HYPERVENTILATING!

OMG. Ironman is coming to Houston!

Ironman Texas will be in the Woodlands on May 21, 2011. Registration opens tomorrow and you can bet your bottom dollar that my finger will be poised over submit at precisely 12:01PM.

I'm too excited to sleep!

Oil Spill Re-enacted by Cats.

I love talking animals. I love talking animals with british accents.

Please take this 1 minute and 29 seconds and watch this video.



UPDATE: I'd like it to be known that I hate cats. I think they are creepy and I am relatively certain they are going to claw my eyes out. That being said, if all cats spoke with a British accent, I think we could all sit down and have a very civilized discussion. Thanks Natalie. :)

Is it Kroger? Or Krogers?

This is the endless debate. The good news is that Kroger(s) is single handedly making people more dumb just for having walked through their automatic sliding glass doors.

I called Kroger(s) today to order a cupcake cake for Tommy's birthday. (I don't care what people say, cupcake cakes ROCK. They are easy to cut, no clean up, and you can never have too much icing. So suck it.)

I spoke to a man we will call Ben Dover. Our conversation went something like this:

Ben Dover: Hi. (There were no pleasantries, of "Hi, this is Ben, thanks for calling Kroger(s).", just "Hi".)

Me: Hi, yeah, is this Kroger(s) bakery?

Ben Dover: Um, yeah, this is the bakery.

Me: I'd like to order a cupcake cake please.

Ben Dover: You want to place an order? (as though this is the first time this has been done. Ever.)

Me: Yes please. I'd like like a cupcake cake with 16 cupcakes in a square. (this is for an adult, really, we don't need anything fancy)

Ben: What kind?

Me: I'd like white cake with white icing.

Ben Dover: Wait, I thought you wanted a cupcake cake?

Me: I do - 16 in a square.

Ben Dover: But you just said you wanted white cake?

Me: Yes, I would like a cupcake cake made with white cake and white icing.

Ben Dover: But...?

Me: You DO know that cupcake are made out of cake, right?

Ben: Oh.

...I placed my order and finished this phone call quickly. I will pick it up tomorrow. Only the good lord knows what this cake will actually look like.

Kroger(s): Making people dummer since 1934.

There's No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

I'm here to prove you wrong Mom. There IS such a thing as free lunch. And I scored it thrice last week.

Take that.

However, only once did I know it was going to be free and was able to take full advantage of it. Darn you miso glazed chilean seabass! You are too delicious!

A huge storm rolled through H-town in the middle of the night last week and instead of turning our power off, it turned our bedroom lights ON. At 1AM, our bedroom light turned ON to the tune of lightening crashing. I just about had a heart attack. I got up to pee, turned the lights off, got back into bed, was just about to doze off, and the lights turned ON AGAIN. Seriously. What kind of twilight zone is this??

I got this new supa dupa cool phone and despite it's extreme lack of a decent alarm, it's pretty badass. That said, you know how it's fun to get the mail from the mailbox when you get home from work because you never know what's gonna be in there? Well, my email used to be kind of like that. I never checked it at night, so when I got to work each morning, it was like opening the mailbox to find all sorts of prizes. My hew fancy phone has stolen this novelty from me. There is no longer joy when I arrive at work and turn on my computer...because while it's booting up, I'm checking the latest messages on my phone.

A small part of me has died.

Tommy and I each got 4th place at the Tejas Triathlon this weekend - and because awards went 5 deep, we each got a plaque! The Blain's are rolling in hardware! Now, if I could just get my bike to 23mph, I will slaughter dem hoes. Shannon Parker is gonna make me go all Tonya Harding on her if she doesn't stop beating me ASAP.

My friend Mike looks just like the bad agent guy in the movie Bolt. Talking hampsters named Rhino are effing hysterical.

And if you love Newsies (and/or Christian Bale), large groups of dancing men, and really bad pop music, you will find this entertaining. It might make you mourn for your childhood just a little, but then you will add Christian to your List of 5 Famous People You Can Sleep With Should They Show Up At Your Door and you will realize that, man, being old rocks because it's no longer creepy if Christian Bale were to sleep with me.