Engagement Ring.

In addition to my Too Small Wedding Dress Fiasco, the Computer Crashing Catastrophe Where I Lost All My Wedding Stuff (And A Lot More), and the Bride In A Boot Problem, my engagement ring broke tonight at dinner. Yup, it just broke in half.

Are these signs? Or is this normal? Because really, I can't take much more...

One week and counting. We had our final date as an unmarried couple tonight. It was fun until the ring busted. Now, I'm just grouchy. It's very similar to our first date as an unmarried couple.

Seriously? Seriously.

So, in addition to being a cripple who can't work out and therefore can't eat, (oh, and by the way, I have to take 10 students out to eat two meals a day every day this week...but I can't actually consume anything), my computer crashed on Tuesday morning. I called our service center and they said it would be fixed within 24 hours...3 days later, still nothing. I am using a spare, but you know, none of my info is on this one. It's a pain. But the real problem is that most of my wedding stuff is saved on that laptop as well, and I can't access any of it. Normally, I wouldn't save all that personal stuff on a work computer, but since ours got stolen when we were robbed a few months ago, I don't have another choice.

Seriously? So for those of you coming to the wedding, don't expect much. I will likely not be wearing a wedding dress because it won't fit. There probably won't be flowers or food because I can't access the phone numbers. And the odds are pretty high that we will get robbed again or I will amputate an arm or something in the next 9 days.

Big Fat Cow.

As most of you know, I am to be married in 2.1 weeks...and my wedding dress is too small. but the good news is that I am apparently not the only one who thinks I should shed a few pounds. I recieved the magazine "Heifer International" in the mail today. And yes, it was addressed to me...not to "Our Neighbor", but directly to me. On the cover is a huge woman next to her beloved heifer.

Good Luck Chuck.

We went to this movie the other night. It was not a great movie, but man, it was hysterical. The hysterics may have been brought on by the super-sized rum and diet coke I consumed during the movie, but regardless, I cracked myself up. There is this part where Dane Cook wears a penguin suit...oh gosh, I love men in costumes.

When the movie ends, Brandie and I walk to the womens restroom. We haven't finished our rum and diets yet, so we are still drinking them, walking and talking. As we are walking, a policewoman starts following us. I start getting all weird, thinking Police Lady is after us for our illiegal alcohol consumption...horrors! But no, she follows us into the bathroom, where there are at least 7 girls, all within 12 to 14 years of age. I scoot around them to get into a stall, and to escape police lady's wrath, and then I hear Police Lady ask the gaggle of girls if they are going to call "her" mom. Apparently, there is a girl in the bathroom, apparently sick on booze, and apparently Police Lady wants the girls to call her mother.

Brandie ends up leaving without going to the bathroom because the smell of alcohol reversing its fortune is too much for her to bear.

I am still BAFFLED at how 12 year olds got booze, and why/how/huh they were drinking it at the movie theater. Seriously. Seriously.

Not a Racist.

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum (and by forum, I mean gas station).

We all got together to watch the LSU game this past weekend, and despite the gorgeous weather, I sat inside (quietly and without complaining...I'm such a big girl) and watched LSU play football...and then lose 17 hours later. Since the game lasted so long, we ran out of beer and decided a beer run was in order. Jeff accompanied Brandie and I, which we turned out to be thankful for because Jeff may or may not live on the wrong side of the tracks.

When we walked into the crowded gas station, the conversation that we overhead went something like this:

Man with cigarette hanging from his mouth, and a 40 in his hand: "Man, you been workin lately?"
Other man with ass crack hanging out, and a 40 in his hand: "Ah man, I been workin so hard. I work from 5 to 9 every day, 5 days a week!"

You are right good sir. You are an upstanding citizen. Most people consider working 20 hours a week working hard.

Then we feared so much for our lives that we fled the scene quietly, but now we had beer.

This story brought on a new level of conversation at the party. Brandie offered up this story...(told from Brandie's point of view)...

So, I used to live in a small town in Mississippi where I was the minority. A typical small town...for example, when I walked into a furniture store, the clerks said, "Oh, you must be the new white engineer in town". One day, I got hungry for some ice cream, so I went to a Marble Slab type place. I asked the [black] guy for an ice cream cone with colored sprinkles. He gave me an ice cream cone with the chocolate sprinkles...and by "colored sprinkles", I actually meant the rainbow ones. Not black ones.

Seriously though. I'm not a racist. I just know good jokes when I hear them.

Other TV Channels...Specifically VH1.

Did you know there are channels other than the basic cable channels? I didn't. I pay for them (well, Tommy pays for them), but I rarely RARELY watch them.

I have been working from home for most of the week...I hurt my ankle and can't drive (see previous blog) and while I should be whole heartedly working and not working while the tv is on, I was. I worked with the TV on...sue me. Anyway, as you all know, daytime TV is VERY bad. I never knew how stay at home moms survived the entire day. (Yes, I know stay at home moms don't actually watch tv all day, whatever...don't send me hate mail).

Yes, I never knew how stay at home moms survived the whole day...that is, until I discovered America's Most Smartest Model on VH1. Yes, the show is called "America's Most Smartest Model". Absolutely ridiculous. And absolutely AWESOME. They have these porn stars spelling words like Chanel, and of course they can't do it. It is truly amazing. But the best part is that these people don't know they are dumb...that's how dumb they are. I don't even think they get the joke of "America's MOST Smartest Model"...they say it with such enthusiasm every time.

I am sooooo gonna be American's Most Smartest Model. Like, for reals.

Bride in a Boot.

My ankle has been hurting me for a few weeks now, but I have been running on it anyway. I finally decided that my smelly shoes were the culprit so I took myself shopping (darn) and I bought new shoes. My first attempt in the new shoes did not go so well. I made it 3 whole blocks from my house before I completely wiped out, scraped my left leg and sprained my right ankle. Badly.

The fall involved absolutely no branches, holes or any other tripping mechanisms...just pure clumsiness. It did however involve a few choice 4 letter words. I think it went something like this: "Mother effer, eff b*tch, eff you, sh*t, wh*re," and so on. You get the idea. It hurt a lot. I ended up getting a ride home from a very nice woman, Desiree - thank goodness for her. I need to pay that sh*t forward, man.

Since I can't drive, because I can't move my right foot at all (ugh), I stayed home from work...Tommy stayed with me to nurse me and my friend the Swollen Ankle. I was able to get a doctors appointment that day and luckily my ankle was not broken. But the good news is that I get to wear a boot...and I will probably get to wear it with my wedding dress!! YAYY!!

Maybe I can decorate it to match. Anybody have any extra tulle I can borrow??

Wasted.

You know you are wasted when you leave your entire wallet at the bar and don't realize it until you are ready to go out the next night. Seriously? I think we may have a problem Houston.

Secondly, I have a funny story.

A guy Tommy works with, Jamey (his name has not been changed because he is not innocent), was dating a girl named Sweetcheeks. Sweetcheeks, being the sweet little girlfriend that she was, planned an elaborate birthday party for Jamey. She send out the invitation via evite a few weeks ago. Tommy and I weren't planning on attending because it's the weekend before our wedding and we weren't really going to know that many people. Anyway, Sweetcheeks seems like a nice girl. Today, we got an Evite reminder about Jamey's birthday party. The reminder indicated that the party had been cancelled...and I quote, "Jamey's Birthday Extravaganza has been cancelled to the fact that Jamey can't his d*ck out of other girls mouths."

Ouch. But seriously...hysterical.

Fingerprint Reader.

I'm a genius. No really, I am. Today, I hurt my finger (middle one, right hand for you detail oriented people) and felt the need to bandage it. Therefore, I have a bandaid covering my fingertip.

We have fingerprint readers on our computers (gosh, how fancy). Typing my 8 letter password became too cumbersome so I entered in all 10 of my digits to be read by the little scanner. My injured finger just so happens to be the finger most commonly used to unlock my computer. 3 times today I have tried to unsuccesfully unlock my computer with said finger and each time when it gives me an error I am surprised.

Transparent/skin colored bandaids really DO work!!

TIGAH BAIT!

I attended my first game at Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge, Louisiana last weekend. My lovely fiance, TB, has done nothing but bash A&M tailgates and bragged about the fabulousness of tailgating at LSU over the course of our relationship. We put he boasting to the test.

We have attended several games at A&M this season - my friends have the bus you know (www.15formeat.com) - and really, it doesn't get much better than a bus. We party with our friends, do a minimum of 15 keg stands and sleep in the car. It is a magical day. I decided to cave to pre-marital pressures and attend a game at LSU and wear gold no less (I tried to find a gray or white shirt, but they were sooo expensive and I didn't want to contribute to their delinquency any more than necessary - this shirt was $14, still a rip off). We drove down on Thursday night and stayed with his sister in suburbia New Orleans. Saturday, we drove back to Baton Rouge to meet our friends Gary and D for some football FUN!

Problem #1: The game was at 2:30. Apparently games are only good at LSU at night. Why do the fans have to be so prejudice about daylight? Tommy was very upset about the daytime-ness of the game. I was prepared for the worst.

Problem #2: We didn't have tickets. So we had to buy 4 - which wasn't a huge deal surprisingly. We got 4 tickets, together at face value. YEAH. Unfortunately, there were on row FF...which also happens to be the top top row of the stadium. The good news was that it was a great photo op and we had a wall top lean against instead of suporting our body wieght the whole time.

Problem #3: While the weather was nice and hot for the pre-game, right about the time we decided it would be a good idea to enter the stadium it started pouring. Now we are packed like sardines on an escalatror to get us up to row FF. It was far. And smelly. Sweaty wet people. Amost worse than smelly wet dogs. Almost. (but yes, they have escalators...AWESOME!)

Problem #4: Once I got wet, I got very cold. I spent quarter 3 hiding by the concession stands trying to dry off/warm up. But apparently it was too ot for Mike the Tiger to make an appearance. I hope Mike realizes that he lives in Louisiana and at some point he is gonna have to man up, stop being a big pussy (ha!) and learn how to survive in the heat.

Problem #5: The guide the traffic leaving the game down to one lane, with no where to go but straight. We stayed for the entire game, walked for 30 minutes to our car, hung out for an hour and we still waited in traffic for 1.25 hours. Smart people. Now I know why people leave early. It's the only way to preserve the sanity of the driver. (But seriously, thank goodness Gary was driving...we would not have made it out alive if TB had been behind the wheel - thanks Gary!)

But other than that, it was a good weekend. Haha. Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play? Ha. But really, it was great to see Rebecca and her family and our friends! Nonetheless, LSU did not pass the rigorous tests of tailgating...I'll give them one more chance to prove me wrong, but it will have to wait until 2008!

I can't lie though, the highlight for me was the corn maze we did on the way home. Awesome. I heart corn...and I really heart it when it forms a maze I can walk through!!

The Commute.

My commute sucks. A lot. I drive FROM downtown Houston to the 'burbs on I-10...I go against the traffic, but it still sucks. In fact, my traffic is often worse than the traffic going into town, but they NEVER mention the fact that it takes me 45 minutes to drive 12 miles everyday. Nonetheless, the other day I had a spectacular commute. It only took me 25 minutes and the music that was provided by my XM station (90's on 9) was AMAZING.

Song #1: I hop in the car after a great workout to hear the opening bars of "Pony" by Ginuwine. For those who don't know, this is a karaoke staple of mine and also one of my all time favorite songs. And I got to hear the whole thing. Don't you hate it when you only get to hear half of your favorite song? I do.

Song #2: New Kids on the Block (NKOTB) sing "Hangin' Tough" for me next. I grew up WORSHIPPING NKOTB. Worshipping. OMG, I hearted Donny. Hearted him.

Song #3: "Wonderwall" by Oasis. I know some of you are Oasis haters, but really, we probably shouldn't be friends anyway. Oasis rocks. The only way this could have been better would have been if the song had been "Champagne Supernova".

Song #4: We are starting to wind down now, I am exiting I-10 onto the Beltway when I hear "I Will Remember You" by Mrs Sarah MicLocklin (no idea how to spell it, so I'll just butcher it instead of trying). Just the right song to end my perfect commute to work on the right note.

This was the same day I dropped my keys down the elevator shaft. Awesome. I should have known something was up.

I didn't think I would need XM radio. I really didn't think I would get addicted. But I sooooo did. I need XM. Mostly I just need the 90's station...I would like to relive my formative years over and over and over. Maybe this time John Coil-oil will ask me to go steady with him. Ooooh, or maybe Sean Moore. Yeah. Him.

Quotes of the Day.

Can you wear cherries after Labor Day? - Brandie

Orange camo is the new black. - TommyB

Apparently all my friends are fashion forward.

Kristin and Eric's Wedding!

The wedding was beautiful - Kristin looked GORGEOUS (I may try and trade dresses with her), and the ceremony was perfect. The recption site was one of the most beautiful places EVER - old italian style - it was incredible. I would say that the only downfall of the whole day was the fact that we all look like sweaty piggies in the pictures because the AC was broken. But, regardless, we had such a great time!!


More pictures to come, but here is one that Val took:

Me, Liz, Kristin, Val, Jodie and Kate (doing her sexy face?)

I dropped my keys down the elevator shaft.

I do not think this requires much more elaboration.

Please snigger softly.

Funnies.

This was sent by Gilmore and enjoyed by many:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=rules/070905&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab2pos1

...the best part of this site is Rule #22. See, Tommy, it is UNACCEPTABLE to not know the words to your fight song. No excuses. Slacker. The good news is that you have at least 37 schools can you root for...seeing as how you went to all of them. The bad news is that you have a lot of fight songs to learn.

This was sent by Christine and enjoyed by me, pretty much everyday for the last 3 months:

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

...the best part of this site is pretty much all of it. I hate passive aggressiveness and pretty much passiveness all together. If you're being passive, you obviously don't care enough and therefore I win until you decide to grow some balls and have an actual opinion.

I heart donuts.

I really do heart them. More than I heart cheese. Seriously. The only thing that makes me eat cheese more often than donuts is the total absence of anything remotely healthy about donuts. Cheese at least has SOMETHING going for it. It may be fattening, but it has nutrients!!

I gave up donuts for 419 days...it was a miserable time. I am now back on the donuts, but I am no longer addicted. I would even venture to say that I only eat them as often as the normal American person. But there was a time, in a magical land, far far away, when I would eat at least 5 a day...a dozen was no big thing.

Brandie sent me this today:
http://cityguides.msn.com/citylife/article.aspx?cp-documentid=5354141&page=1

I heart them. I really do. I also think I may heart the man who wrote this article...he and I cold be BFF.

My wedding. Er, I mean, OUR wedding.

Let's begin. Weddings make me crazy. How they don't make EVERYONE crazy is totally beyond me. I had to stop reading wedding magazines because they made me crazy. I actually started to believe that I needed, like seriously NEEDED, lilies flown in from Japan on the wings of doves or my marriage would fail. If I didn't have a $13,000 dress to wear, my fiance (who wears short shorts and Tevas) would obviously think he could do better and run away the minute he saw me walk down the aisle. Well, I finally stopped reading the magazines and am now living in a wedding induced haze...much more enjoyable, yet still ridiculous. Nonetheless, I have nixed flowers all together and chosen this dress, which cost approximately $34 to make...out of toilet paper.

Links.

We will start this post off with a slighty depressing, yet heartwarmingly optimistic note, and then finish with a laugh.

http://www.strengthforphillip.com/
http://www.jessicagage.com/

My friends are falling apart, so please keep these people in your thoughts. They need them more than you do.

To end with a laugh:

http://www.15formeat.com/index.php

Bus 42 made it's maiden voyage to College Station this weekend...intact, surprisingly. Saturday was a blast, but as of Sunday, I will never drink beer again. More on this topic later.

Bus 42's First Trip to Wings-N-More

(At Top) Vince, Erik, Jorja, Holly (Second Row) Kevin, Chuck, Jennifer, Thomas, Tommy, ME!, Sarah, Gilmore (Front Row) Jessica and Zach

Bachelorette Party.

My sister organized a fabulous river float for my bachelorette party last weekend. We had a fabulous time.

Highlights include:

• High Pour!!
• "This is the best 16th birthday party EVER!" - Erin
• Box wine, sans box...from old men
• Marriage advice from the old men with the udder of wine
• Kings Cup - green men, snorting and shimmy!!
• Flip Cup

General Hygiene.

I have to work very closely with a man who will call Jerry. Jerry called me one day to see if he could come up to my desk to work on a project. I said sure. That sounds great. Now, he called during lunchtime, which normally would bother me, but today I was okay with it because I got in late, ate breakfast late and wasn't quite hungry yet. Anyways, I digress. When Jerry gets to my desk, I ask him why he wasn't eating lunch. He says he doesn't normally eat breakfast or lunch, because he has chewing tobacco. I mean, if I had chewing tobacco, I wouldn't eat either. Who needs a hamburger when you have a small tub of ground up filth that you can put in your mouth and will eventually eat YOU?

Nonetheless, I work with Jerry that day. And THAT day, just like all the others, I become nauseous from the smell of his breath. His breath reeks of tobacco and large quantities of coffee. And he spends most of the time we are working together, leaning over my shoulder and reading what I am typing...so his fantastic breath is as close my intake valve (nose) as possible. It's wonderful. I spend the full two hours he is there applying and reapplying my scented hand lotion in hopes that his breath won't permanently taint my wonderufl smelling hands. Although, now, I could probably wipe my butt with my hands, just rinse off any chunks and no one would notice.

Disgusting. People are disgusting. Bathe people. It's not hard. While you're in there, clean out underneath your fingernails. Or, even better, just trim them so junk can't live under there. Or, if you INSIST on living in filth, at least respect everyone else enough to purchase one of those bubble outfits so the rest of us don't have to suffer.