Too Much Information.

I am trying to buy a new car. Despite all the irritating salesmen (most of whos names I can't pronounce nor understand when they say them), I am actually enjoying the process. Buying a new big something is fun and it kind of gets your adrenaline pumping. I'm a fan.

I called my bank today to try to get financing and see what sorts of interest rates they were offering. I get a lady, who I CAN actually understand - which is totally bizarre and completely unheard of - so I am more friendly than usual with this particular customer service representative, we will call her Carol (because that's her name). So maybe this can be blamed on me...but I doubt it.

After a few minutes of explaining my situation, i.e. I want a loan for a new car, etc, etc, she starts to ask me questions. All (okay MOST) of which are valid. What's my address? Houston. Her response is to tell me about the last time she was in Texas there was like tennis ball size hail and it was 100 degrees outside...which means like that up in the sky in must have been like the size of basketball because it was so like hot. First of all, I don't know about the rest of you Texans, but I do not like to have my state dissed. This is the best state ever. She goes on to tell me that she lives in San Diego and the weather is always gorgeous and how she hears how awful it is in Texas and how she wouldn't live here if someone paid her. It just isn't her cup of tea, but obviously it suits you, she says.

A few more questions and then she wants to know my birthday - March 13, 1981. Oh, yayy she says, hers is on the 20th. WOW Carol, we have SO much in common. Did you know that about 1 out of every 12 people you meet has a birthday in the same month as you? Awesome. Like totally awesome. Well, in addition to having her birthday 3 days after St. Patty's day, and getting to drink left over green beer, the St. Pattys Day before her 21st birthday, she got wasted and got a four-leaf clover tattooed on her ankle. Lucky for her, she was like smart enough not to get it on her boob or arm or anywhere where she could get like fat and saggy. She's a smart cookie, that Carol.

But obviously not as smart as her oldest sister (she has 2 older siblings), who graduated from University of Texas (see, it IS the best state EVER) in 2002 with a civil engineering degree. Oh my gosh, we STILL have so much in common!! Oldest sister now works in Dallas for a large surveying company, (name unknown by Carol) doing the exact same thing as me (she seems to know exactly what I do, despite the fact that I have given her no details other than the fact that I work for a chemical company). Oldest sister decided to leave California to get away from her parents. Carol doesn't know why, she like LOVES her parents...but that's probably because the last child has more freedom. Parents like put like all the boundaries on the oldest and then the youngest get to like run around and do whatever. Carol would like totally move back home now. Awesome.

In addition to the fact that Carol is apparently from The Valley and thinks that we are BFF, she wanted to know all about my wedding plans and Tommy and why I am buying the car I am buying and if we were saving for a house and if so, were we going to buy in Texas? 'Cause really, Texas sucks.

Really, Carol, I just want to know what sort of interest rate I can get if I finance my car through your bank. I don't need to know the date of your last period or mother's maiden name. What's the interest rate? C'mon sister, like, what's it gonna be?

Toronto...Canada in General.

I met Tommy in Toronto this weekend (he was there for business). Overall, we had a great time, but I have a very things to discuss about Canada (and by 'Canada', I mean Toronto, Niagara (both Canadian and USA-ian sides), and the Buffalo and Baltimore airports.

#1. Everyone hovers in Canada.
I am all about good hygiene, but really, if you're gonna hover, at least wipe your sprinkles off the seat when you are done. As a general rule, I am a sitter. This disgusts Tommy to no end and he claims that had he known this, he wold never have proposed. I told him to suck it. And he said no way - who knows where my butt has been. Regardless, I sit. Hovering is too much of a hassle and I can't ever reach my full pee-ing potential when I hover. So, due to my desire to sit, when looking for a toilet to use in a bank of stalls, I will enter each one until I find one sans splatterings. If I can't find that, then I will either, depending on the amount of splatterings, A.) wipe the seat and then sit or B.) hover. In Canada, there was never once a toilet worthy of me sitting on it, nor was there a toilet semi-clean enough for me to wipe it off and then sit. Everyone apparently hovers and everyone is apparently very messy about it. They never had anyone write, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweety and wipe the seaty" in their yearbooks. My quads are tired.

#2. The Mason-Dixon line.
I've never been north of it...and now I know why. My parents were afraid that if I grew up in that kind of environment i would be even more hostile than I currently am. Who knows what could have happened. Tommy and I spent the days in Toronto walking around and enjoying the city - what I found bizarre is how NO ONE opens doors for each other, no one steps out of the path of another person and people just generally crash into each other with reckless abandon. On commenting to Tommy about this, his response was, "Welcome to North of the Mason-Dixon line". Well said, sir.

#3. Where are the non-asian/indian people?
'Cause they are NOT north of the mason-Dixon line. No wonder the Loonie is soaring...

#4. Tourists.
I hate tourist attractions as much as the next guy, but there are certain things you just HAVE to do. The Maid of the Mist, for example. If you are in Niagara, you must do this tour. It was amazing, by the way, and I fully recommend it. But the tourists make me crazy. They have no regard at all for personal space and they really think that by leaning 3 inches closer to the falls (over my shoulder of course) will make their pictures turn out that much better. It's a digital camera man - zoom. And really, when you are going to watch that 30 minutes video you took of the falls again? Never. You will accidentally tape So You Think You Can Dance over it next week, but because it is labeled "Niagara Falls 2007" you will never use it again.

#5. The squirrels in Canada are black. Not brown.

But seriously, the trip was a blast - Niagara is TOTALLY worth seeing and something everyone needs to do in their lifetime. Unfortunately, there isn't anything else to do in the city, so it's really just a day trip kind of place. Toronto was okay - no need to revisit. Their newspaper DOES have a huge sudoku that entertained me for approximately 2 hours though, so it wasn't a total wash.

Pictures will be included as soon as I charge the battery enough to get them off the camera.

Okay, I have enough battery now, so here are the pics:

Our second night in town, we got dressed up for a nice sushi dinner and check out the CN Tower.

TB and I with the CN Tower replica. It is about 1,460 feet taller than this.

TB being eaten by a Canadian Moose.

In this tour we learned all about meese avoidance techniques.

My dress was fun to spin in.

We followed this woman around for awhile trying to get a good picture, but this was the best I could do. Just imagine a large bowl of cottage cheese trapped in cellophane and you might be able to grasp the pain we endured.

This starts the Niagara Falls series. This is Tommy doing something I have no recollection of, seeing as how I had at least 17 beers while we played cards at a picnic table overlooking the falls.

View from our hotel room - Horseshoe Falls from the Canadian side. Amazing!

Never before have I actually seen pants like this in a store. Where in the hell does one buy pants like this?

Obligatory Maid of the Mist Poncho pic.

This child fashioned a skirt out of his poncho. I would say that the odds of him turning out to be straight at slim.

So sum up my anger on this day, view the email exchange from Tommy and I shown here. Some background:

• Aetna is my medical insurance provider - they suck for not being able to actually fill precriptions.
• Celso Garcia is our new ADT security salesman - he sucks for being a totally incompetent at what he does.
• Burnie is the man who broke into our house (his name has been changed due to a lack of actually knowing his name) - he sucks because he is he broke into our house without my permission.
• Cats are evil.
• Velveeta cheese is wrong. American cheese is also wrong. Bleu and feta tie in their wrongness.
• Karl is my creepy old landlord who came into my house and rearranged my furniture.
• Ralph (Perez) is my other creepy landlord who bathes at BurgerKing and thinks that 'debris' is spelled 'dupree'. He is just an effing idiot.
• Toyotaman is the Toyota dealership that is changing the locks on Tommy's car - they have to order parts from Nigeria and have slaves strap the pieces to their backs and swim through the gulf to bring them here. It is estimated to take 4 weeks.

-----Original Message-----
From: Tommy tommy@home.com
Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2007 3:14 PM
To: Christy (CM)
Subject: Re: pension

Not cats? And velveeta?


-----Original Message-----
From: "Christy (CM)" christy@work.com
Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2007 16:02:59
To:Tommy tommy@home.com
Subject: RE: pension

Oh, and also my old landlord Karl. And Aetna. And mosquitos and bug repellant.

Christy

----------------
From: Tommy tommy@home.com
Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2007 3:00 PM
To: Christy (CM)
Subject: Re: pension

Hahahaha. That's so much hate!

On 7/18/07, Christy (CM) Christy@work.com wrote:

Awesome. I hate Toyota and Allstate and Celso. And Ralph. And Liberty Mutual and Burnie. And all customer service people.
Christy

----------------
From: Tommy [mailto:tommy@homte.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2007 2:34 PM
To: Christy (CM)
Subject: Re: pension

No word from Celso. And the effers already have taken my car apart, just waiting on the one part to come in. So I cant cancel. Toyotaman is checking status and calling me back.

On 7/18/07, Christy (CM) mailto:Christy@work.comwrote:
silly. I hate it. you know what else I hate? Celso Garcia's and Allstates. Did you ever hear back from Celso?

Christy