Nothing New.

I'll be brief. (HAHAHAHAHAHA)

Nothing exciting is happening here.  We spent Christmas with my family and then had 5 glorious days at home with just the three of us.  We relaxed, we played, it was magical.  I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that the holidays are a whole year away.  The pain.  It was a seriously fabulous time - we NEVER have relaxing time at home - and even though we were all sick as dogs ( I spend one full day at the doc-in-a-box and at an actual doctors office), it was still magical.  THAT'S how badly we all needed a vacation.

Nonetheless, a few updates:

We are considering moving.  It's been a long time in the making, but now we are actually thinking about moving.  We need a little more space (currently in 3 bedrooms, 2.5 baths and no yard)...and we really want a pool.  We are still trying to wrap our brains around moving to the 'burbs, but it's looking more and more likely every day.  We found a house that had the most AMAZING backyard - gorgeous pool, overlooking a little subdivision pond - but we didn't put in an offer fast enough.  Drat!!  And now, having seen THAT backyard, we are all snobby and are like, "well, THAT one isn't on a lake, so phooey".  Yeah.  Now we have this bizarre "it must be on a lake" requirement that we didn't even know could exist before. Nonetheless, we are on the hunt and are getting prepared to put out house on the market at any given moment.  Our biggest issue is that we work on opposite ends of town, so figuring out the commute is going to be a huge mess.  Alas, we will find something wonderful...someday.  And we are secretly hoping that other sale falls through so we can just have that one and have a pool for the summer.  Hahaha.  Fingers crossed!!

Anna has started to really babble.  In a scratchy animal voice.  It's like she permanently has a "smelly cat voice".  All the time.  I'm pretty sure that is going to be her permanent voice. 

3 Bath Days:

• The other day, she grabbed the pepper shaker off the coffee table (because yes, we eat at the coffee table)...and coated herself in it.  She was sneezing and coughing and it was fairly comical.  It ended up being a 3 bath day.
• On the drive home from my parents house for Christmas...we had the car loaded with us, Anna, the 2 80lb dogs, our luggage for a week and some Christmas presents...and Anna had a blowout.  We only had one wipe left from the trip and no clean clothes (well, there were clean clothes, but who knows where they were in the car).  She was naked and fairly well coated in terd for the next 3 hours of car drive.  That's good parenting right there.

And speaking of good parenting:

• We learned that if we play Rock Band, she will be mesmerized for at least an hour (probably longer, but we are kind of out of shape).  Between the lights and music on the TV, Tommy singing and dancing and my banging on the drums, it's like Baby Valium.  Not sure why we didn't think of this before. 
• So, I bought her some shoes...and I put them on her for our trip to the zoo on Saturday.  And I kept wondering why one seemed almost too big, but the other was WAY too tight.  I was starting to get concerned about her freakishly different sized feet.  Well, I was freaked out until Tommy pointed out that I hadn't taken the paper out of the toe of one shoe.  Ooops. 

Clapping because wearing Christmas jammies in January is awesome!

Horrified of this new toy.

Grammy and Anna

Great Grandma, her grandson, and his daughter!

From the wedding we went to in Mexico

I did not approve this photo.

The olympic trials for the marathon were in town this weekend, so we gathered up our running buddies, some champagne and a portable heater and settled in for the duration.  Luckily, at the olympic trials for the marathon, the duration is only about 2.5 hours.  They are pussies.  Real athletes can run at full speed for 5 hours.  Srsly.  I'd like to see them do that.  Ha.  But it was a wonderful morning spent with friends and then an even more enjoyable afternoon at the zoo...I love Houston in January.  We MEANT to wake up to see the marathon (which was the next day) but we slept in instead...wise choice.  I've lived in Houston for 8 years and this was the first time I didn't participate in the race...it felt wierd, yet oddly relaxing. 

My training has been total crap, but my New Years Resolution is to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks (which happens to conveniently coincide with my 31st birthday), so my race training is being put on the backburner and I am focusing on eating right, lifting weights and getting toned and stronger.  I'm still biking and running, but only for like 30-45 minutes at a time to make room for weights.  We will see.  I'm still planning to race a 5k in February, a 10k in March and a sprint tri in April, but it will all depend on how my training goes.  Wish me luck!!

Excuses!

I am seriously just one giant excuse after another.

But here is my Top Ten List for Why I Haven't Blogged Since Before Kim Kardashian Got Married:

10.  I got a new job (yayyy!)
9.  But I still have my old job (boo!), so I get to do two jobs...and only get paid for one.
8.  I got a subscription to US Weekly (also known as the greatest publication of all time) and therefore for one night a week, I am busy.  Reading about the Kardashians.  And the Real Housewives of Whatever City.  And the Beiber.  GLORIOUS.
7.  I have this rugrat who requires inordinate amounts of attention and prefers to be outside with the mosquitoes.  And it's hard to play on the computer when you spend 100% of your time batting mosquitoes away from your child's face.  And then she STILL looks like an assault victim.  And then we both spend the next two days walking around swearing that we just ran into a door...our husbands did NOT beat us.
6.  I am running.  Or biking.  Or lifting weights.  Or TRYING to do some form of calorie expenditure. 
5.  I am lounging on the couch, watching the Beibers, Kardashians, and Housewives with my cute husband who moans and groans the whole time, which means that I have to rewind and re-watch, which means that we all get double the time with the Kardashian family.  Winning!
4.  I've been sick.  Which is sad.  And means that I walk around with kleenex stuck up my nose.  Lucky for me, Tommy finds women with kleenex hanging out of their noses irresistible.
3.  Anna is hysterical and wild and still isn't taking naps.  Which means I am not taking naps.  And when Mama don't take naps, ain't nobody happy.  And ain't nobody having no time to blog.  I just bought a book about how to get your baby to nap.  Basically, it's all puppies and rainbows and "just love your baby to sleep" and makes me want to hurl the book across the room.  If love put the kid to sleep, she'd be freaking Sleeping Beauty.
2.  I apparently have arthritis in my feet and am wearing old lady shoes.  From the ugly shoe aisle at DSW.  I don't respect myself.  At all.  But man, these puppies are comfy.

And the number one reason why I haven't blogged since Before Kim Kardashian Got Married:

1.  I just haven't felt like it.

Quick update:
Tommy and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary last week.  The traditional gift for 4 years is fruit or flowers, so I got him an Edible Arrangement and he planted flowers in our garden in the shape of a 4.  We are so cute.  My mom is coming in town this week to hang with me, since Tommy is going to Amsterdam for work and then when he gets back, we are going to a friends wedding and staying at a hotel for the night while Nana hangs with the nugget.  I plan on taking 14 naps before I head home in the morning.  Ha.

The Don is doing SO much better.  He has been diagnosed with Addison's disease and for the small price of $400 a month, he is healthy and happy.  Don needs to get a job.  But seriously, Addison's is a very dangerous disease, but it's similar to diabetes in that it is deadly, but VERY manageable ($$$)...so we are managing it.  And Anna will have to pay for her own college, but that's an entirely different issue.

Work is seriously kicking my butt.  I miss blogging.  But then again, I also miss having a waist, so it just goes to show that we can't have everything.

Okay.  Love.  And puppies.  And I'll get back to it eventually. 

The Don

I got this furball of a dog in college against my parents will (shocking!).  I lied to the shelter saying that I would be living in a house with a friend (when I really lived in a tiny efficiency apartment) and had her pretend to be my landlord when they called to confirm this story.  (Why is adopting a shelter dog so freaking hard?!?!) 

Anyways, I picked up The Don on February 14, 2004.  He was assumed to be about 8 months old (birthday of June-ish 2003), and was part-Newfoundland, part-Chow, part-Lab, part-Any Other Giant and Furry Beast You Can Think Of.

He was giant and furry and adorable.  And probably the best dog ever.  We had our moments of course, but overall, he was potty trained and crate trained when I got him, so other than the fact that he took a giant dump in the middle of my BFF's house on his first visit there, he was a perfect gentleman.

I was a sloth-like, overweight college senior (also shocking!) because I ate predominately french fries coated in melted cheese with a side of Jack Daniels and Coke while playing as much dominoes as one could handle.  It was a fairly glorious victory lap (also known as the 5th year of college).  But, when I got Don, we started running because you can't keep an 80lb Furry Beast in an efficiency apartment without also giving him sufficient exercise.

And so the endurance athlete was born.

Over the next year, Don and I moved to Houston for work, into a slightly larger apartment (I got him his own bedroom) and started training for my first half marathon.  I lost 40 lbs, started eating well (although, I have never lost my adoration for cheese fries and Jack and Coke...and dominoes), and Don and I were running fools. 

He was a man-magnet at the park - even though running in Houston summers is not the most attractive activity in the world - he scored me dates on a regular basis.  He and I would run our loop or 2 and spend the next hour chatting with fellow runners.  He and I could run up to about 13 miles together in the winter...the summers were a different ball game though.  Nonetheless, I ran my first half in Houston in January about a year after I ran my first mile.  I ran my first marathon a year after that.  And my next marathon the year after that.  And then a triathlon.  And then Ironman.  Donny created an evil monster!

Donny used to be TERRIFIED of men.  He would hide in the closet, under all my clothes, until the man left.  Until I met Tommy.  Tommy showed Don that all men weren't evil and now he is just the sweetest puppy you ever met. 

He doesn't get on the furniture, he doesn't really bark (unless we are being robbed), he doesn't run away, and he doesn't dig or really do anything else mischevious.  His only tragic flaw is the EXTREME shedding.  And he went through this phase of hiking his leg at other people's houses for about 6 months.  Otherwise, BEST.  Dog.  Ever.

This brings us to today.  Don is getting old.  For the last few years, he has been struggling with his hips and has been on medicine as needed, but overall, wasn't very bad off.  However, when Anna was about 4 weeks old, he fell down the stairs and he hasn't really been the same since.

We got carpeted stair treads and got rugs for the entire downstairs so he wouldn't slip or struggle.  It helped a little, but he didn't come upstairs as often and kind of generally stayed in one place.  We would take Dixie on walks, but Donny couldn't really go, so he would whine at the door until Dixie got back and then he would run out into the field in an act of defiance.  It has been really sad to watch him.

Early last week, we noticed that he hasn't been eating as much (if anything).  He has never been much of an eater, so him skipping a meal or two is not alarming...so who knows how long he hadn't been eating.  We took him to the vet on Tuesday of last week and they ran some tests - told us to go get a drink and come back in an hour - and they found what looked to be like Kidney Failure.  He had lost 6lbs in a month. They gave him fluids and some different pain meds for his hip (the other medicine may have caused the kidney problems) and an antacid to help him eat something. 

We tried to get him to eat anything - we gave him treats and wet food (that smelled good enough that I considered trying it), we made him chicken and rice and sushi, we gave him cheese and peanut butter...nothing.  He ate nothing. 

Then Dixie ate it all and shat her brains out all over my rug, but that's a different story.

He was still very pitiful and feeling awful.  He didn't wag his tail.  He didn't get up.  He didn't go outside.  Nothing.  It was awful.

We took him back in for more tests on Thursday - there was another disease that they needed to confirm or rule out that often presented itself like Kidney Failure.  He stayed at the vet all day while they took more blood, gave him more fluids and ran the tests.  Confirmed.  He didn't have kidney failure, instead he has Addison's Disease.  Addison's Disease is less dire than kidney failure and is often managed with treatment, but can still be quite ugly.

Addison's Disease is basically a failure of the adrenal gland to produce the stress hormone that we release to combat stressors in life.  Without it, your body has no way to cope and will ultimately collapse and go into crisis...and die.  Donny's body does not produce this hormone which is why he was feeling so awful.

Treatment is a shot of steroids every 28 days and daily doses of prednisone to keep levels of the hormone where they need to be.  He got his first dose of the steroids on Friday and was doing much better on Saturday - got up to greet me when I got home and ate a few pieces of a treat.  But then on Saturday night, he woke me up at midnight, barking to go outside (of course, I was home alone with a sick baby).  I went downstairs to let him out and I found the crime scene...bloody diarrhea everywhere.  I spent the next hour cleaning and emailing my vet (who is AWESOME btw) and then I slept on the couch, because Donny needed to go outside about once every hour and a half.  He continued to poop blood for most of the next day until we picked up the RX my vet called in. 

He is now on 6 different medicines, one of which has to be dissolved in water and shot into his mouth an hour before the other meds.  He still can't really go up the stairs - he will whine at the bottom until you come and get him (let's remember that he weighs about 70lbs).  But he is wagging his tail and getting around a little bit better.  The vet says the meds will make a huge difference, but I'm skeptical.  He is definitely on the downhill side of things and I think we are getting very close to having to make a decision.

I keep hoping that he will snap out of it and get better, but at the same time, I know he won't and I don't want him to be miserable.  We are playing the wait and see game...and it's not particularly fun. 

Added to the sick baby, our house is one giant stressball.  My mom is coming to visit tomorrow...her arrival will either easse some stress because we will have more hands around to help or increase it because you can't release your stress anger when company is around...we will see.

Keep Don in your thoughts...he has lead a good life and I don't want him to be in pain or miserable.  I love that giant mutt.

Post About Nothing.

So, unfortunately, I don't spend as much time surfin' the net like I used to...not because I don't have the time but because I choose to go to bed at 8PM on a regular basis.  This is the bedtime I have always dreamed about but never indulged in.  I am a morning person, but due to social norms, for years I have been forcing myself to stay awake at least until the sun goes down.  But having a baby gives you the perfect excuse to do just about anything you want. 

Want to talk about vaginas all day?  Sure.  You just had a baby.  Want to cry for no reason?  Yeah, that's normal.  You just had a baby.  Want to talk about poop and vomit while others are eating?  Why not?  You just had a baby.  Sweating profusely?  It's the hormones.  You just had a baby.  Want to go to bed at 8PM everynight for the rest of your life?  No prob.  You just had a baby.

As a kid, my mom would tell me that I couldn't get out of bed until the numbers on the clock matched this piece of paper she taped on the wall that 7:00.  Unfortunately for me, at my tender age, I didn't know that 6:59 came before 7:00 and that 7:01 came after...so I remember sitting in my bed, staring intently at the clock, just BEGGING the numbers to match and knowing that if I looked away for even a second I could miss 7:00. 

It's the little things that really eff up your kids man.  It's the little things.  She also gave me a phone book and a pair of scissors so I could entertain myself.  I spent most of my childhood cutting up phonebooks.  That's a life skill I have yet to need.

Back to my point.  My original intent was to tell you why I haven't been blogging...which, if you follow the logic, can ultimately be blamed on my mother.  So thanks mom for screwing up my blog.  I'm sure that when you gave birth to me, you were planning on savings lots of money for some serious therapy sessions down the road (for you or me or both) and you had no comprehension of this newfangled virtual world where I would type up my diahrea of the mouth for everyone to read.  I think we can ultimately blame dad for that one though.  I'm sure he had something to do with it.  And if not, feel free to take your angry out on him anyway.  You just had a baby after all (I realize I am 30 years old so the excuse is getting a little tired, but until he capable of pushing a baby out of him, I say just go with it).

Sidenote since my mother has now started reading my blog:  I love you mom.  But all those times you told me I looked terrible in lavender really messed me up.  I don't own a stitch of purple clothing for fear of upsetting the color wheel.  But really, I love you mom.

I wish I had something exciting to write about, but the point is that I don't. 

Mmmmm...Nachos is good for me.

Cooking up a nugget for dinner!

So in lieu of actually writing a post, I started a special savings account for Anna's future therapy, which frankly, I feel that her future self should pay for...but since I am the one who styles her hair that way (because OMG, it cracks me up!), I will do what I can to offset the financial strain of years and years of therapy.  Here's a quarter sweetheart.

Only Babies Can Get Away with That.

Me and my pal Roggs took our beasts to dinner on Monday night.  She had just gotten back from vacation and I had just eaten most of the food in the world, so we went to Ziggy's Healthy Grill.  It's a health conscious place (most everything is cooked healthy oils or no oils if possible...the fries are sweet potatoes and the salads are DIVINE)...but they don't really offer up nutrition information (which I find bizarre - and probably means the stuff isn't as healthy as they like to promote). 

Nonetheless, we took the beasts to dinner...but there was no one else at the restaurant...which was good because screaming babies didn't bother anyone but us, but bad because there was no one else to drown out my screaming baby.  Ha.  (Roggs' baby didn't scream so much as squeal...she is just a loud one!)

When the waittress came over to take our order she lurked for a minute too long before addressing our table.  It was just a little wierd.  But hey, we were in Montrose.  Weird lurking people are pretty par for the course 'round those parts.  But when she did finally decide to talk to us, she apparently told us about the specials...but I could barely hear her because the giant booger in her nose was talking louder than her.

I'm telling you, it was the biggest booger I have ever seen in my life.  Ever.  On anyone.  It was so big that I wasn't sure if it was a booger or if it was a nose ring.  It was THAT big.  Huge.

I didn't hear a single word that she said about the specials.

I asked Roggs if she knew what the specials were and she said, "No, I couldn't hear over the booger."

Yeah.  I'm telling you.  Biggest.  Booger.  Ever.  Only babies can get away with boogers like that.  The good news is that, unlike my adorable booger filled child, this chick is capable of picking her own.  When she came back, it was gone.  Apparently booger shaped nose rings aren't as fashionable as I had once thought.

I ordered the salad.

*********************************
In exercise related news, my race in 3 weeks away - ahhh!!  I have been picking up the running mileage - I am now at a respectable 4 miles and a pitiful 5 miles, but I'm getting there!  I'm gonna shoot for running 6 again this weekend at a normal pace (I went way slow last weekend just to make sure I got it done). 

I am feeling good, but my legs are pretty wasted.  I ran 6.5 on Saturday, took Sunday off (because my BFF was in town and we went Owling - ha), did 5 and weights on Monday, biked 20 and ran 1 on Tuesday, 5 and weights on Wednesday, and now, after 2 hours of sleep, I am trying to get motivated to bike at lunch today...but truthfully, I'm not sure if my legs will hold out. 

I will probably take it easy the week of my race - not because I really need to taper before a sprint tri, but because I've increased my volume so much in the last few weeks that my body will probably just need a break.  

For now, I'm hoping to swim in about 12 minutes (500 meters), bike in about 40 minutes (13.5 miles = 20-21mph), and run in about 32-33 minutes (3.65 miles = 9 min/miles). 

The swim will be a crapshoot.  You have to actually train on something to have a vague idea of how it will go...and I have been in the water once since before Anna was born (we are going on about 5 months now).  And that was at my last race.  Ha.  Oh well!  We are going to swim this weekend (swimming is the sport that is REALLY hard to do with a baby, FYI - it just takes too much time!) and then I will have a better grasp of what I can do on race day I think.

I'm relatively confident in my biking ability - I've been KILLING it on the trainer.  I haven't been biking outside, so I don't actually know how fast I've been going, but I've been feeling good and sweating a lot. That's got to be a good sign, eh?  Or I could just be really out of shape.  We will find out!  (It's definitely hard to find time to bike outside, but finding time on the trainer is pretty easy)

On the run, it will just be about willpower.  I know I CAN do it....it will just be a matter of MAKING myself do it.  I'm gonna wear The Green Silence (my racing flats), so that should motivate me to run faster.  You can't wear racing flats and dillydally.  It's just wrong.

I am so excited!  I love racing!  I wish I was gonna look better in my spandex, but alas, this is the squishy body that I was given.  Avert your eyes!

International Travel

Did you know that infants need passports?  Yeah.  They do.  Which is ridiculous, by the way.  Because we took passport pictures of her and we travel in 7 months...which means that she will look nothing like she does now.  Totally NOT a waste of my time.

Nonetheless, you have to have a passport for an infant and we are going to Mexico for a wedding in December, so the beast will have a passport.  Unfortunately, taking a picture of an infant who cannot hold her own head up is like pulling teeth (and hysterical...unlike pulling teeth).

We are highly amused by these.

And then we got to hang out at the passport office for 2.5 hours with an infant.  What an awesome system.  Luckily, I think she left some crap  (yeah, like actual crap) on the floor there.  Payback is a bia!

********************

In other news, I started back to work this week.  In very un-momlike fashion, I enjoyed almost every single minute of my first day.  That said, I spent a good portion of my day looking at pictures of her on my phone (don't tell my boss how much they paid me to do that), but I loved being back at the office, talking to people, solving problems, using the non-babytalk side of my brain, and having a reason to brush my teeth. 

I loved staying home with her (WAY more than I thought I could/would) but I was definitely ready to get back in the work force.  I took 11.5 weeks off - which was right about what I needed.  I started getting really antsy at about 10 weeks and then I had another week to get my ducks in a row...it was perfect.  3 days in, I am tired but overall, work is work.  Some parts of it are good, some parts of it are bad...but as an engineer, I CRAVE routine and schedules and spreadsheets.  And there are only so many spreadsheets you need for an infant (and I didn't actually have any).  I considered making a spreadsheet of her sleep and awake cycles, but since she doesn't sleep during the day AT ALL, the spreadsheet would have been quite short.

I've given myself the week off from working out.  But since my office has a great gym, I was able to get an abs class and some weights in yesterday and toda, I woke up early and got 25 minutes on my bike trainer and there is a quick class at lunch again that I will take.  So the week won't be a total wash.  Next week I will start to try to get workouts in before work  - it will be an interesting balancing act, but since Tommy and I are the masters at schedule juggling, I'm sure we will figure it out.  AND next week Tommy and I will start alternating middle of the night feedings...right now, Tommy has been doing it because I was pumping in the middle of the night, but that has stopped now that I am back at work.  Hopefully the beast will start sleeping through the night soon and life can get some sort of routine!

AND (so many changes!) my track workouts with my group start next week.  I cannot wait.  It's been a LOOOONG time since I've done speed work...and while I am terrified, I know it will be worth it in the long run.  Hooray!

Hiatus!

Hopefully my hiatus is over, but let's be honest, since I don't get out of the house all that much, not that much is happening to me outside of explosive diarrhea and spit up.  That is not to say that explosive diarrhea is not hysterical (when it is happening on someone else), but just to say that it happens so often that really, I wouldn't be able to keep up with the blog.

The first two weeks of Anna's life were rough...she did nothing but scream 24 hours a day.  She didn't sleep...she just screamed.  But we got her all loaded up on Prevacid and Zantac (for reflux) and she is like a new little baby.  She is still pretty fussy and doesn't sleep much, but she isn't inconsolable...DRASTIC improvement.  We will take it!

2 Weeks Old and Terrified of Leonardo the Terrible Monster

3 Weeks Old and Still Hating Lenny.

At 8 days old, Tommy and I couldn't take the confinement to the house much more, so we ventured out to the neighborhood bar/restaurant.  We loaded up our little monster, walked the few blocks, and of course she started screaming the minute we arrived...but I think the heat finally knocked her out and we were able to enjoy a glass of wine and a tasty dinner.  It was magical.

Our first outing.  We made sure to get a table in the back, near the exit should we need to make a hasty escape.

At one point, in the middle of the night, I came downstairs to find Tommy and Anna, both butt naked because the poop had gotten so out of control that both individuals required baths.  I went back to bed.  :)  They say to sleep when the baby sleeps...but since our baby doesn't really sleep, I figure I can sleep when she poops on someone.  It's the perfect arrangement.  I'm so rested.

I don't think she wants to go to LSU.  

I've started running again...and it's UGLY.  Like really ugly.  Me and my BOB have some getting to know each other to do.  That thing is heavy and not particularly aerodynamic.  And you wouldn't think an 8lb baby would be all that hard to push, but you try to run while carrying an 8lb weight and see how it feels.  Then push it in a giant un-aero stroller.  Ow.  My arms hurt.  But, I'm running and it is AMAZING.  I'm trying to ease back into it, so I'm starting with 5/1's for 3 miles and then next week, I will ramp up to 6/1's and then the next week 7/1's, etc...until I get to running the full 3 miles...then I will increase the mileage.  It's painful, but man, it feels soooo good to be out there sweating again.

Anna's only running gear.  I think she needs some tech-tees.

Anna's First Run!  Anna, you are an Ironman!!

My mom came in town this week - it was Tommy's first week back at work - and it was soo good to have her here.  It really does take a village to raise a baby!  Haha.  Having a spare pair of hands around was amazing.  And then my sister came for the weekend and we had a great time!

We were discussing who Anna looks like and we found this picture of my mom...my mom and Anna could be twins.

Mom

Anna, aka Mom's Twin

3 Generations!  

Workout of the Day

I walked to the mailbox today.  Man, that sh1t is far away. 

That said, the stairs in my house are no longer the daunting task that they were during pregnancy.  I can actually walk up them without having to take a break mid-way. 

My body looks a lot like it did in college.  A little swollen, big boobs, and a beer gut.  Although, back then, it was due to the beer.  And tequila.  And whiskey.  And cheese fries.  Oh, the cheese fries. 

My goal for Friday is to walk our street.  It's about a half mile long...so there and back will be a mile.  It's our usual dog walking path, but I will probably do it without the pugzys because it will likely take me at least an hour.  Stupid stitches.  Making me an invalid.  I was watching The Biggest Loser tonight (BTW - what is UP with all the bungee jumping?  I don't watch this show to watch bungee jumping or to hear stupid metaphors about life that are related to bungee jumping.  I watch it for the workouts and the weight loss.  End rant.) and was VERY jealous of their workouts.  And then I looked through all my friends pics who ran Boston (shout out to Audrey who ran Boston for the first time!  Congrats!).  And then through the NOLA 70.3 pics (special shout out to Allison who raced her first 70.3 in New Orleans this past weekend!  Even though the swim was cancelled, she rocked it!).  And then the MS150 pics...  I was GREEN with envy.    Green I say!  Soon, little Paduwon.  Soon.

In baby news, this is funny.  That said, you know  you are hormonal when this makes you cry so hard that you can't even it read it aloud to your husband.  Dear lord.  The hormones. 

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.


May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.

-Tina Fey

Update!

Just got my epidural...absolute heaven. That said, the anesthesiologist came during the only good daytime tv show-Family Feud. I missed hearing what 100 people say that "women find sexy about Robin Hood".

I love Family Feud.

Before I Was a Mom

I will likely have a baby in less than two days (holy crap!).  The fact that someone has deemed me mature enough to take on the role of caregiver to another human being is terrifying.  I haven't really been emotional or hormonal throughout this pregnancy but in the last few weeks, I have kind of been a basketcase...I mean, holy crap.

And the hormones mean that my Lent promise of not cursing lasted about 20 minutes. 

One of the blogs I read does a segment called Before I Was a Mom.  I think most of the things people say they would never do are ridiculous, so I can only assume they are jokes - I mean, of course kids are going to eat pizza.  Unless you plan on avoiding all birthday parties from now until the end of eternity, your kids will eat pizza.  Or until they come up with an equally delicious and cheap alternative...which will never happen.  Because pizza is awesome.  Nonetheless, I tried to put together a little list of the things Tommy and I say we will never do...before we are parents. 

 

Before I was a mom, I swore I:

• Would never give my kid some outrageous amount of money for losing a tooth.
• Would never let my kid have a TV in her room.
• Would not make fast food eating a regular habit.
• Would continue to stay active and teach my kid to love the great outdoors.
• Will do everything within my power to remain flexible 

We will see how this all plays out...I've got two days left of "Before I Was a Mom-ing".  Holy crap.

Yesterday was my due date...and it came and went without any indication that Anna wants to join the real world.  Apparently my womb is VERY cozy.  I keep trying to tell her that her crib will be cozy too and that we have all sorts of fancy blankets,  but she is stubborn.  Like her dad (he rolls his eyes when I say this...I dunno why). 

At 40 weeks pregnant, my belly button finally popped.  That said, it's much squishier and softer than I expected it to be.  It can be tamed with the panel on my pants.  Thus far, I haven't gotten cankles or stretch marks, my acne has gone down to a respectable level, but I am the size of a house, I only have one outfit that fits, and I can only sit upright for about an hour at a time...I am soooo ready for this to end and to meet my little baby!  I cannot believe I am still pregnant.  I seriously cannot believe how much the human skin can stretch.  I cannot believe how gigantic I have gotten.


40 Weeks Pregnant.  Let's play MASH.  Mansion, Apartment, Shack or House?

We have tried all the things to induce labor naturally (short of acupuncture and castor oil) and I can say, with complete authority that none of that crap works.  I've walked no less than 4 miles a day for the last 3 weeks.  I've eaten about 7 pineapples.  We made the eggplant parmesan and I ate about 1.5 eggplants worth.  We've had the s.e.x.  I'm taking evening primrose oil.  I'm eating spicy-er food (I hate spicy food, so this is a challenge).  It's all a bunch of crap.  BUT it has kept me thoroughly entertained, so I guess there is something to be said about that.  Me and the pitocin will be BFF on Thursday.  That sh1t better not be a joke too.

 

At my work baby shower, in addition to a bunch of wonderful gifts, we got an "It's a Girl" helium balloon.  The shower was on March 18 and afterwards, we came home and tied it to our stairway railing.  It is now April 12 and that balloon is still inflated. 



The Birth Prediction Balloon.

We have determined that I will not go into labor until this balloon is deflated.  I'm about to take a machete to the darn thing.  I've never seen a helium balloon last this long.

Today is my last day of work, tomorrow is my last doctors appointment and then I will spend the day running errands, napping, and puttering around the house.  Then we head to the hospital on Wednesday night...AHHHH!  I've requested a Last Supper Dinner Date with Tommy, but we quickly determined that we can't go anywhere nice because the only outfit I have is cargo pants and flip flops.  Ha.

I will update as soon as I can from the hospital...I'd update Facebook, but social networking sites are blocked at my hospital.  WTH are we supposed to DO on the internet!?!?!  I may go into withdrawl.  I can get Facebook on my cell phone via the network, not internet, but STILL.  It's small and I'm snobby.

Come on Little Anna!  Your dad and I are soooo ready to meet you!  And I am ready for your dad to hold you for once.  :)  We love you so much already...let's get the party started!!

Subway. Legend...

...wait for it...I hope you're not lactose intolerant...dary!

I heart cheese. I heart bread. I HATE cheese on bread. So, sandwiches with cheese on them are pretty much out of the question. Grilled cheese sandwiches? [shudder] I may have thrown up a little bit in my mouth.

But when you go to Subway, they really want to put cheese on your sandwich. If you say, no thanks...they are like, really? So, I got to where I would say that "yes, I do want some cheese, but if you could just give it to me that would be great". Because, you know, cheese should be no where near a slice of bread. I never really thought much of it. I just got my two triangles of pepper jack and my sandwich and I ate them separately. It was the perfect solution.

I've been ordering my Subway sandwiches this way for years.

Tommy and I eat Subway semi-regularly. It's our go-to fast food joint. But since we don't eat fast food much (excluding the first 7 months of pregnancy), we don't eat there more than maybe once or twice a month...maybe. So this is to say that we haven't been to our neighborhood Subway often enough for the employees there to recognize us.

Unless you order your cheese on the side. Apparently.

Last week, we popped by Subway to grab some dinner becuase we were too lazy to go to the grocery store and therefore too lazy to cook. But since I am the approximate size of Jabba the Hut and don't exactly have a plethora of clothes to wear, I stayed in the car while Tommy went in to order me a delicious Turkey and Ham on white, spinach, MAS cucumbers and salt and pepper. And cheese on the side.

He came back out to the car, handed me my two delicious triangles of pepper jack, and said, "Yeah, so when I ordered your sandwich, the lady was like, "oh yeah, I know her"". Hahaha.

I'm a legend. Jared and I are already talking about our new marketing campaign.

Super Moon Schmuper Schmoon

I am officially harboring a full term baby in belly as of today. Anna has reached her 37th Week birthday and I am ready to get this show on the road. Anna apparently has very different ideas. She's wild and woolly already. Definitely doesn't get that trait from me.

Anyway, I haven't written lately because, well, I'm not feeling funny. I'm not Debbie Downer anymore, I'm just not thinking everything is funny like normal. I mean, I didn't even laugh out loud at Wipeout the other night. And I ALWAYS laugh out loud at Wipeout. I'm mostly just feeling fat and I'm in quite a bit of pain...so watching people whack themselves in the head with the Bouncy Balls just isn't as amusing as it normally is.

On Saturday night the Super Full Moon came 'round and I was fully hoping that the tidal forces would pull this baby out of me, but no cigar. I'm not normally a superstitious person, but I AM a person who is very tired of being pregnant, who was one day short of a full term baby and who was hoping with all her heart that Saturday would be the day.  I even went outside and wagged my belly at the moon.  For good luck you know.

No cigar.  I did have a few contractions during the night that I totally tried to imagine into something more, but nonetheless, I just got a really restless nights sleep.

Dam you Moon and your super fullness.

I was able to start walking again last week and I think it had a HUGE impact on my morale.  I love being outside and the past month being stuck inside was really doing a number on my sanity.  I spent a few hours at the park almost everynight, walking, people watching, attempting to run (hahahaha), and just generally enjoying March in Texas.  Gotta love it. 

I completed my Labor and Delivery playlist - my iPad is uploaded and ready to rock.  Hospital bag is packed, Anna's clothes are washed and loaded and my countdown has begun.  One month from today is the day my doc says she will induce me if I haven't already gone into labor...soooo, one month from today I WILL have a baby. (OMG, I have to suffer for another month, heads will roll).

At our final ultrasound last week, it was confirmed that Anna is still a girl (and I saw it with my own eyes, and therefore believe it now), she has a full head of hair, small head and giant thighs (Gonna be a cheerleader?  Oh snap!) and is weighing in at about average.  They predict that she will be about 7.5lbs-8.5lbs at birth.  We will see! 

My maternity portrait arrived on Saturday and it looks great!  I am so happy with how it turned out and how you can't tell if I am unphotogenic or not. 

Sidenote:  You can buy used diapers on Amazon.  This sounds less than ideal.

She's Baaaaack!

Okay, Debbie Downer is gone. She has been replaced with her more rested sister I Finally Feel Like a Human Again Christy. Thank the lord. Now, to reach this rested state, I had to drug myself, go to bed at 8PM and lay in bed until 7AM, but I feel human. Maybe, just MAYBE, I will eat lunch with my co-workers instead of napping in the backseat of my car. [gasp!]

Tidbits:
I have given up cursing for Lent. I give up cursing every year for Lent, but since I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE cursing, it's never stuck. I'm moderately hoping it sticks this time since we have a little monster on the way, but I can't teach her what NOT to say unless she learns the words, eh? Let's be honest, there is no better way to express your frustration than the F word. Oh, how I love it and it's many different meanings.

I definitely weigh more than Tommy. This makes me want to curse.

My biggest pet peeve in the world is when people sing or hum in public places. I.e. in gym locker rooms, elevators, grocery stores, etc...DUDE, I don't care if you are Celine F-word Dion, shut the hell up. Sidenote: Hell is not a bad word. My child will not be allowed to say it, but that's the beauty of me being the parent and her being the child. I get full authority on language restriction.

I did not get a single slice of king cake this year. I still can't believe it.

I am counting the down the days (2) until I get to run/walk in the great outdoors. Tommy and I have plans, weather pending, to spend most of my birthday afternoon walking the park. I CANNOT wait. I think it will do wonders for my morale. (I'm tearing up just thinking about it...) And then we will come home and eat the delicious Kroger Cupcake Cake he is supposed to buy me. I don't care what you say, Kroger has the best cupcakes EVER. Had I known of their deliciousness earlier in my life, I would have had a grocery store made wedding cake. Seriously. Crave and Sprinkles and whatever don't have nothin' on Kroger.

And without further ado and because my life is boring, the ABC's of me:

(A) Age: 29...until Sunday when I hit the Dirty Thirty!

(B) Bed Size: KING. We slept on my full sized bed when we were dating (not that we slept in the same bed while we were dating mom, promise) and I have no idea how we fit. Especially now. I can only assume that all other pregnant women who sleep in smaller beds must have their husbands sleep on the couch.

(C) Chore You Hate: Taking the trash to the street. HATE IT. But I also hate folding laundry (I will go wrinkly before I will fold) and I hate washing dishes (that's what dish washers are for!)

(D) Dogs?: LOVE THEM! If Anna is allergic, we may have to send her to live with someone else. Donny the Newfie (8ish years old) and Dixie the Great Pyrenees Monster (1 year-ish)

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Nothing really. I'm a morning person. Once you get me out of bed, I'm usually good to go. (I also haven't stayed awake until midnight since like 4th grade when I was afraid they would freeze my underwear if I feel asleep first. I quickly realized that frozen underwear will eventually de-thaw and be just fine...and I haven't stayed awake that late ever again.)

(F) Favorite Color: It depends on my mood, but in general, fushia (I think there is a C somewhere in the spelling of fushia), all shades of green and brown.

(G) Gold or Silver? GOLD. Always gold.

(H) Height: 5'6" or 5'7" - ish. But I rarely leave the house in less than 3" heels, so most people think I am a little taller than that. Ha. So sneaky!

(I) Instruments You Play: I can rock it out on the Rock Band Drums, but beyond that, my musical talent is pretty much zilch.

(J) Job Title: Supply Chain Planner (sounds exciting, eh?)

(K) Kids: They are a necessity for the continuation of this specie. Ha. I am 8 months pregnant so I am supposed to say I love kids and babies and yayyy! But in reality, I LOVE my friends kids and my friends babies, but I do not love random babies at the mall and I do not love strange kids who want to make faces at me over my booth at a restaurant. I will love Anna with all my heart and I CANNOT wait for her to get here...but I do not think random babies are cute.

(L) Live: Texas, ya'll. My only complaint is that when ordering something online, when I go to put in my state and press "T" to get to the T states, I have to scroll down one (stupid Tennessee and its superior spelling). I'm probably never leaving.

(M) Mom's Name: Candy. And no, she isn't a stripper. At least I don't think she is.

(N) Nicknames: CBenne, Bennett, Ben, BenBen...and of course, Christy.

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? None...yet. I'm really shooting for one in my very near future though!

(P) Pet Peeve: People who sing in public places. But since I already mentioned that, my second pet peeve is people in the locker room who want to be my naked friends. You can be naked or we can chat...we cannot do both at the same time. AND FOR GODSAKE, THE AUTOMATIC HANDDRYER IS NOT INTENDED TO DRY YOUR BUTTHOLE.

(Q) Quote from a Movie: "You lock it up. No you lock it up. Lock it up. Lock it up." Wedding Crashers. Tommy and I probably say this at least once a day. It relates to everything.

(R) Right or Left Handed? Right, but I got pretty good with my left in high school when I used to fear breaking my right hand and being stuck with only my left (my dad's favorite quote is "paranoid is a good way to be when everyone is out to get ya"...I don't know where I get it). I'm not ambidextrous by any means, but I can get the job done.

(S) Siblings: 1 Sister - Cathy and 1 Sisdog - Belle.

(T) Time You Wake Up? Pre-pregnancy - 4:30AM on the dot, 6 days a week, no ifs, ands or buts. During pregnancy - 4:30AM, with a little snoozy snooze, or sometimes 7AM. Depending on my mood. Today, it was a solid 6:39...plus a little snoozing.

(U) Underwear: It believe in its existence.

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: Cooked carrots. [gagging]

(W) What Makes You Run Late: Not much. I'm rarely late. But if I am, it's because I overscheduled myself...ooops.

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: I'm a paranoid athlete, so most everything...teeth, ears, knees, feet, ankles, hips, shoulders...

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Homemade mac and cheese. Let's be honest, I have a lot of skills, but cooking is sooo not one of them.

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Bears! I just want to cuddle them!

Debbie Downer

Hi. My name is Debbie Downer.

1. I married a Katrina Evacuee, it's Mardi Gras, and I can't get a piece of a good King Cake? What the hell? Haven't I done my part for the city of New Orleans? :)

2. My maternity pants are VERY tight. They are so tight in fact that some of the stitching that holds the elastic band on is coming off and I am grateful. I have no intention of sewing them back together. Every inch counts.

3. I am pretty sure that as of today, I weigh more than Tommy.

4. I haven't slept in a really long time. I know this is "preparation for what is to come"...whatever. It still sucks right now and I am not happy about it. I get about 2 hours of straight sleep each night...and then a few 30 minute catnaps the rest of the night. If I'm lucky. If I can get a good workout in, I can make those 2 hours stretch into 3, which is glorious. However, on 2 hours of sleep, a good workout is pretty tough to finagle.

5. It's beautiful outside. Well, not at this moment, but it HAS been beautiful and all I want to do is go play. I want to run or walk or just read a book...but I can't run and I can't walk and my back hurts too bad to sit out there for more than about 30 seconds.

6. I miss my family terribly. We had such a good time this weekend...I wish they would move here!

7. I'm ready to meet Anna...but want her to hibernate for a little while longer. So frustrating!

Due to doctor's orders, I am not allowed to run until for the next two weeks...it'd be too painful anyway, so I don't really want to, but in 2 weeks, it's on! I'll walk through the pain if it will make me hatch sooner rather than later! But until the running/walking can begin again, I am stuck in the pool or on the bike...and bored out of my freaking mind. It's FAR too gorgeous outside to be inside and stationary. Steve Harvey and Family Feud can only get me so far.

Alas, I've been swimming and biking and today I tried aqua jogging.

The swimming is going okay...I mean, I can swim all day, but where the belly used to make me more bouyant, lately, it's DEFINITELY dragging my butt down. AND I'm having to wear a bikini because there are no swimsuits that will accomodate this monstrosity anymore...and no one wants to see a 34 weeks pregnant lady traipsing around the pool in a bikini. Trust me. And then, I can't push off the wall because it makes my bottoms fall off. Ha. Oh the drama!

I tried aqua jogging today - which is easily the most awkward/boring/strange activity you can possibly do. But it was a nice change. What I really determined is that even in water, I require a sports bra. Ow.

The biking is kind of fun still because I can rock out to music and go to a class and socialize...which is my favorite part of exercise...I love the people! But my hugeness means I am sitting wierd on the bike and I think I pinched a nerve in my back last week. It's feeling better and better everyday, so hopefully I can bike again tomorrow. 2 days at the pool in a row is about 2 days too many for me.

My 30th birthday is in 2 weeks and I plan on spending the day walking and walking and walking...drinking mass quantities of wine sounds like a much more enjoyable birthday activity, but the quicker this little one evacuates, the quicker I can have mass quantities of wine...so walking it is. The wine can wait. It gets better with age anyway!

We have our final ultrasound scheduled for March 17th - I CANNOT wait. This will get me confirmation that she does not have a weener and will estimate her size...and about 37 other things that are way more important regarding our overall health. I can't wait to see her one last time before she gets here!

Idiot.

Had to deal with my first real idiot comment yesterday.

I'm talking to a guy I work with on a work issue and before we get down to business he asks about the baby and such. He then proceeds to say, "You better find someone good to stay with your baby so you don't feel guilty coming back to work". Yeah, thanks, Jackass. I was planning on picking up one of the illegal immigrants from the Valero Gas Station, but now that you mention it, finding someone good DOES sound like a smart idea.

Where do people come up with this stuff?

****************
Awkward Family Photos!


I had my dad take a few pictures of us this weekend for me to send to this chick to make us a watercolor. I am anti-maternity pictures...not because I don't like them (although, I don't really) but because A.) I am the least photogenic person in the world and B.) I have no idea what I would do with a picture of just me if I had it. So I will have Etsy (my BFF) make me a faceless watercolor to hang in Anna's room...I get the best of both worlds! I sent her pictures of Dixie too and she is going to paint her in somehow (Dixie was not invited to the parents house for the weekend - Devil Monster Dog). I'll let you know how it turns out (unless of course I am still unphotogenic without a face...).

One Two Buckle My Shoe.

So it took me about 45 minutes to pick out clothes for work today because the part of my wardrobe that actually fits is getting increasingly smaller and smaller. Each day is like a new adventure in What is Long Enough to Cover This Monstrosity? And then answer is pretty much nothing.

Alas, I finally picked out a hodge-podge outfit consisting of a skirt that was cute 20 lbs ago, a top that will probably never be cute because it looks like a tent (and is this really awful shade of purple...bought it online - bad call), a cardigan and my cutest mary jane heels.

I went downstairs (barefoot) to work a little before actually leaving for work (I don't get it either) and worked/ate breakfast. When it came time to leave I tried to put on my cutest mary janes and lo and behold, there is no way in hell I could get those things buckled. So I sent Tommy upstairs to get my second cutest pair of mary janes that do not require buckling because they are not as cute.

I have reached the point in pregnancy when I can no longer access my feet. I am thankful that I don't have to tie my shoes very often because it's really hard.

In other news:

It's really hard to shave your legs when you can barely reach them. I look like an assault victim.

I'm pretty sure Anna's first words will be "No Dixie no! (Dixie is our devil puppy...)

I REALLY need Dixie (who weighs 65lbs) to learn how to jump in the car. She is taking this whole "no jumping" thing a little far.

I'm going to have to start wearing a bikini to the pool. Hahahaha. The horror. Swimmers beware.

For Lack of a Better Post.

21 Things You May Not Know About Me.

1. I am the eldest of 2. My little sister didn't let me abuse her growing up, so we are going through this wierd abusive stage now, as adults, and it's just wierd.
2. I take Dixie the Dog to Petco to get her nails trimmed (and dew claws) because her nails grow at a freakishly alarming rate and no amount of walking helps.
3. I hate taking out the trash. I don't mind taking the bag out of the can and tying it, but the actual act of walking the 10 feet to the garage door and placing it in the garbage is a ridiculously daunting task. This is why I got married.
4. My parents live too far away (about 5 hours)...but since they live so far from the ocean, it's doubtful that we will ever move closer to them.
5. I don't mind loading or unloading the dishwasher but I HATE doing dishes. I really hate washing the chopsticks. Can't explain it.
6. We will be moving to the ocean (i.e. suburbia) at some point in the future...on the lottery knows when this will happen.
7. I am not sure how I am going to actually finagle 12 weeks off for maternity leave...but when there is a will, there's a way!
8. I currently wear a size 8 shoe. I am DESPERATELY hoping pregnancy doesn't make my feet grow. I love my shoes far too much to replace all of them. The horror.
9. I check my belly button every day to see if it has popped...so far, I've still got an inney.
10. Jewelry shopping for me is fairly easy. Bigger is ALWAYS better.
11. I can't imagine a house without puppies. (but not real puppies...puppies are evil incarnate. By puppies, I mean, "grown, well behaved dogs")
12. I am totally creeped out by animals that can't look at you straight on. Like birds. And horses. [shudder] Owls are okay because their eyes are on the front of their faces.
13. I used to love the smell of freshly cleaned port-a-cans...until I realized the smell that I liked was, in fact, the smell of freshly cleaned port-a-cans. Now I am totally grossed out.
14. I can pee anywhere and sometimes have to remind myself that just because I CAN doesn't mean I SHOULD.
15. I am desperately excited to meet our little baby girl in a few weeks - let the countdown begin!
16. My dad has made me paranoid. His motto growing up was, "paranoid is a good way to be when everybody is out to get ya". I would be great at risk assesment.
17. I once spoke with an English accent for a solid week. The problem was that once I WANTED to stop, I couldn't. I won't let myself even attempt the accent now for fear of being British forever.
18. I ROCK, like seriously rock, at Doctor Mario.
19. I have to get regular manicures because I like to do minor surgeries on my hands...and I don't do them when my nails look nice.
21. I could eat the same meals basically every single day - PB&J for lunch and spaghetti for dinner.

iTunes is Jealous.

The movie No Strings Attached inspired me to make a Labor and Delivery Playlist. (In the movie, Ashton Kutcher makes Natalie Portman a period mix tape...songs like Even Flow by Pearl Jam and Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. HAHAHAHA.)

I started working on it, but quickly ran out of ideas, so I posted a request on Facebook and got more responses than I probably would have had I posted that I had just amputated my own arm. My friends crack me up.

Labor may (read: will) be long and painful, but I will have a highly entertaining song list to keep me laughing.

Push - Matchbox 20
Push It - Salt-N-Pepa
I'm Coming Out - Diana Ross (Julie)
Breakout - Foo Fighters (Thomas)
Take this Job and Shove It - Johnny Paycheck (Frank)
P*ssy Control - Prince (Lesley)
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas (Tina)
Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5 (Tina)
Push It - Rick Ross (LauraB)
Cuts Like a Knife - Bryan Adams (Roy)
Hurts So Good - John Mellencamp (Tina)
Stronger - Kanye West (JR)
Beautiful Girl - INXS (Roy)
Big Bang Baby - Stone Temple Pilots (Roy)
Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado (Jenny)
Whomp! There It Is - Tag Team (Tiffany)
Breathe - Pink Floyd (Chuck)
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Born to be Wild - Steppenwolf
Born in the USA - Bruce Springsteen
Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
Torn - Natalie Imbruglia (Julie)
Come Baby Come - K7 (Janelle)
Help! - The Beatles (Janelle)
Rocky Theme - ?? (Lesley)
Cold Hearted Snake - Paula Abdul
I Want to Break Free - Queen (Sarah)
Barefoot and Crazy - Jack Ingram (Thomas)
Let's Get It Started - Black Eyed Peas
Anna Begins - Counting Crows (Thomas)
Under Pressure - Queen (LauraD)
Mother Love - Queen (LauraD)
Pressure - Billy Joel
A Mother's Love - Diana Ross
Tie Your Mother Down - Queen (LauraD)
Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit
Fight From the Inside - Queen (LauraD)
Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen (LauraD)
You Take My Breath Away - Queen (LauraD)
Come a Little Closer Baby - Dierks Bently (Thomas)
Sweet Child 'O Mine - Guns-N-Roses (Janelle)
My Mama Said - Abba
Drugs of Jesus - Tim McGraw
Kickin' and Screamin' - Garth Brooks
Two of a Kind, Working on a Full House - Garth Brooks
Papa Loved Mama - Garth Brooks
Hey Mama - Black Eyed Peas (Janelle)
Heading for the Light - Travelling Wilbury's (Janelle)
Mother, Father - Dave Matthews Band
Wish You Were Here - Incubus (Regina)
Hit Me Baby (One More Time) - Britney Spears
Nookie - Limp Bizkit
Anna - The Beatles (Frank)
Dear Anna - Jason Mraz
Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
So Sick - FlyLeaf
Best of You - Foo Fighters
Gimme Stitches - Foo Fighters
How Does It Feel - Ian Moore
Who Needs Sleep? - Barenaked Ladies
Waiting for a Girl Like You - Foreigner
So UnSexy - Alanis Morisette
Slide - GooGoo Dolls
Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash
One Boy, One Girl - Collin Raye
Long Day - Matchbox 20
Let's Just Get Naked - Joan Osborne
It's so Easy - Guns N Roses
I Will Not Go Quietly - Don Henley
Hold my Hand - Hootie and the Blowfish
Here It Goes Again - Ok Go
Hard to Handle - Black Crowes
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
Come As You Are - Nirvana

And just for kicks, my all time favorite songs:
Sabotage - Beastie Boys
Pony - Ginuwine
Remix to Ignition - R Kelly
Yeah - Usher
Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn
Proud Mary - Tina Turner
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel
Detroit Rock City - Kiss

This is about 80 songs. If I assume that each song is about 3 minutes long, I have enough music for 4 hours of labor. I have decided that my labor goal (it's so important to have goals, you know?) is to beat my Ironman finishing time of 12 hours and 55 minutes. This means I will need to listen to this playlist about 3 times.

Thanks to my wonderfully creative (and slightly disturbed) friends for their help. It's a work in progress, so feel free to leave suggestions in the comments!

Sidenote: My BFF A-Mac just sent me this picture. There are no words.

Maternity Mattress Verdict.

Dude. It was A.Maze.Ing.

Laying down on it for the first time was kind of scary actually. I was afraid of hurting the baby and I wasn't quite sure what it would feel like. But OMG. The glory. The magic. I cried. And then Tommy took this picture.

Sidenote: I ripped these pants down the butt shortly after this picture was taken. This is my second pair of ruined pajama pants THIS WEEK. Has somebody gained a little too much weight maybe?

Luckily, our bedroom is big enough that we can lay the mattress down in our bedroom with plenty of room left for us to get around...which means I was able to move back and forth between the bed and the mattress throughout the night. I mean, no one really wants to sleep on an air mattress all night...even if you ARE on your belly. So that was a nice feature.

I started out in the bed and then when I woke up at my regularly scheduled midnight peeing, I moved to the mattress. I fearfully laid down but once I got settled, it was glorious. It was really comfortable and I was totally blissed out. My only complaints are that once you are on the bed, it's kind of hard to get adjusted. It's difficult to move around because your belly is stuck in this hole. And my mattress was directly below our ceiling fan which means my hair was tickling my face and I didn't have nearly enough blankets. Tonight I will wear a headband to keep my hair from tickling me and get more blankets. When I woke up at about 1:30, per the usual schedule, I went back to the regular mattress where I slept really well (on my left side...ugh). I think the little break for my numb left arm was just what the doctor ordered.

It was glorious. I can't wait to sleep on it again tonight. Best.Present.EVER.

...and the people rejoiced.