Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Before I Was a Mom

I will likely have a baby in less than two days (holy crap!).  The fact that someone has deemed me mature enough to take on the role of caregiver to another human being is terrifying.  I haven't really been emotional or hormonal throughout this pregnancy but in the last few weeks, I have kind of been a basketcase...I mean, holy crap.

And the hormones mean that my Lent promise of not cursing lasted about 20 minutes. 

One of the blogs I read does a segment called Before I Was a Mom.  I think most of the things people say they would never do are ridiculous, so I can only assume they are jokes - I mean, of course kids are going to eat pizza.  Unless you plan on avoiding all birthday parties from now until the end of eternity, your kids will eat pizza.  Or until they come up with an equally delicious and cheap alternative...which will never happen.  Because pizza is awesome.  Nonetheless, I tried to put together a little list of the things Tommy and I say we will never do...before we are parents. 

Before I was a mom, I swore I:
  • Would never give my kid some outrageous amount of money for losing a tooth.
  • Would never let my kid have a TV in her room.
  • Would not make fast food eating a regular habit.
  • Would continue to stay active and teach my kid to love the great outdoors.
  • Will do everything within my power to remain flexible 
We will see how this all plays out...I've got two days left of "Before I Was a Mom-ing".  Holy crap.

Yesterday was my due date...and it came and went without any indication that Anna wants to join the real world.  Apparently my womb is VERY cozy.  I keep trying to tell her that her crib will be cozy too and that we have all sorts of fancy blankets,  but she is stubborn.  Like her dad (he rolls his eyes when I say this...I dunno why). 

At 40 weeks pregnant, my belly button finally popped.  That said, it's much squishier and softer than I expected it to be.  It can be tamed with the panel on my pants.  Thus far, I haven't gotten cankles or stretch marks, my acne has gone down to a respectable level, but I am the size of a house, I only have one outfit that fits, and I can only sit upright for about an hour at a time...I am soooo ready for this to end and to meet my little baby!  I cannot believe I am still pregnant.  I seriously cannot believe how much the human skin can stretch.  I cannot believe how gigantic I have gotten.

40 Weeks Pregnant.  Let's play MASH.  Mansion, Apartment, Shack or House?
We have tried all the things to induce labor naturally (short of acupuncture and castor oil) and I can say, with complete authority that none of that crap works.  I've walked no less than 4 miles a day for the last 3 weeks.  I've eaten about 7 pineapples.  We made the eggplant parmesan and I ate about 1.5 eggplants worth.  We've had the s.e.x.  I'm taking evening primrose oil.  I'm eating spicy-er food (I hate spicy food, so this is a challenge).  It's all a bunch of crap.  BUT it has kept me thoroughly entertained, so I guess there is something to be said about that.  Me and the pitocin will be BFF on Thursday.  That sh1t better not be a joke too.
At my work baby shower, in addition to a bunch of wonderful gifts, we got an "It's a Girl" helium balloon.  The shower was on March 18 and afterwards, we came home and tied it to our stairway railing.  It is now April 12 and that balloon is still inflated. 

The Birth Prediction Balloon.
We have determined that I will not go into labor until this balloon is deflated.  I'm about to take a machete to the darn thing.  I've never seen a helium balloon last this long.

Today is my last day of work, tomorrow is my last doctors appointment and then I will spend the day running errands, napping, and puttering around the house.  Then we head to the hospital on Wednesday night...AHHHH!  I've requested a Last Supper Dinner Date with Tommy, but we quickly determined that we can't go anywhere nice because the only outfit I have is cargo pants and flip flops.  Ha.

I will update as soon as I can from the hospital...I'd update Facebook, but social networking sites are blocked at my hospital.  WTH are we supposed to DO on the internet!?!?!  I may go into withdrawl.  I can get Facebook on my cell phone via the network, not internet, but STILL.  It's small and I'm snobby.

Come on Little Anna!  Your dad and I are soooo ready to meet you!  And I am ready for your dad to hold you for once.  :)  We love you so much already...let's get the party started!!


Janelle Dickson said...

WOW! what a pic :) cant wait to meet her :)

Molly said...

Dude, you're huge. In a good way : )

Sending you good wishes for a safe and speedy delivery!

P said...

I love your "Before I was a Mom" list! The outrageous money thing just sort of happens, I don't really know why. I pay my kids for good grades, too.

Love and Puppies, Christy said...

@P - I don't think we will pay for good grades either, but I would be more inclined to give them a decent wad of cash for good grades over losing a tooth...at least they had to work for good grades. Losing teeth just happens. I dunno! I won't count my chickens before I hatch - stranger things have happened!

Pam said...

Look at that belly!!! :D

Here's to a happy and healthy and SPEEDY delivery for everyone!

Allison said...

OOOOO I love your belly! I know you are probably so uncomfortable but you are so cute :)

Sending prayers and good sweet thoughts your way!! Anna needs to make a speedy safe delivery quick :)

RunningShorts said...

That is quite the tummy!!! :)

Oh my gosh, come on Anna!!!