Monday, November 03, 2008


Tommy and I are attempting to buy a house. It would appear that if you are a dipshit, buying a house is easy (I'm basing this entirely on the number of foreclosures around the nation) and if you are trying to be smart, they pretty much try to stick things up your a$$ every chance they get. So, buying a house is hard and my ass hurts.

We are supposed to close tomorrow, but then again, we were supposed to close last week too, so, I'm not counting on much these days. We will see. My fingers are crossed and they have been for a looooong time.

I am really excited about moving into a house that isn't a piece of crap since that's all I've ever lived in my entire adult life. I have lived in 11 different places in the last 9 years...6 of those places have been in the last 4 years. That's just wrong.

1. August 1999-December 1999
Freshman Year
I shared a dorm room in Haas Hall with Emily. As it turns out, this was also the lesbian basketball player dorm. We were two of the few who didn't play sports and didn't prefer women. This dorm also had a very strange smell.

2. January 2000-May 2000
Freshman Year
I shared a VERY small dorm with this crazy girl named Kim. She would disappear for weeks and steal my clothes and my credit cards. She was awesome. I think she also used to hide under her bed so I wouldn't know she was there. Seriously. Creepy.

3. May 2000-August 2000
Freshman Summer
Moved back home with my parents for the summer because they wanted to torture me. Apparently I was bad enough that they requested that I never move back home. My plan was genius.

4. August 2000-August 2001
Sophomore Year
My first apartment was with Sara, Julienne and Kristin. Sara and Kristin shared a room and I had the cool converted living room so I had my own front door. I shared a bathroom with Julienne who also turned out to be a crazy girl. This place was a dump - You know a place is good when they only pictures they show is the front office...and even that is scary. I once saw a man jerking off at the swimming pool. I'm telling you, this place was disgusting. BUT, it was my first apartment. I loved it.

5. August 2001-August 2002
Junior Year
Sara and I moved to a three bedroom apartment with her friend Jessica. This was the nicest place I have ever lived, other than the corporate apartment Dow gave me when I interned. This living situation just wasn't good for reasons that I can no longer remember, but it was drama at the time.

6. August 2002-August 2004
Senior and Second Senior Years
Due to the Drama at the previous apartment, I decided to go it alone and get my own place. This place was probably the worst of all the places and I am actually quite embarressed that I spent so long in a 400sq ft one room apartment. But since I was no longer splitting rents, I had to make ends meet. The Doux Chene... Once again, you KNOW it's good when they don't actually show any pictures. I painted a wall hot pink once and was too lazy to repaint...seriosly. Surprisingly though, I was very happy here and only have good memories...despite the blue carpet and hot pink wall. The place was so small I could open the fridge from my bed. There are some very specific reasons why I gained so much wieght in college...

During my time at the Doux Chene, I relocated to Houston for an internship, but since that apartment was furnished and I didn't have to lift a couch, I don't consider it a real move. I left all my stuff at the Blue Douche for the summer and came home 3 months later.

7. May 2004-November 2004
1st Few Months Out of College
I relocated to Houston after graudation and found a lovely little one bedroom that me and my giant mutt quickly outgrew. After a few months I realized that when the SPCA said he would be 35 pounds, they really meant 70 pounds, and I was going to need a bigger place. I don't know why I am constantly drawn to ugly and gross apartments, but once again, the website doesn't actually show any pictures of the buildings.

8. November 2004-August 2005
I was able to upgrade to a 2 bedroom apartment at the same complex where the mutt and I could flourish. This apartment was ghetto, but bigger, so therefore slightly less ghetto?

9. August 2005-August 2006
Why I always insisted on moving in the hottest month of the year, I have no idea. But I was able to find a cute little one bedroom house to rent right next to Memorial Park. It was perfect for Don and I. We were able to run to the park and play and he had a yard and it was magical. That is, it was magical until my landlord broke in one day and rearranged my furniture and opened all my windows. That was pretty awesome. So, I moved out.

10. August 2006-December 2006
Natalie and I moved into a giant house together. This seemed like a great idea, but what we didn't realize was that this landlord was even creepier than my previous landlord and only rented the place to us because we were young girls. He didn't even do a credit check. Bizarre. Around December, I pretty much moved out and moved in with Tommy.

11. December 2006-August 2008
I moved into my man friends VERY small garage apartment in the Heights...which, surprisingly is one of the best living situations I have ever had. Up until our landlord got this AWFUL monster Yorkie dog. I have never wanted to kick a puppy so much in my entire life. We lived almost 2 blissful years there before we got antsy. Sharing 700 sq ft with another person and a giant dog isn't easy. Our bathroom was so small that I could sit on the toilet, rest my head on the sink and wash my feet in the tub at the same time. We didn't have heat at all and only had central AC. It didn't have much, but we loved it. We had a storage shed for all our junk and we made weekly trips there to trade out things. The good news was that we could clean the place from top to bottom in under 2 hours. Despite having been robbed while we were sleeping, we loved the neighborhood, the people, the location, pretty much everything. This is where we want to live forever. Siiiiiiiigh.

12. August 2008-November 2008
The garage apartment just got too small and we decided we wanted to upgrade our renting capabilities so we could save for a couple more years before buying our dream house. Sooo, we found a great little bungalow in Montrose, which is a little seedier, but in an excellent location. Within one week of living there, our neighbors got robbed. Awesome. At least it wasn't us. This house has pretty much been a disaster from the beginning to the end. The AC was broken when we moved in and out of the first 53 days we lived there, we only had AC for 24 of those days. The house is cursed and I am pretty sure someone died a brutal death there and is trying to haunt us to get us to leave. No prob bob. We broke our lease and are moving out by the 12th.

Which brings us to home #13. Lucky #13. We are supposed to close on a house tomorrow morning and move tomorrow afternoon. This will be the 13th time I have packed all my belongings and moved them in 9 years. That averages out to me moving every 251 days or approx every 8 months. This is a cost of about $500 per move, excluding deposits...and a total of $6000.

The worst part though is when I have to reset a password (or something) and they want me to confirm where I lived in May of 2002 and I have no freaking clue.

Wish us luck tomorrow. It's gonna be a doozy.

1 comment:

Brandie said...

Good luck!! I feel your pain on the average is right on par with yours!! At least November isn't as hot for moving :)