Quoteables...I am going to start a log of quoteable things me and my pals say. Email me if you remember something...

He must of had a 10 foot schlong. -My dear mother

Fried and weiner all in one bite!! -My dear father

Do we not have a toilet with two pots? -My mom

I have an aversion to kolaches after a night with the Scotsman. -Kate

I can't remember the name...Egyptian Monkey F*ck or something? -Mom

The moral of this story is to be careful around homsexual animals. And never wear beef scented panties. - Me

Throw it in her dumper. -Tye

Do you want some Cheerios? And by Cheerios, I mean, do you want to bang? -Zach

After we were done I made kids who misbehave pick up the tecticles with their hands. -Boot

It's like a Mike and Ike, but brown. -Kate

Did you know that if you search 'plastic surgery' on the internet, you can see penis enlargements? -Monica

Seriously, you're in a cover band. -Kate

I shit my pants, can I get in your yours? -Coy

I'd say that there is about an 80/30 chance. -Dan

Is that a monkey on that horse? -Jim

I mean, we had to have sex, I wasn't gonna put my hands or mouth on that thing. -anonymous

What the hell...did your father rape you when you were little? -Laura

Put the vagina away! -Paige

It's hot as crotch down here. - Janelle

Yeah, if Hitler had targeted cats instead of jews he would be on Mount Rushmore instead of the vilest mad man in recorded history. - Roy

What the hell is Laffy Taffy? Asshole? - Bartender at the airport bar

Why don't they have magnets with boobies and assholes? - Dani

No, dumbass. That would make her a sixteen-o-pus. - Kate

Dance on my pole. - Some guy at the beach

Open your throat and let it pour down. It's easier to swallow when you are on your knees. - LA Boyfriend

You look good for your age. - A sixteen year-old with a retainer

They make my stupid bird mouth look even birdier. -Jodie

He might as well have raised his leg and peed on you. - Unknown

I'll bring the crisco and the baby pool. - Zach

If I had known it was that kind of party I wouldn't have put my dick in the mashed potatoes. - Zach

It helps keep the stuff off the things they like to get on. - Cathy

Rumor has it that the Castleberry's get their meat for free. - Wehner

There's no such thing as lesbians. A lesbian is just a woman that hasn't met Tegwyn. - Wayne

Getting drunk before the play will also help you watch the sex scene between the two lead male actors. This is the approach I took before watching Brokeback Mountain the second and third times. - Wayne

I really like your sausage. -Mom

I like to drink heavily and use expletives. - Steve

The nachos I ate violated me at about 5:30 this morning. - Ed

The 1900's were 7 years ago, asswipe. -Ed

Here's a tip: Get a darker bra. - Bill

It's not like we were trollin' for ho's all weekend. - Ed

Life is beautiful to dumb people. I think that's why I'm so happy. - Christy

Who cares to survive? I just vive. - Victor

I'm glad we delcared our independence from you. - Laura

It's all about grabbing f*cking meat. - Bill

You can name it and you can pet it. - Tommy

Do you have nipples? Can you milk me? - Bill

You're not supposed to flash your children. -Mom

I could eat the butt out of a skunk. - Mom

I farted and sneezed at the same time. - Mom

It's kinda like eating a tampon. - Katy and Hokom (combined effort)

That's why he has fat crotch. - Katy

Sluttiness is just a bad word for freedom of mind. - Victor

"It's hard as shit to burn a motorcycle," said Ronan. "No it's not, it's easy," replied Victor.

Any sport that you can wear a cardigan in... - Richard

There is nothing wrong with a bit of veal. - Richard

I think your dong just touched me. - Jeff

Oh no ma'am, I'm hung like a pencil. These are just gelatinous drawers. -Roy

No sexual taking out the contacts. - An unknown party associated with Wehner

I'm a 'mo, ya know? - Danny

When my tow got carred. - Bill

Your liver will stop hating you the day it is removed from your body and begins it's life as a door stop in some doctors hill country retreat home. - Roy