my regularly scheduled midnight peeing, I moved to the mattress. I fearfully laid down but once I got settled, it was glorious. It was really comfortable and I was totally blissed out. My only complaints are that once you are on the bed, it's kind of hard to get adjusted. It's difficult to move around because your belly is stuck in this hole. And my mattress was directly below our ceiling fan which means my hair was tickling my face and I didn't have nearly enough blankets. Tonight I will wear a headband to keep my hair from tickling me and get more blankets. When I woke up at about 1:30, per the usual schedule, I went back to the regular mattress where I slept really well (on my left side...ugh). I think the little break for my numb left arm was just what the doctor ordered.

It was glorious. I can't wait to sleep on it again tonight. Best.Present.EVER.

...and the people rejoiced.

Best. Husband. Ever.

Try not to be jealous ladies. He's mine and I don't share well.

Ha. But seriously. I have the best husband in the whole world. I know I've mentioned that before but last night I was presented with the most thoughtful gift I have EVER been given...

I have been whining about my lack of sleep (which has only gotten worse since I can now only sleep on my left side)...and how much I miss sleeping on my stomach. I miss sleeping on my stomach more than I miss wine. I miss sleeping on my stomach more than I miss running. I miss sleeping on my stomach more than I miss unpasteurinzed cheeses. Yeah, I REALLY miss sleeping on my stomach.

I may or may not have cried about it the other night as I was laying on my left side and my arms were numb and I was uncomfortable for the 5th hour of the night, the 40th day in a row.

But last night, Tommy, aka the sweetest man in the world, gave me an inflatable mattress that has a hole in the middle so I can lay on my stomach. He said he reached the end of the internet looking for it (which I do not doubt as I had also been looking without success). It was EASILY the most thoughtful gift I have ever gotten.



I may or may not have cried.

The pump has to charge for 24 hours so I wasn't able to use it last night, but tonight the glory will begin as I lay on my belly for the first time in about 4 months. Even if it's the most uncomfortable thing ever, I am seriously the luckiest girl in the entire world...I. CANNOT. WAIT.

I love you Tommy. Thank you so much the love you give me.

Belly flops for everyone tonight!

Great Balls of Ice!

The Great Freeze of 2011!! It was a glorious day. Tommy and I both had off work - he locked himself away upstairs in the spare room and I took over the living room so I could make red beans and rice (for him, not me...beans are gross) and potato soup. Our house smelled AMAZING...and then about 7 hours later we ate lunch. Ha.

Well, Houston did in fact freeze, and it was slippery. At least for the dogs. The stairs to our yard were frozen solid and the dogs had some trouble navigating. The first time Tommy let them out in the morning, he didn't think about the stairs freezing, so he just opened the door and the 2 mutts raced down the stairs...where they slipped and slammed into the fence at the bottom. Ooops. This was probably hysterically fun for Dixie but for Don (who is 8 and has hip dysplasia) this was less than ideal.

So for the rest of the day, night and the next morning, Tommy had to pick up each of the dogs everytime they needed to pee and carry them down the slippery stairs. Unfortunately, the dogs weigh 65-70lbs each and due to their size are rather cumbersome to carry with one arm (the other hand was used to grip the railing). They would pee and then he would have to carry them back up. It was hysterical. They aren't big fans of being picked up (like their mom!) and they toes were splayed as far as they could go! I have video footage but it's definitely only footage that a mom could enjoy so I won't torture you with all 5 minutes of Dog Carrying. Just trust me, it's funny.

Then that night, we were supposed to go to a riveting breastfeeding class but it got cancelled...but we didn't find that out until after I had bathed and everything. I hate getting dressed after a day on the couch (call me gross, I care not)...I was not happy. So, I insisted that we go do SOMETHING. I mean, I was CLEAN afterall. So we went to the movies - saw No Strings Attached. It was cute. And I was able to limit my Slurpee intake to 1. Impressive.

Saturday was still icey and miserably cold, so I slept in and eventually Tommy made me go to the YMCA to swim. Unfortunately, the pool had not quite recovered from the freeze and it was ICEY. BRRRR! I sat on the edge for about 10 minutes before getting in. I count this as part of my workout.

Have I mentioned that I do not like winter? I do, however, like working from home for any reason. So, I will try to keep me complaints to a minimum.

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In baby news, I am 31 weeks along (just over 2 months left!) and the baby's room is basically complete! We still need all the little necessities like, I dunno, diapers, but the decorating part is pretty much done.

Large and in charge and taking illegal pictures in the locker room.

I love love love her room. It didn't turn out how I had planned but I really love it. I wanted it to look like a kid's room, but wanted to avoid Mickey and Pooh and cutesy baby stuff. I think I acheived my goal!

In pregnancy related health information: I have started feeling tired as they say is typical in the 3rd trimester, but so far, it's just tired. It's NOTHING compared to mind-numbing exhaustion of the 1st trimester and I am only getting about 3 hours of sleep a night, so the tiredness could be because of the pregnancy or because I'm only sleeping about 3 hours a night (which is due to the pregnancy, but whatever). Little Anna (I wasn't going to tell you her name, but then I posted the nursery pic, so oh well) likes to hang out on my right side...which is all well and good except that this means I can no longer sleep on my right side. This leaves me with one sleeping option...my left side. Which makes my arms go numb and hurts my hips. Soooo, sleeping just isn't happening. Such is life! Otherwise, we are all healthy and counting down the days until we meet (and I get to sleep on my stomach)!

Running Commandments

53 Runners Commandments

I stole this from Molly, but it's so true that I didn't think she would mind.

I'm sure you've seen this list before, but I really think it's worth re-reading and re-reminding ourselves of why we run, why we like it, how we can be better ambassadors of the sport.

The author is writer/publisher/ distance runner Joe Kelly.


I can relate to specifically to numbers 2, 10, 11, 26, 35 (I am always the person who says they feel awful and then actually has a good race...but I race terribly when I feel great) and 53.


What about you?


The Runners Commandments

1. Don’t be a whiner. Nobody likes a whiner, not even other whiners.

2. Walking out the door is often the toughest part of a run.

3. Don’t make running your life. Make it part of your life.

4. During group training runs, don’t let anyone run alone.

5. Keep promises, especially ones made to yourself.

6. When doing group runs, start on time no matter who’s missing.

7. The faster you are the less you should talk about your times.

8. Keep a quarter in your pocket. One day you’ll need to call for a ride.

9. Don’t compare yourself to other runners.

10. All runners are equal, some are just faster than others.

11. Keep in mind that the later in the day it gets, the more likely it is that you won’t run.

12. For a change of pace, get driven out and then run back.

13. If it was easy, everybody would be a runner.

14. When standing in starting lines, remind yourself how fortunate you are to be there.

15. Getting out of shape is much easier than getting into shape.

16. A bad day of running still beats a good day at work.

17. Talk like a runner. “Singlets” are worn on warm days. “Tank tops” are worn to the beach.

18. Don’t talk about your running injuries. People don’t want to hear about your sore knee or black toe.

19. Don’t always run alone.

20. Don’t always run with people.

21. Approach running as if the quality of your life depended on it.

22. No matter how slow you run it is still faster than someone sitting on a couch.

23. Keep in mind that the harder you run during training, the luckier you’ll get during racing.

24. Races aren’t just for those who can run fast.

25. There are no shortcuts to running excellence.

26. The best runs sometimes come on days when you didn’t feel like running.

27. Be modest after a race, especially if you have reason to brag.

28. If you say, “Let’s run this race together,” then you must stay with that person no matter how slow.

29. Think twice before agreeing to run with someone during a race.

30. There is nothing boring about running. There are, however, boring people who run.

31. Look at hills as opportunities to pass people.

32. Distance running is like cod liver oil. At first it makes you feel awful, then it makes you feel better.

33. Never throw away the instructions to your running watch.

34. Don’t try to outrun dogs.

35. Don’t trust runners who show up at races claiming to be tired, out of share, or not feeling well.

36. Don’t wait for perfect weather. If you do, you won’t run very often.

37. When tempted to stop being a runner, make a list of the reasons you started.

38. Never run alongside very old or very young racers (Edit by Christy: Never run along people in costume). They get all of the applause.

39. Without goals, training has no purpose.

40. During training runs, let the slowest runner in the group set the pace.

41. The first year in a new age group offers the best opportunity for trophies.

42. Go for broke, but be prepared to be broken.

43. Spend more time running on the roads than sitting on the couch.

44. Make progress in your training, but progress at your own rate.

45. “Winning” means different things to different people.

46. Unless you make your living as a runner, don’t take running too seriously.

47. Runners who never fail are runners who never try anything great.

48. Never tell a runner that he or she doesn’t look good in tights.

49. Never confuse the Ben-Gay tube with the toothpaste tube.

50. Never apologize for doing the best you can.

51. Preventing running injuries is easier than curing them.

52. Running is simple. Don’t make it complicated.

53. Running is always enjoyable. Sometimes, though, the joy doesn’t come until the end of the run.

Snow Day!

It's a Snow Day in Houston, Texas which means absolutely nothing except that most of the city got off from work for no reason. Darn! There isn't a snowflake in sight...but the steps to our "yard" are iced over which means it is quite a challenge for the dogs to get out there to pee. Tommy has to help Donny up and down, but Dixie just slides down and crashes into the fence. There is a high of 60 degrees predicted for tomorrow, so this will all be very shortlived and tomorrow we can get back to our normal life of shorts in the winter. (Sidenote: 60 degress is still VERY cold to Houstonians. We will still be bundled in most of our winter gear tomorrow, but we will be able to eat dinner outside, which is what it's all about.)

Nonetheless, I am enjoying my day on my couch. I still have to work, but it's a half-assed affair where I sit in my pj's with the tv on and get some work done. I still find it hard to believe that there are episodes of Say Yes to the Dress that I haven't seen yet. Oh how I love bridal shows!

Knowing I would have the day off today and that it would be balls cold (call me a weenie, but it's Houston...we don't live here for the winters...) so I went to the grocery store yesterday to stock up on wintery Hunker Down supplies. The city of Houston is excellent at hunkering down...and the rest of the city was at Kroger as well. I read an entire magazine while waiting in line to checkout. But hey, saved myself $4! I bought supplies to make red beans and rice for my cajun husband and the fixin's for potato soup for me. I don't do beans. [shudder] It was my first time making both and they were deeeeelicious...even if they took all day.

My only complaint about today is that we have breastfeeding class tonight (yippee!) and that means I will actually have to shower at some point. Tragedy strikes again.

In other news, the pics from the half marathon are up...

This is what "running" a half marathon looks like at 30 weeks pregnant.


And this is what running a half marathon (without the quotes) looks like. Tommy is giving the Shocker in honor of the baby!

Ironman VS. Pregnancy

Last night Tommy was talking about his Ironman training (I try to coach him, but he never listens...terrible student) and he brought up the fact that pregnancy and birth are like Ironman because in both events, you train for about 9 months in preparation for the big event that will likely take anywhere from 8 to 17 hours.

Ironman Time: 12:55
Labor and Delivery Time: TBD (but let's shoot for something less than 12:55, shall we?)

The only difference is that doping is totally legal in labor and delivery.

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Have I ever mentioned my obsession with Diet DrPepper with a splash of rootbeer? OMG. You get the flavor of rootbeer without all the sweetness and calories. Deeeeeelicious.

Diet DP and Rootbeer. Perfection.