MARATHON!!!

The marathon is finally over. I can have my Friday nights back. Single girls need their Friday nights.

The race was AWESOME. I had a great time (until mile 20 when I just wanted to kill myself). I haven't decided if I will run another one - but it was worth all the blood, sweat and tears. My running buddy, Lanette, and I had a goal time of 4:40 - which averages about a 10:45 minute mile. But we decided we would be totally happy with anything under 5 hours. We started off slowly and had every intention of speeding up - don't know why we thought we could pull off the negative split this time - we've never been able to do it before. But, I digress...we started off around 11 min pace, then we tried to get ahead of schedule around mile 3.

The race started badly - Lanette left her fuel belt in the car and I lost 3 of my gu's (my carbo gels) within 300 yards of the start line. I thought the girl behind me had kicked me, so I gave her death stare (I have a GREAT death stare), but then I felt bad becuase it turns out, it was just my gels falling out my shorts and onto my leg. That stupid bitch. I was able to go back and get one, but I couldnt find the other 2. I figured I could get my "Support Team" to stop by the store and get more for me. Unfortunately, it was a Sunday, and nothing is open on Sundays. Ugh.

We ran into her husband at mile 5 - he gave us her fuel belt that had HER gels in it, but of course, not mine. We run into my parents, and friends at mile 6ish right on schedule - thank you sooo much everyone for being there (Lindsey, Erik, Gilmore, Natalie, Micah and Vince). You made it so much easier and enjoyable! Lanette and I kept on truckin'. Picked up the pace a little - needed to get a little ahead of schedule.

I have to pee - I ALWAYS have to pee at a race. No one knows why. But all the port-a-potties have lines and I am not about to waste valuable time peeing when I could be running. So I held it until the half marathoners turned around at mile 9. Actually, I held it till mile 13, when I took my first crap in a port-a-potty. Ever hovered while poo-ing? It's rough. But I did it! Anyways, back to mile 9...we pass a catholic church, where I, a Methodist, took communion and was splashed with holy water. Hysterical. Those cathlics love their booze and so do I. Elvis passes us and we get pissed, so we speed up. Pace is going well. Then "The Stomper" is behind us - you know the stomper, the guy who always steps just a little too hard? That CAN'T be good for his knees. He passes us too. Man, we are slow. We got some quality drugs from a strange lady on the side of the road (our knees hurt) and off we went...

Mile 13, I take my first hovering crap - fantastic. Meet the friends and fam again - they are great support. At mile 15 there is a HUGE hill. When I say huge, I mean bigger than Mount Killamangaro (sp?). Freaking huge. Up and down. Left right left right left right. Round the corner, and to the Galleria we go. Take some drugs, but from a reputable source this time - thanks Gaye! Kate and Janelle are waiting for us at mile 17 - they join in the race. They are looking so fresh and nice - really made me and Lanette look like crap. Haha. We just let them chatter around us - cause we have talked ourselves out. Pass the support team at mile 18 - stock up on oranges - I am pretty sure there is some quality video footage of me at this point. Scary. Kate and Janelle leave us at mile 19 at the Dow water station - got some support there - thanks Rumaldo, Allan, and Lisa!

We were having a great time until shortly after we go under the 610 underpass...Lanette needs to walk - I am exhausted, so I agree. We walk, and then she says she needs to stretch - so we stop and stretch. Then she says she can't finish. WHAT?? So, off I go - alone. I hit "the wall" shortly after that. My body completely shut down - my legs hurt, my body hurts, my brain hurts, etc. And my running buddy was gone. I make it to mile 21 - where the budwieser truck is - and I chug a beer. Somehow, that made everthing okay. Hi, my name is Christy and I think I might be an alcoholic.

I see my crew shortly after that, and I lose it. I am just about drained of everything I have, and I teared up a bit. I guess they felt sorry for me, cause Erik caught up with me not too long after that. Luckily, he was wearing running shoes with his cargo shorts. He didn't really fit in, but I appreciated every bit of anyway. We round the corner off Shepherd and Allen, and this lady says the water stop is right up ahead. What the fuck was she talking about? It was way the fuck up there. Fuck fuck fuck. At this point, I am tired and don't have many non-curse words in my brain. We get to mile 23 and Ed is there - he joins the Christy Bandwagon. We walked for a bit to work out a calf cramp, but when we saw the photographers we had to run again - don't wanna be walking in my pics! But then we walked again right after. Haha. But, with Erik and Ed, I was able to finish that race in 4:53:25. If they hadn't been there, I might have totally missed my 5 hour time limit.

We rounded the last corner, and they peeled off to let me finish. I could see the finish line, so I kicked it up a notch...what I didn't realize was that the finish line was fucking far away. Far away. So I had to bring it back down. But once it was within reach, I picked it up and brought it home.

Running this marathon is definately the most rewarding thing I have ever done - mostly because it was the first thing I did all by myself, for myself, totally on my own. It was amazing. I couldn't have done it without the support of my friends and family - thanks guys. You were there with me for such an awesome day!! I am so happy I could share with you!

Crossing that finish line was an incredible feeling. And floating my first keg was even better. And then almost floating the keg that Frank brought over was good too. So, uh, there is some DosXX in my backyard if you want some. I think I still have stuff for s'mores too. Come on over!!

Thanks guys - you helped make this experience so awesome. And now it is over. Thank God.

Stats:
Chip time 4:53:25
Overall place: 3828/5500
Female place: 1200/3000
Age group (20-24 - young effers): 208/283

MARATHON COUNT DOWN!!

3 days till the marathon. I can't wait. I don't normally write about anything serious, but I had to mention this. Sorry. I got this quote today in my marathon newletter - I am tool - yes, I know. Anyways,

"The marathon is a charismatic event. It has everything. It has drama. It has competition. it has comaraderie. It has heroism. Every jogger can't dream of being an Olympic champion, but he can dream of finishing a marathon." - Fred Lebow

And you guys KNOW how I cry when large groups of people come together for a common goal. I am pretty sure I will be the poofy red eyed runner on the race track. Great. As long as there aren't any children singing, I might be able to calm down a little. The Star Spangled Banner at the beginning is sure to do me in though.

But seriously, I am ready to get my social life back - I haven't been out on a Friday night in 27 weeks. Next Friday is not only pay day but my first free Friday in 6 months. Who's with me? This has been an awesome training experience - hopefully the race goes as well!! My foot hasn't bothered me in a week - just keep me in your thoughts while I run in the sweltering heat on Sunday morning. Awesome!

I can't wait!!

Yo IPC! Yea, you know me!

My pal, Benny and I were talking the other night...discussing a number of things, but one item in particular stood out for me.

Ben lives in Seattle and I see him once a year at Christmas, and therefore our friendship is based solely on phone conversation. His girlfriend is often around when we are talking on the phone. He typically calls me 'man' or 'dude' or some other slang generally used to reference the male specie. This apparently bothers said girlfriend. Why? I have no idea.

But Ben's response to this was that I wasn't just a girl. I was a member of the IPC. Imaginary Penis Club. I can only assume that this means that I have an imaginary wiener. I hope that I use my fake wienie for good and not evil.

I seriously don't know why I am single.

My Eating Habits.

LIKES:
Cheese Nachos
Cheese Pizza
Macaroni and Cheese (homemade, not boxed)
Donuts - Glazed, White Frosted, White Frosted with sprinkles
Noodles
Hard Candies of all sorts
All Cheeses (except those specifically listed under the 'dislikes' tab)
Most dead animals
Vanilla Yogurt with Gummi Bears
Pretzels - extra salty

DISLIKES:
Crumbly Cheeses, Feta Cheese, Bleu Cheese, Goat Cheese
American Cheese
Any cheese melted on any type of bread, specifically; Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, Cheeseburgers Tuna Fish (canned)
Bananas (only in quiet places)
Icecream with nuts in it
Cookies with nuts in it
Donuts with nuts on it
Brownies with nuts in it
Salad with nuts in it
Chocolate
Fast Food Hamburgers (not that I have ever had one)
Almond Joy and all other cocnut candies
Black Licorice
Beans (excluding refried)
Peas and most other green veggies

I will update this list as often as possible.

Just to give you an idea of a daily meal plan for me, today I have had:

1 dozen donut holes
2 donuts - 1 glazed, 1 frosted with sprinkles
A pretzel stick
2 peppermints
A roll of Lifesavers
2 Poptarts (1 package is 2 Poptarts)
And a slice of Banana Nut Bread (which I spit out becuase I was unaware there were nuts in it)

My dinner will most likely consists of pasta of some sort.

From the desk of Ms. Miliner...

This is what she does all day long: http://www.emotioneric.com/

And that, my dears, is why we keep her around.

According to Dr. A.R. Dykes of the British Institution of Structural Engineers 1976

THE ENGINEER'S CREED

"ENGINEERING IS THE ART OF MODELING MATERIALS WE DO NOT WHOLLY UNDERSTAND INTO SHAPES WE CANNOT PRECISELY ANALYZE SO AS TO WITHSTAND FORCES WE CANNOT PROPERLY ASSESS IN SUCH A WAY THAT THE PUBLIC HAS NO REASON TO SUSPECT THE EXTENT OF OUR IGNORANCE."

Billy D thought of me!

http://www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?StoryID=1800&SectionID=11&LayoutType=1

Thanks Bill...you're a pal!

Mildy offensive material:

A few Happy Holiday Treats from your pal Christy...

A message from our sponsor: http://load.pquinn.com/binaries/fries/

And the lyrics from the all-time WORST Christmas song...EVER. Every Christmas, at my parents church, a huge white man sings this song at the Christmas service. The song is good, the lyrics are good, the singing is good. What is HORRIBLE about this song is that it is sung by a white man...we can barely control our laughter. It is HORRENDOUS.

Sweet little Jesus Boy,

they made you be born in a manger.

Sweet little Holy Child,

didn't know who You was.

Didn't know you come to save us,

Lord;to take our sins away.

Our eyes was blind,

we couldn't see,

we didn't know who You was.

Long time ago, you was born.

Born in a manger low,

Sweet little Jesus Boy.

The world treat You mean, Lord;

treat me mean, too.

But that's how things is down here,

we didn't know t'was You.

You done showed us how,

we is trying.

Master, You done showed us how,

even when you's dying.

Just seem like we can't do right,

look how we treated You.

But please, sir, forgive us Lord,

we didn't know 'twas You.

Sweet little Jesus Boy,

born long time ago.

Sweet little Holy Child,

and we didn't know who You was.

White man, singing THAT song. HI-sterical.

EATPOOP

Email from a co-worker about people who can't just relax and have a good time:

-----Original Message----->
From: Beto (Beto) (HO)
Sent: Tuesday, November 22, 2005 9:07 AM
To: Christy (CM)
Subject: RE: turkey day

Well they don't know how to live then.

I'm thinking I will start some kind of new organization for those kind of people. I need to think of a cool name first like "Ethical Americans Together Practicing On Obstructing Pleasure" or EATPOOP for short.

Yeah that's it.

-----Original Message-----
From: Christy (CM)
Sent: Tuesday, November 22, 2005 8:57 AM
To: Beto (Beto) (HO)
Subject: RE: turkey day

Haha - I know, but there are some people who don't understand about having> a little bit of fun...

Christy
Ext. 2493

ROOPHIES!!

Yup, you heard me right. Roophies. Rohipnol - or however you spell it. I had some dental work done on Friday, and as most people who know me know, I am absolutely horrified of the dentist (along with pretty much everything else in the world). At my last appointment, the doc was telling me about the procedure - I was supposed to be getting a crown done. He was telling me about the TV that I could watch the whole procedure on...yada yada yada. My response to that was,"If I can see a TV in the room, you haven't given me enough drugs". So, he says, we'll give you something fantastic. Stronger than valium - much stronger - and it will make you sleepy. GREAT!

Well, since it is a controlled substance, you can only get it the day before and it requires about 37 signed papers from the doctor. So, on Thursday, I go get the prescription - my doc asks if I have a boyfriend. I think this is wierd. I say no. He says that is too bad becuase I could have had a lot of fun drugging him and then taking advantage if I had one. Hahahaha. ARE you kidding me?

There are specific instructions on what to take and when. There are 2 types of pills. One bottle has 3 pills in it - we will call them red pills. One bottle has 2 pills in it - we will call them blue pills. I am supposed to take on red pill before I go to bed on Thursday night to help me sleep well. Then a red and a blue pill an hour and half before my appt on Friday. That leaves an extra red pill and an extra blue pill. So, I decide that I should OBVIOUSLY take those too.

Ed picks me up, apparently, takes me to the dentist...I get some work done, apparently, and Kate picks me up to take me home. All I remember of the appointment is me trying to stick my tongue in the hole where the cavity once was, and then the dentist getting angry that I won't stop. But that's it.

I know that I fell asleep on the couch when I got home. I know that at some point I thought it would be a good idea to light candles. Oh yea, roophied girls and fire - good combo!! I moved to my bed and slept there for awhile. I remember a few bits and pieces from Friday night, but thats about it. I think I "drunk dialed" a few people....never a good idea.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, there were Taco Bell wrappers all over the kitchen that Donny the Dog had dug out of the trashcan. I didn't know where they came from. Later, Janelle called. She said she had been over the night before and brought Taco Bell. Oh good. I had a friend over and I don't remember it. GREAT! And apparently, I made dinner for myself. I bet it was magically delicious. We APPARENTLY watched TV and chatted for a couple of hours. She said I seemed kinda wierd, but okay.

All in all, I slept and/or functioned without memory for about 36 hours. Impressive. I feel quite rested.

Just an FYI - the date rape drug DOES work. Proceed with caution.

We will remember. Bonfire '99.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5916475239552283359&q=aggie+bonfirehttp://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5916475239552283359&q=aggie+bonfire

Christmas Gifts for EVERYONE!!

So the Holiday season is upon us and everybody is struggling to find that special something for their special someone.

But what to buy?

How about a cute cuddly toy?

Sounds like a plan?

http://www.thecoolhunter.net/lifestyle/pee-poo-toy.php

If I don't get Pee&Poo this year, I might shoot myself in the face.

In case you wondered where the Goonies are now...

http://kiddo78.blogspot.com/2005/05/goonies-20-year-reunion.html

I know I did.

At the Office...

On the "swap shop" bulletin board in the break room of my office thismorning:

FOR SALE: 30'X30' tent, 17'X6' trailer WITH skirt, 5000 watt generator, portacan, 30 tables and chairs, baptism tank - $4300 OBO

Just the other day I was needing a tent that is larger than myhouse, a port-a-potty and a baptism tank. I will conduct baptisms from my backyard now while taking a crap in my portacan for an audience of 30. Let me know if you are wanting to take advantage of this opportunity.

Celeb Spotting!!

Okay, so he's not a celebrity, but he IS my friend from high school and he IS in a magazine...check out my old pal Hunter in the Foley's mag - http://www.foleys.com/gifts/OnlineShopping/FO?DSP=133&sb=fo_1117

I was checking out the Red Apple Sale, and I was just going to flip past the men's section when I decided that I might as well take a look at some of the nice little eye candy...aren't I glad I did?! Haha.

Could I BE any cooler?

I didn't think so.

Stupid Ass Dance Class

I got kicked out of my very first dance class today. Faaaaantastic.

First of all, let me preface this with:

A.) This entry is not humorous. It if for theraputic purposes only.
B.)I go to the Houston Metropolitan Dance Center. I take the Open Adults classes. Tonight, it was intermediate/advanced. I would consider myself an intermediate/advanced dancer. I can no longer put my legs behind my head, but I would venture to say that very few 25 year-olds can.

I am the only person over the age of 14 in the class. Okay, that's a lie...I bet a few girls were able to drive themselves...with mom in the car. Drivers permits rock. They can all put their legs behind their heads.

My hip kind of hurts, hence, I went to dance class instead of running. I thought maybe it would help the problem...kind of a break of from the ol' rountine. Ya know? So, when I get there, I tell Stephen (Mr. Dance Teacher Man) that my hip hurts and I probably can't do some of the stretching full out...sorry. He is okay with that plan. Warm-up and across the floor went great. Did some turns, yada yada yada, leap leap leap... and now it's time for the combination!

Well, as it turns out, Mr. Dance Teacher Man wants to teach the same combination he taught last week. AND, as it turns out, all the other girls in the class already know. How convenient for Mr. Dance Teacher Man. He doesn't have to teach it again. GREAT! Oh wait, Christy doesn't know the combination, but that's okay, we don't need to teach it to her. We'll just let her stand around and look dumb. Let the 14 year-olds dance around her! Sounds like a plan Stan!!

When Mr. Dance Teacher Man started getting on to me about my lack of knowledge of the combination, I asked it I could leave and get my $5 back. He proceeded to kick me out, while cussing and creating a scene. He just wanted to make sure I knew who he was. I said that I didn't care who he was, I wanted to learn the conbination that I paid for, but he wasn't teaching it to me because all the other girls knew it already. He told me that it was an advanced class and myabe I shouldn't be there...um, sir, I come to this class all the time. Idiot. He proceeded to yell at me to leave...of course, my shoes are on the other side of the room. So he yells it a couple of times. Now, all the 14 year-olds are staring.

Anyways, I leave, I get my $5 CREDIT (they won't just give me the cash), which means I have to go back there to get my money back. GREAT.

Can I just say that that was one of the more humiliating experiences of my life? It's an OPEN class...not a company class. And it is an ADULT class...not daycare. I shouldn't be expected to know the combination already.

ASSHOLE. So, for the time being, I hate the Houston Met. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Ice Cream Truck Post...wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...

Back story: I have those kinds of locks on the doors of my house that are unlocked on the inside, but are locked on the outside...similar to a hotel room door. You can see why that would be a problem, right?

A few weeks ago (okay, a few months ago) me and the girls planned a trip to Austin for the weekend...a mini-vacation if you will. I am sitting at my desk waiting for Whitney and Kari get to my house. All of the sudden I hear "The Ice Cream Truck Song". Well, I haven't been living in a neighborhood for very long and this is my first encounter with a real live ice cream truck. My heart starts beating a little bit faster. Right at this moment, Whitney pulls up. I get super excited. Whitney AND ice cream? Um, okay!! So, I jump up and run out of the house. Right as I shut the door, I realize that I never unlocked the door. Crap.

At this point, the wonder of the ice cream truck has worn off. We scramble around the house. There are no open windows. There are no unlocked doors. There are no spare keys. My purse, phone, etc...are in locked in the house. And I don't know about you, but I don't know a single persons phone number by heart (with the exception of my parents house phone - which does me no good at this point). Me, being the prepared person that I am, made sure that one of my good friends in town had a spare key. Smart me!!

So, we try using Whitney's phone to contact her. Unfortunately, while Janelle and I are good friends, I have absolutely no idea what Janelle's last name is, so I can't call information on her. It is at this point that I realize that I also have no idea where she lives. Not even a vague idea of what neighborhood she lives in. The only mutual friend Janelle and I have, Kate, would have her phone number...except that Kate had a tonsilectomy that morning and couldn't talk on the phone. Great. What are the odds. The only person who could contact Janelle can't talk.

So, I try calling Paige ( I can't remember the logic in that). Well, I get Paige's parents - her dad. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Hey Mike, this is Christy BEnnett - Paige's friend
Paige's Dad: Paige?
Me: Yes, Paige
Paige's Dad: Paige?
Me: You do have daugher named Paige, right?
Paige's Dad: I'll have to call you back.

Are you kidding me? APPARENTLY, I woke him up, but seriously.

Eventually, it occurs to me that I have my landlords phone number in an email somewhere. So, we call Amanda and she breaks into my email to get the phone number. We call the landlord (wacko) and she says she will be home in 2 hours. What else could we do but go to Bubba's - the local bar. It is 3pm on a Friday and we are the only females in the bar. I don't think I have ever been ogled like that before. But we got a few free beers (which was good, cause I didn't have a purse, or wallet or phone or livelyhood). Yea Bubba's.

Landlord gets home, unlocks the door - tells me about the hidden key in the garage. Why didn't she mention that 2 hours ago on the phone? No one knows. Reason Numero Uno that indicates my landlords are wackos.

Me and the girls FINALLY hop in the honda and begin our journey to Austin...Kari liked sitting in the back seat with Don. He is very cuddly.

This blog is entitled: Ice Cream Truck

I am too tired to write about this particular title right now, but I WILL write about it next time.

Just wanted to remind myself. You know how I do.

To ease your sorrows, I have added a little something to brighten your day...

http://www.hugi.is/hahradi/bigboxes.php?box_id=51208&f_id=681

Enjoy. I know I did.

I remember now I why I discarded the other blog that I had...I am horrible at keeping up with the writing.

Ugh.

But to fill you in on some more of the "activity"...

Post dated about 2 months ago: I drove the Honda to work one day for reasons that I fail to remember. The plan for after work was to run home, let Donny out, go to the WW and then come home and watch the toob with Thomas and Natalie. I arrive home, and park in the middle of the driveway (just perfectly so the jeep is blocked in) and I let Don out, blah blah blah. Get back in the Honda and, of course, it won't start. Won't even turn over. Won't even flicker. Nothing. Not my fault though...the lights were all off and all that jazz...the battery was just really old.I can't jump the honda because:

A.) I have no idea where my jumper cables are
B.) The jeep is turned the other way and I can't make that happen

So, I call a guy to come out and jump it. That works. He tells me to drive around for awhile to recharge the battery. It's at about this time that Thomas arrives at my house for tv watching. Little does he know that this evening is about to suuuuuuuuck. We get in the honda and drive it for a little bit. Bear in mind, this was all very spur of the moment, so I am wearing house slippers and no bra.

Faaaantastic.

Well, about 2 miles down the road, little honda dies. We push him into the old Eckerd parking lot where a homeless man tells us he is the guru of all things that is broken cars. Well, he gets in my car, WITH A CIGARETTE, and tries to start it. Of course, it didn't work, so he shuts the door...WITH A LIT CIGARETTE. Who does that?? Now my crappy little car not only won't start, but now it smells like I am a chimney sweep. Thomas and I walk the 2 miles back to my house - neither of us has a phone on us...it was so spur of the moment. And I am still wearing slippers and no bra. In the ghetto. My very small boobies are just banging around out there. Unacceptable.

We go to Wal-mart, we get a battery, we drive to the honda, but lo and behold, we don't have any of the right tools. So, after an hour of us faking it, we finally get the battery in so I can drive it back to my house.

For goodness sake man!

This is the Chinese Ronald McDonald. Freaky.

mms://windowsmedia.dvlabs.com/adcritic/mcdonalds-mcgrand-girl.asf